Kindergartener Always Late for School - How to Teach Responsibility?

Hi!
There is a book titled "1-2-3 Magic" (not literal magic, but it works so well you will think it is)! Lol! -It has worked beautifully for my child! There are cds available also.
Good Luck,
~M.

My son is also a kindergartner and I had to get tough with him. He has gone to school in pjs and that only happened once. The other kids asked himn why he was in pj's and he had to tell them he was plyaing and not getting dressed. Now he is still slow but he gets dressed. He has also gone without breakfast a couple of times because he has been playing. I know this sounds mean but it worked for him. Now he knows that if he plays around, he won't get all the things done in the morning.

Hi W., I'm a 2'nd grade teacher, and have raised 2 daughters to teenage/adult. I was having the same problem with my oldest daughter when she was in 1st grade. A little motivation,(like the doughnuts), is o.k., but it has to be attached to something more concrete at the moment that the problem is occuring...I had my daughters outfit,underwear,
shoes etc. on the foot of her bed so they were very easy for her to access. I had a robe and a bag nearby the clothing she was to put on for school. She was told she had 6 minutes to be dressed (of course I would help with any shoe tying, buttons or zippers after clothes were on). Then I set a wind-up timer for about 6-8 minutes. She was told if her clothes, socks and shoes were not on, I would put the robe on her with her remaining clothes in the paper/plastic bag. We would go to the school office, and she would finish dressing in the nurse's office because we had to stay on our time schedule.
This needs to be presented or said in a very calm, but stern manner, and to be believeable. This worked very well, and we never had to go to the office for her to go into the nurse or secretary to get dressed for class !! If it did happen that she did not finish in a timely manner, it would be extremely important to follow through with the consequence...right ???
P.S. Maybe you could tell your child that after 1 week of doing this correctly, you will take him out with you for doughnuts and chocolate milk. What could be better than spending some time with mom and having your doughnuts too ??
Hope some of these ideas help ! K. B

Yep, my Kindergarten daughter has a major case of the slows! What I decided to do was go back to the basics - when she used to act up as a preschooler, my answer was always to put her to bed sooner so she'd be better rested in the morning (and therefore less difficult). So... I made this deal with her early on this year that if she could not pull herself together in time to go to school in the morning, I'd just have to move her bedtime back from 8:30 to 8. After a few nights of that, I saw a remarkable improvement. (Not because she's necessarily better rested, but because she doesn't want to go to bed at 7:30!) Whenever she starts to regress, I move bedtime back half an hour for a while. As I tell her, if she is well-rested, SURELY she will be able to get herself moving in the morning... right?

The other thing I have done on days when she is REALLY slow, is to go put her little sister in the car, start the car... and she'll come tearing out of the house yelling, "WAIT MOMMY WAIT!" I have seriously taken them to school with my older daughter's hair and teeth unbrushed. But I tell her, if anybody comments on her rat's nest of hair or her stinky breath, she has nobody but herself to blame! (Somehow peer pressure seems to work really well on my daughter - she seems to care a lot what her friends think.) I've told my daughter's teacher that this is what I'm doing, so she backs me up by saying to my daughter, "Oh, my! What happened to your hair this morning? And are your teeth (gasp!) GREEN?"

I don't know if either of these tactics will work for you, but it's worth a shot. I think kids do this because it gets us moms so mad and gets them lots of attention (albeit negative attention). So I've tried very hard to make this behavior about HER, and not what reaction she's going to get from me. For what it's worth, she seems to have improved some over the past couple of months, although it's still something of a struggle for us.

(I would totally disagree with physical harrasement of a FIVE year old!) Hitting a child only teaches them that it's okay to hurt someone smaller than himself.
I don't want to laugh, but it sounds like me when I was little, and my mom all her life, and my daughter and one of my sons. I wasn't disobedient, I was distracted! Without suggesting a diagnosis because I'm not a doctor, read some books about ADD (not ADHD) by Hallowell. I laughed so hard I cried in some sections because it described me so well.
When you described the spouse totally absorbed in his work, that can describe ADD as well. Although it may drive you crazy, (as I still have a hard time not getting after my kids when they're slow) recognize that everyone learns differently, and when you're used to "traditional" learning, it's hard to realize what that means to your wonderful child. I'm actually starting home schooling my kids next year because I'm very disenchanted with public school. Staying ON TASK is ALWAYS VERY VERY LABORIOUS!!! Just like WAITING for your son is LABORIOUS for you! I even got sent to the principal's office IN KINdERGARTEN for being late to school so much. I always had piles of unfinished work in first grade, and was the last one done-if I finished-on simple, duplicated art work. I tend to get VERY excited about new ideas, then lose interest quickly. Getting sidetracked is totally easy. My first son could get ready for Kindergarten completely by himself. Now, 2 of my 4 kids are like that, and the other two are very slow. It's not about disobeying! It's NOT about being LAZY, it's NOT about being stupid!
To help him get ready, set a timer to beat the clock. Walk him through each task showing him, then gently physically guiding him, then verbally guiding him, praising him all the while.
Also, check out flylady.com and look for "the house fairy" and see if any of that may help him and you.

When my daughter was in Preschool then Kindergarten then higher grsades... I have these same challenges. Even as a 3rd grader she is very slow moving. I have learned to allow lots of time for her. She picks out clothes the night before and has to get dressed before breakfast, including brushing hair. After eating (15-30 minutes depending on her mood) she has 25 minutes to put on shoes and grab her backpack. There have been 3 days that she was tardy THIS YEAR because it took longer. She is just a slow mover in the morning- she doesn't hit the ground running. She is responsible with possesions- never looses anything, and can save her money for months before she spends it, but time is a whole other challenge. Good luck! ~S.

W.,

My children also have difficulty in the morning. So, I set up a visual chart of their morning and evening duties. (Morning - Get Dressed, Make Bed, Brush Teeth, Brush Hair, Put PJs Away) (Evening - Shower, PJs, Brush Teeth, Pick Out Clothes, Dirty Laundry in Hamper) The biggest help to me is their laying out of clothes the night before. This way they do not have to try to pick them out in the morning. Also, the chart helps to keep them on track of what they have to do.

Then, if they have a good week, they can earn treats like a piece of candy (starburst, dumdum, etc), dollar for their piggy bank, or buy lunch at school. Different levels for amount of success.

I hope this helps.

D.

Dear W.,
I, too, have a kindergartener who is a bit of a slowpoke. I empathize with your frustration. For me, this was a case of "choosing my battles." It was simply not worth the time, energy, frustration, and stress that went on every morning with "encouraging" her to get ready on time. She would also "shut down" and hide somewhere after the 4th time I told her to get on her shoes right now! This is, I have read, very normal behavior for a child of this age.
I highly recommend laying out clothes the night before, along with the backpack/snack/lunch for your sake. My child likes to read too, so I dress her while she is reading (well, she has to stop for a moment) so that she associates getting dressed with a pleasurable activity. I do not hassle her about it, but I do make comments at times such as, "when you are ready, you can do this yourself--won't that be great for you!" and "some day you can choose what you want to wear and put it on yourself, won't that be cool!" etc. She is coming around and now wants to do her socks and shoes herself. We are on time and I am not exhausted and tired of hearing myself talk by 9 am. This is what works for me. Sometimes these exceptional kids just have a different focus, and getting dressed is just not important or interesting to them at this age. It will happen. My advice is to focus on all of his other wonderful accomplishments and let this one issue go for now. He is only 5, and this is a huge transition for him to go from preschooler to kindergartener, being at school most of the day, following rules, adjusting to a new social life, not having his mommy there, having a schedule, etc, etc.
And, kids are just like us adults when it comes to nagging---most of them are not motivated to change when they are being nagged/constantly reminded, right?!?!!? (Not that you are nagging, but you see what I mean?) A little less pressure, and it will come about in due time, I'll bet. As for the teaching responsibility question, I feel like the best way to do that is to be a role model, yourself, for responsibility--point out to him every morning that you are on time because "we" got dresssed, had breakfast & got out the door right on schedule--good for "us!" Same goes with being on time with other events; birthday parties, church, whatever. It will sink in.

Very best wishes to you on this one.
Take care,
L. O.

Hi W.,
as you've already heard from other's - this is not an uncommon problem. Some of it the personality of the child and some is the fault of the fast paced, highly packed, society in which we live.

I would recommend two books for you:
Positive Discipline by Jane Nelsen and
Rasing Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka

They have helped me a lot. Positive Discipline outlines what is really happening when kids "act out" and the benefits of natural consequences. Raising Your Spirited Child provides a look at different personality types and how to help them adjust to the world around them. I think it is beneficial even if your child doesn't qualify as "spirited".

Our son only had to exprience once or twice going to school as he was with his clothes in a bag to change his way (even though his dad actually let him dress in the car and not go in that way). We also set up a routine where he chooses his clothes the night before and has them ready. School back pack is ready and anything that needs to be prepared for afterschool activity.

Reinforce that if he is ready early then he can have reading/play time. You will probably need to check on him regularly and it can be incredibly frustrating. He is still young and it will probably take quite some time to develop the skills but allowing him to do what he is capable of doing is helping him grow and develop. (That is not to say you should never help your child just that you save it for the times you'd help anyone else - hands full, overloaded, over tired, unwell, etc.)

I have also resorted (as a logical consequence) to removing the distraction (toy or book) on a temporary basis. I have also discussed my own personal experience with my son. I too love reading and know how hard it is to put a good book down and not to pick it up again until I've completed my work. I discuss how I appoach this issue for myself though I do not tell him he has to do the same, I let him find his own way. I also reinforce that I am pleased he likes to read and that I do not want him to give that up. The issue is finding a routine that works for him to be on time.

Agan, I recommend the books above. Take heart and exercise patience (even though it is oh so hard).

K.

Your son must be soul twin to my son. He is in second grade and still has the same trouble. My son does have ADD though also bright and a good reader.
I think helping out in his class is the best thing you can do because you get to talk to other moms and see how other kids react. Helps you to gage how your son is doing. That said, every kid develops certain skills at different rates but I don't think it is an indicator of life long trouble.
Last year, I made a chart that was a race track. I made a car that had pit stops and every time he completed a task, he moved the car. (brush teeth, get dressed etc.) If he could get the car all the way around the track ever day of the week, he could A. watch cartoons each day he did it and B. earn a prize from a basket. Some of the prizes were dollar store toys but some were extra time to read, stay up and watch t.v.
I also decided that I don't like the morning fight so I get as much ready as possible. I still lay out his clothes, put toothpaste on his brush, my husband makes his breakfast. He gets his own backpack read the night before. My son also gets ready in my room so that I can verbally guide him and make sure he stays on task and still get ready myself.
Hope thishelps. I know how frustrating it is.

When my sons were that age, I would set a timer to get us out of the door that morning. The rules were simple: when the timer went off, you left the house. It din't matter how you were dressed or not dressed, what you had or didn't have. When the timer went off, you left.

This resulted in a my sons going to school half-dressed a few times or without shoes or without breakfast or whatever. It meant that my middle son went to school in his pajamas on PICTURE DAY! And it meant that I left for school with only one shoe on once. And it meant that my eldest son dashed out the door with only a handful of ceral (literally, a hand full of cereal) for breakfast once.

But they learned that the timer meant business and they learned to get ready to go (so did I: it was snowing the day that I left with only one shoe on!). Now we have no problems getting out the door!

You might end up tweaking this a little bit like setting two timers. One would be the time-to-go-timer while the other would be the 5-minute-warning-timer.

Remember the cardinal rules of behavior. First, every behavior has a meaning or is done for some purpose. Second, every repeated behavior has an award attached to it. In your son's life, this first rule means that he is trying to communicate something to you with his chronic lateness. Maybe he wants more responsibility in the morning. Maybe he hates school. Maybe he's afraid of seperating from you.

The second rule means that this current set of behaviors is rewarding to him in some way. It might not be something that you would consider rewarding but it is rewarding to him. Maybe he likes having you chase after him. Maybe he wants to read. Who knows?

So consider what he might be trying to communicate thru the delay and then figure out why he might find the games you two play rewarding. Then remove the reward.

you take him to school on time in his pajama's, dressed or not. that will work depending on whether or not he will care if he is in his pj's. usually the peer pressure will do the trick. i was a preschool/k teacher for a few years and i saw that usually work. good luck!

If postive reinforcement hasn't worked maybe it is time to try a different route. Send him to school in his PJ's & without breakfast. I know it sounds harsh but it might just be the kick he needs. You can also just let him be late a few times. I know at my son's schools if they have too many tardies they get sent to the principal's office. You can also tell him that if he doesn't get dressed and eat in the amount of time you've given him then he'll have to get up even earlier the next day which may mean going to bed earlier. I tell my kids my job is to get them to school on time but their job is to be ready to go out the door at 8am.

Is slow a common trait of an oldest child? Mine was that way, and still is at 19. (My youngest does everything at the speed of light.) Don't necessarily expect it to change, and you will be the happier for it. Try the things Catherine suggested; if you okay it with the teacher you can have them show up half-dressed, no shoes, whatever. But if he remains slow, try not to get too frustrated about it. There is a limit to what you can change in these little creatures. He WILL get by in life if he's slow.

My 6 yr old son has trouble with multi-tasking. I have to give him instructions one step at a time & use a timer.
For example:
"Okay, first it's time to get dressed. You have 5 minutes."
Set the timer. Once that is done then you say...
"Next you need to sit at the table & eat. You have 15 minutes."
And so on. This works in a couple of ways. First there is no confusion as to what you want your son to do. Secondly, he gets a sense of time, which he will learn more about as a first grader. And last, if he is not done when the buzzer goes off, TOUGH. Move on to the next step. Even if that means he goes to school without breakfast or PJ's still on.

Or maybe it's as simple as waking him up earlier. Good Luck.

My son is in preschool, but we have the same problems. What works with him is I tell him what needs to be done, (get dressed for example) and I walk away. I come back 3 minutes later and check on his progress. If he hasn't made any progress I give him one warning stating I will be back in 5 minutes, if he isn't completely dressed, he will be losing a priviledge (I usually take away his bike since he loves his bike, but sometimes it is tv time or whatever). My son is not very motivated by receiving extra things, but the thought of losing something works wonders for him. I use this same procedure for anything that needs to get done under a time constraint and it has kept me sane. I don't have to resort to yelling since it is his choice, and I make that clear. I tell him, you can choose to get dressed and keep all your priviledges, or you can choose to play and lose something, your choice. He has been much more cooperative since we starting doing this. Anyways, hope this helps. My son can make the walk to the car take 10 minutes if I let him, inspecting every blade of grass along the way, so I can totally relate. I have been trying to slow down and see life through his perspective, and that has helped a lot, but sometimes you've got to keep to a schedule, and that can be so hard with a child like him.

Who says he has to get dressed before he leaves the house. Show him on the clock what time your car will be leaving. (use a sticky note or something to mark where the minute hand will be) explain to him what he should do before the car leaves. Remind him every 15 minutes, then 5 minutes of how much time he has left. When he gets down to 5 minutes ask him if he plans on getting dressed at home or at school. When it is time for the car to leave put his clothes in a plastic bag and take it to the car. As you do this say something like "I see you are not dressed yet. Don't worry, you will still be at school on time. It's not a problem".
Stay very calm. Kid's like to push buttons and when they see that it isn't bothering you any and it is only a problem for themselves, they will fix it on their own.
Then gather him and his school stuff up and put him in the car. This could be very embarrassing for him, but it will only happen once.
My friend tried this with her daughter. Her daughter was dressed by the time my friend had the car loaded with school stuff and the little sister.
A few months ago my 3 year old son waited to get dressed in the shopping cart at Costco. A couple days later he got dressed in the car while I was letting the dog out. Since then he gets dressed as soon as he gets up, even on Sunday when I don't require him to dress until later in the morning so he can just put his church clothes on.

What is often unclear to children about a task is the "when." Use a timer, and if he "beats the clock" he gets a small reward, or a star on his chart towards a larger reward.
Also, slowness can be attributed to where one's attention is. My daughter used to take ten minutes to tie her shoes because she was gazing around and watching everything, and although her fingers were working on the laces the task took her FOREVER. I began to remind her daily to "look at your shoes," when she needed to tie them, and she would finish in 30 seconds. It took about a month of reminding her everyday to develop this habit, but it "took" and that problem was solved. It CAN be so frustrating!
I'd also look at the pace you and his father set. I was always slow moving in the morning, and (no surprise) my daughter was too. Changing your pace might change his.
Finally, you might just have to be right there with him for a while yet. Be completely ready for the day yourself before he gets up so that you can give him all your attention. If you give your FULL attention to helping him through his tasks, and don't allow him to wander off, he will finish on time. It may take more of your time, but it will be less frustrating for you because you won't be conflicted (constantly stopping what you are doing to go search for him). Maybe he senses that you are distracted and this is his way of getting attention from you. Being with him when he dresses, etc will give him the time he wants with you in a positive way. A minute of your undivided attention goes a long way.
Setting out the clothing the night before is an excellent idea, and it made a huge difference for my daughter. Not only does it save time (and decision making, which can also take time), but it sets the "intention" for the next day. When your child "sleeps on it" [the intention/expectation of getting dressed for school] he will be more ready to follow through. If he will help select his clothes with you, that's even better!
I think that it will get better as he grows older. I did with my daughter. Good luck!

Sometimes if you make things into a game, a child will respond better. I used to set out a timer for my son and say, "Let's see if you can get your pants on in 10 seconds." "Now, let's see if you can get your shirt on in 8 seconds." Or, "Before you put your socks on, you need to hop on 1 leg 3 times." Doing these "active" things will surely wake up your child. And, your child may just look forward to getting dressed each morning.

As my son got older, he wanted to play video games before school. I would tell him that if he was completely dressed, was able to eat all his breakfast, and had brushed his teeth by X o'clock, then he could play for 15 minutes. Sometimes, a little extra incentive helps!

Good luck!

I have a kindergartner with the same behavior. These are the things that have helped me:

A routine chart that the child helps you create. This can be either you writing, them drawing a picture, you could take pictures of him doing the things on the chart. Make the chart more specific than the one you did.

Do not nag. Just say "What's next on your routine chart?" Stay out of it. Make sure he knows how to do all the things on the chart by himself.

In a family meeting, let him know what you will do. I will be at the door at 8:00, can you meet me there? Or, "I will be in the car at 8:00, I hope we will be going out together."

Set a timer for the last 5 minutes so that he knows that's when he needs to be getting his shoes, jacket, backpack.

Definately, let him pick his clothes out the night before.

Get him up a little earlier so that you can use the incentive that after he is all ready, he will have time to play.

Use the school bell as the motivator to make it on time. "Can we beat the bell today?"

Children like the attention they receive for dawdling. This will work some of the time. You may have to continue to monitor and talk about how it's going in a family meeting. Be sure to encourage him when he makes it to school on time. Ask him how he feels to be on time and not rushed. My daughter hates to feel pressure.

Hope this helps. I like the books on Positive Discipline by Jane Nelson.