Ok Moms, I'm at a loss. My absolutly *wonderful* 7 1/2 yr old son is a total flake. In a 12 hr span he 1) forgot his homework folder that contained most of his homework for the night 2)was a Little League and kept forgetting to touch the bases, even after repeated correction from the coach and his Dad 3) Got out of the tub and put his pajamas on without ever drying off 4) put his v-neck uniform sweater on backwards 5) forgot his hat & lunchbox at school.
He has no motivation at school or home, and if anything is ever a challange for him he gives up. He says he doesn't care about his handwriting (which is a mess) and he is not doing well in tests because he's not reading the directions or he says he forgets how to do the work. He complains constantly and mopes around the house when you ask him to do something.
All of this never catches his attention until his father or I correct him. I get that all kids are goofy. But he says that he thinks I'm always mad at him, and I can see how he thinks that because I'm always correcting him for his absent-mindedness (if that's a word). My Mom says I was a space cadet when I was young, so maybe he gets it from me?
The other thing is, he was *very* premature when he was born. He was born at 28 wks weighing 1lb 10oz. Maybe it could be from that? Other than being super skinny he hasn't had any lingering effects, but maybe this is one? I know that when I go to school and see other kids I realize that my kid isn't so weird, every 2nd grader is a goofball. But this seems to be happening all the time.
Other than this he is a great kid, he's kind and is really no trouble. I feel horrible always having to correct him, and this morning he was in tears, but I can't let him go to school with his clothes on backwards. I don't yell at him, but sometimes I do get a little annoyed at having to correct the same thing over and over!
So is this normal, or maybe something extra? Thanks!
I would have him evaluated by a psychologist. Maybe there's nothing wrong...and then you would know. But if there is...don't you want to get help for him? I have a son with ADHD and he exhibits the forgetfulness you talk about.
I would try talking to his ped. or fam. dr. about the possibility of ADD. He doesn't seem to have the 'H' for hyperactivity but seems very distractable and unorganized. Does he have difficulty focusing on a task or certain tasks to completion? There are strategies you can research to teach attending skills (attention), I don't feel medication should not be the first answer to solving his 'problems' but that's a personal opinion. Either way, it's worth a conversation at his next well-visit.
Honestly, it doesn't seem too out of the realm of normal for the age group. My niece is about the same age group and you could have described her. You can tell her to go upstairs to get something and by the time she is half ways up the stairs she forgets what why she is going upstairs in the first place.
However, seeing that your son was such an early preemie, I would talk to the pediatrician about his trouble in school. Preemies do have a higher chance of learning disabilities and ADD (which is not always paired with hyperactivity) later in life. It doesn't have to be case, but if it is, there may be strategies how you can help him more effectively.
Good luck!
Hi J.,
My youngest was JUST like that. She was later diagnosed with ADHD. My sister recommended some things for her (my sister is a social worker and works with these kinds of kids) and one of those things included a detox of our entire house. I was willing to try anything at that point and I have to say it worked. It worked so well and so quickly that it was obviously the detox that helped. My daughter was not flighty anymore. She was attentive to detail and now, seven years later, she has been able to articulate how she felt then. She is my most organized family member in the house!
J., household chemicals, shampoos, conditioners, soaps, lotions, even laundry supplies are all neurological toxins (some are respiratory toxins as well) and they mess with the ability to think and observe. They contraindicate just like meds. My little one was seven and not yet reading. Not that I hadn't been trying to teach her, it just wasn't coming together for her. When I detoxed the house, I had her on grade level in 8 weeks. The next doctor visit, he removed his diagnosis.
This may not be the only thing that is going on, but once I took these stimuli out of her life her immune system was able to build and she improved in other areas as well. If you'd like to give it a try, let me know. I can walk you through it. It saved my sanity :)
God bless,
M.
Have him evaluated for ADHD-inattentive type (the current name for what used to be ADD ... it's strictly the lack of focus, minus the hyperactivity). His "space cadet" behavior may be out of his control and if it's ADHD, you can help him tremendously with help from medical professionals. Your description screamed "ADHD" to me (as the parent of a child with this condition). I would get in him for an appointment with a psychiatrist or neuropsychologist to have him evaluated.
Best of luck to you and your son!
M.
As a teacher I would be concerned about ADD (he's not hyper so there is no "H") but I'd also be concerned about him moping around all the time. Is it possible his self esteem is a little low? Could he be suffering from some depression?
If he is ADD and he really can't control his own behaviour it's possible he's just as frustrated with himself as you are with him. That could explain why he's not a happy kid.
I would talk to the teacher and/or get your child to a doctor who can help diagnose and treat the ADD. Also watch for signs of depression/low self esteem and get him into therapy if you think it might be an issue.
Good luck!
I had to laugh when reading this because, well, I have two sons ages 23 adn 14. My first thought is, welcome to puberty! Some boys start earlier than other. Everything you've described was my boys. Here's what I think it is: puberty, ADD (lack of concentration), or a combination of both.
Puberty - hormones begin to creep in and can whack a child out if they're coming in too fast. My oldest became rebellious. My second has become a "dumb blonde", very ditsy, very forgetful more than the average child.
ADD - not to be confused with ADHD since there's no hyperactivity. Lack of concentration may have been very mild in your son and not noticed, until puberty hit and it may now be enhanced due to the crazy hormones. This is my second son. His ADD is mild but since hitting puberty it's been enhanced and the lines get blurred on if his actions are hormones or ADD. You have to be really in tune with your child to recognize which it is on any given day.
How does your child act in school? Has his grades gone down? I would talk to the teachers and see how he is there, and if there is a concern for ADD have him tested by a psychiatrist who is experienced with this, which means very long testing, at least 1.5 hours worth, to be thorough. This will at least rule out that problem, and then you can focus on the hormone making him loopy. Talk to your pediatrician for recommendations. From this point on, you will be repeating yourself often. You may need to start making lists for him to follow to help him stay organized and help him to stay out of trouble. It will set him up for success and not for failure. He will begin to feel sad and out of the loop at home because his brain is feeling overwhelmed, not understanding what's going on, not being able to concentrate or think straight. Don't ask him why because he will not be able to articulate back to you and all you'll get is "I don't know" and then you'll both feel frustrated. Be supportive and understanding. Set up your rules and ways to help him, like lists. But he needs to be accountable as all children should be for mistakes they make, and help him how to correct this era. This may be short lived, or it may be long term, depending on how his hormones are.
I do want to note that, unless you doctor tells you otherwise, prematurity has nothing to do with him being thin or anything else. Being thin is his genetics. My triplets were premature and although they were looked at using their adjusted age up until age 2, once a premature child hits age 2, if they are physically and emotionally at level where they should be by their second birthday, anything after that will have nothing to do with prematurity, unless your doctor tells you otherwise. But by 7.5 years old, he's not going to suddenly come up with something from prematurity. If there was a problem, if would have carried with him since birth and you would have known all along. So this is different.
I feel it's puberty, but do check for ADD just to rule it out. Talk it over with his teachers and his doctor and rule out that and then focus on puberty. Welcome to puberty! I've gone through one, going through one now, and have three more to go! LOL
K. B
mom to 5 including triplets
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Hi, J.:
Have your son checked out with a neurologist.
Good luck. D.
Hi Jamie, I think all kids go through a "space cadet" phase. I know all three of my girls went though it...and I think that's when I mastered my organizational skills! LOL The best offence to "space cadet-itis" is a good defense...pre-plan everything! Be super organized. Plan clothes the day before and lay them out, have strict routines and ask those "stupid" questions all the time...did you dry off, did you bring home your (homework, lunch box, etc) ? Be proactive and consistant. As far as baseball, well, that one will have to work itself out. If he doesn't touch the base he gets out...consequences for his actions. If he doesn't improve his hand writing/test scores he suffers consequesnces for his grades at home. Make sure you follow through with punishments that affect him...not ones he can "live without". I don't think this has anything to do with him being pre-mature (wow, I have a neice that was born just like your son and isn't amazing that he is so heathy and growing!). Be carefull that you don't look at that as an excuse for any of his behavior...you aren't helping him by always wondering/excusing him because of his rocky start in life. The past is history, the future is a mystry and today is a gift...which is why they call it the present! Best wishes & good luck!
You don't mention if he is a good eater, sleeps well, or has any interests that do keep his attention. You also do not say how you handle the missing school homework.
I know that some school have a not return policy. You cannot take your child back to the school to get what they have forgotten. Some schools do have an online connection where homework is posted. If it requires using a book - is there another student who lives nearby that you could contact and borrow their book. If it is a work sheet - borrow it before it is done - copy it and return their copy.
If it fits into your schedule - you might contact the teacher and see if you could come in with him during the teacher prep time before the other students arrive and have him complete his homework then. Depending on the school schedule it could be 30 to 45 minutes. A few early mornings might improve him memory - and using these methods might make him aware of the fact that he has to complete these assignments one way or the other.
A good multivitamin - a pro-biotic - and some suppliments - natural ones - for ADD/memory might be something to look into.
I have had parents who drove their children back to school - and if I were still there came in and got the work. The catch was they made the child pay for the ride from their allowance or by adding a chore.
A reward chart for those things remembered is another course to consider.
He sounds a lot like my 7 year old son. He is constantly forgetting stuff, like his lunchbox at school, etc. I don't know if I'd jump to any conclusions yet. ALL my son'd friends are little goofballs to.
Be glad your son is getting dressed by himself--that's a new occurrence in our house!
And at 7, I don't think its puberty!
I recommend any book from the "Love and Logic" series. PERFECT for this situation. :)
I was smiling as I read your post - he sounds like my 9 year old! Wonderful kid, but she is in her own"world". Not a trouble maker at all, but she wears me down from being told a million times to do something (even simple things like brush your teeth). My oldest is a very athletic/coordinated/on the go kid -this one the total opposite. I think that's just the way they are - everyone is different - they just don't fit the "norm", but will find their place in life!
He may have some sort of developmental issue and simultaneously be very bright. In that case it is even worse because he knows that he is different and puts alot of pressure on himself (which could be why he gets so hurt when he feels you are "piling on").
With my son (who had some similar issues when he was little) I learned that the most effective technique was positive reinforcement.
We found out we were dealing with numerous food reactions (40+) that were causing "foggy" behavior. Once we got those under control everything else got much better too (constantly clogged nose, repeated strep, colds, etc.). It's hard to focus when you feel crappy most of the time (our son was also lethargic).
In my experience my children really wanted to please me at that age. Try to have as much empathy for him as you can while encouraging and reinforcing good behaviors.
I don't know...I think "part" of what you describe is normal but other parts just don't feel right to me. I have an 8 year old boy and I do see some of what your son does. Handwriting-terrible, schoolwork-my son is very bright (in the gifted program actually) but has much trouble reading directions. His teachers also think he is tough to motivate. He can also be forgetful. But some of the forgetfullness you describe is a little extreme-like not washing off after a bath or touching bases in a game-esp after being told. You know-it never hurts to get a doctor's opinion. Other posters mentioned ADD-I would ask about that too. It even sounds like he could be depressed. Who knows if it is situational-like he feels bad because of all his "mistakes" that you are pointing out to him or is it congenital.
One thing I would advise, and I know this is hard, is to take it easy on him. Give yourself 2 weeks and really bite your toungue. Ignore all "space cadet" behaviour that isn't going to be dangerous. Also, maybe try and do a low-key just mother and son activity. Something like a zoo or science center. Really have a heart to heart with him but just do it throughout the day so he doesn't feel like he is being drilled. Boys are much more closed up and difficult to communicate with. The only way I ever get anything is in bits and pieces and by asking the right questions.
he have a great imagination ? He might not be flighty just distracted easily , you know a pencil in his hands may suddenly turn into a rocket ship or something like that . If that's the case , he'll grow out of it , but you'll want to keep that imagination going strong , just help him find some healthy outlet for it , like art or music etc.
I think in part if IS "normal" I can't tell you how often my son who often will remember his homework, on the other hand will have forgotten something. In addition, when not paying close attention when getting dressed, he will put his shirt on backwards, again not a big deal .. afterall, getting dressed isn't as big a deal to a kid as to some adults. Additionally, if he is playing sports , is he well rested enough during the night? at 7 1/2, kids are growing like crazy and need good rest.. what about hydration, getting enough WATER...?? other things to consider, by 2nd grade, school begins to pick up more rapidly and by 3 rd grade the kids are learning solid homework and school habits, while at the same time, it IS a lot for a little to transition into.... and every kid is different... Also, what about his diet? needs change.. and are you keeping up with his growing body? As for correcting him in an obvious fashion, maybe try a more gentle approach.. example. if his shirt in on backwards, just perhaps help him turn it around without any criticizing.. this way, he might respond better and the next time , do it himself.. when my son does this, I just laugh and tell him, your shirt is on backwards, is today backward day and we turn it around together.. thing is.. 7 1/2 while your son is growing up.... 7 1/2 is still a baby in many ways... and a little one has a lot to figure out... if you are pressuring him , he is probably getting even more stressed out.. ever notice in the workplace, if someone is pressuring you to do this or that and depending how they do it, you might get flustered, well kids are no different. I would be a little more happy go lucky with him.. afterall, if you think about it.. there are far worse things that can happen than not putting a shirt on correctly or remembering a hat... plus, maybe his forgetfulness is now triggering within you some angst you might have towards your own mom for calling you a space cadet... that couldn't have felt good... then when you were called it or now in your son's case.... maybe he is feeling your disapproval... :(
best of luck
