My 3 Year Old Won't Stay in Bed

Our son was 3.5 when we had our daughter. We went through the same exact thing. We sometimes still go through it. Since we are in a 2bd condo, the kids are now sharing a room and it has gotten better. We keep telling DS that he has to be a big boy and protect his baby sister. He also likes to go to bed with the light on. It actually doesn't bother me. I would rather leave the light on than have him throwing a tantrum and getting out of bed every 2 minutes. You should get a small lamp that puts out a small amount of light so he feels comfortable. Then when he is asleep, just turn it off. As far as the bed sharing goes, we are still going through it a few nights a week. DS will just wander into our room at like 530am and crawl into bed between us. The other morning I heard him come in and I changed positions so there was no room for him. He sat there for a moment and then tapped my leg. "Mommy, I am getting cold" he says. So I just said, "Well go back to your bed then." So he did, and hasn't come back in since. Don't fight him too much on it now. He just needs reassurance that he is still important and you still love him. I try and do something special with my son while his sister is napping. That way we have some one on one time together. Also hubby will take DS outside on the weekends for a while to have some time together. They also play games together in the evening time. Keep reading the books and then just tell him that it is now bedtime. Leave the light on and walk out of the room and shut the door. Keep the routine up and he will get the message.

I also do NOT agree with Toni V. Although we did try the baby gate thing and it did not work. 3 stories is perfect. You are supposed to read to your child at least 30 min a day. How is one story going to cover that? I do agree that you should all get on a schedule and routine. We started doing that recently and it has worked out great. 830pm is bath for both kids. Then brush teeth, for both. Then read a couple stories, nurse baby, and then bed. I leave the light on, but close the door. Both kids are in bed and sleepy at 9pm. Then I have time to relax before I go to bed.

This is just one thing that worked for me. It will take you 20 minutes each night. Help him get his PJs on and brush his teeth being with him entire time. Before tucking him into bed his special lotion on his back (I am sure the baby has many specail items). Do not let the phone or the baby interupt your time with him. Find a special book that is just for you and him and read it every night. You can read others but always read this one last (this tells him that his special time is ending soon. Tell him how proud you are of him and give him his special toy telling him to stay in bed and we will be able to spend this time together ever night just you and me. Do not give into the one more kiss, drink of water thing even once say good night and that's it. Let him scream, take him back to his bed over, and over, and over. . . I one week or less you will have a happy child and a child that knows he is special to you, but it will take a full 20 minutes every night and stops at about age 10! :)

Hi C.,
I DEEPLY sympathize-- I have a 3 year old and a 6-week old baby as well!! My 3 year old daughter has been acting out too, though not quite to the level you describe. Some days have been horrendous with tantrums and huge acting out, other days she's been really helpful. What's worked for me (and when I say "worked," I don't mean the whole situation is resolved) has been extra extra positive reinforcement, even for the smallest things. Also, I've tried to take the pressure off her, reassuring her many times that I love her whether or not she likes the baby, whether or not she's a good big sister.
Another thing I've been trying is really just talking to her about the situation, almost as if she is much older. At bedtime, instead of the third story, we'll talk instead. I'll ask her how she's feeling and if she's sad about Mommy taking care of the baby all the time. I'll ask her if she likes being a big sister or not. I try to make room for her possibly negative responses and feelings, reassuring her that it's okay to be angry at Mommy and Daddy, okay to feel sad, etc... that she is still loved and still a good girl.

Lastly, I try to steer back to the positive and review the day, thinking about something good that happened that wasn't related to the new baby. That way she can go to sleep holding onto a nice thought.

And, you know, some nights the whole plan completely falls apart because the baby is crying and I'm frazzled and Daddy is fried too and that's life!! Try not to be too hard on yourself.

I disagree with the Mom who says you have to take control and re-set boundaries. This is an emotionally difficult and profound transition for a sibling and I don't think coming down hard on them is the answer. You have to maintain some kind of order in your life, but you can still show (and thereby teach) compassion for their feelings.
Hope this all makes sense. I'm a little tired myself :)

Greetings C.,
Congradulations on the beautiful new baby! I am the mother of 5, and Ihave several grandchildren. So been there and done that!
My daughter in law and son are where you are now. Their little one is soon to be 3 and the new baby is about to be born. Our sweetheart is so used to Daddy, putting her to bed at night and spending time with her holding her hand literally to get her to lie and rest. We tease him that he will have to stand between the crib and hold the new baby's hand and then hold her's with the other!
I can tell you that this will pass within the next 6-8 weeks. Once you get into a new routine and your son knows that the baby is not to replace him. I have found with our own children that we made times while I was feeding the baby to read, listen to music, and they played blocks etc. while I could watch and give my encouragements. I would suggest that you decide just what you want as boundries to get it all done. Include your older child as part of the process as the 13 yo will be a wealth of help. Maybe the older one ill watch Nemo for the 16th time or play outside withthe 3 year old.
I wish you well and know that you will be over whelmed but will do a great job. Nana Glenda

C., I am having similar issues with my 3yo. When we brought home our now 7mo we switched her room and gave her a new bed (crib) and she was fine. She turned 3 last month and now she has to have the light on when she goes to bed and the door has to be open. She was never like this. It's very frustrating. The only reason she doesn't jump into our bed at night is because she can't get out of hers. I wish I had some suggestions for you. We bought her a big night light that she can control herself but she refuses to let us turn out the lights even then. Just wanted you to know you are not alone. Good luck to you.

Dear C.,

Do you get that the three year old is calling the SHOTS?

He is jealous of the new child but he must learn and some of us (including the smallest child, must learn the HARD WAY). Night-light is fine…throwing a 2 + hour temper tantrum is not FINE.

He’s three, not old enough to understand EVERYTHING, still old enough to be a major manipulator. Time to make some changes and get him on a SCHEDULE and back on track.

Talk to him about staying in his room when it is NAPtime or BEDtime. Install a sturdy baby gate at his door so he can’t get out of his room and come into your room and bed “at will”.

If he is crying at the gate call out to him: (i.e. “Johnny get back into bed its time to sleep, We are all sleeping now and you need to sleep too”). Don’t make the new baby the focal point.” The whole family needs to sleep. Put warm pajamas on –rompers--, so if he decides to sleep on the floor so he will be warm. Once you know he has quieted down and gone to sleep; you can go put him in bed. BUT keep in mind, if he wakes up on the floor a couple of times, he will learn that his bed is more comfortable then the floor.

When he hits, immediately put him on time out in his room. Daycare staff should also put him in timeouts if he is not behaving.

He does not need THREE stories….read him a story, give him a bathroom trip and drink of water, prayers (if you are a praying family) and kiss good night.

Remind him that he is to stay in bed and you will see him in the morning.

Mom/Dad, take charge and you won’t be exhausted for long.

Blessings…