My Best Friend - New Cumberland,PA

Is she willing to babysit for you sometime? Then maybe she can see what you go through throughout a day!
She is just feeling neglected and jealous and that always makes people say "not so nice" things. I unfortunately have a husband like that!
Just talk to her and see how you can work on spending more time together. Girl friends are so important, at least to me.

My husband and I found out you loose half your friends when you get married and the other half when you have kids. It is simply that they are not in the same place in life that you are and it is impossible for her to understand what you are going through. It is also impossible for single, or married w/out kids to understand that you cannot be spontaneous and go out on a whim. If she is truly your friend she will calm down and realize that she is being sensitive. If she does not, do you really need that kind of drama in your life? You may have to face facts that she is completely overreacting and may intensely believe that she is in the right. You may not be able to repair to the point that it was. I am sorry to say that, but I have talked to other moms, and unless the friends are pregnant with kids too, it is difficult.
Good luck. I don't mean to be mean, just realistic about what I have observed in my own and other's lives.
L.

C.,

I thought I was the only one in that boat! My son is 3 now, but my best friend and I were very close, we saw eachother almost every day...then my husband and I decided to have a baby, well she was very upset about this...but was good during my pregnancy, threw me a baby shower and even was the first one to the hospital! Then little by little we just started seeing eachother less and talking less, because it is hard with a child to talk on the phone all the time and we can't just get up and go. We finally started talking via email and I told her I was hurt also. Since then, we don't see eachother a lot, but I know if I needed her she would be there and she knows the same. My advice would be to maybe write to your friend and tell her how you feel, at least she will be able to read it and have time to digest what it says before she says something she regrets (talking on the phone or in person). My friend and I talk via email a lot and sometimes get together for lunch...but it has definetely changed. It is hard to have friends that don't have children because they just don't understand the kind of life you have now. Good luck

L. (mother to 1 boy (3 yrs) his name is Connor and married to a wonderful man for 13 years now!

First, sorry about that, it is not fun having a friend act that way. I think that your true friends will be there no matter what. I know she does not understand since she has no kids but try to just be patient and be the bigger women I think. She will come around if she really cares about you. I know it seem harsh but you have to do what is best for you and your family. If she cares, it will change. If you need a friend who is a mommy, give me a call ###-###-####).

T. :)

I think that when we're in our twenties, friendships go through hard times, people start getting married, having children and friendships are strained. Before you had children you girls probably did a lot of things together, talked on the phone a lot, etc. She's most likely feeling a little jealous, but also neglected I guess. She's used to having you there and now you have something else to occupy your time. I'm not saying what she said wasn't mean, but I can totally understand where she's coming from. I would try and talk to her about it. Definitely work on your relationship with her just like you would your husband, because I firmly believe that you need to have girlfriends, always, they are the ones that are there for us through everything & stand by us no matter what. Only one of my girlfriends has children, so my relationships with my other girlfriends has changed but I've made it a point to keep them in my life and make time for everyone. Good luck!

What are you going to do ignore your child to pay attention to her? She needs to grow up, I have a friend who was very immature like that. Everyone had to treat her like she was a little child. She had 2 kids and is now my friend again. A lot of people have no idea how crazy it is until they have kids. You can try to talk to her but chances are she needs to get over her self before you can be friends again. Good luck!

Yes and No to your ? about overreacting. Remember that unless you have children, you cannot undertsnad quite how hectic life truly becomes. Your friend is feeling left out and probably a bit jealous. Be glad you have a friend who loves you that much! Try to explain things to her and remind her that she IS your best friend and you value her friendship, but that life with a baby is crazy. Tell her that soon things will even out a bit and you will have more time. Perhaps ask your husband to take the baby for an afternoon or evening so you can have a girls night. I'm sure you deserve a little time with your friend anyway!!! Perhaps you could even send your husband away for a day and ask your friend to come over and help out, so she can see how truly crazy things can get. Better yet, ask her to babysit for a day...or eve just a morning. Then she will REALLY get a taste of life w/ baby!! Good luck!!

No way !! They dont understand until they have one of their own. I know, I have a friend like that. No kids...but Im always busy with mine. Im a single Mom and my time is always hectic. But I always make time for my friends, its very important. You should tell her how you feel. Dont be mean but make sure she understands that you didnt forget her! You were busy being a MOM !!!! Good luck

hi C.,

i dont think that you are over reacting. i know what youre going through. when i got pregnant with my daughter all my friends changed a lot. they were still there for the most part but then after she was born everything changed. my friends and i have known each other for like 10 years and when they realized that if we did things together i may have to bring the baby along. to them it wasnt something that they wanted to be around. whats even more disturbing is that one of these friends works with babies all day long in a daycare center. and now my "friends" only talk to me with they need something or if we run into each other or something like that. it can be quite depressing especially when you need someone to talk to and your so called friends arnt there for you. if there are any other mommys that have this problem and need a friend let me know because im in the same boat that you are. but at least with the baby its a fun boat :o)

I know what you mean...it is hard to juggle relationships when you have a young child and friends and family without children won't understand until they do have kids. My advice to you is to stick to your guns. Tell your friend that you have to allot time for everything you do every day in order to get everything done. Tell her that you cannot talk to her in the morning because it just isn't a good time but that YOU will call HER in the afternoon whenever you have the chance. Make it clear that you value her friendship, but that things have changed and you have OTHER (meaning that she and your relationship is also a priority that needs a certain amount of time allotted to) very important priorities to see to and juggle. The last thing you need is STRESS from a friend. Friends are there for support and understanding, not to stress you out more during tough times in your life. Maybe if you very gently tell her that you need her support, not animosity, she will get the point.

I don't think you are overreacting. I know how hard it is with young children and many other people have no respect for what we deal with! My one friend used to call me all the time, several times a day, often when my son was just about to nap (which would wake him up and make my life miserable) so I had to shut my ringer off. I would call her back when I got the chance but I let her know right away that I would have to call her, not the other way around. I don't know if she likes it but she has to deal with it to remain friends. I have so many other things to stress about, I don't need more stress from a friend. chatting on the phone is no longer an easy thing to do. It takes time, energy, takes away from valuable alone time, the works. And you are probably losing sleep time too just to give her a call, which is the ultimate sacrifice when you have a young one. Just be honest with her and let her know that she IS a priority on the afternoon list, above all else. To sacrifice naptime just to talk to someone is the ultimate honor!

Wow you hit it right on. Same thing happened with my friend. Don't be afraid to kick the doors off the hinges. Tell your friend how much it hurt you. But make sure you explain why. By telling her that her comments are important, she will know that she is important to you.
Sometimes we get so wrapped up in giving our kids kisses and love, that we forget to give our friends the same.

C....I don't think you are over-reacting, but let's look at this from her perspective. She's obviously feeling left out, and as you said, she doesn't understand because she doesn't have children. So, my thought is to invite her to spend the day with you and all the children, so that she can see first hand how busy you really are. Let her know that she is still an important person in your life, but things are hectic right now until you "get into the routine"! I went through a similar situation with my sister. Only, the table was turned, and I was offended because she was so busy after I had the baby. I was angry and said "Ever since I've had my son, you are never around!" Well, she cried because she didn't know what it was like either. She is not a mother either. I think that if ya'll are close, communication is important. Maybe she chose her words a little harshly, but people say things they don't mean when they are upset! I say, talk to her and definately invite her to see just how busy life has become for you! I wish you lots of luck, and through it all remember that true friends are hard to come by, so don't let this put a permanent wedge between you two!

In my opinion it is your friend who is Jealous. Just remember your family comes first. This may be harsh but either she will except that you have a family or she won't. You have to lay down the law and tell her that your family comes first and is important to you. If she's a true friend she will understand if she doesn't... then you will know who your true friends are. Talking to her about it is the best thing you can do. Let her know you are upset but tell her you understand that she is upset too but your family is first.
Kim

I think your friend misses the attention that she got. You probably did have more time for her before the baby, but naturally you won't after having a baby. You may want to explain, to her that ever since you've had the baby you don't have as much time for her, but that doesn't mean you don't have any time for her. Explain that it's frustrating to you as you are doing your best to handle your children, home, and friends. I would tell her that you still value her friendship and ask her to be understanding. As your daughter gets older, she will be a little more independent and that will leave you more time for your friend.

Babies change everyone's lives including those around you. Be honest with her. Tell her that you know that she is feeling neglected and that you are just very busy/overwhelmed with things right now. It's hard for someone with no kids to understand what you are going through. However, also remember that a baby shouldn't completely take over your life. You need friends and time just for yourself. It's a difficult thing to balance but it is worth it. Good luck!

I know exactly what you're going through because my best friend did the same thing...she doesn't have any kids. She went on to say that she doesn't want children - all because of how little free time I have, and she also said that I don't have time for her any more. It's hard to get a non-mom to understand that it takes forever to do anything when you have kids. But...tell her that what she said really hurt your feelings - and maybe explain to her your daily routine so she understands what you're going through.

Invite her over during naptime for coffee and talk with her openly. Let her know you care about her and your relationship very much. Explain as best you can what you need from her and that everything will be okay. Good luck.

Sometimes it's really difficult to be in a friendship with someone who doesn't have some of the same responsibilities as we do. My only advice is to try to be understanding of her feelings. Try putting yourself in her shoes- would you possibly might feel a little sad if your friend didn't have alot of time for you during the day? When you have a calm moment, give her a call and try to talk things out. Try to explain to her that even though your schedule is so busy lately, she is still sooooo important to you and your sorry she feels left out or neglected. Maybe try to plan a "girls night out" so the 2 of you can spend some quality time together.

I wouldn't dwell on her comments, she is just feeling very hurt, frusterated and lonely for your company right now. YOu can save a friendship like this, it just takes work.