My Child Is Accusing Me of Pushing Him in Public! What Do I Do??

Hi M..
I don't know of any parent that has not been through this. My daughter used to behave in a similar manner whenever we went to the grocery store, local mall, you name it. My solution: I stopped taking her w/me. I had to have a friend or relative babysit her while I went about the household errands. The consequence was that she learned that she wasn't going anywhere w/me unless she behaved. She's 10 now and only acts up every once in a great blue moon.

Hi M., Do you work all the time? because your child might be trying too tell you something. Maybe it's a cry out for attention. Good luck

Hi M.,

I understand your fears, nowaday it is very hard to parent your child in public without drawing some type of negative response. However, it seems to me that you need to find out where this is coming from. If taken to far, this could create a big issue for you. Teachers, doctors, neighbors are more prone to call child services than to confront a parent to get the whole story.

Until you get to the root of what is going on, I would just suggest holding his hand. If you have a hold of him he can't throw himself to far. Explain to him that if he wants alittle freedom what he must do to get it and maintain it. If he continues to scream out that you are hurting him - State in a loud voice what is truely going on. (Maybe he will be embarrassed enough to understand).

Good Luck.

Gads, I remember those days. I stopped taking my child in public. I purposely told him his behavior has led me to have to leave him at home. I take only the children that behave themselves. Also, if we were already in public, I would just explain that I didnt push him etc. apologize anyways, then take him home, and finish the errands later. It is an inconvenience the first few times, but he got the hint quickly and I dont have that problem anymore.

Wow! These are all really good responses! I second the opinion that your child may be trying to manipulate you with his bad behavior. I had a similar experience with my oldest child. It led to being investigated by the child protective services of our state! It was an awful time for everyone.
The best advice I can give is this
1-be consistant
2- talk to his teachers and his doctor. Let them know that there is a problem so that they can help when you need them.
3- don't take him if he won't behave.

Our family made a point of going on fun outings without the problem child. He got the message pretty quickly. Find a sitter he doesn't particularly like- mean aunties or cousins are great for curing a manipulative child.

Good luck to you AND your little monster. With your determination, he will become the angel you were hoping for.

Hi M., I understand your frustration. Dicipline is hard but if you start early it will be better later. Maybe when your son does this if you just ignore him and make like your walking away he will get the hint that it's not working. I have a son as well and I've read many books and found that Dr. Dobson's "Dare to Dicipline" worked the best for me. Don't get too frustrated and best of luck.

I'm the mother of a 9 month old, so I haven't been through this, but one thing you said did strike me as intersting.
You mentioned trying to explain and reason with your 5 year old, and you also seem to know reasoning with a 5 year old is near impossible. It occurred to me his behavior may become worse when you talk about the behavior to him and why it's not good. Depending on what you're telling him, he may realize that behavior has power over you and do it all the more to get his way. He probably understands enough to know it is threatening to you and he can therefore attempt to control you with it, however does not understand the full implications of just how much it really could hurt you if child services got involved. After all, he's only 5. lol. I'm not much experienced with 5 year olds, but they do seem old enough to be manipulative and press buttons to get their way.

The other mothers who have responded also sound like they have excellent advice to remedy the issue. I'm sure with the wealth of responses you have received, you will find something that works and be able to correct the problem. :)

Good luck

I just recommend trying to be consistent with whatever discipline or method you choose. I have found that it is the thing that has helped me out the most.

My youngest had this thing about throwing fits in public. I just would pick him up and leave. He got the message pretty quickly. Once I was just about to check out at the grocery store with my very full cart. Once we were at Friendly's and I was totally worn out and starving. But when he started in I gave him a warning and he didn't change so I just explained to the waitress that my children weren't being well behaved enough to stay and then I left. BOY were they shocked!

Sometimes kids will act out - especially when you are busy - just because they think they can get you in a weak moment. Don't be afraid to be the parent and stand up to him. I wouldn't even acknowledge the false accusations. I would just remove him and myself from the situation. It might be wise to contact an agency like MSPCC. They have parenting classes and counselors. Maybe they can be of some help.

M.,
I'm not sure where you live, but in Concord, NH we have this great place called "The Childrens Place". I learned about it for almost the same reason as you. It is an hourly daycare. SO you can drop your kids off while you do errands, appointments, or just need a break. They also have very knowledgeable staff that will halp you with any issues that you are concerned about. This also "protects" you incase someone hears your son and turns you in. It is very scary in today's society. If you don't live near Concord, I would suggest going to the counselor at his school. Most often they would get to the bottom of it. It may be as simple as him wanting constant attention or it could be the beginnings of ADHD. Either way, they are simply controlled if you know the correct ways to do things. And I don't mean putting him of any drugs. I hope this helps and good luck.

Hi, there is a couple of ways to handle it. Tell your son he will not be going with you if he keeps doing those things and then follow through. Or tell him before you leave the house if he acts up or says those thing that he can't play with his x/box or watch tv what ever it is he likes to do. I promise you if you follow through he will stop. Just remeber you have to follow through with what you think will work for him. Lik ( Saturdays is (Johns birthday party if you act up in the store your not going if you say those things.