My 6 Year Old Son Doesn't Want to Go to School

Do you honestly want an answer? I'd suggest homeschooling. I started with my first when he was 5 and didn't want to go...he is now about to graduate high school and he and his 3 younger siblings have thrived. They're happy, healthy, energetic, out going and extremely fun to be with. Who else can say that about 4 teenagers at one time in one home? If you want any ideas on where to go from here, I'd love to answer them! Go to hslda.org for more info.

My son occasionally had days he didn't want to go to kinder. I think it is normal at this age. I always made him go and didn't baby him. I didn't coddle him or ever let him stay home. The teacher said he usually quit crying and joined in on his own after less than 20 minutes.

Have you considered homeschooling? I was homeschooled from 7th through 12 grade, received my diploma via PA Homeschoolers (www.pahomeschoolers.com), and excelled in college (that sounds conceited, lol, the point being that homeschoolers can excel!). We're considering a trial "homeschooling year" for my 4 year old son now. One of our reasons for considering it is that I'm concerned about the bad influences he'll be exposed to without my oversight. This way I can help him to navigate and deal with tricky social situations, such as the above, and limit his exposure to bullies, etc. Plus, I believe values are conveyed in everything we do and say and I want to be the one conveying those values to him, not peers and not teachers. At least not yet. Anyway, if socialization is the concern, consider reading this article posted recently: http://www.pahomeschoolers.com/post3006.shtml

I'm sorry your son is going through this and you, too! Blessings as you make a decision for your family and help your son through this rough time. Poor little guy!

My son was like that too. We kept making him go to school though. We talked with him and so did others. It never did get better though. (Actually, in our situation it only got worse) Finally, we pulled him out and began homeschooling him. He was so relieved when we did it. I really wish we had done that when he was in Kindergarten, it would have made his life so much better. I don't think it's right for kids to have to be so miserable all day at school, if they really are having that hard of a time with it. Formal school is not for everyone. Homeschooling has plenty of opportunities for socialization too. There is a HUGE homeschooling community in Arizona. If you are home during the day, you might want to consider this option. The choices for homeschooling curriculum are endless, there are so many out there, one to fit any families needs. Our favorite is Sonlight. http://www.sonlight.com/registration-request.html
J. Powers / Author
The Truly Grain Free Cookbook; Beet and Cane Sugar Free Too!
ISBN #: 1-60563-263-5
www.freewebs.com/trulygrainfree

A.! Hang in there!! When I read this question-I knew I had to tespond, but I had asked the same one 2 years ago. I realte enteirely and so I hope I can pass on what I have learned to help you. I will cut to the chase & give the advice, then explain how I got there.You may have done 1/2 of this, & Im not trying to sound like I know exactly what to do-because I dont. I am a mom who has been there and still there.But I know you want advice, so I hope that something I say can help a bit.
1.You know him better then anyone! So follow your gut. Do you need to take him out and homeschool or is it even an option? Or Do you need to push him to go so he now you wont give in? Has he always had other anxieties? I was willing to homeschool, but with my chronic health problems and his iron-will we left it as a last option. And the school system is supposed to work for you and help you not make you feel like you are doing something wrong!
2.-Start with the school counselor and ask for a WELLNESS MEETING to meet with the teacher, the counselor, the nurse if necessary, anyone who has evaluated him and the person who handles the attendance. This way you are all on the same page! And they are aware that you are trying and not a fool & you dont need truancy class because he doesnt want to get to school.
3 -There is also probably a disctrict Psycologist and FAMILY THERAPIST. Ask the counselor for the info and ask for advice.All of the referrels take forever so start now.If you have the same problem in 1st grade, you are ahead of the game.
4-They told me to try consequences and rewards. So when he gets to school ON Time 2 days, then 3 , then 4, then 5 in a row-he gets a small reward. (whatever motivates-be it a $1, or a hot wheels car, or M&M's,etc.) Consequences would be the fight in the morning-means he gets toys or TV taken away. For every 15 monites you are late you get XYZ removed.
I personally had a hard time with this! I had a hard time disciplening him for something he so passionately hated! If he did this fighting over going to soccer for instance-I would take him out! But I couldnt because it was school!
It also didnt help! He would get to the point that he said "there is NOTHING you can take away or buy me that would make me want to go!"
BUT-the counselers thinking was that he has to understand that school is non-negotiable.So maybe it would work for you.
5.- Is he gifted and bored? Or does he need help in an area and it hasnt been identified? Does he have a hard time writing or reading? If it hurts to write then he needs therapy. So ask the teacher her oopinion and get him evaluated if he needs to be. follow your gut on that one!
6.last-we made a card with a smiley face on one side and a frown on the other. To let the teacher know if he was having a good morning or a bad morning. That way she knew if he was late because of behavior and if they were off to a good start or bad start. And she also gave him a star for a good morning and a small reward at the end of the week. that way he had something to look forward to.

I CARRIED MY SON, I brought him in his pajamas, I walked him to the counselor. I did it all. And I usually cried when I got back in the car.
My son didnt go to preschool, and I have been at home with him always. No siblings. He wasnt crazy about Kinder to start with. He was 5 the week school started, so he may have been under the age of most to begin with. I really struggled with starting him in school, but I had a lot of pressure from family to start him because he is so intelligent and well above average.
But the hatred for school never stopped. He wasnt bad in the class, but he would get frusrated and also talk too much.Then usually he would come home crying.
Then he just wouldnt go. He would hide, lock himself in his room, yell at me , throw things, never get dressed, anything to not go.
To add to it, I have rheumatoid arthrtitis and lupus, so I am chrnocally tired and achey. So when I had to fight with him, it would wear me down.
In addition-he had problems with kids in class, and especially on the bus! It was ridiculaous that a 5th grader would put deorderant on my sons face when he was in 1st grade. But the driver and school didnt want to help. I had to settle arguments with one boy who had ADD & kept yelling in my sons ear.
I drove him and picked him up. It wasnt worth it to me to have my son so upset over this. My husband insisted our son has to persavier and become strong and also push back sometimes. But we are talking little guys here! The rest will come.Its my job to teach him how to do that. We all learn to adapt eventually.
For myself-when he would start I had to remain calm and talk to him. I got much further when I would sit with him and talk about it then when I said nothing and tried to keep him moving.
I too let him stay home soemtimes thinking it would pass and becasue I just didnt have the strength.My husband was mighty angry at me.
Plus-my Joey has a terrible immune system from being preemie so he was sick all the time. Didnt help the attendance situatiuon.
I DID talk to the teacher, the counceslor,the principal, anyone! WE DID change him to another teacher. Some thought it was the fact he didnt want to leave mommy, and he thought home life was better, they also suggested something bigger was going on. The worst was that everyone, including family thought I was to blame and wasnt being hard enough on him, that I was letting him choose to stay home or go to school and I wasnt expressing the imporantance of school. So I really felt it was him and me against the world!! (Im now at the point I can tell everyone they were wrong and to F-off!)
Changing to the new class didnt help at all! And the teacher didnt let me volunteer because if he couldnt let go of me it wouldnt help. This was wrong! Seeing me at school helped him to be more comfortabe.So I did what I could at school. We did see the counselor, and there is a disctrict psycologist and FAMILY THERAPIST usually available to you.
When I got somewhere was when he was finally evaluated (I pushed and pushed) by an Occupational Therapist-because he said it hurt to cut and write and run. Also for GIFTEDNESS. The result-My son has fine motor and gross motor skill weakness. Making it hard to write,cut,catch, and balance. Further-we finally had a name for why he wigged out in certain situations:Sensory Integration Disorder. he hates load noises (the large classrooms, the lunch room) and it overwhelmed him. Next-he is very gifted. At the end of Kinder he had an IQ of 150. And gifted in all areas (math, literacy and congnetive). The lights went on! In first grade-he was in gifted one day was all that had. And started some therapy but it wasnt enough. He still hated it. I was also the VP of the PTA so I could be there more & he would go with me on the mornings I went. But otherwise I was back to carrying him.
He had anxieties aboput playing with other kids. and he preffered to talk to the teachers rather then other kids.
It got to the point that everyone just looked the other way.
Come to end of 1st grade and he qualified to be transfferd to the only school in the district that has a high-gifted program, when they go to gifted 5 days and for the area they need.
This was the last option before homeschooling. Private school was another option-but costs bunches and they are all a good drive. Do the pros and cons of homeing. It can also not work for some kids who need the socailization. You decide.And public school takes a long time to get stuff done, but they also have to help. Private schools can kick "bad" kids out.
So he is now in 2nd grade. Because he qualified, a special bus picks him and drops him off. He likes it-there are only 4 other gifted kids on it. he gets the occ. therapy to help his motor skills 2x a week, he goes to 15 hrs of gifted a week. And he is surrounded by like-mnded kids. he does have a hard time with sports.
Middle school will be another story!! BUT NOW-he has gotten in trouble for yelling in class! He gets frustrated and yells at the teacher. this is the sensory disorder, and I dont have any help with that-so I am searching. It only happens in his home room and his teacher is part of the problem. She doesnt respond to him well.My son tells me what happens in school and when he yells, not the teacher. I have a meeting with the principal about that!
I hope something I said helps (tell me that anyway because I typed a lot!).
Be his advocate. You can help and figure it out. You may cry a lot. And even fight a lot, but you know what to do. I know it takes a lot of your time, but it will pay off.

I am in Albuquerque now, but lived in Phoenix. I know the Glendale schools can be good and bad. But it sounds like you have a teacher on your side! Stick with her if you like her and she is good to your son.
I sincerly wish you the best. Please keep me updated.
-K. Burnside

Maybe you can go to school with him a couple of days & just hang out, help in is classrom so he know's your there.. Most kids don't just start acting this way unless there is a problem.. even tho children get moved away from another child doesn't mean they don't see them at some point in the day.. Maybe they are still bothering him. definately have him speak to someone even maybe the counselor at school.

My daughter is in kindergarten this year and isn't necessarily crazy about it, but doesn't dread it either. The past 2 years in preschool she was fine the first semester but after winter break she had a meltdown almost everyday for a month or two. She did finally get over it so it just might take time.

My son is 3 and in preschool and he gets so excited to go until we pull up to preschool and then he fights me and doesn't want to go. (Preschool is at his aunt's house so I know there was nothing abnormal going on it was more he just wanted to be with me.) So finally one day I let him come home with me and showed him what I did while he was at school. This included cleaning LOTS and he had to help me all day, not just during preschool time. Also when he would ask for a treat I would just say, "I am happy to give boys treats when they go to school." Needless to say this cured him of his wanting to stay home. Whenever he says that he wants to I tell him that I would love to have a helper all day and then he chooses preschool.

Maybe something like this would help. Good luck!

I love Bonnie's advice. My heart goes out to you and your son. We're having similar issues on a smaller scale. My kindergartener doesn't like school much. He doesn't dread it, but he doesn't love it, and he says his teacher yells all the time. She doesn't yell at him, but she yells at others (according to him), and that makes me sad. I don't know how much of that is just his perception either, but even so, it's the way it seems to him, and kindergarten is the introduction to formal education; it should be fun.

If I were you, I would take Bonnie's advice and see how it goes. Maybe he will open up more and you will have a better idea of where to go from there. I hope you can figure out the source of the problem and find a way to help him. You are doing a great job being there for him.

This is happening to me right now. My son is 6 and also in kindergarten. He has gotten on the bus only to run off and sit down crying refusing to get back on. One day he hid under the kitchen table crying and refusing to come out. Both times I ended up basically dragging him to the car and talking to him about how it's the law that kids have to go to school or their parents get in trouble. He did end up going into his class both times. I am biting my nails waiting for the next incident. I felt so totally helpless, desperate and unsure of myself when he did this. I was totally shocked and didn't know how to handle it at all! I threatened to take things away, which I did. He of course acted like it didn't bother him. I knew I couldn't let him stay home though because that will only reinforce the behavior.
I talked to my son's teacher and she is watching out for signs of rifts between the boys in his class. She also contacted the bus drivers, lunch room aide and recess aids to keep an eye out.
My son did tell me of several incidents on the bus that I think started this whole thing. I told the teacher about those and she is looking into it. I also told my son what to do when kids bully him and gave him ways to react. He asked me what would happen to the kids if they hit him. HIT HIM! I was shocked! I don't think that would happen, but I told him what would happen to the kid and what he should do if that happens. I think it calmed his fears.

If this flares up again I am going to talk to the school psychologist and have them counsel my son and I think you should do the same.

My son's teacher said, kindergarten is all about getting them to love learning and love school. That's the most important thing of all! I am where you are now and know how incredibly frustrated and helpless you feel! Talk to anyone you can in the school to help you and your son deal with this. Guarantee they have been through this over and over again with other kids! Best of Luck!

Talk to him about his teacher to. When I was in Kinder my teacher made fun of me in front of the whole class by telling everyone I did not know my colors. I did know then she just made me so nervous that I mixed a couple of them up. What we do when one of our kids are having "issues" is one of us takes the child to the movies and we go out to eat, .......ETC (anything really fun that they like to do). The whole day is just a fun relaxing day.. Then when there good and relaxed and it's just the one parent and child, we gently start asking questions. Like I would tell them how much fun I was having with him and then say "Hey maybe next time we should take one of your friend from school, what are the names of the kids you hang out with in school?" and then he might say I don't know (for my kids that is always code for no one wants to hang with me) so I would maybe ask what the other kids are interested in (star wars, spider man, etc.) and get him some star wars cloths or something that the kids can start a conversation over. Also my son is in kinder and he is in a boy scouts. This way he gets to meet kids from his school and other kids as well. When my son has friends at school he can not wait to get to school to play with the kids. Also my son had some problems with a kid to. It really bothered him at first. My husband challenged him to get to know the boy better. Find out why the child did not like him and maybe find a common ground with him. I did not think it was going to work and wanted to tell the teacher. My husband insisted that it is best for the kids to work these things out themselves. The boys are not the best of friends, but it did work and they are no longer enemies. Good luck with everything. I hope things work out.

You are the parent and he is the child some time kid enjoy playing game and love living off of how well you react on certin things. Listen to him and then tell him you will make sure the teacher get a special message about him and when he comes home you and him can go over it.In the mean time ""You are going to school ""Your six year old is very clever and knows how to watch you and how you react. Sign J. I have a six year old too

My heart goes out to your little boy! Poor guy! You didn't mention if these boys are still bothering him at school like during recess or something. Has he said what's going on at school that he is afraid to go? His behavior sounds like he is afraid to go, and not so much that he wants to stay home with Mommy? I'm not sure what advice to give but if he is still having problems at school with any other children, maybe you can go talk to his teacher and ask her what she has observed, what advice she can give or how she can help. A Mom friend of mine had a similar situation with her daughter in 2nd grade and I'll never forget it because her daughter was so fearful but wouldn't say why at first. Turned out it was the teacher she was afraid of because she yelled fiercely at the kids a lot (she was fired after only having been there for the one year because she was so harsh. She belonged with Highschool students, not 2nd graders!). I'm not suggesting that is what is going on with your son, but I remember the Mom saying she was shocked when she found out what was really going on since she started to get annoyed and frustrated thinking her daughter was just wanting to stay home from school. Continue to give your guy LOTS of love and support during this time! Sounds like he really needs you. Best of luck!

Have you found out if these boys are bothering him at recess too? Is he being bullied ? Or , maybe just having a hard time making friends? Do you have the opportunity/ time to volunteer in the classroom? That way you can see for yourself what is going on as well as getting to know the kids in the classroom better. It is eye opening. I know many teachers can really use the extra help too. You don't say if your son is like this leaving him other places (a friends house, etc) or just school. Maybe a good incentive for him to go to school would be an extra curricular activity (soccer, tae kwon do, etc.) and it may also give him more confidence and help with making friends.

send your kid to a different school!

Updated

i would be horrified if this happened and i started to think it was going to happen with my kid. i gave it some time and my son was ok after a while. it was just a weird stage. oddly enough, i wonder if he felt my energy cause i was also wondering about if this school was a good fit for him. now that i've let go, so has he, but follow your mom instincts. if your son is petrified of going to school something is going on and going to a therapist isn't the answer, getting him in a new class, new teacher, new school can make all the difference.

First of all, I'm really sorry to hear this. How do you feel when you drop your son off at school? Do you feel comfortable? I've been a full time Preschool Teacher for the last 7 years and the school where I taught has K-5th grade as well. I've seen many children go off from Pre-k to Kindergarten in public school, and some of them also react to a larger group of children in the public schools pretty badly. Also, and I don't like to say this, but there could also be something going on there that he's not ready to express to you. I would look into seeing if he can either move into a different Kindergarten class, or even a new school all together. Good luck!

Last year, I remember the teachers in K saying that after winter break was like the first day of school all over again. Hard to get back to the routine.
If you think it's something more (a bully, someone bothering him, etc.) then, as the pp mentioned, maybe talking to a third party would help. The guidance counselor or a grandma or grandpap?
O. of the kids in my son's school was like that this year (1st gr) and the teacher used to come out to the car and practically drag him to his class. Once he was there it was fine. Seems he was having anxiety about leaving mom. Hard as it was, they just kept taking him/dragging him and he got to the point where he would go. Sorry--I know this is very hard to watch and when they are pleading to stay home & so upset...I'm going through this to a lesser degree with my 1st grader not wanting to ride the morning bus. Good luck!

hi i to am havin a huge problem but mine is more havin anger issuses lineing up behind it has adhd and bi polar and depression yes he also is 6 and is in kinder. it has gotten so bad ive called the cops on him the last 3 days just to get im to school. ive got him startin meds for his mental issuses but havin a problem with that too. also hes is startin theripy next week. im at a lose to hun i really dont knnow what to do and also is hurtin or family and things between my hubby and i . i hope and pray all well for you and your family email me stay in touch ____@____.com bye

I am not sure how to help you, but I can tell you a lot of people suffer from social anxiety - I do and I have since my fist day in daycare and continued into school and college. Is he good in crowds or around stangers maybe he is just plain scared, something like those 2 boys may have creeped him out. I agree with the previous answer, talk to your son, but casually. See what he likes about the school.
I would suggest to pick up a book about School and read and see what he mentions. It might help him, or even book about bullies, that is a topic that is more and more on the front pages. Give your son the confidence to walk in there, even if it's to pretend that he is Superman for that day. Try www.SuperNanny.com maybe there are some good tips. I hope this helps you and your family tackle this.

Talk to the teacher see whats going on. You can also go to the school and check on him.. The school will also let you sit in the classroom to see how your child is doing, you can also do that if you feel its neccessary. I wish you good luck.