Here is a little background, my husband worked nights when our son was born and he was new to his job, so no vacation or FMLA was taken after my c/s. From the day we came home I was alone at night and during the day while my husband slept, so recovering from a c/s I had the baby sleep in bed with me. Fast forward 7 months, congratualations you're pregnant AGAIN! We were actually very happy even though our son was still so young. But I was very very sick with this 2nd pregnancy so anytime I had the chance to sleep or lay down with our son, I did. Naps, and bedtime both. Our son is now soon to be 3 (January) and not much has changed. He has always had his own room and own bed since the day he was born. When our daughter was born (he was 17 months and still in a crib) we bit the bullet and made him nap and sleep in his own room, it wasn't easy, the first few weeks he would cry for 20-30 minutes and then fall asleep. He started climbing out of his crib about the time we got him successfully sleeping in his room without crying it out, so we put him in a toddler bed and had to start all over, it worked for awhile until he figured out how to open his door.
Here is the problem now, for the past year or so we can't keep him in his room. I just know if we could keep him in his room he would nap and sleep in his own bed. We have even bought a new door knob with a lock, and switched the lock to the outside so we can lock him in even, that lasted about a week before he figured out how to unlock it from his bedroom (smart little guy) If I don't lay down with him he won't take a nap during the day, he won't go to bed unless I lay with him, which is really hard because I have an 18 month old to attend to also, luckily she is a GREAT sleeper and won't sleep anywhere BUT her bed. If we move him to his bed he is awake within the hour, and come and gets into bed with us again. If he gets put back into his bed a 2nd time, it usually end with a 45 min. fit at 3am, which no one enjoys. We have tried the "putting him back in his room " every time he comes out, but honestly putting him back in bed 45 times a night before he will even stay there usually ends about 11:30pm, with me giving in and just letting him get in bed with me. I don't know what else to do, I can't keep getting 4 hours of sleep because I am putting him back in his bed all night long. By the time I am back in bed I hear his little footsteps running down the hall. It's not that I don't enjoy cuddling with him, I love it, just not everyday. I have sleep problems. I have chronic insomia and am a very light sleeper. So after a night of sleeping with our son, I find it hard to function and stay awake during the day.
Please help!
Yes, he still needs naps, does he take one everyday? No, and those days are the roughest and hardest to get him to sleep because he is overly tired and ends up being super hyper. I know I do give in, because after doing the nighttime battle for 3 hours every night I am worn out, stressed and just plain done with the day. I end up feeling guilty because after awhile I yell at him and get mad. We tried the mattress next to our bed, he won't sleep on it. He climbs over gates no matter how high they are, and tears door knob covers right off. He has no problems sleeping on the couch in the living room, I'm not sure what the issue is with his bed/bedroom. We have tried taking turns putting him back in bed, and hubby always ends up giving in when the fits start, if I could get him to stick with the plan for more than 3 nights I agree with most of you Mommas out there, it could work.
My oldest is the same - I do think we created the problem to a degree but some kids also just seem to need to be close at night. We've done the mattress on the floor thing. Maybe it's not ideal but we're used to it now and it's much better than being kicked all night or woken up 100 times.
Don't take this the wrong way, but your son has YOU trained. Not the other way around.
You end up giving in which is exactly what he knows you will do if he wears you down. It works for him.
Yes, putting him back in bed 45 times is a pain, but you have to do it.
Believe it or not, it will go down to 40, then 35, then 30. Actually, once he knows you won't cave in, it could go from 45 to zero within a few nights. If your 18 month old can sleep happily in her own bed, so can your 3 year old.
As long as it easier for you to finally let him in your bed, that is what is going to happen. I know kids that are 7 and 8 years old and won't stay in their own rooms but strangely enough.....hmmmm, their younger siblings do.
It's just a pattern that needs to change and you can't wait for your son to change it. Yes, there will be tears, maybe most of them yours, and maybe you will feel like your legs will fall off taking him back to his room, but it's best to just do it.
You will all be happier in the long run.
Just my opinion.
The problem is that you DO give in, eventually. Super Nanny would fix this by openly announcing a new plan for the family, explaining it clearly to the child, and then sticking to it like glue. At this point, you will be in for a fight. You will have to be VERY STRONG and very committed to the change. You will have to repeat the new mantra 10,000 times to get him to believe you. I feel your pain, but there's just nothing you can do except bring down the hammer. You'll have to put him back in bed 100 times if that's what it takes. Don't apologize, don't be sorry, don't be uncertain. Stick to your guns until he believes you. Good luck.
Maybe the "big boy" conversation would work, he is three so maybe the hey look you are the big brother i need you to help me show your baby sister how things are done like maybe have him help with a few things around the house and helping you put her to bed and rewarding him for all the "big boy" stuff he does. might be worth a try
It will take a few nights but the "putting him back in his room" is the best idea for his age.
I have been there, done that!! My oldest was almost 6 before we stopped laying down with her while she fell asleep. It was a long, sometimes painful process getting her to go to sleep on her own, but it was well worth it! She also would get up in the middle of the night to come to our bed (EVERY night for 5+ years!)
We found that once she was able to fall asleep on her own, the night visits got fewer and fewer and finally trickled off without us doing anything about that (I was no fan of getting up and putting her back in bed either, so we didn't).
We got her to sleep on her own by sitting on the side of her bed instead of laying down with her. We did each step for 2-3 nights (staying until she fell asleep): sit on side of bed (our side facing her), sit at end of bed (facing away from here on out), sit on stool at end of bed, then moved the stool about a foot each night toward the door until we were out in the hallway, then moved the stool down the hallway a foot at a time 'till we were out of site. The first 2-3 nights were pretty rough (crying, getting out of bed- we just calmly told her it was time to lie down & would gently put her back in bed with minimal interaction & no eye contact), but I was really surprised at how easily the 3rd or 4th night went. If you just remain calm and reassure him (minimally) the first night or two, he'll see that you're not leaving. You just have to keep your eye on the goal of someday soon being able to kiss him goodnight and walk out of the room.
I read that once children learn how to fall asleep on their own, the night wakings lessen because they're ok with being in their bed without you and can go back to sleep. It's shocking for them to go to sleep one way (with you there) and then wake up with a major change in the room (you're gone). I think the example I read was to imagine if you went to sleep in one room and woke up in another-- you wouldn't be able to get back to sleep either. Anyway, we found that was really true in our case and a few weeks after she started going to sleep on her own, she skipped waking up one night. Then a while later, she skipped waking up for 2 nights, and so on.
Please believe me when I say that I feel your pain! Just know that you really can get beyond this by being consistent & having resolve. Good luck!
Maybe add a latch to the outside of his bedroom door? He wont be able to open that from inside of his room.
If you don't like that idea and your husband is no longer working night shift, you need to take turns with getting your son back to bed. If you can make a plan and agree on it, make shifts for yourselves and trade off on enforcing the bedtime rules. This way you may get better sleep. Or make sure that you get at least an occasional night where you get a break and your husband is on duty (you will need to plug your ears with earplugs, I am sure). Isn't there a saying that it takes 10 days to break your child of a habit? It will be a tough 10 days, but the results will be worth it.
Hi, If you want to keep him in his room I would suggest a door knob cover on the inside of the bedroom. Also a baby gate would work if you think he needs to open his door to be able to call for you. Now you might have to raise the gate a bit off the ground, not enough for him to crawl under but high enough that he can't hike his leg over the top.
My daughter is turning 4 the day after Xmas and if she comes out I either take her back to bed or let her sleep on the sofa at the end of our bed.
Good luck!
Well, first of all I want to apologize because I did not read your whole post, but I figured that since you are having sleeping issues with your LO then I wanted to recommend this link below to give you some good sleeping tips (hopefully)...
http://www.theskinnyscoop.com/search/sleep?utm_campaign=t...
Just keep putting him back in his room.
Or what we do is, we have a futon mattress on the floor of our room, THAT is where the kids can go, if need be. NOT in 'our' bed.
It works for us.
AND, when I was pregger's with my 2nd child, my daughter was 3 years old, I simply explained to her in simple terms, about 'our' pregnancy. I explained I NEED to rest/nap. She understood, She napped with me at the same time, even if I was on the sofa doing it. We BOTH had quiet time, we both napped. I totally explained to her, about baby in my tummy... and taking care of her baby brother. She'd sing to him, 'allow' me to rest, she understood if I was tired or had a hard time moving around etc. I simply explained to her, in easy terms, what "Mommy" has to do, too. But I incorporated her INTO it.... and made her feel special about it.
BUT you also have an 18 month old... so perhaps, explain to your son... about him and you... making it special, that he is 'helping' you.... that you love him for that, to try his best, and that EVERYONE has a 'routine'.
But yes, I know, not easy... toggling all the kids and your pregnancy.
But for my eldest, "prepping" her for my pregnancy and for when baby comes home... really helped her.
all the best,
Susan
I agree and among the school of though to continue putting him back in his room. We had this issue when we moved my daughter to her bed(at 22 months) and it was super, super hard. We had nights that exceeded your 45 times of putting him back and it is not joke and seriously takes a toll on you mentally, BUT I have to say it's worth it. It took a while but it works. She stays in her room. Occasionally she'll bop into our room in the middle of the night and usually I let her stay now for 5-10 minutes and she goes back to her room without fuss. If her pattern continues for more than a night or two then I tell her that isn't okay and if she comes into my room we'll have to start the "putting back in bed with no talking routine" and she seriously hates that so she doesn't come into our bed. She just turned 3 in Sep. and totally gets it, so I think your son will too. I get that it's hard and you want to totally break down in the middle of the night, I've been there, but you have to stay strong b/c what he's learning is that you have limits. There is a point at which he can break you and he will stop at nothing to get to it. As cheesy as it probably sounds, Super Nanny has some good tips, I would try again and stick to your guns, even when it's hard on you.
Regarding his naps - does he still need his naps? Just asking because my 3 yr old gave hers up when she was about 2 1/2. So if he doesn't, then that would take care of you lying down with him when he naps. Regarding the nighttime issues - if you are really wanting to stop it then you HAVE to continue putting him back in his bed even if it takes 100 times. Right now, he knows that you will give in so it's a reward for him when you do. It will work, I promise if you continue putting him back - you may have one rough week but then it would be worth it not to have any more problems. Try during Christmas break or something when you might not have to be at work as much. Don't give up and good luck!
