My Daughter - Hazleton,PA

I'd tell my daughter something like, "Sweetheart, this bassinet has caused a lot of hard feelings. When I gave this gift, I really hoped to cultivate good, happy memories. I hope you'll eventually be able to see that your feelings are not my fault – it wasn't my responsibility to get the bassinet back to you; I was just trying to help.

"I feel sad about how things turned out, but I can't do much to change the situation now, except to love you and be patient. I want to be here for you and your children into the future. My heart is filled with love for you all. You are upset, and it can take some time to settle those unpleasant feelings. But I'll be here waiting when you do!"

This is essentially the sort of message parents give to young children who are upset. They can/should be taught early that they have responsibility for their own feelings, that happiness is best supported by relationships, and not things, and that happiness is worth cultivating. Your daughter does not seem to have learned those lessons. But as her mom, you can demonstrate how it's done. It's never too late to start.

Momma L is right. The owner should have been responsible for getting it back, not you. Too late now, I know.

If your other daughter asks, simply state the Jane demanded it's return and you agreed to the task. It's a "don't shoot the messenger" kind of thing...

Also, I find it REALLY odd that someone wouldn't return something to the original owner, especially since it was asked for! What's up with that?

Well, ultimately it's the originator's responsibility to keep track of their things. And if I get this right, the bassinet was passed around to other family members right, though one was a little more distant? Why did the youngest deserve a new, sentimental bassinet, but not anyone else? Does she have entitlement issues b/c of this?

I don't know, unless it was some heirloom, crazy expensive bassinet, I wouldn't be bothered by it... I was glad to give my bassinet away, most are pretty cheap and can only last through a few years of use anyways. I know the value of who helped pick it out (her fil) is dead, but my father is dead and I don't have emotional attachments to furniture.

I would tell her, "IF this bassinet was so important to you, you would have gotten it back yourself. You are the one who loaned it out, not me. Don't take your inability to keep track of our things out on me, I don't deserve that behavior."

Don't allow yourself to be her scapegoat, let go of the tears. You have no reason to feel bad or like it is somehow your fault. She has it back now, she has some maturing and apologizing to you to do. But unfortunately, some people just can't see things clearly.

Why is you daughter having such a hard time returning something she borrowed and is done with? I don't get it? That is probably why you were asked to go get it, the one who lent it is obviously aware that the one who borrowed it is being un-fair!

It is sad to say the least.

I have been there done that too. I have my own play pen. I have pictures of me as an infant in it. I also have pictures from my mom's albums of every grandchild in it. My daughter loaned it to a friend and that friends hubby gave it away. The thing is, it is just a wordly thing. Not worth losing a family over, not worth losing a relationship over. Let it go, it will still twinge when you look at albums and see the item. But the relationship with the family is what is important.

Plus, a family item should be avail. for all the kids kids. It should not have been just one person's item since it had such sentimental value. The children of each child should be just as important. The fact they could buy one has nothing to do with any of this, they wanted it to be the one their grandfather bought.

They both are wrong, and unfortunately you fold in to the game.
The one that land it should have being the one that go and get it, probably she tried and didn't got it.
The other shouldn't have keep something it wasn't hers specially after she doesn't even use it, perhaps the sister ask her in a rude way?
Either way, I think you shouldn't have got involve and if you want to say that is ok, " I am sorry I got involve, next time I will only be hear to support you by listen to your complains but don't ask me to take sides".