My 5Yr Old Daughter Was Kissed on the Bus

Okay you watch Law and order SVU maybe his mom watches Sex In The City.
I would be concerned only because my daughter was grabbed on her boobs in 3rd grade and it continued for a year until I found out about it and filed a police report and then signed my kids and me up for Tae Kwon Do.

I would call the bus company and speak to a supervisor and ask that the driver keep her in the front seat and keep an eye on her and the little boy. He may just like her and think it's okay behavior. He may think of her as a baby sister and gave her a brotherly kiss. Ask that the driver call you at the end of the week and let you know what he(she) observed. You can call the princpal at the school but that may open a whole can of worms, needlessly. If the driver sees anything else then step in and speak to the princepal. I wouldn't talk to the boy's parents, I would let the princepal or school counselor handle that.

Over reacting.

She is 5. She is not a lose woman.
I remember being kissed at about 6, I was in a Church summer day camp.
It meant nothing.

Just remind her we do not kiss boys, because it is not good manners and there are lots of germs in our mouths that we do not want to share. That is a as far as you need to go at this age.

Lighten up!

At your daughter's age - and at the age of the little boy - there is no ill intent. Just instruct her that kissing is best reserved for more appropriate occasions.

As an example, my son's kindergarten teacher informed me that my then five-year-old son kissed a little girl in his class. The little girl was scandalized and the event caused quite a stir. When I talked to my son about it, his response was that he really liked her and just wanted to give her a kiss. It was very innocent. Just as a note, we were very huggy and kissy in our family, and he was clearly expressing affection to her as we would to him. At that age, he - and the girl - had no concept of sexual intimacy. We took the time to teach him that he could not be affectionate in that manner to people outside the family. It was a learning experience for him. He has grown up to be a very courteous, kind, caring, young man who has a wonderful family. I presume the little girl has done the same.

As a culture, we have sexualized affection to the point of idiocy. Don't fall for that. Your daughter is not damaged or being bad, and neither is the little boy. You just need to teach them appropriate boundaries.

Hi E., I've got a story you'll like.

As I remember it, and as my mom tells me about it, I was kissed by a boy on the bus, on the way home from school, in kindergarten.

My mom says, I came home from school and announced that I had gotten married. My mom found this amusing at first and asked why I thought I was married. I told her because he kissed me!

No longer amused, my mother started drilling my older sister about what happened, she was 8, and THIS part I remember. My sister naturally told my mother no such thing happened, or happened when she wasn't looking, etc.

Then my mother went to school AT THAT VERY MOMENT to have it out with the principal, tehehe. She could not talk to the bus driver as she left for work before we left for school and got home around 6. My older siblings were supposed to be looking out for me.

Anyway, the boy's name was Stacey (of all strange things), and he kissed me at least 3 more times thqat I can distinctly remember, on the playground as well as the bus. He also kissed every other girl he could catch. Some of them liked it, I did not.

I pushed him down on the playground and he hit his head on the pole of the swingset.There was a big fuss as he was wisked off to the nurses office.

Anyway, I got in BIG trouble for pushing of course, but Stacey stopped kissing all the girls.

Anyway, I don't recommend telling your daughter to PUSH the kisser, but she does need to tell him (and any future kissers) to stop. And since she's only 5, she should be telling a grown up when it happens.

HTH!

:)

Okay, I know this is serious but I did just LOL at your Law and Order SUV reference!! ;)

Anyway, I do understand why'd you be slightly concerned. If it were another 5 y/o I would say don't worry about it, it's normal, etc. But, if it did happen by a 2nd grade boy, yeah, that's kinda weird. Does the boy in question have any troubles, like autism, Aspbergers or something that would maybe cause a lack of social skills/understanding. Sometimes I've noticed that in those kids the they don't have a good sense of boundaries. If he's on a level playing field then I guess my advice would only be to maybe ask the bus driver if she could sit up front for a while. Tell the driver that you're concerned she's being inappropriate on the bus after you've heard some stories from other kids and you'd like her to be closer to the front. Probably the driver won't have an issue...I hope, but it's worth asking.

Other than that, maybe talk to your daughter's teacher and get some insight as to her behaviors at school. Tell the teacher that you had concerns about her on the bus and see if she has anything to say.

Hang in there. Regardless of what's going on, I'm sure it's all within the normal range of behaviors for kids!

i totally get your emotions over this. I would be going crazy too. I have to say though, i have a 6 yo, that is such a good girl, but lately she has been lying, over such stupid stuff, like giving her brother her food or taking his. dumb stuff.
Before you got charging in guns blazing, Is it possible that she could have kissed him??
I have an 8 yo son and he can be very ... maternal.. as weird as that sounds but with his younger cousin, he almost babies him. could this kid have been awwww don't worry little kindergartener I'll help you cross the street, that kind of thing??

I made it a point to be super friendly with our bus driver ( she's a woman and very sweet so it wasnt super hard). But i send her notes every once in a while and little thank you gifts at christmas etc. EVen if you don't have the realtionship there is no reason you can't just flag them down some morning and tell them you want her up front for a month. The principal will most likely tell you he doesn't have much to do with what goes on ON the bus.
I would also have your daughter be sure to point this kid out and maybe you can talk to the parents.

At this age girls, sometimes boys, start getting that "boyfriend/girlfriend" feeling. A kindergarten teacher can tell you that they more then once had to remind kids that kissing is a no-no at school. I agree that it is not apporiate to being kissing BUT I think you need to teach your daughter HOW to express these new feelings she is having. What I mean by this is she has loved you, maybe siblings, grandparents and other relatives... she gives you kisses and hugs.

She is just trying to express these new feelings on the new people she sees everyday of her life, so gently reminder her WHO & HOW she kisses (parents, relatives), that hugs are always good or a handshake. You mentioned you talked about private parts BUT you have to give more guidance (if you have not yet) on what she can do to express her feelings.

My daughter kissed a boy on the mouth (quick peck) the begining of the school year (she is in kindergarten), she really likes this boy and is struggling with how to show that. She looks to mommy and daddy, how do they express they like each other, how do the express they like me and she then copies what we do. The teacher told those two and the whole class that there is no kissing a school, hugs are fine but no kissing. When I was told what happened of course I agreed and backed up what the teacher said. Then we talked through what she is feeling towards this boy, she says she loves him, and then I let her know the way to express that by being nice, hugs (but NOT when the teacher is teaching), and high fives. There has not been another situation so far at school and it seems she still really likes this boy but she knows school is for learn, friends come second and she knows how to express herself.

Lastly maybe talk to the parent's of this boy, see what they have to say and maybe the boy will say what happened. They are in gradeschool, for me there is NO dating at the grade school age or kissing in grade school. I really couldl care less about the age differance, it is more that this should not be happening on a gradeschool bus at all.

I probably would not let them spend any alone time together or at least not with out your supervison. when i was 5 i went through the same thing with a 8 year old neighbor boy & to tell you the truth he DID try to do alot more with me & i never told my mom about it ethier. tell her about cooties! it will probably scare her into the truth & keep her from doing it again. tell her you have to take her to the doctor to get checked for cooties cuz if shes been kissing boys before shes (whatever age) she can get really sick with cooties & they have to give her a shot, etc. i bet it works

I would start by talking to your husband...getting on the same page together with how you want to handle this. The two of you need to be a team in this situation.
I think my next step would be to go to school and talk to the principal, find out if it would be possible to have your daughter sit in the front seat right behind the bus driver. I would also find out if the bus driver as seen anything untoward going on with this little boy and your daughter.
Just from what your daughter said about holding his hand to cross the street and sitting next to him on the bus makes me think that the kiss really might have happened. Walk her to the bus stop so she doesn't have to cross the street without you...just visit with her and the young man in question...don't even mention the kiss...just get acquainted with him.
I don't know what to tell you about how to approach this with your daughter...and I raised THREE daughters!! I don't remember as issue with this at this young age but then my "baby" is now 27 years old...so it has been a while!! I can tell you that somehow you want to nip this precocious side of her nature in the bud...or you will have even bigger problems to face in the future.
Boys will "encourage" the "friendly" side of her nature...she needs to learn that there are ways to be nice and friendly with the male half of the population with exploring the physical side of things. This is a slippery slope and believe me...you don't want to start the landslide!!
Good luck to you...I am hoping that some of the other Mommas have some really fabulous advice for you!!!

I'm trying to remember myself and my siblings when we were very young on the bus. My mom was (annoyingly) friendly with the bus driver - but I see the benefit to this and having them keep an eye on the situation if you are worried. It's just my opinion, but I don't know that a freakout is in order right now, I feel you may be overreacting (although I can see how you would.) I don't remember at what age, but young elementary school age we used to play "kiss tag." Kisses I think at this age can be different than our interpretation of what a kiss means. I definately think threatening to take away her privelages is a bad idea - gives her the impression that she IS in trouble even though you said she wouldn't be - she's going to fear you or lose trust. Of course you have more than reason to feel weird about this and take precaution - continue your talks with her about her body, kissing, relationships, etc., build a relationship with the bus driver and the neighbors who are on the same bus (or have kids that are) and maybe even talk to bus driver or your daughter about having her sit up front. But I don't know that the info you have is enough to get so worked up.

I'm not going to say not to worry about it, but assuming this happened, you have no idea what kind of a kiss this was. It could be completely innocent.

In my family, we're very free with our kisses. I kiss my children all the time. They kiss me. They kiss each other. It's a way of expressing affection, and there's absolutely nothing sexual about it. They see me kiss their dad all the time, and yes, it's obvious that it's a VERY different kiss sometimes, but they also see us give the same kinds of little kisses we give them. It may be that this boy just likes your daughter, not LIKES your daughter, and was giving her a little peck on the cheek to express affection. I could easily see one of my kids kissing a friend just to show that they like them, and not meaning anything more. Okay -- maybe not the 10yo -- he's been getting increasingly tweeny in the past 6 months or so, and isn't a little kid anymore.

As I said, I'm not saying don't worry about it -- you should definitely look into it -- I would. But I'm saying that it isn't necessarily anything to worry about.

I would take her off the bus until she is older. She is easily influenced at this age. She may start to equate kissing with popularity. Most likely everything is innocent. It's the difference in age that is disconcerting. She is a baby in comparison to this boy. It is the same as if she was sweet on a two year old. You also don't know what this little boy has experienced or watched in his life. My radar would be going wild due to the difference in age. You can't change a lot of things in this world. But you can take her off the bus until she is a little older. The best to you guys!

There's an easy way to figure this out if your school uses a bus company that has cameras on the buses. Mention the situation to the principal and how Neighbor Boy 1 mentioned what he saw but Daughter says it didn't happen and you'd like to know for certain if it did because if it did, you'd like for it to be handled. And therefore you'd like the principal to check the bus videos to see if Neighbor Boy 2 kissed Daughter on Day In Question.

One thing I would do right away, is find her a RADkids class to take. They handle this issue, as well as a bunch of other safety issues remarkably well. If you can't find the answer to this, at least it would get her some outstanding training for the future. www.radkids.org

This is why I won't put my DD on a bus. I don't find kissing, and the whole boyfriend/girlfriend/marriage thing precocious AT ALL when it comes to my 5 year old DD, despite the fact that most parents seem to think it's oh so cute & almost encourage it. I think it's inappropriate & an invasion of personal space. DD actually had a kid kiss her at her table, at school, in her classroom, and I was unhappy. The teacher moved the kid away from her & eventually out of her class. I believe he was a troublemaker to begin with, as he had also pulled her hair.

I'm refreshed by the answers you've gotten. Normally you'd be getting "it's normal, you're being too paranoid." This is a different day & age, kids are growing up differently than they did when we were kids, more & more parents are missing from their kid's lives, or exposing their kids to inappropriate things.

Calm down. The best thing, and I mean the BEST thing you should do is think how your daughter thinks. She's five years old and is in the lying stage, where even if you teach them that lying is wrong, they will still do it if they think they can get out of trouble. When I was five, I had a boyfriend but all we did was hug and hold hands or make "hand hearts" to each other until the day we were waiting for the bus to take us home. Our friends saw us holding hands and started teasing us about it, and sooner or later we were dared to kiss. I willingly did it because I didn't care much and I liked the boy. I didn't think it was big deal, but I didn't kiss anybody else. We never broke up, but we lost touch in the 2nd grade when we got different classes. Anyway, think about it: If she's in kindergarten, she'll be with these kids until the 5th grade, unless it's an elementary school. They will bond a lot and sometimes kissing gets involved, whether parents like it or not. Imagine when they are in fifth grade and they remember that time. They will want to be able to laugh about it, not be embarrassed and avoid each other. I think the best thing for you to do is talk to her and tell her that it is okay for small pecks on the cheek in the 4th grade, but nothing, and NOTHING further than that. It's a huge important thing that your child can trust you.