My Almost 8 Year Old Is Suddenly Terrified of My House.

You cant control whaat realative say,BUTyou can tell him aboout the frienly Ghost. Do they still have CASPER THE FRIENDY GHOST. sHOW THAT TO hIM. I hope that will help. Mother of 4 adults Load of luck, A.

it seems that your mil scared him. just let her know that hes not ready for a story like that. hes to young to decide for himself weather or not ghosts are real. just try to tell him that no matter what ghosts cant hurt him. if you are religious tell him that god will watch over him and not let anything happen thats bad. try to explain to him that houses make noises at night and in the morning and thats normal. im sure he will grow out of it. please tell your mil not to share things like that with him. good luck!

C., I am so sorry for you and it shows adults just how important it is NOT to say things that aren't age-appropriate. People think you can just say anything to a kid, esp. if you explain it, but they are sometimes just not able to handle the information and process it in a mature way - that's why they're called "children"! It reminds me of when my friend took her 3-year old to "Monsters, Inc." and the poor little girl spent a year being afraid of what was under her bed. So first of all, please tell your MIL not to tell him any more stories until he's old enough to handle it. I will also tell you that first-born children tend to be much more sensitive and emotional than 2nd or 3rd-born children. So it doesn't surprise me. He's going to need a lot of positive reinforcement, lots of hugs and love and attention. This will not spoil him right now - he NEEDS to reassurance from you and his dad that everything's ok, just like before. It will probably take a little bit of time so please be patient. If he begins to sense that you are getting short with him or angry, it will just make things worse because he needs you so much right now. I'm sure, being a happy, well-adjusted boy, he'll get over this soon, but you just need to really be there for him til it passes. Divert his attention with lots of humor too - this worked wonders for my sensitive first-born.
Have a great day,
M.

oh man...that sucks...how about getting some sage and having a little ritual and burn sage incense in every corner of the room and tell your son you are doing this to get all the ghosts out that this is a powerful magic that removes ghosts from homes? it's true it's supposed to..are you in LA? they sell big sage sticks down on Venice boardwalk..i would make a big deal about it..take him with you to get it..like you guys are on a mission...you can even hit your local witchcraft store..give the person working there a wink and go into how you need something to get rid of ghosts..
if you're in the Silverlake area the Cauldron is a good shop on Rowena
yes i would make a big production and make it seem like he helped rid your house of ghosts.
if it doesn't work...get him a dog to sleep with*

At his age, it will be fairly useless to try to have a conversation about whether or not ghosts are real, especially because he has the influence of adults who are fervent believers. Instead, I would simply tell him, over and over if necessary, that if there ever were to be unseen "ghosts" near him, it would be relatives who love him deeply. Tell him stories about family members he may never have met who have passed away, such as your or his dad's grandparents, great uncles or any other relatives. Tell him to consider any such presence to be a guardian angel, there to look after him. (Also point out that a guardian angel will be with him even if he is surrounded by other people, to try to get him over his fear of being alone.) If he continues to be paralyzed by fear, seek out a counselor.

Hi. Kids are sensitive, and gets easily scared. Why don't you teach him to pray for peace and calming of his heart and mind. Are you a Christian?

I was just about to say it sounds like a ghost that is bugging him and it scared him. It is not uncommon for young kids to see ghosts, and often relatives will come back and play with the grand baby, but for Mother in Law to talk about it in front of him was a huge no no. Did she really think he could handle it.. I work in this field I can tell you how many times , we work on cases that a young child is seeing a ghost.. here's what I suggest to the clients we help when a young child is involved with a haunting, the cartoon Casper the friendly ghost, I tell them to go buy a cd or tape of it, Cost about $ 1.99 sit and watch it with him, laugh have fun, now for him to understand what happens we we die, take out side on a sunny day, a place where he will be able to see his own shadow, or you can use a lamp in side to, you want him to see the whole silhouette of him self.. explain this part is your body it stays here when you die, and your shadow is what goes up in heaven. See its not scary, it cant hurt you. After that put this subject on ignore mode, time will erase the thoughts of ghosts, I would let my MIL know about scarinhg him, asking her to keep the ghosts stories out of the house untill he grows up though.

Now... what a kid does when they really see a ghost, most the time the ghost tries to be friends with the child, first showing themselfs to the child in a very light see through way an apparition.. the ghost will play hide & seek, a lot of parents catch there kids talking to somebody un seen through the baby monitor. A lot of times the child will wake up a couple of times a night, but not cry for mom or dad just lay there talking to somebody. You will find the child looks up at the ceiling alot. The child will start spending more alone time in a bedroom, not wanting to around others. The child sometimes sleeps walks.
If the ghost really likes the child you have to be careful ghosts do become jealous, and sometimes mean when th eparents interupt play time, I have seen a child ghost, with an attitude !!

if your son still insists he is seeing a ghosts feel free to contact me back, I can arrange a home visit making sure its a false alarm or not.

Good Luck

Since it is his mother, your husband needs to deal with Grandma. Definitely do not leave your kids alone with her anymore (you or your husband always present). I am so irritated on your behalf, reading this. Have you and your husband asked her what she hoped to accomplish by telling him this and scaring the heck out of him?

You can try splashing holy water around if you are religious, or maybe try to "trap" any spirits a la Ghostbusters... I always used the firm approach "ghosts, I DO NOT want you here, so GO AWAY." I liked the idea that another person wrote below about having an "expert" come in and declare the house ghost-free.

But seriously, your MIL needs a good dressing down for this. This is serious business - she psychologically damaged him. What a sad, sick woman.

Hey C. ~
I don't know if you believe in prayer or Christ. But, I believe when something is brought into my home like a scary movie, or stories like you MIL told, a spirit of fear is allowed, or almost invited into the home. I now this because whenever this occurs my toddler wakes up with nightmares. What I have been taught to do is say a prayer to God and ask that he bind the spirit of fear in my home in Jesus name. I can give you coutless testimonies of how that prayer has been answered.

I hope you find the answer, I lived in fear my whole childhood like your son is experiencing. It sucks.

If you have any questions, I'd be happy to answer them.

J. S.

C., you've been given a lot of great advice so far. I am coming from a grandmother's point of view as well as a similar scenario with my own children when they were young. In my case, my kids saw a man's face on the closet door every time they were brought back from a visit with their dad. I was a new Christian then... still am a Christian... we all (myself and my three daughters) went through the house praying and asking God to remove the face and to place His angels in our home to protect us. We actually had to do that every time they came back from a visit. My oldest daughter, who is now a mom of two, remembers how much peace and comfort that gave her. And the faces never came back! Also, as a grandmother, shame on your MIL for scaring the be-jeebies out of her grandson! Yes, I agree your husband should speak with her and if at all possible, she should apologize to your grandson and tell him whatever you and your husband wish her to say to help defuse these fears. If you and your husband (maybe MIL?) are praying people, I would recommend praying together and talking about how BIG God is and how much He loves each of us, especially children, that He is bigger than ghosts and more powerful... children can trust God to keep the ghosts away and take away their fears!
Hope that helps!
Grace and Peace,
B.

Oh my goodness... please tell your MIL not to tell the kids things like this again... it is obviously not appropriate! It scared your son... and I would NOT allow MIL to tell your kids things like this again, nor to take them to scary things again. With Halloween coming up... how will this impact your son?

It will take time for the damage to be undone. Maybe months. Or hopefully, he does not get a hang-up about it for longer than that.

You need to explain to him, somehow, about how what MIL told him was just a story... it not real. Perhaps, speak with his Teacher about it... or a counselor there... perhaps his Teacher can talk with the class about nice stories instead and on how to tell the difference between "scary" and "fiction."

It seems your MIL "likes" to talk of these things...but I would forbid her to do that with the children. It's just not appropriate. She got your son scared out of his wits.. .it's causing emotional damage. Maybe have MIL "correct" the situation and "apologize" to him??????

What does your Hubby say about all this? It's so sad.. .I really feel for your son. MIL really has to learn how NOT to do this again, and to monitor herself.

When my daughter is scared of the dark or "the boogey man" at night... I tell her that her Grandpa in heaven is ALWAYS watching over her and protecting her... so she does not have to be scared. We always reinforce the "good" things... and how she is always stronger than any "bad" thing... because it's what is in her heart that counts. Or, if you have one, have your Pastor or something talk with him.

I really don't know how it can be undone.... some children will be bothered about it for a long time. I hope your son finds some peace about it all.... your MIL really did some damage here. Not good.

Sorry I don't have any answers... but I hope your son all the best,
Susan

This is quite a common thing. MIL, FIL, grandparents or older brothers and sisters, they all do it. Yes you can go the "faith" route. Yes, you can just wait it out, but truthfully to your child, this is real.

This worked magically for us. Bring in someone that you know that your child does not know as a "ghost expert". Have them "read" the house and proclaim it ghost free. Depending on the intelligence of your child your "expert" can be very dramatical or just walk around the house writing things down etc. You can decide how this hsould look.

Whether you beleive in ghosts or not, your child does. Whether you believe his fears are unfounded or not, they are real to him. You need to do what you can to keep him feeling safe.

It is kind of like Santa Clause. He is real to those who beleive. Ghosts are real to those who beleive. So you can to help him determine what he will believe in.

B. H B.A.:B.Ed.
Family Coach

Dear C.,
What worked for my kids was to use the image of a closed hand, and an open hand. Fear is like the closed hand. I would say, "Look at this closed hand - I'm holding some darkness inside it" And then I'd open it, and say,"Look! The darkness went away! Where did it go? As soon as you open the hand, and shine light on the darkness, it vanishes. The truth is that the hand is really holding - NOTHING! Fear is like the darkness, it's a lie that disappears when the light of truth shines on it" If he can get that concept, that the truth dispels darkness, and to hold on to the truth - and that the TRUTH is that HE IS SAFE and has NOTHING to FEAR. A lie vanishes when the truth comes. The battle is in the mind. As soon as you allow a lie into your mind you will start to worry. The most important thing is for him to catch those thoughts that are lies and tell them the truth. Ask him, "What are you worried about?" Perhaps in whatever religion you believe, you can encourage him that "God will take care of you; I am here and you are safe. There is nothing to fear but fear itself. And fear is a lie - so don't worry!".
Also don't let him watch a lot of TV or have a lot of sugar. It is easier to keep the mind ordered and quiet with peaceful orderly music, like Mozart or Bach, and less stimulation.
Hope that helps!
Best, R.

I would definitely talk to your mother-in-law (or have your husband do it.) Tell her that you don't appreciate her telling your child things like that.
As far as him being scared goes, continue to talk to him about what she said, and assure him that he is safe. Get a night light in his room, if he doesn't already have one. That's all I can think of. Good luck!

Dear C.,

Good Grief ! I don't blame him for being scared. My Dad took me to a Frankenstein movie when I was about that age. I never could understand why in the world he did that ! I was scared for YEARS that Frankenstein would come after me. So I decided to 'throw snowballs' at him every time he showed up in my dreams or when I got scared at other times.

So, I don't know what to tell you to do. I didn't tell my parents how scared I was. It was during the Depression and they had lots more problems than a daughter that was scared of Franenstein. Things were different then.

I think that you need to spend some time holding him when he feels scared, because it is a real feeling and very frightening. Hold him and sing songs to him, and read him lots of warm and funny books and get him interested in something else. You might have to try hard to find out what he is really truly interested in that would take his mind off the fear. I bet Dad could do a good job with that too.
Good Luck, C. N.

Well, it's hard to remember how fragile a young mind can be. They can seem fine when being exposed to things revolving around "ghosts" or "monsters" in stories or movies, but later on, oh boy, their little minds are filled with anxiety over things they don't understand. I would get him some counseling with someone who deals with children and understands how his mind and anxieties work at this age. Also, take him to church and let him understand the positive side of the spiritual world and how God and the angels can protect him. He needs someone to pray with him against his fears and ensure his safety. He needs to know that a mighty God loves him and is watching over him and ever-present.

Dear C.,

This is a very hard thing for kids to go through and since we are dealing with the unknown, it's even harder to explain and/or solve!! My son and daughter went through this, hearing voices and seeing things!! Our situation was, we moved my mother-in-law in with us when she took ill and then she passed away in our house!! So to me, her presence is felt occasionally and she makes her presence known to my kids as well!! My daughter thought what look like a person walking into her room one day and she really freaked out and was very upset! So in order to calm her down I explained to her that sometime spirits don't know how to hide themselves and that if she felt a good feeling from it, it was OK!! We prayed in her room and I had to have my priest come and bless the whole house and that seem to help!! My son on the hand needed more talking too and with him I gave him a crucifix and told him that would keep him save and then we also put a waterfall in his room and helped him concentrate on the sounds of the water when he got scared!! Both my kids are "older" 16 and 17 but were about 12 and 13 when all this happened, so being older, I needed to make sure they started to understand some of the things that happen and are unexplainable!! Try buying a book and getting information that way as well!! Good Luck, V.

I would show him innocuous movies like "Casper", insinuating that ghosts are friendly and make believe. Also, read or tell stories about God and the angels so that the actual spiritual world becomes more comforting than scary.

Frustrating and maddening, isn't it? My 8 year old went through the same thing after watching a show with his dad about how a comet could come and smash into the earth at any time and wipe us all out. This happened about 5 months ago and lasted about 5 weeks. He is still more nervous than before, still notices each and every time an airplane flies over our house. He is no longer the same kid he was before. He is now more of a fearful kid. I hope you or your husband had a serious talk with grandma about this because she needs to know the damage she did. She turned her grandson into a nervous wreck. She totally freaked him out. Unacceptable behavior in a grandma. She needs to be told to cease and desist with that kind of nonsense. As for what to do... I just gave my son what he needed. Comfort and security. I tried to distract him any way I could. I let him sleep with us when he wanted to, because his fears were very real to him. Man, was I ever glad when I could see his stress level was lowering a bit! Validate your son's feelings, do not make light of them, give him the comfort and security he needs, and good luck. I feel for you.

Your letter is a great example of why we should be careful of what we expose our children to. Ghosts and monsters are ok for older kids, but kids under 12 or 13 are really too young to hear that kind of stuff. Maybe you can have a talk with your husband about talking to his mom about saying stuff like that. I personally believe in ghosts but only my 16 year old knows and we never talk about it in front of little kids. You may want to say something like ghosts are like The Incredibles, or The Little Mermaid. Some people believe in them but we don't have any around here and you don't need to worry.

Go with the GOD idea and prayer, not the witchcraft idea- that one will just set you up for more fear!