My 6Yr Old Son

A.,
I agree with the idea that it may be some kind of ADD or ADHA type of thing or sensory. There is a lot that can be done to help. Get on the internet and start looking up learning dissabilities and sensory intergration. It is not impossible to help them. Starting early really helps.
It is a worrying time and you need to find a support group. Yahoo has a lot of support groups and it is a big help to just have someone else to vent to or ask questions and know that someone in that group has had experience with that problem. I am the mother of a 6 year old with autism. Are you in Houston? We live in Katy. Email me if you want to. All the best.
W.

Taking things away from him isn't going to help. The problem is internal/emotional. It may be a learning problem (poor eyesight, poor hearing, lack of comprehension or concentration) or it may be an anger/coping issue.

Looks like you need to start from the beginning - find out if he's comprehending everything in school and if not, where he started getting lost (math? reading? creative arts? gym?). You'll have to identify what triggers his anger - is he shy and hates being called on? Do a little role playing - go through some scenarios and talk about ways he's handled himself before and better ways he can express himself next time. He needs to start learning how to cope and deal w/life and all its little situations and all the people around him.

Most of all let him know you love and accept him, but, as his mother, you can't allow for certain kinds of behavior, no matter how hard he finds his tasks.

Is he like this at home? Does he throw tantrums and tell you no? If he has this problem at home, school is not going to be able to control him until you get him to behave first.

He needs rules. Children need them to know what is expected of them. They feel safe when you make them follow the rules EVERY TIME.

He is old enough to be able to control his behavior it is YOUR job to teach him the correct behaviors. If he tells you no, tell him to go to his room or the "time out place" in your home until he can find yes. He also needs to have timeouts. Find a place in the house away from everyone that is the "family timeout place". He can sit on the floor facing a wall. This is where he should be sent when he misbehaves so that he can "Calm himself down". He is not allowed to move out of this spot till you allow him to move.If he moves out of this spot, timeout starts all over again.. He can handle 6 minutes in time out. Use a timer so you do not forget.

This should be used when he says no, curses, hits, throws things, whatever is not appropriate behavior, EVERY TIME.

You can also start taking things away from him as punishment. Favorite toys, activities whatever will get his attention. Make him "earn back" these items by rewarding good behavior. Eventually recognizing good behaviors should be happening more than the bad behaviors.

Cursing is NEVER allowed by anyone in the family. If you curse by accident, put yourself in time out. If your husband curses, same thing. Cursing is what people with low vocabularies use to express themselves. Intelligent people have no use for them. We made a list of words to express, surprise, disappointment and frustration.. Following this is easier said than done, but we have to learn to break bad habits.

During a quiet time, you need to have a talk with him about why he yells, hits and throws. He needs to understand he needs to use his words in a good way. He needs to be told what the rules and behaviors at school are supposed to be. Have him write them down or draw pictures of good behaviors..

You need to meet with the teachers and find out what seems to set him off at school. Is he bored? Is he behind on his learning skills? Is he frustrated by something there or at home? Is he getting enough sleep? Does he get enough active playtime, not just watching tv and playing video and computer games.. Some kids do better if they can do their classwork standing up... Maybe you could try this at home with his homework? If he does not finish his classwork, make sure it is sent home each time and that you work on it with him until it is complete.. Does he need to be evaluated by someone with behavior issues? Ask the school to have a observer watch him for a few days.

It takes a lot of work to teach children these behaviors, but they have to at least know how to behave so that then they can sit and learn at school. Do not make excuses for him. He must start to take responsibility for his behaviors. I am sending you strength..

Google "sensory integration disorder" ... if any of this sounds like your son- an occupational therapists can do wonders and make your life wonderful at home and at school. My 6 year old was this way in his 4 year old preschool class- the first time I had him in a school type setting (the kicker was that I was the director of the preschool- new job for me) when all hell began to break loose- He was persnickity as a child... had to wear certain socks and shoes... had to wear only sweat pants... certain shirts were too itchy or scratchy... as well as sheets- the list goes on. He was also a risk taker- would run and jump into, onto whatever made a fun loud noise when he slammed his body into stuff. He would have meltdowns on a daily basis- we thought they were just temper tantrums but they would last for upwards of 30 min with him yelling screaming and yes, some cursing until a lady at chuch (an OT) said, "hey why don't you come see me this week" She was his teacher in class and this was the 3rd week I had dropped him off where he was screaming about something and just would run into class and hide under the table-I had a newborn at the time and came into the classroom dragging him in holding a crying hungry newborn and I started crying when I looked into her eyes as I handed him over. She was awesome and within a few min of talking to her- a whole new world opened up for us- I can tell you that he is the picture of perfection at school these days- home can still be a challenge but I would rather have behavior in public and struggle at home than the other way around- if this is what your son is experiencing- you will be blessed by searching for help- be his advocate mommy! And hang in there if it is just a phase- this too shall pass. From a mommy of 4 to a mommy of 4 Hang in there!

My 8-year-old son(who has ADHD and Aspergers) has been acting this way at school but not so much at home since he was 4. Most schools can do a behavior assessment. They look for a pattern and make a plan to improve his behavior while keeping the other kids safe. What sets your son off or what is he try to communicate by his behavior? My son has a problem with transitions. If he's happily reading a book and then they ask him to join the circle, he gets angry. A picture schedule and a timer help him with this. He also has a system of work, work, choice to get him to do the classwork he finds boring and then a choice of a fun worksheet as a reward. When he behaves well, he gets a sticker or token so that the reward or consequence happens sooner. They try to help him use words to communicate his needs and feelings. There's a chart of what to do when you're angry (count to 10, walk away, etc.) They let him take breaks to help with deliveries in the office or work one-on-one with a teacher until he's calm enough to go back in the classroom. I don't agree with it, but they have also withheld his lunch, snacks, and water when he was sent to the office. Sometimes they call me to come calm him down or just tell him over the phone that I'm disappointed in him. We have agreed to try to avoid sending him home because that is what he wants. They will make him walk laps but not completely miss recess. At home, all it takes is a time out lying on the sofa where he feels safe. Also for my son, ADHD meds make a dramatic difference.

It sounds like he is angry and frustrated. Sit down with him and walk through the memories he has of the situation and how he feels when the things that set him off happen. Work with the school to find out if there is any suggestions for help that they can provide, and if this isn't adequate consider pulling him out and home schooling him in kindergarten and trying to send him to school next year.

Our four year old has done the behaviors you've talked about, just not at school. It helped him to have mom and dad spend lots of good attention, to be treated just like our other children and to be part of our family group...not singled out or left out. Good hugs really helped. They are still little guys and need this kind of time. His fit throwing is almost gone.

It sounds like he is frustrated with something and is perhaps afraid to talk about it. Try talking with him to find the sorce. It could be accademic meaning he's extremely gifted and nit in the propped learning environment or he could be a struggling learner . Maybe something is or has happened at school elsewhere to cause him to act out. Approach this calmly but dirrectly. Whatever the source it is important to address it with him now. He's acting out for a reason. I highly recomend a councelor as well as academic testing. A lot of highly gifted children act out because they are not in the right learning environment. Let hi
know you love him and support him and are here for him. As I'm sure you allready do.

A., I havn't read all of your responses so hope I'm not repeating. My son is 5 & he has been acting up in school. I worry everyday that I'm going to get a call. I too have taken everything away at home but that seems to work temporary. They finally suspended him & suggested I have him tested for ADD. I took him to the doctor and she said to go to the school and request an education evaluation. This is where they look to see if he has any learning disabilites. The dr. told me they would not want to do it but to stand firm & have the results sent to her. Well she was right they don't want to do it. So what they are doing is observing him in different situations to try & help me correct the behavoir. THEN they said they might do the evaluation. It's funny though since I requested this his behavoir has improved according to the teachers. Best of luck & I hope it gets better for you.

First, ask yourself what is going on at home? Is there problems between you and his dad? Is there a lot of arguing going on? Is it happening in front of him? Are his siblings treating him well? Has there been any deaths, health problems, etc incolving people in his life? Is he watching TV shows that are too mature for him? If the answer to any of these, or anything like what I've asked is yes, try changing it or helping him deal with the situation. Talk to the pediatrician or a psychologist for advice. He is little and still can't always verbalize what he is feeling, and the only way he can express it is through bad behavior. Instead of scfeaming and taking things away, try actually talking to and listening to him. Listen to him when he is playing with other kids or by himself. You can sometimes pick up clues that way. Do not curse in front of him and never allow it in your house. If all else fails, talk to the psychologist at the school.

If this is a new behavior, he may need your help in learning how to control his impulses. Does he show impulse control at home? There are children that just don't have that control. If this has been going on for more than 6 months without any new major changes at home, I would recommend talking to his pediatritian.

The other thing I would recommend is a notebook for the teachers. Give it to them, and ask for daily feedback. Is this happening in the morning? During lunch? Afternoon? All day? The teachers are your partners in this challenge. You can then take that notebook to the doctor's office, and let them read what the teachers have written.

My son was in pre-K when he began similar behavior. In kinder, it got much worse. We tried diet modification, taking toys away, time out. Nothing worked. When we took him to a psyciatrist, she read the notebook. At that point, she knew with certainty that he has ADHD. Now, in his case, he is also in the autism spectrum. The thing is, once we found the right medication, he thrived. He is still doing well, and is loving school.

This might take time to resolve. It takes patience on everyone's part to figure out what's going on. Throwing a chair is NOT normal. That is a HUGE red flag. Please, please, please take your son to his ped.

Good luck.

four kids. what number is he? He could feel like he has no controll or say in matters at home and so he is acting out in school. i suggest you take him to the pediatrition -- let him/her know your concerns. Maybe even leave the room, sometimes kids open up to others. Rather then take things away...i find that doing something physial helps get a message across too. Like having him clean out the car--not to perfection of course, or clean out a drawer.

sorry to be sexist here but this is a job for dad. have him go to the school and pull your son out of the class and really lay down the law with him. explain to your son exactly what he is at school for. when he does any of the same things infront of you (mom and dad) take it really serisouly and let him know he isnt allowed to behaive like that... give him chores to do around the house icky punishment chores like cleaning the hair out of the shower drain. find what works for him. it might take a few times for dad to go up to the school but if you fix this problem now it will be much better than trying to tangle with a 13 yr old boy.

We went through this with our 7 year old and still deal with this from time ti time. We are and were in close talks with the pedi. And with the teachers/principals, counslors and district counsler at our sons school. Get help for him from all the listed above people now while he is still young. The older he gets the harder it is. I hope you are able to get some help and answers soon. You are not alone!!

It sounds like my brother when he was younger. He was diagnosed with ADHD. It could be a case of just acting out but I don't think it would happen everyday. With my brother the doctors tried several kinds of meds. What finally worked was Adarol and Vitamin B6. Definitely check with your doctor though. It could be a behavioral problem or there may be something more like ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder). My brother is now 20 and no longer on any medication. Once he got through puberty he was able to control it. Good Luck

Beyond Time Out: From Chaos to Calm
by Beth Gosshans

This is a very emotional time for him and there may be things going on with him that you aren't aware of. No matter the cause though, no excuse for the behavior. Stay consistent with punishments - no excuses - stay consistent. But, keep researching and asking questions. Ask him tons of questions too - you'll eventually find out what's going on and help him find better ways to deal with his anger and frustration. Consider observing him in school as well - especially if you can do so without him noticing.