My Baby Won't Stay Asleep!!!

I used to put soft music on and it would calm my son. He didn't always go back to sleep right away, but is seemed to calm him enough that he would just lie there quietly and babble to himself.

Letting my son learn (cry himself) to sleep was one of the hardest things that I have ever done, but it was worth it. I have many dogeared copies of sleep books. My spouse couldn't believe that I would do it because I was such an attentive (perhaps overly so at times?) parent, but what they didn't get was that I was going insane with sleep deprivation. I bought earplugs, explained it gently to my son (who was 6 months old, so, he didn't get the words)and then held on tight. I can't remember how many nights it took-a million? Probably more like 5, and we had to repeat it a few more times. The good news? He is a happy, healthy, loving, smart 13 year old.

S.,

Please don't let your baby CYO! Babies are programmed to wake frequently as a survival mechanism. CYO just teaches you aren't there (that's why they stop crying...). This time will pass quickly in the grand scheme of life and actions we take out of love aren't the ones we regret(such as comforting a crying child). Trust your instincts...not the books.

I highly recommend co-sleeping (I swore I would never do it until we had our son). We didn't start co-sleeping until he was 4 months and we moved him to his crib in his room at 12 months (no crying involved), but it was enough to get me the sleep I needed at night. By 12 months he was only waking once a night and it was much easier to have him in his crib...

Just remember, your baby is an infant, not a 7 year old trying to manipulate you. She is crying because that is how she gets her needs met, for warmth, food, comfort, etc.

hi susuan
Letting your baby cry it out is breaking his trust for you. It is best to give your baby the nurturing and cuddling that he so desperatly needs. In a few months your baby will not want to cuddle you anymore at all, he will be too busy exploring the world around him. At that point, you will wish you would have taken it while you could. Most parents i talk to, who have let their child cry it out, wish that they could rewind time..... Love it while you can, it goes away so quickly. Although crying will not mentally hurt your baby it will hurt his trust in you. Hope this helps :)

We had this same problem 20 years ago. We were saved by the television show 20/20. They did a segment on this very thing.
The problem is that your child doesn't know how to put himself to sleep. When he wakes up, comfort and pat him, but, don't pick him up. When he is calm go away. He will start crying again. Let him cry for 15 minutes. Comfort him again, making sure not to pick him up. Continue to let him cry for only 15 minutes at a time. After a couple of days he will learn how to comfort himself to sleep. This method worked for us.

I agree, it is really hard to sit and listen to their cries. However, I think you should let them cry a while (but not longer than an hour). After that, just try to feed or nurse and gently soothe. The key is consistency though. Eventually he will learn that being in his crib is for sleeping. It really helps if you have a bedtime (and naptime) routine too. If you don't have one, start now. Ours goes like this: bathe, change into jammies, read, feed, and then soothe. Remember, sometimes loving your baby means having to do tough things like teaching him to sleep. But it is so important, for now and the rest of his life. Try reading "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" which helped us or "Baby Wise" which I've heard is good too.
Good luck : )

Wow, it's amazing how different the advice is on this topic! I can't stress enough how important it is for a baby to learn to self-soothe...even Dr. Sears has started backing off a little from his sleep techniques that say otherwise. If they can't go to sleep by themselves, then your back-rubbing, hand-holding, singing, etc will be needed every single time he wakes up in order for him to go back to sleep. I did a modified Ferber method with my son, adding in a physical reassurance. I would put him down at a regular time (don't wait extra long so that he's extra tired...that is shooting yourself in the foot). He would cry, so in 5 minutes I would go back in. We also established "night night hugs" for him. I'd tell him it was night night time, and then count out the hugs. The "1" and "2" hugs were short, and "3" was a big tight one. Then I'd put him down and leave again. Same thing in another 5 minutes. Somehow the hugs seemed to help him understand the inevitability of it, and added to the predictability of my response. The first day it took 2 hours of doing this continually, but by the 3rd day it was less than 10 minutes. The only catch here is that if at 4.5 minutes he's really winding down, don't go back in at 5 minutes, just give it a minute longer so you don't restart the process unnecessarily. My son is 2 now and is SUCH a great sleeper! As hard as this was for me to go through, it's one of the best things I've done for him.
One last thing...there is a lullaby machine for babies that has a rotating projector and soothing sound effects. My son still loves to watch this at night, and it keeps his interest until he drifts off to sleep. They sell them at Bed Bath and Beyond and JCPenney and they're about $30. His favorite was the disc with the stars and moons up until last week, and now he likes the disc with fish and an octopus best. Hope this helps, and good luck!

crying it out can be the hardest thing you will ever do....but it does work. If you choose to continue it is true that each night he will cry for shorter periods of time and over a period of 4-5 days it will stop all together. It's really tough to do, but it will get better.
One piece of advice.. I wore earplugs to lessen the intensity but I would make my husband listen carefully. I think it just is so much harder for a mother to listen to at full volume.
the other key thing is to make sure you baby is falling asleep on his own everynight. put him in his crib sleepy, but not asleep, so that he can learn to fall asleep.
goodluck.

How long has this been going on? Sounds like he might have an ear infection, then it hurts when they lie down. Check with the doctor just in case! Good luck!

ok only my opinion but he is a baby and has needs. 1 1/2 hours is way too extreme. when my son was ab0ut 4 months he cried for 5 min, then 10 min the liongest was 20 min then i would get him and hold him. sometimes give him a bottle and sometimes go back to sleep with me. I find it now that he is 1 years old he sleeps till about 3am and since he went to bed at 8pm that is a loing time, i go and get him he doesnt cry just sits up and stirs and i hear him on the monitor and i pick him up, if he is kind of awake i change his diaper and we go t omy bed where i hold him and rock a lil bit and he falls fast asleep till about 7 :30 am......my opinion is he is too young to put himself back to sleep yet you can teach him that crying isnt going to make mommy jump up to come and get you right away either....hope this helps

I bought my oldest daughter the fisher price wonder aquarium toy that hangs on the crib. It has moving fish, lights and music and she loved it. If she woke up in the middle of the night she would hit the large button and turn the music and lights back on and it would put her back to sleep. It is wonderful. It has a volume control so it doesn't wake everyone else up. My daughter is now 4 1/2 and she has it on her headboard and still turns it on to help her go to sleep. It worked so good for her that we had to get another one for our second daughter and it works for her too. Love it!

Hi S., I am a new mom to a 4 month old boy and I have just started reading a great book called The No Cry Sleep Solution. It talks about crying it out and what to do so that doesn't happen. It has great reviews and I am starting to work on the suggestions now. Rylan on average will wake up twice in a 10 hour stretch to eat (he is breastfed and is not on solids yet). And if they cry, it wakes them up more and its harder to get them to go back to sleep. Good luck and keep us updated!

A.

Hey S.-

My 9 month old is the same way. He hasn't slept through the night since he was a newborn and I agree it is very exhausting. I wouldn't recommend letting him cry it out because he is very trusting of you and I would be afraid he would trust stop feeling safe knowing you will come get him. My 21/2 year old was the same way and he grew out of it when he was about 1 yr. old so there is hope. He may just not be a napper or maybe teething is keeping him awake. I go throught the same routine as you do every single night but my husband and I switch off every other night. You baby trusts in you so dont break that trust.

Im not an expert be hopefully this helps.

S.,

My son didn't sleep through the night until he was 13 months old. I didn't believe in cry it out and it didn't work either-I tried a little bit. You need to do what is right for you and your child. You may be tired but in the end your child will know you are there and will eventually sleep through the night. Parenting is hard but keep up the good work. He's still just a baby.

Is it possible that he's teething?
My daughter is the same age and is teething and sometimes wakes up during the night, which is very unusual for her normally.
If you think he's teething, I would just pat him back to sleep, because his behavior will go back to normal after his teeth are half way in.

Hi,

You should make sure that your son doesn't have gas or an allergy to what he is drinking (milk in formula, or something in your breast milk, for example). He could be in pain but has no way to tell you. Get some mylicon (gas drops) and see if that helps.

Good luck!

S.,
I LOVE the book The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems. There is a huge section on sleeping problems. It lists the type of problem, and then ways to remedy it. Both my kids have slept through the night since about 3 months although my youngest had a few weeks of waking in the night after I stopped what she calls the "dream feed." Around 7-8 months you stop the dream feed (feeding the baby at around 10 pm without waking them) once they are getting lots of solids during the day. There are also some message boards on babywhisperer.com related to sleep issues.
Hope that helps! Good luck!

My almost 17 month old has recently started sleeping much better (until another tooth started to come in). Here is what helped us:
1-making sure he has enough daytime sleep. I have done whatever it takes to make sure he gets a good nap (for him one nap of 1/5-2 hours is good). At the first sign of stirring, I would try to go to him to pat his back or SHH at him, or even nurse him back down. Also, many times I work on the computer in the same room. When he wakes up, I usually start to talk to him and play peekaboo for a couple of minutes, then walk over to the crib and play for another couple of minutes before I get him out. If he is woken up by a dream or a loud noise and is unhappy, I go straight to him. My theory is that he gets more comfortable in the crib and sees it as a fun place.
2-For a few nights, my husband got up with him, and I got some much-needed sleep. He started out picking him up to comfort him, and transitioned to just patting his back. I was in a much better frame of mind after a couple of nights and could deal with the night-waking myself again, although I also just patted him on the back, instead of going back to nursing when he woke up. If you have someone who can help you for a night or two, you will feel much better.
The other thing to remember is that not every tip will work with every family; we are all different (parents and children). And unfortunately, not every trick will work every time, and just when you think you have it knocked, something else comes along, because they are growing and developing all the time.

Hi S.,

My son just turned 8-months old last week and we went through the same thing. He started waking up in the middle of the night all of a sudden. Here is an article that talks about waking up in the middle of the night. Here is the
> link to the website article -
> http://www.babyzone.com/baby/nurturing/month/a2462

-C.

I have never read anything about the "crying out method" that recomends hours of crying. I have always heard that it should be done in intervals...Cry for 5 minutes, go in and let the baby know you are there for them, cry for 7 minutes, go back in, cry for 10 minutes, if baby is still crying, abandon this method until the next time you put them down or even wait a few weeks and try it later. I have only heard friends talk about this method as successful and not "heart breaking" when it was done this way and usually the baby was already 1 year old!

There are many other options to get your baby to sleep better rather than teaching them that you won't repond to their needs. Moms on this site constantly give advice on this subject. "Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child" and "The No Cry Sleep Solution" are always favorite books to get some other methods and techniques. These books also let you know what is reasonable to expect at different ages.

I think it is very important as parents that we recognize our children's needs vs. our own wants. We need to adjust to our children, our tiny babies should not be expected to adjust to our wants and needs. The first year of a baby's life is really hard on parents because we end-up sacrificing so much, but it is all worth it to be a good parent and watch your child grow-up happy and healthy.

Please follow what you know is right in your heart and I bet it is not earplugs!

Hi S.. May I ask why you are letting him 'cry it out'? This will only makes it harder on both of you. He's needs to be reassured that you're there for him, he's scared. How are you getting him to go to sleep to begin with? For us, and my son is 6mths old, I hold him and give him his bottle, and once he's asleep, I continue to hold him for at least 1/2 hour, then I put him down in his crib on his side with a bollo pillow behind him for support. My son would have tremors that would wake him up fully and sometimes partically, but I would immediately go to him, give him his binky, pick him up and get him back to sleep and readjust him in his crib agains the bollo pillow. Granted it doesn't always work and I put him in his infant car seat and he sleeps. REason for this is because it's confining and nestling, just like in the womb. Try this and see if it works. Each child is different, it may or may not work. Good luck.

T.

My neice was the same way my sisters doctor told her if they are clean feed and safe let them cry it wont hurt them they have learned how to get you to jump when they realize you wont come running they will stop it took my neice four days

Hi S.,
Did you know that babies have much shorter sleep cycles than adults. That is why they wake up more frequently. letting your baby cry it out is breaking his trust for you as a caregiver. Some babies do sleep thru the night, but not many. My daughter is 22mo and she still wakes up about 3 times during the night. She start the night in her own bed then transitions in with us. Please try to remember that it in normal and healthy for a baby to wake up more than you. Help your baby trust you by being there with them instead of trying to train them to sleep. they are babies, the more trust they develop as infants for there caregivers the better adults they will grow up to be. Follow your instinct and don't let them cry it out. Have you ever read THE BABY BOOK by Dr. Sears he has lots of good info on night time parenting.

I was in your shoes a month & half ago, exactly. My now 8.5 mo old son was still night feeding too. You have to get the book The SleepEasy Solution by Spivak and Waldburger. It depends on your beliefs and how your little guy does but I believe every word they preach, at least it worked magically for us. And I was so sleep deprived I didn't think I'd have the energy to do it but it only took my guy 3-4 nights to learn to sooth himself to sleep and 4-5 nights to wean him of his night feedings. They say, at this age, baby should be sleeping 13-15 hrs at night (straight) and napping about 3 hrs total during the day (can be broken into 2-3 naps). Their method is very similiar to cry it out but better (not as much crying) - you just have to read the book to make sure you do it perfectly the way they say or it won't work. The first night and nap may be hard b/c that is the most they will cry. Of course my guy cried exactly 55 min the first time but the subsequent times he could do it in 45 then 15 min. The book also discusses wean night feedings and how to handle co-sleeping. I know every mom and every baby is different but I tried several approachs/methods and this worked like a charm and was easy. You just have to deal with that first crying and be very consistent for a week (which is nothing since we were 7 months sleep deprived). Best of luck - I feel your pain.