My son is turning 4 next week and he will not poop in the potty. He does go pee in the potty but says he is too afraid sit on the potty to poop. He is a twin and his brother is 100% potty trained. We have tried every thing under the sun to get him to use the potty. We did the M&M's / Jellybean rewards for using the potty, no interest. We told him we would take him to the toy store and get him a special toy, nope! We even purchased a toy he wanted and put it high on the book shelf and told him once he pooped in the potty he could have it, its still up on the shelf collecting dust. We told him no more pull-ups and he just pooped in his underwear, he didn't care. We had him be naked and he would just hold it until he couldn't any longer and he would put on a pull-up or underwear and go. The pediatrician had us give him a mild laxative so that he would have to go and it just makes things even more gross. I recenlty purchased a potty scotty doll for him and he wants nothing to do with it. I have ready every potty training book under the sun and have purchased every potty dvd out there. I am out of ideas. I am willing to try just about anything so please if you have any advice, I would love to hear it. Thank you!
HI A., I would try a small potty chair instead of the toilet. Put it somewhere comfortable for him, not int he bathroom. I've heard a lot of succes from not pushing them. I know it can be frustrating esp. since his twin is done, but it's not like he will never be trained. I say back off and let him tell you when he's ready. Easier said than done, I know. Good Luck.
Lose the pull ups. They are an unneccessary crutch. Either go back to diapers, he will most likely not want to for very long or cold turkey do only underwear, he can't hold it forever. The key is when he does "mess" in his underwear, make him responsible. Give him a plastic bag for the dirty clothes and a change of clothes, a box of wipes to clean himself off. Believe me after a couple of times realizing how much effort it takes to do this he will decide the potty is much easier. Just know that there is and end in sight, it may mean more clean up for you in the short run, after he has done his part, but it will happen. Also don't bribe, it will not work! The only true reward for going on the potty is some positive talk about how wonderful it must feel to go poop in the potty. Exagerate how it must feel so good to keep your clothes dry and clean, and when he is succesful on the potty simply acknowledge "wow" you look like you are very proud of yourself.
I have to say I am sorry you are dealing with this right now. When my son was 3 he wouldn't go # 2 on the toilet either. My husband and I would ask him if he needs to go to the potty, he said I am not ready yet. Well we wanted him to be potty trained since we had a 6 month old. I have to say we didn't push him due to having a new addition in the family. What we did was let him go with out his pull-ups or underware on throughout the day in the house. When he had to go he would say "I need my pull-up." I said no you have to go on the toilet. He would hold his butt on this one day I thought okay I am going to get him on the toilet. Well it was time and I just picked him up and put him on the toilet, but while doing this I talked to him calmly and just said you can do it, just let it just come out. Well he did it and ever since he has been going on the toilet. That was this year in March. There has been the public toilet fear, but that has passed. It took some encouraging words and praise. It will happen one day. I hope this helps in some way.
what worked for me was sitting on the potty for as long as it takes....READING books. Bring his favorites, plan to sit until he goes. He WILL go poop on the potty, this is pretty common. I also think that giving him foods that facilitate movement will really help - a laxative was too much! and if you don't get him to go by the time he goes to kindergarten his friends will!
working mom with three kids 10, 8, 5
DON'T SWEAT IT!
My son (now 15) did the same thing -- he had NO interest in using the potty, though he was absolutely ready to do so physically and psychologically.
Then one day, he came home and announced that he wanted to wear big kid pants. We went to the store, bought 15 pairs of underwear, and he was potty-trained literally overnight. What changed? I stopped talking about it and stopped begging him to use the potty!
Try this: take him to Target and let him pick out the coolest underwear. Tell him that you will put them in the bottom drawer, and he can put them on whenever he wants to. Next, completely stop ANY intervention whatsoever. Don't even use the word potty. Make sure that the potty chair is available. But don't say a word about it, or pottying, or whatever, and see what happens.
The long and short of it is you're in a battle of wills with him, and he's winning. :) Do the zen thing and stop the battle -- he'll likely just do this on his own, quickly and painlessly!
I had similar issues with both my boys, and the lesson learned for me was....give them the opportunity, but they will do it on their own time. I think it is a great idea to talk about what exactly poop is and what happens to it when it goes down the toilet. Make up a fun story about it like an earlier post suggested. For some reason we tend to forget that even little ones appreciate factual information that makes things less mysterious and scary. And it seems that you two are in a power struggle right now. As another post stated, once I stopped bringing up potty...they decided they wanted to go potty on their own. They each had their own style and timetable. But what it ultimately came down to the fact that they felt a sense of control and mastery at having made this choice on their own. Another thing that I used was that they would not allow them into pre-school if they weren't pooping in the potty on their own. They both loved the idea of going to school like big boys and this seemed to help them make the decision to start practicing.
Good luck!!!
M.
I have known of several children, usually boys, who don't want to poop in the potty. Usually it is because boys think of their poop as theirs and don't like having it go away. I have found it helps to give the poop a "rocket ride to the sewer." They begin to like seeing it swirl down the drain. I also found it helped to have him clean himself up, after pooping in his pants, because big boys poop in the potty, and are able to clean up after themselves if they don't. Be prepared for a crying and fussing jag, but if he has to clean himself up every time, he is less apt to keep messing his drawers.
I have a 5 1/2 year old son who is completely potty trained, however, we were concerned when at 4 he wasn't. Our pediatrician said to be patient it will come when he is ready. And that even if at 6 he isn't completely potty trained, don't worry. It is natural for boys. There is nothing wrong with your son (according to my pediatrician) and it will come when he is ready. I am 52 years old and trust our pediatrician completely. Let it come naturally to your son. Let him be. This is one battle not worth fighting. Think of all the time that you are spending on this and could be on other things. Be careful that you don't turn the potty into an issue for him. One other thing to think of and that is are you comparing your one son to the other and if so, that isn't really fair to him. Really, it will come.
While I know this is difficult, you might want to search your heart and honestly ask if this is about your son or is it about what you THINK he should be able to do. Developmentally, he is right on. It is hard enough being 4 ! Please relax and enjoy the holidays....
Also, I am a nurse, and find it very unsettling that your pediatrician would recommend a laxative to a 4 year old. You might want to invest some of the extra time that you will have on finding a new pediatrician!
Enjoy the extra time! Best wishes
Sometimes the flushing of the toilet is scary as young children think they can be flushed also. Have you tried the little potty chairs on the floor?
My daughter was like that and I read Brazelton where he said that some kids are afraid to have their stool get flushed away - it is theirs and they do not want to let go of it. So we promised her that we would not flush or empty the potty chair until she was ready, and we let it stay there until she wanted to say good-bye. Seemed goofy, but it worked for her.
