My Daughter Is Being Bullied!

Hi N.,

My daughter is in 2nd grade now and she is 8 years old. I can relate to what you are saying. She was bullied by the older kids in her daycare! She never told me, until we started to see her change in attitude and how she treats other's in her class. Then I sat her down, gave her some ice cream and had a mom and daughter talk. She then told me that the older girls in the class was bullying her and was not nice to her. I told her it's a hard thing to get rid of, however she needs to be strong. It's either be in their group and bully other's and get into a lot of trouble (example: taking her favorite stuff away from her) or try to be an individual and try to stay away from them as much as possible (find a teacher to be near or any adult). The girls however, are really nice around adults, but when they are just around kids, they are really mean. My daughter was the only one who got caught and every one thought she was the one bullying! Well I talked to the teachers and told them that they need to keep an eye on *the girls who are not nice* and they need to treat this ASAP!

I'm not sure if your daughter's school has the no bullying rule or not, but an adult (teacher) needs to be notified. I'd have a heart to heart talk with the teacher and the principal just to let them know what your concern is, since they are still young, we can still so call curb them as much as we can. Then you need to maybe take your daughter out for some ice cream or something special and tell her that sometimes other people can be mean, this doesn't mean it gives you the right to be mean to others... Then give her an example: If another girl treated you mean and said mean things to you, how would you feel? Her reaction and answer might be: sad, mad, not happy... Then tell her, well that is how other people feel when you are being mean to them. You are a big girl now and have responsibilities, so mommy needs you to be a big girl and not be mean to others. True, others do not know that what they are doing is wrong, but maybe their parents just haven't talked to them yet, or maybe they are just taking it out on other girls because they do not know how to express themselves or react to people who are being nice. But we are all humans, and we all make mistakes, AND we do get in trouble for our mistakes! So next time if a mean girl comes to you and be mean, try to walk away and stand near a teacher.

It helped my daughter a lot, and she has improved a lot on the being mean to other's part... She did walk away from the girls that was being mean to her and just stood by a teacher or was near a teacher, and the girls just plainly stopped being mean and talking to her.

I hope my advice helps you and your daughter. Just keep strong! And remember sometimes we can not always be there to stop the other girls and fight our daughter's battle, as this is something she has to learn.. However, we can all prevent this from getting worse! :)

Keep me posted!
J.

The good news is the school year is almost over! When I was a kid I had a few girl friends that caused similar problems and my parents called the school and requested that I be placed in a classroom that did not have any of the 'trouble makers' in it. They did it over the summer so I just started school fresh in a new classroom and I was able to separate from those girls and make some new friends. I thought that might be worth a shot! Otherwise the summer may give her a chance to break away anyway, if you have other friends with kids maybe try to get her to meet some new friends before school starts.

I know how you are feeling and I really don't have an answer but wanted to let you know that you are not the only mother of a 1st grader going through this. My daughter is 7 years old and one of her "best" friends, screams at her, gets mad at any little thing and just seems altogether unstable. My daughter was saying her prayers the other night when my husband walked by asked her what she was praying about, she said, "I am praying that Jessica (not real name) won't be mean to me tomorrow. " We have encouraged her to play with other little girls and she has found a wonderful new "best" friend, however Jessica is still part of the group. I guess we are lucky that she was able to find a new great friend to hang out with. I'm sorry the teachers are not much help, since we have only had problems with this one child, Jessica, and I have become "friends" with her mother, I have not contacted her teacher. I was planning on talking to her mother though and it might be difficult, but my daugter has been playing with the other girls more and more. Hang on only 4 weeks left of school, maybe next year she will be placed in another class away from some of these girls.

Have you contacted the school counselor for advice?

Hi N.,
This is just me...I have a daughter 23 who just moved out; bought a condo, works full time and is just finishing up her college. I say that to tell you I was a single parent also with her and worked full time. I put her in a christian school in 2nd grade and until I started to hear the girls talking boys and just stuff ridiculous for that age. I took her out and homeschooled her on the weekends and any other opportune time to work on it. The curriculum was SO easy; she worked on it by herself most of the time. It is just as good or better than the public schools. Proved by her score at college when she began. We can teach whatever we do to our children but like you said...they will do things like who they are around; if there is nothing else. There are MANY "connections" to help online free AND other means of interaction with other homeschoolers. Maybe this idea is way out of YOUR ideas? It is just what I did. It was way easier than I thought it would be. I think it is great that you are "on top" of what is going on with her and I just encourage you to do WHAT YOU KNOW is best for your daughter. With a prayer,
K.

Children at any age can be bullied. I was a school bus driver for 5 1/2 years of all school aged children. All children and even adults can say some nasty things to upset you. My oldest daughter is the same age as yours and have gone through the same thing. I have taught her that people will say some really bad things sometimes. You just need to ask yourself if you believe what they say. She realizes then that they are just saying things to make her upset but if she is confident in herself she will be a better person then them. As long as no pushing and shoving is going on, it is normal, however no one wants to see their children upset. You may also realize that being a single mom is difficult so you don't have much energy at the end of the work for all the attention she wants. She may be making some of it up to get some negative attention. I am not saying that your daughter would lie to you but you may want to look at this as a possibility since the teacher did not see any problems. Also, it may be a situation where she may like to bully people herself but doesn't like to be bullied back. Please I am not wanting to offend or upset you but these are somethings that I have dealt with in my experience as a school bus driver.

Your friend,
E. M.
Winchester VA
Mother of Sierra, 7, girl; Dakota, 5, boy; Savannah, 2, girl