Just because someone isn't physically abusive doesn't mean that they aren't indeed abusive. Maybe you could talk to someone at a domestic violence shelter. Sounds ominous, I know, but domestic violence isn't just between Mom & Dad and the people at shelters know their stuff. Maybe they can give you some advice at least.
I've spent my share of time dealing with this issue and here is some information I received while at the shelter:
Examples of Abuse of Children:
Intimidation--Instilling fear through looks, actions, gestures, property destruction. Using adult size. Yelling. Being violent to other parent, pets, etc. . .
Using Institutions--Threatening punishment with/by God, courts, police, school, juvenile detention, foster homes, relatives, psych wards
Isolation--Controlling access to peers/adults, siblings, other parent, grandparents
Emotional Abuse--Put downs, name calling. Using children as confidants. Using children to get or give information to other parent. Being inconsistent. Shaming children.
Economic Abuse--Withholding basic needs, using money to control behavior. Squandering family money. Withholding child support. Using children as an economic bargaining chip in divorce.
Threats--Threatening abandonment, suicide, physical harm, confinement, or harm to other loved ones.
Using Adult Privelege--Treating children as servants. Punishing, bossing, always winning. Denying input in visitation and custody decisions. Interrupting.
Other examples: pinching, hitting, kicking, pushing, twisting arms, choking, committing incest, sexual touching/kissing, sexualizing children's behavior
**Now I know no parent is perfect. I am reminded of some changes that I need to make after reading this again. The problem is when the actions listed above are excessive and continuous. My mother was abusive. When I was first shown this paper, they told me to circle the ways my mom had been abusive toward me and I have 16+ things circled