My 3And 1/2 Year Old Keeps Saying Can't!!

OMG, my middle child used to say this, broke my heart, but also made me want to bang my head against the wall.

If she said 'I can't... reach the cereal'... did you try? If not, she had to try, if she did try and still couldn't reach, I'd ask her why not. She'd tell me she's too short. I'd remind her that I use a step stool for the stuff I can't reach, then watch the lightbulb go off in her head... lo and behold, she CAN.

I got her problem solving on her own.. it took a lot of guidance and patience on my end, but it made the 'I can't' go away!! Point you're trying to make: YOU CAN!!

Hello,
I would try a couple of things. First of all, I would get the book, "I Can't, Said the Ant" and read it to him a few times. He might get it from that with a little explanation. The other thing I would do is, I would write the word "can't" (I know he is probably not a reader and may not understand the letters). Show him what the letters mean and then show him that you can move the "t" away and add two "o's" to make "I can too". His behavior is quite appropriate for the age, but with patience, he will outgrow it.
One year, in my brownie troop, there was a little girl who would always say "I can't". I told her that those were words which couldn't be used at the meetings. I patiently helped her through all of the things which seemed hard for her. By the end of the year, she could do all of the things the other girls were doing. She was older, though.
Good luck with your precious little boy.
K. K.

Ignore it and go on doing it anyhow as if he never said it.

It's a new and interesting concept. He'll exhaust it if you don't focus too much on it.

Just respond "you can try". Every time.

We went through this phase, but just for a bit. My friend has a girl that says it a lot. She refers to Ni Hao, Kai-lan and how she tries, tries, tries. She has heard her daughter say, "if I try like Kai-lan, I can do it."

Hope that helps!

My 3 1/2 year old started doing this a lot too. Believe or not, I accidentally ran across a new version of the "Little Engine That Could" on netflix on demand and we watched it together. Now, whenever he says it, I refer back to the lessons in the movie. He hasn't stopped completely (he's realizing it's a potential way to get out of having to do something on his own), but it is far less than just a couple of weeks ago.

Ultimately, though, it's a power game - he 'can't' because he knows I can (and always have) helped him. The more assertive I am that I won't do it and I know that he can, the less often he tries to use it as a means of getting out of doing something.

Best of luck,
S.

My 27 month old does this, too. Her first response to everything is "I can't". It's incredibly frustrating - especially when we both know that she CAN. I try not to go with the reflexive response of "Yes, you can." I'll ask her to "try", or remind her of a time she successfully did something, or I use her older cousins as examples a lot. It doesn't always work and it's the one recurring challenge we have with her at the moment so I'm curious to hear what the other mom's suggest. I often think it's her way of hanging on to me. She's totally capable but it's like she doesn't want to grow up if it means doing these things on her own.

My 3 year old is doing the same. It's so frustrating!!! After hearing it a zillion times a day I run out of patience and then I CAN'T!! lol I've just been telling her she can do anything she just has to find a way to make it work and then help her find a way to make it work. I'm glad to hear it's a phase. Good luck!