My 8 Y/o Son Afraid of Being Touched by Strangers

I wouldn't doubt that at all! They are sponges.

I work with kids and I've touched a 13 year old's foot and he drew it up to his chest, like a reflex. I looked at the parent and said, "So, how much time did he spend in the NICU?" She looked at me shocked and asked how I knew. In the NICU, their foot gets grabbed and then poked with a a needle to extract blood for testing - constantly. NO one talks to babies like they are actual people.

Maybe learn how to do some EFT. My chiropractor clears emotional blocks within the body. My friend's son was SUPER angry all of the time and within 3 visits, there was a HUGE difference. Even after the first treatment, her son was different.

Maybe explain the sugery to him and tell him that might be where is fear is coming from. Ask him if any strangers have touched him.

i doubt it's connected with the operation, and disagree with the moms who say it's a good thing. teaching about stranger danger should create healthy boundaries and caution, not fear.
allow your son to take the lead in what to do about it. i'd try to figure out what prompted this through storytelling and play re-enactment. this might give you a handle on how to deal with it. simple direct conversation 'i understand this is uncomfortable for you. we'll both make an effort to keep anyone you don't know from touching you while we're in the grocery store. you remember that i'm right here with you and it's okay.' do some role-playing so that when someone brushes up against him accidentally he's got a template for how to handle it, even if he doesn't do it well at first.
it's probably a temporary phobia that will pass naturally, but it's good to listen to him so he knows you take him seriously, and give him some coping tools.
khairete
S.

Did this fear just appear and appear suddenly? Has he had a bad experience with being touched by a stranger or a stranger saying or doing anything that scared him? Has he recently seen the movie and literature about stranger danger?

This has nothing to do with an operation when he was 8 months old! I would think about any experiences that happened just before he started exhibiting the fear. I'd also ask him in a calm, indirect way if he knows why he's frightened. Be very low key in talking with him. If his fear is the result of an experience with a stranger or anyone he knows he may fear that person's reaction to his telling or he may fear that he'll get in trouble. Make it safe for him to talk about it. Perhaps read a book or tell a story about a little boy who is afraid and ask him what he thinks the boy is thinking and/or feeling. Expect that it may take time for him to open up to you.

If his fear continues, I suggest that you have him talk with a counselor, pastor, or teacher. Someone with experience talking with children and with whom he'd feel safe.

Later: In November you wrote about him being angry and you not knowing why but he wouldn't talk to you. Is it possible that something happened then that has started the fear? I've seen this pattern before where a child is angry and then fearful. Did he tell you why he was angry?

Yeah, I really doubt that it has anything to do from that long ago. Perhaps he saw something on TV that spooked him....but, on the other hand is that such a bad thing? Have you talked to him about the good touch/bad touch? Like it's okay if the Doctor..etc....
Give him examples of good/bad touch.

Being EXTREMELY afraid of being touched by strangers is probably a *little* over the top, but being afraid/aware of strangers and not wanting to be touched by them is a good thing, if you ask me. I would try to find out why his fear is EXTREME and go from there but assure him that it is never OK for a stranger to touch him. Good luck to you and I'll keep you all in my prayers.

Specifically can you give an example of his reaction, and the situation that caused it? What is he like in school? What are some other behavioral patterns? What was the surgery? What is his home life like? Does he have normal eating, sleeping habits? Does he have friends? Is he involved in activities sports/school/church?

Sorry so many questions, just trying to get a clearer picture of your fella!
:)

I think it is a good thing as well. My child does not like strangers touching her and neither do I.

Hello, I would respect his need to not be touched by strangers. However, if you model that it is okay, he might outgrow it.
Good luck with your precious son.
K. K.

well a post traumatic therapist might say otherwise. They have ones that deal specifically with this and a hospital visit can in fact trigger events in one's life much later on. I know this because my son was hospitalized when he was 7 for Meningitis and since that time, his behavior began to change, he became more fearful of "noises" and surroundings.. One, this is also VERY common for the age group but too, I talked to a therapist and before I could mention anything, she asked me.. did your son ever stay in the hospital? Apparently hospital stays are right up there on the list of possibly causing anxiety in a person, let alone FUTURE anxiety. don't discount the fact that he was only 8 mos at the time and may not remember, the BODY remembers... Maybe it this may sounds off the wall, but look up post traumatic disorders (no, I am not suggesting your child has one) however, it IS worth reading up on.. then after you digest what you read, then you can decide how much farther or not you need to take this..

best of luck

I agree with Marda P.

I've not seen your previous post about your boy being angry, but given that Marda mentioned it, it sends up a red flag for *me*....

Anger & then fear would indicate to *me* that there has been SOME sort of incident. I'm not saying he's been abused in any way (although it's a possibility), but some kids (like my boy who is 13) can be very sensitive to "encounters" that make them uncomfortable. You know your son's heart & I bet if you thought long & hard about this, you would find the proper way to approach him & help him.

Talk to your boy, Mama....*really* talk with love & support. No fear in your voice. Let him know that his reactions concern you, that you love him to the ends of the earth, that you get scared sometimes too, that you are there to protect him no matter what, that he is a good hearted & wonderful kid who doesn't deserve to feel frightened....

Good luck to you & please let us all know how this all pans out.

I know I don't like strangers touching me. So, is it all that weird?