C.D.
My 6-year old can get bad tantrums too. I used different kinds of positive reinforcement to help her out. First off, I worked on increasing her flexibility, so when things don't go her way, she finds ways to cope, including saying things like, "Oh well!" I did a point system and initially would make her go from one fun activity to another, and she would earn points. Initially, each point was good for an M&M (you have to find reinforcers that she would like). Then I'd have her make a change to something less preferable. I'd keep increasing the difficulty of the transition, and decreasing the rewards. Now, I do a reward chart. If she can make it through a day without a tantrum she gets a sticker. A week's worth of stickers is rewarded by a special outing.
You sound like your handling her tantrums appropriately once they begin. BTW, I was taught these techniques by behaviorists who are helping me work with my child. She has Asperger's and had very similar issues as what you are dealing with (rigidity, tantrums, obsessions). You might want to consider getting her assessed. It can be hard to spot in girls. Getting the help has made a world of difference in our lives! I admit, I tend to see everything through an Asperger filter, but I do think it's much more common than people realize!
ETA: Getting a diagnosis does NOT mean your child takes meds! I found that comment another mom made very offensive. My daughter is not on meds. She has made amazing strides using the behavior modification techniques and positive reinforcement. What the diagnosis DOES give you is free help with behaviorists who know how to set up the modification programs and can teach you to do the same. It also really helps to have people involved who do not have a history with your child. I find my daughter is usually much more open to suggestions by the nice behaviorist than by me! In one years time, my daughter went from having terrible tantrums many times a day, no friends, obsessive behaviors, rigidity, etc to being a totally different girl! She's in a general ed kindergarten classroom. Her real out of control tantrums happen about once every 4 months or so. She has lots of friends at school and is very social. Her rigidity is GREATLY reduced and when it pops up, she can often calm herself down and problem solve so she doesn't tantrum. She wouldn't have made these improvements without the diagnosis. I totally have a different child now! I can't stress how fabulous this last year has been with watching her changes.
C.
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