My 4 year old daughter just started Preschool for the 1st time this past week. She was so excited and anxious about going to "school". We helped encourage her excitement by letting her know she would meet new friends and learn so many new things. The first 2 days seemed to go great! She was so excited when I picked her up and could not stop talking about everything. Well, on the 3rd day, she came up to me almost in tears when I picked her up. The teacher let me know she started to miss me towards the end of the day. And my daughter did tell me "I missed you." Well, while we were in the car in the parking lot, she told me a girl told her she did not belong and everyone already had a best friend. :( Most of the girls in my daughters class were in the same class together last year. I know kids can be tough and I want my daughter not to let things like this bother her, but she is only 4 ( turned 4 in July) and it broke my heart to hear this. Especially since she was so excited about making new friends. I asked her how she felt about the comment and she let me know it made her sad. I did talk to her about it. Just curious how you moms would handle this. I was on the waiting list for this school b/c it was supposed to be pretty good...I had her enrolled at another place just in case. I hope things turn out fine....right now I just want to kick myself for not keeping her at our church school where she might have been in a class with kids we go to church with.
I did speak to my childs preschool teacher. She was very sensitive to my concerns. I wanted to see how my daughter would do the next few days before I decided if maybe we just needed to pull her out. Well, she likes preschool and is happy when I pick her up. I guess my little one just learned a life lesson a little to early in life. Thank you all for your comments.
My heart ached when I read your tale. Mine is only 1 year old, but I tried thinking of how I will handle things like this. Have you tried talking with the little girl's mom? Maybe the other mom does not know how HER little angel is acting. I think I would want to know if my little one was behaving in that type of fashion. Good luck and I hope everyhting works out. I will say a special prayer for you today.
Bless her little heart. Speaking as a former teacher myself I would conference with the teacher. She probably doesn't have a clue about this incident. Teachers know how children can be. Your daughter voiced exactly what was going on please act on it. Just explain what your daughter told you and ask the teacher to monitor the situation. I know eventually every child will have to become socialized but four years old is still too young and need to be helped along. Good luck!
Hi J.,
That kind of thing is heart breaking for a Mom to hear from her child...we want to protect their soft hearts!
One of the best things to help her is first to explain to her no person can decide if another "belongs" or not...she belongs because GOD says she belongs! Scripture "we are accepted in the beloved". (if you were considering church school..I assume you are a christian)
One of the most valuable things we can teach our children is forgiveness. If they learn how to forgive... they learn how to maintain relationships, which will be needed throughout their lifetime. Often in our church we would see people (adults) get offended and want to leave the church. But if they could use the opportunity of offense to teach their children by example that "we will forgive"...we won't run from a situation because we are hurt, the whole family seemed to benefit in the long run. Being hurt is painful...but often forgiveness is the answer to heal the wound and also empower them in knowing they are not anyone's victim...they have a choice in the situation. Of course, this has to given to her at a very simple level....but I imagine you may be surprised how she could actually understand. Children's hearts are the best because they are so soft and honest! All this said, I do know at the age of 4 you do have to protect her if it were a continued situation where kids are being cruel....hopefully it was a one time incident. Maybe enlist the help of the teacher...she most likely was not aware of the situation.
This is so hard for us Mommies....but it is one of those lessons that come up sooner or later....I will pray for you and your little girl!
Blessings,
D.
Kids can be just plain cruel to each other. It is a learned trait from their parents and all the competition between the parents that live thru their children. I have 4 grown kids with 6 grands. I also have 3 at home. They are 1, 2 and 15 - yes we have quite an age span between all 7 of them. I do feel your pain. At church my 1 and 2 yr olds are included in everything. I went to sign them up for mothers day out and just couldn't do it. The clicks were already formed and I heard the others kids going at it - she is not your friend, you don't have friends, no one likes you. The "teachers" were not doing anything to stop it, the moms were laughing about it - I just didn't want my baby girls who are so happy and free to experience that type of pain. I have no advice for you except to say GOOD LUCK TO YA! Seriously - good luck! I feel your pain. It is enough to break your heart. We homeschool - so mine don't HAVE to deal with it. They are around others their age 4 days a week between church and co-op, more on weeks with field trips, so that is enough for us.
My heart aches for your daughter! I strongly agree with setting up a teacher conference ASAP. If the teacher is made aware of the situation, she may be able to help steer other, kinder, children toward your daughter as playmates (ah,the power of suggestion!). I know I've seen my daughter's teachers do this in Kinder and First grade when someone seemed to be left out. The teacher may also be able to talk to the class as a whole about how they are all friends and classmates. Again, with an excellent teacher this is often their expectation for the class...that they all treat each other with respect and try to get along. It really can be done! Maybe the "mean" little girl can be taught at an early age to be kind to others rather than cliquish.
Since your daughter has been happy otherwise so far, I'd hesitate to move her at the first sign of conflict. Also, maybe you can encourage her to reach out to the "mean" little girl, or to other kids in her class. Some kids really just don't get along (we experienced this with my daughter in her first preschool).
Best wishes for a peaceful and swift resolution for you both!
Definitely speak with her teacher to let her know what is going on. Then speak to your daughter again and again by letting her know that just because kids have a BFF, does not mean they can't be her friend as well. Your daughter will learn so much about girls and these friendships in the next few years, this is just going to be one of her many lessons. Another thing to add to the discussion is to not feel ashamed to speak to the teacher. Maybe the teacher can get her involved in the playtime or siply let her help her get things organized and basically be the teachers helper when she feels left out. My daughter is 9yo and it amazes me how some girls can be. I grew up with boy cousins and was basically a tomboy myself. My daughter has taught me a few things about being able to stick up for yourself and how to move on to other play groups when one or two "close" friends are not being too nice. It's definitely an eye opener cause you want your child to have the best experience, but the truth is these issues are bound to surface eventually. It's best to be open and honest and give her the tools to be able to be out there and be her own person.
Good luck!!!
I would set up a conference with the teacher. If you just talk to the teacher when you pick your child up from school it's not as formal, and maybe not taken as serious as you wnat to be taken. You need to sit down with the teacher that way she knows that you mean business, and basically let her know that you did not wait on this list for this kind of behavior. I read another comment, and I would NOT talk to the other parent. I would tell the teacher, and ask her to speak with the other parent. Have the teacher speak with the children being mean to her and the parents. Let the teacher know that you would like her to watch when this goes on in the classroom, and to stop it. If it keeps happening, I would keep setting up conferences. The teacher will know you mean business, and it will come to a stop. Good luck!
