My Child Was Bitten in Preschool

Biting is extremely common amongst young children. They are still learning how to communicate, express themselves, etc. It's the preschool's responsibility to talk to the other parent - not yours. You shouldn't say anything, and you certainly shouldn't get "in their face." What you should do is talk to the preschool about how they handle such incidents. I am sure the other parent has already been told what happened, and most likely feels horrible as I'm sure you would if your daughter had done the biting. You can talk to your daughter and tell her to say "no" when other children [or adults] do things that they shouldn't do. I'm sure your preschool has a process for dealing with such situations.

I thought my daughter was "the biter" in her school but really she was the only one that got caught. apparently this happens alot in school. Almost everyday for a few months I got a note "Molly bit___ today" But when I got a closer look at her at bath time she had bite marks, she just never cried so the teacher never knew. I think her bites were in self defense, and even to this day (she is 6 now) she doesn't tattle, I dont know why. The thing is that they will grow out of it and I think nearly every child goes through the "biting stage" They will grow out of it, but if you make too much of a scene and you live in a small town it might hurt the realationship later in your child school life. FORGET ABOUT IT. Your feelings of anger are normal, but children will be just that, children. You may be in the same situtaion with another issue and you''ll know the feelings of remorse and sometimes sorry just wont be enough. So put yourself in that parents shoes, I sure (at least I hope) that they feel terrible about the situation.

You asked for advice and still chose to talk to the parent. I think that is fine. Always remember that the the preshool should make the initial contact. They have to file an incident repeort. There is no excuse for biting and your child was not bleeding/seriously injured Use this as a learning/teaching tool as well. Encourage your child to never bite as well, becasue she know how it feels. This is a great place for her to learn empathy. It sounds like you learned some as well when talking to the mom. Most kids go through this stage and we as parents feel horrible and angry towards the other child. Remember, they learn from our reaction and they hear more than we know. Hopefully, the school has it under control as you and the other parent seem to be able to discuss things. Hopefully it will not happen in the future...but in reality it may. Good luck.

A.,
I am not sure how I would handle a situation as a parent, however, I did work in a daycare and I worked with the infants and there are some kids that no matter what you do they bit, sometimes for no reason. I had a child bit another child in the face on friday and on monday there was still a mark. I know that this is not really answer to your question but I hope that it helps.

J.

As a parent of an agressive boy,at one time.. I can tell you to go ahead and talk to the parents. I am sure that they are aware of the situation as the teacher probably told them. I can't believe that they have not approached you to apologize. I bet that they are mortified.. usually children that bite are finding means to help them cope with there anger. good luck ...

A. I know how frustrating it can be to have your child bitten by another child. I am a parent of two children. One was a biter when he was very young and as a parent of a child who bit I can tell you it is just was frustrating and embarrising for me as it was for the other parents. Children develope differently and some children bit. You can't blame the parents and I'm sure they have already disciplined the child for biting your daughter. My own daughter was bitten by another child at our babysitter (not her brother) and because I had already been on the other side of the issue I was able to tell the parents not to worry about it. Children who bit do grow out of it and become really wonderful kids. Give the child and her parents a chance. Also, speak with the caregivers at the preschool to make sure that this incident is less likely to happen again.

As a mother of a child who has bitten another child. I can let you know that I was told that my son bite someone in school and we are working on it. Everyday we remind him that this type of behavior is unexceptable. And that we keep our hands to ourselves. I am sure that this mother was also told that her child bite someone, and hopefully she is talking with her child on this. The only problem is, what are you hoping to solve by talking to this women? And you never know what can of worms your opening by doing so. She may become very offended and defensive about being confronted. I do wish I knew who my son bit so I could apologize, but that is me. Like I said, you never know what your getting yourself into by going down that path. It may be best just to let it go.

Keep in mind that biting is normal. Even in preschool. I am sure that the parent of this child did not tell her to bite your baby, so getting in their face is not necessary. They are probably pretty upset and embarrassed themselves. Maybe you should take a lesson from you daughter and move on with no ill feelings. They are children. If you feel like you need to approach this parent you may want to calm down a little first, but the teachers should be the ones approaching the parents, not you anyways.

Put yourself in the other mom's shoes. If you found out that your daughter was the biter, you'd feel horrible and do your best to help your daughter to understand that biting is not appropriate, right? Sure you would. Yelling at the other mother will not help her daughter to stop biting people, but it will strain the relationships between two families. Who knows? If handled gently, your daughters may end up friends and laugh about this "first encounter" in 10 or 20 years.

If she was bitten while at school it should be the teachers who speak with Ms. Biter's mother. If she has a history of biting children in the program, the teachers should be addressing a solution with the mom or asking her to leave until she gets it under control. It certainly stinks to have your child be the victim of a biter (my daughter used to be the favorite target of a hitter in her two's group) but let it slide on the first offense because the next day it could very well be your child hitting or biting someone else!

.... just read your follow-up saying that you spoke with the mom. You said that your child's skin was not broken so I'm not sure why you are up in arms about antibiotics? Even if the skin were broken, soap and water and a few days of neosporin would most likely be sufficient. Hepatitis, while serious, is a virus and would not be helped by antibiotics and staph (all over the news today) is the problem that it is because of overuse of antibiotics.

My son was first bitten in daycare at about 1yr. old and then he became a biter. You should never know who the biter is, if the daycare is telling you which child bit your child that is wrong. It is horrible and as a parent of a child who has been bitten and then becomes a biter it is very difficult to go to daycare knowing that my son bit someone. It has taken a new daycare and almost two years to stop him from doing this. Believe me as a parent of the biter, it is horrible and to get in her face does nothing. I have researched it on line and talked to my pediatrician and there is not much you can do but keep an eye on the child and get to his or her level and tell them no. But that is all you can do. It is very natural for a child who cannot express themselves to take there anger out in some other way. I have been through a lot on this one and it is very hard. But I am hopefully through the worst and it is over. Good luck.

i am so sorry to hear that your daughter was bitten. i can only imagine how upset you are...rightfully so...but i would be careful how you approach the parent and situation...only because you never know when it will be your child acting out. i would find out the protocal for what happens at the preeschool when a child is bitten and how the biter will be disciplined. i would hope the school disciplines the child and informs the parents...i have heard its not right to yell at the child who acted out or their parents...you are supposed to teach your child to say that was bad behavior and you hurt me and thats not acceptable...kinda like she addresses it...again...i totally understand how you feel though

Hello A.:

I know that you are very upset but unfortunatlety you don't need to talk to the other parent about an incident that ____@____.com is a situation that the daycare facilitator needs to handle and maybe you should discuss w/them how they normally handle these situations.

The fact that you are even considering getting in the other parents face is totally unacceptable as a parent.
Its a rough crowd @ their age and I am sure it wasn't intentional and yes their are naughty children that sometimes get out of the line but parents also need to know how to handle themselves and it is between the children and not you.

This will not be your childs first nor will it be her last incident in dealing w/naughty behavior but that is why teachers are there to intervene and to discuss.

Good Luck A. and stay calm

Hi A.,

So sorry that your daughter was bitten, but unfortunately kids bite, I think as long as the teacher and Ms. Biter's parents have let her know that it is extremely wrong to bite that's the best way to handle it. When I read this I thought of what happened to me when I was in pre-school, I was bitten, on the cheek! The skin was broken & I looked horrible. The boy ended up being my best friend for the rest of the time we lived there...just goes to show you that kids forgive & forget much easier than us adults! Good luck!

R.

Hi A.
My 3 yr old son goes to daycare and has been in daycare since an infant. The first time he was bitten I was furious also. I was upset for my son. I taught him to turn and say to the child and say " We don't bite friends" loud enough so the teacher can hear. I also made sure that the other child did sit in time out and also apoligized to my son. My son is no angel - so if he does something wrong to one of his friends he knows he has to do the same thing in return. Also, you have to remember they are kids and they (hopefully) grow out of it.
I don't think going to the parent at this point would be a good idea. If it continues - then I think you need to sit down with the teachers and discuss a plan of action.
I hope I was helpful. No parent wants to see their child hurt. S.

As the mom of a previous biter, I would not use the "all in her face approach". The parent of the biter already feels horrible, believe me. You need to take a step back and realize that the parents are most likely not teaching their child to bite. It is a phase some children go through - be happy your child is not one of them. I was hoping that someone would bite my son back to let him know it hurt. The solution to our son's biting was simply removing him from the daycare he was in - all he needed was a change in environment. Immediately he stopped biting. You cannot protect your children from everything, they will get hurt once in a while. If the preschool let the other parents know what happened, that may be enough for now. If it happens again, you may want to call them or speak to them at school, but I would suggest not attacking their child's behavior or their parenting skills, but maybe ask what they are doing at home to try to curtail the biting, ask how they are trying to teach their daughter that biting hurts. Be interested and offer your sympathy towards them. YOu know they are going to offer their sympathy towards you for what happened. Believe me, I cried for weeks over my son's biting and read every article and called the doctor many times. You can only do so much - my son was only 16 months when it started - how do you truly dicipline against biting at that age?. When children can't fully communicate what they are feeling, they use alternate methods. While I know it hurts you and you want to react, remember it's children (young ones at that) we are dealing with - not adults who truly know right from wrong.

You should not be mad at the child who bit your child OR her parent. That's a totally NORMAL thing for a 2-4 yr old to do (they are exploring everything and trying lots of things out to see what will happen next...) and I'm SURE that she didn't mean any real harm by it.

Biting is very common in pre-schoolers.

Hi A.,

As parents, it's normal to get very "mama bearish" when someone else hurts our child. I know I've felt that way in the past - how dare someone else hurt my child?

However, when these issues occur in preschool, it's really up to the teachers/director to approach the parent of the offender and deal with the disciplinary action. It's one thing for you to take it up with the other mom/dad if your child is hurt by someone else on the playground or at a playdate, but at school someone else is responsible for your child and for theirs. The other parent cannot control the child's behavior in school, just as you can't control what happens to your daughter there. And that giving up control of some things in your child's life can be a hard transition as a parent but it is something that happens once we send them to school.

I'm sorry for what happened to your little girl and I hope nothing like this ever happens again. I think the best thing that you can do is to tell her how you would like her to handle those situations if it were ever to happen again, and to let her teachers know how you've instructed your daughter to handle it.

Hi A.,
First things first. It's a good thing your daughter has no ill feelings toward her biter. In the pre school that I worked in there was a bitin incident that happened.
It sounds like the "teachers' handled everything already, but it sounds like it would help you to handle this better by talking to the biters parents.
I wouldn't be in your face. But maybe a note from you to the other mother would be good. Parents handle each other better if things stay on the same page. I'm sure the teacher spoke to the biters mother. But you talking to her wouldn't hurt.
N.