Ok, this is kind of a long thing so sorry about that. My daughter is 6 and in the 1st grade. Lately she has been saying she doesnt feel well and that basically everything hurts. About 2 weeks ago the school called and said that Holly didnt feel well, she wasnt running a temp. but they thought that I should pick her up. I did well we got home and she acted pretty much fine and I made her lay on the couch and her bed the whole time and told her if she was too sick to stay at school she didnt need to be running around and playing. She still said that she didnt feel well that her throat, stomach, head, and back hurt. Also her private (she has had many urinary problems in her life last year was rough and we had to have a ton of testing done including the cath/dye vcug i think it was called, she gets uti's frequently and had to see a specialist about 2 hours away). Well I thought she was fine but not wanting to take any chances since she has a history of urinary problems and most of us women can agree it is nothing a child should go through, I took her to the doctor. She (her doctor) did a full exam from head to toe with all the testing. NOTHING!!!! The doctor did agree that she wasnt acting herself. I spoke with the teacher to see if there was anything going on, nothing she said that my daughter seemed to be really popular and didnt seem to be having any peer problems that she could see and that she did excellent work. I talked to my daughter she said she really didnt feel good, (honestly she does poor on the drama and i thought it was played up) there was a girl that was saying she didnt like her but i talked to her about it and asked if she thought it was really a big deal if a few people said they didnt like her since the school had a lot of kids, she agreed that it didnt and it seemed to help. well yesterday the school called again, she again said she didnt feel well. i had her stay the rest of the day since i called back in an hour (i was gonna go get her) but the teacher said she hadnt said anything else about it and seemed to be doing fine. i talked to the doctor and will be taking her in here in a little while to see if there is anything wrong. If there is nothing wrong i dont know what i am gonna do. I think she is a little young to be faking illness to get out of school. the only thing i can possibly think is going on is that she is jealous that her little sister stays with me all day while she is at school and she thinks she is missing out on something. I assure her she is not and try to do things just her and i but it is hard with my husband working so much and so hard so that i am able to stay home with the kids, I have no family here to help. and honestly getting his family to help is like pulling teeth yea they agree on what i should do and that i need help and come up with ideas but when it comes down to them watching them they suddenly got so much going on that they cant, or their tone just makes you wanna say forget it i hate to be a bother to you. anyways i dont know if any of you can give me some advise or have been through this and have some helpful words of encouragement.
ok so we went to the doc and again nothing, so i had to sit down and have a talk with her b4 she went back to school. i asked why she didnt want to go to school and kept tring to come home. tearfully from her she said that she didnt like going to school cause her sister got to stay home and get all of my love and attention. also she keeps getting teased by one girl, i responded to that by asking if it really mattered what the girl said, she said not really, so then i said then dont worry about it. as for the other i got teary and responded to her telling her that her sister could never get all my love because there was so much of my love that belonged to her alone. also that if she needed to talk to me and/or really wanted some mommy and her time that she needed to come to me and tell me not exagerate(sp?) or make stuff up to try to get it. so we made a pact for both of us to work on things. my biggest problem now is finding someone to watch the youngest every now and then so we can spend quality time together.
I think you should definately let someone know that a child at school is bothering her. That alone can make a child miserable at school and not want to go. There is a no bully law now and it is a very big deal that someone is teasing her. The child should be stopped . I would go to her teacher . No child should have to go to school and be picked on.
Going to school can be stressful, and that may well be part of the reason your child is complaining of pain/ illness, but the fact that your daughter is having UTI's is a red flag that there is something physical going on. What M.D.'s often don't detect (because they are trained in pathology and treating it with pharmaceuticals and not trained in nutrition) is that recurring infection - most often ears and urinary tracts - in childhood is most likely connected to food sensitivities/ allergies. The immune system is very closely associated with the digestive system. When the body is routinely ingesting something it is sensitive/ allergic to, it reacts with the immune system, treating it as an enemy, as it would a bad bacteria or virus. Not only does this leave the immune system weakened, allowing chronic infections to develop, but the response to the allergen looks like illness, i.e. runny nose, and nonspecific pains. My advice is to consult a nutritionist or an M.D. who knows something about food allergies and is willing to test for them, or to get a good book about food sensitivities and experiment with removing the most common allergens from your daughter's diet to see if there's a change in the occurrence of chronic infection. The most common food allergies are milk, wheat, corn, etc. Good luck and God bless.
C. at Loving Hands Family Child Care
Ok, I know this is a little late...
We have been going through the same things. I have 4 children and one of my daughters is 6 years old (almost 7) and in the first grade as well. I think this is fairly common. My son went through this in first grade last year too. 1st grade is a huge transition from kindergarten. More responsibility and expectations put upon them from the teachers.
She will wake up with "headaches". Well, it is really hard to tell if she is faking or not with a headache.
We were at the ped.'s office yesterday with my 2 year old and her cold and I asked about this. He said in there household there are certain criteria you have to meet in order to stay home. I liked it and will follow this at my house too.
1. You must be pooping your brains out (diarrhea)
2. You must be vomiting and an adult see the vomit.
3. You must have a fever of over 100 degrees.
I liked this and am adopting it. If they get better through the day "magically" take them straight to school. A friend of mine sometimes calls the sickness "yellow fever" b/c they are only sick until the yellow school bus passes the house!
Hope some of this helps.
I don't know if this will be of any help. I am also a mother to a 6 yr old in 1st grade. She goes through moments when she says her stomach hurts, legs hurt, and she says she feels "throw up" in her mouth (a burning sensation). I really think that it's all the hormones and stress that their bodies are gowing through. I know my daughter goes through sprurts where certian parts of the body hurt. In kindergarten she would say her lags and arms hurt alot. I talked to a neighbor of mine who was a kindergarten teacher, and she said that almost ALL of her kids would come to her and say this!! It's like "growing pains". If a kid is stressed, it really can manifest physically. Sick stomach, throwing up, headaches, anxiety (which can produce panic and anxiety attacks). Adults can have trouble handling these things, just think what it's like for kids. This might not be what your little girl is going through...but it might be. I remember when I was 6 I had a nervous stomach and it really did hurt and I would physically get sick.
Hi J.
To me it sounds like she may be a little jealous and trying desperately to find a way to stay home with you. By doing this she is getting your full on attention, exactly what she wants. If you have had her checked numerous times by the Dr then I would fair to say that she is ok. I would try not responding to it. Its gonna be hard cause you have been, but you need to let her know that this is not the way to get your attention. Hope this helps...
C.
When I was little I had the same problem, and actually still do to this day. I would complain that I had pain when I had to urinate. My mother took me to several doctors and also to the hospital for tests, nothing ever came up wrong, and then one day a doctor told my mom that my problem is stress related. Whenever I am especially stressed, it hurts to urinate. I still react this way but only when I am extremely stressed such as a job change or when I found out I was pregnant. It doesn't even have to be bad stress it can be good. When I was young it would be going to my grandmother's house, her and my grandfather argued all of the time and so everytime I had to go over there I would start having trouble urinating.
This could be your daughter's problem as well. Please don't be to hard on her when she says that she has this problem, because it really does hurt, just like a UTI. The one thing that I found helped me when I have this problem, is to draw a warm bath and relax in the warm water for a little while. I would definately say that the child at school is really bothering her, she probably doesn't want to let you know how much.
yay! i'm glad she finally told you the issue! good luck, sounds like your a good mommy.
I know this is a little late, but I read your result note, and I just wanted to tell you about this book I got from through the Scholastic Book Club, it's called "A Pocket full of Kisses" by Audrey Penn, it is a little sequel to "The Kissing Hand". It nearly made me cry! I talks about how the Mother could never run out of love or kisses for either child (or raccoon in this case!) My daughter just loves it! And now out of no where she will ask for a "kissing hand" and I think it's when she's feeling a little left out! She is also in Kindergarten while little brother (2 1/2) is at home with me 3 days a week! Also another thing you may concider is a mothers' day out program for the little one, it will give you time to yourself and little one will go to school too - just like big sister does! My little one loves going to his school and sissy thinks it's cool! And now I can go with her on field trips and visit her at lunch without her little brother!!
This is kinda embarassing but I did the same thing when i was little. I used to say i hurt b/c i didn't wanna go to school. My mom finally got fed up and had me tested for allergies. Suprise to me i was allergic to cigarette smoke,grass,cats,and dust(all of which we had in out house,except the grass).So going thru that stick test for allergies was kinda my punishment for tellin a story but turns out i wasn't tellin one after all!lol Maybe she's got allergies? I dunno if this helps but it brought back memories:)
hey J., I have an idea for someone to watch the youngest, let your husband do it...that way he will either do it and have fun..gives him time with her or he will make sure his family steps in as they should have already done..good luck
Hi J.,
I am a behavior analyst and this sounds like and escape avoidance behavior. She is either trying to get out of something or escape something. School maybe. If the doctor has ruled out every possible illnes known to man I would take her in to have her evaluated by a social worker to see if they can pin point what it is she is avoiding. The school should have a social worker avialble to provide this for you. This definanatly sounds like a behaivoral issue. I have a one year old and work currently with adults in the DD MR system. You can email me if you would like more information. I can send you to websites etc to help you replace this behaivor.
Thanks!
I understand your delimma in not having family around to help out and it is often hard to make friends when you are busy with two kids!
Here is one idea, we have some friends who have two children. When the second child was born the mom arranged to have "sneak aways" with the oldest child. Basically on a Saturday, Sunday or sometime when dad was home, she and the oldest child would "sneak away" to McDonalds or the Library - just something fun to do for just a little while. Not only was the name fun for the child, but knowing that she would have that special time alone with her mom really helped. Good luck!
My five year old in Kindergarten started doing that. He would say his stomach hurt to get me to let him stay home. The first day I told him he needed to try to go to school, but if it persisted then I would come get him. Sure enough two hours later his teacher called me to come get him. Ten minutes after coming home he was perfectly fine, wanting to play with his sister. The next day he tried it again, but I told him and his teacher that unless he has a fever or is throwing up he needs to stay at school. It was only his second week of school, so I understood what it was about. I just felt so bad though because what if there was another underlying problem other than just wanting to be home with me. But I did some digging and it wasn't. I still felt bad though, he's my baby. I'm glad to hear things are working out for you.
