My 6 year old son started acting out at school because he wants to play with a girl who is mean to him, he started talking trash to her.
He's very well behaved at home but at school he's fixated on that girl and acting out because of her, he's so jealous of her. On the days she plays with him he's nice and friendly but if she stop playing with him he gets so mean, please help
Thank you all for your helpful comments. The thing is the girl is mean herself but had better control of her feelings, she has been labeling him and teaching those words, my son never knew much mean name...I accepted that he has social issue and very young for his age and a therapist is helping him with that but the girls mom and the girl herself blame him on everything and the mom had been scaring him by telling him don't play with my daughter and frowning at him whenever she see him, she hated my son and is making him to react worse.
Talk to the teacher they may need to be kept apart for a while! And talk to your son and tell him that's not acceptable and that if he keeps it up there will be consequences.
my daughter is 5, there is a boy in her class that is sweet on her, yesterday she told me he said he wanted to kiss her and take her clothing off! i was upset but remained calm, dh lost his cool and was snapping off about it. i told dh that we need to start by talking to the teacher because she is the one responsible for the children at school. i talked to the teacher about it and the problem is being watched by teacher, and she also talked to the boy about whats not ok to say in school.
i suggest you talk to your son about what behavior is expected, and give him tips on what to do when the girl is not co-operating with him. you may also want to talk to the teacher so she can keep an eye out for the undesired behaviors and redirect him before something goes wrong.
Others below are right: Please talk to both the teacher and the school counselor about this issue. The teacher has the ability to keep them apart except maybe on the playground at recess, and even then, a teacher can tell two kids not to play together. He may need more supervision on the playground if he cannot leave this girl alone and if he cannot control his temper. I would not hesitate to ask the teacher specifically to keep your son and this girl apart, even if she does play nicely with him some days; he can't handle that either, if he then becomes angry on days she doesn't play.
The counselor can work with him one on one to talk about both social skills ("Just because a person says no to playing with you, that does not make that person mean"; "If someone says no to playing, what can you do next?...Find someone else to play with" and so on) and the counselor should also look into why he seems to "talk trash" and "get so mean." You should meet first with the counselor without your son there, and with his dad there if possible, so you can talk very honestly with the counselor about your son's behavior and ask the counselor to meet with him and help him learn to navigate this better. Please tell the counselor that if your son seems to have social or anger issues that need outside assessment that the school can't do, the counselor should tell you so as soon as possible.
Meanwhile, do you host play dates for your son with other kids from school? If not, I would make an effort to have some one on one play dates for him outside school but with classmates who seem to be a good fit. If he makes friends outside school, then when he sees them AT school he might be likelier to focus on them and focus less on this one girl.
One last thing: If his "getting mean" involves putting his hands on this child in any way -- not only hitting but even pushing her, nudging her out of his way, or doing things like blocking her way if she's using a swing or slide, or otherwise acting out physically -- you need to act now to help him learn to control himself, or he will get into serious trouble at school soon. I am NOT saying he's doing these things but you don't give much detail either. I just want you to know that if being mean to her includes anything physical (including standing in her way or blocking her), that needs to end immediately for his sake as well as hers.
Whatever "talking trash to her" means, you need to nip that too. Does he use cursing or call her names? Forbid all such talk at home and outside school, as well as IN school. Have a punishment for every single time he uses any trash talk; take away something he really loves (screen time or a favorite toy). If he has older siblings who trash talk or curse or call names, or if he hears parents or other relatives doing this- you need to stop that too if he is imitating others in his life!
My son was really bothered by a girl who would one day want to be his friend and wanted to play with him, but the next would be mean and didn't want to be his friend.
He was little and didn't get it. In short, she was kind of playing him. He liked her - and she for whatever reason, was doing that "I don't want to be your friend today" thing and some kids (like my little boy) didn't get it. It hurt his feelings.
He wasn't trying to be mean to her - he was upset.
So he was trying to express that - but her mom took it as my son was a bully. I don't know if it was because my son was a boy - but the little girl was viewed as an angel, whereas she was causing this drama (she was doing this with all the kids, not just my son). My son was just upset.
So as others have mentioned - just explain to your son that yes, it sucks she's nice one day and not the next. That's not the sign of a true friend and sometimes it's better to focus on kind friends. The ones who are 'easy' to play with. Who want to play without it hurting your feelings.
I'd get the teacher involved before it escalates. It's not ok for him to be mean - but you can see why he's upset and reacted. It's never ok to retaliate - but let's face it, he's six. Who gets why someone is kind one day and not the next. Hopefully there are some other nice little buds to play with.
I think you should be working with the teacher to help with whatever is going wrong at school. You can't do it from home and we certainly can't do it from here. What happens at school needs to be managed AT SCHOOL. If you feel the teacher isn't doing enough (or just needs more support) then meet with the school psychologist and/or principal and come up with a plan.
Kids get jealous over who plays with who and it takes awhile for them to see that it's ok to play with someone one day and someone else the next.
I don't care what the excuse is - mean is not acceptable.
Role play with him about what he should do if someone gets him mad/upset.
If the girl sees that you are not nice with other people - why would she want to play with you?
If you get along well with others - she'll see that and like to be with a nice person more often.
Tell him it's ok if you're the bad guy "My mom says I can't play with you if you talk like that".
Talk to the teacher about it too - she might have ways to manage this to keep him on track while he's getting better control of his impulses.
If I understand correctly, your son is acting out because the kid he wants to play with at school doesn't always want to play with him.
What is she doing that is mean to him? Declining to play isn't a mean thing by itself. He could see it that way, but he would be wrong. If he is getting upset because she is simply playing with other kids then he needs to understand that it is okay to be disappointed, but it is not okay to be mad and lash out. He is responsible for his own behavior. She is free to play with whomever she wants.
If the other child is doing something like name calling, pushing him off the slide, or other behavior that is clearly mean, then a discussion with the teacher is in order.
