My seven year old is a bright, funny, and lovable girl - she is also extremely sensitive. Every morning she tells me to kiss her in 4 different spots where she is hurt and then again and again and again even though no one has touched her or hurt her in any way. This has been going on since she was 3. Out of no where she'll claim she got hurt and asked for kisses. I am not complaining about kissing her but sometimes it is just irritating because I know she isn't hurt but still she asks for kisses on random parts of her body BC she claims she hurt herself. It could be that she lightly bumped her elbow on the door or her finger grazed the cup or her little sister touched her. When I tell her she's OK and that she didn't get hurt she will put hand over that spot or spots until I kiss her. She will have a temper tantrum if I refuse. I thought it might be because I am not showing enough emotion so I've tried being extra sensitive to her feelings, holding her, kissing her randomly and telling her I love her but it hasn't changed anything. I have considered taking her to a psychiatrist to see if there is an underlying issue that I am not aware of. I have waited for it to go away thinking it might just be a stage but it's been 4 years and hasn't changed. I am so frustrated with it sometimes and I really don't know what to do. Am I being unreasonable? Is this normal? Should I continue doing this and hope it goes away? The problem is not that I don't want to kiss her to make her feel better. I don't know why she feels like kissing it will make it go away when there is really no pain in the first place. Anyone solar have this type of issue that can offer some advice?
Thank you ladies for the advice without judgement, I will bring it up on her next ped appointment. Parenting is tough, I appreciate the advice from the mothers who gave it.
No thank you to this B lady calling me a troll???? Who's the real troll here?
It's normal to ask for these, but it's not normal to have tantrums when mom declines. What else does she have tantrums about? If she has tantrums about other things, then you have an overall problem that needs some tough love by putting her in her room when she starts this stuff, and not giving in to her tantrums. If this is what she has tantrums over, then she has a different problem.
Go talk to the ped about it.
This just has a troll feel to it.
So does her other post.
I hate calling troll in case this isn't, and sorry if this is legit, but I can't relate to this at all and I have kids who have had issues and strange requests, and this just seems so odd that you haven't already discussed these concerns with your doctor. The temper tantrums over kisses and wiping (other question). Yes, that's not typical. I don't use the term 'normal' because there is no normal, but is this typical? Not really. Phases of this sure - I had a little girl come over who wanted a million bandaids and just liked the attention of having me stop what I was doing to care for her. So I stopped. Handed her a bandaid the next time to do herself when it wasn't even scraped and she soon stopped. So the tantrums you deal with by not giving in. That's a whole other topic. But if she has OCD as other moms have mentioned, yes - talk to your pediatrician. They know what signs to look for.
ew.
i just read your question about wiping. i sure hope you're a troll.
there's something very icky about a mother who has been kissing 'random parts' of her child's body AND letting bodily functions degenerate into phobias in order to duck tantrums.
if you're for real, i hope for your child's sake you go take some parenting classes. this is nightmarish.
khairete
S.
I've read both of your questions.
I'm really astounded that you have dealt with this issue and the wiping issue for 4 years and you have just given in to her tantrums on all of them. You have to ignore tantrums. All kids do them over something - but they get over them because parents ignore or send them to time out or whatever. They don't keep caving in. The tantrums are working, and apparently (per your other question) to the point that your almost-8-year-old is wetting herself rather than pee and wipe.
So this is an entirely unhealthy situation for everyone involved. This child is running the household, and your younger one is seeing it.
This should have been discussed ages ago with a pediatrician. It may be due to some compulsion, and if not, it may have escalated into an unbreakable habit or even a psychological disorder after years and years of your child getting a pay-off for this behavior. So ask the pediatrician for a referral to a child psychologist who can figure out the underlying reasons, and work with you on more effective parenting techniques that will be consistent.
So, no, you should not be kissing a 7 year old's "boo-boos". You're not helping her at all. She has got to learn to function in the world without having a tantrum, and you seem helpless to stand up to her. This is going to affect her in school, in life, in the family, and in her psyche if you don't address it. Surely someone has suggested this to you in the past 4 years, right? Why have you not listened?
Just tell her to go get herself a bandaid if she has a boo boo. Then ignore the temper tantrum. Do this each time...she will learn. It sounds like she likes to control you. I don't say this meanly...my son is very sensitive and also has anxiety and control issues...so I understand some kids have odd behavioral things going on. Think of it like boot camp...you need to toughen your girl up a bit! We started praising our daughter for her awesome boo boo...saying, wow, cool! You might get a neat scar from that. Then we point out some of our scars. She goes and gets her own bandaids now when she needs them. Yes if she gets really hurt I will cuddle her till she stops crying but then we move on. I think your daughter wanting this attention every single morning is crazy. It would drive me nuts too. So...start being a tough mama and let her tantrum if she needs to. She does not need to have so much control. Good luck!
Sounds similar to OCD, this and your other post. I think your instincts are correct to at least talk to a professional about it to determine what steps to take.
Apparently she needs to feel loved, hugged and kissed, so give it to her. She is probably going through that time when a child feels like they're growing up more but don't really want to let go of the comfort of the dreamy and loving world they love. Just give her what she needs. This will pass and hopefully in time you'll actually find yourself miss it and look on it fondly. Don't be so irritated at something so simple and only takes a few minutes of your time. Just go with it and make it into a silly game and spend some time with her.
Yes, it's normal. Maybe not every child does this, but that doesn't mean it's not normal. Kiss her booboos. She just wants to be babied, and she's only 7. I don't see what the big deal is.
I guarantee she won't want you to do it when she's 13, and you will miss it.
