My 3 Year Just Will Not Eat

Hi J.,
I have a 3 1/2 yr old and I know what you're going through b/c my daughter is a very picky eater and hardly eats. I talked to her Pediatrician about it and he told me that was normal, as long as she wasn't losing weight and still had energy there was nothing to worry about. He told me that she'll eat when she's hungry. I do give her a multi vitamin daily to help with her not eating much. I know it's much easier said than done, by try not to worry.

I had the same problem with my son with the eating and not speaking. It turned out for my son that he had a problem with sensations in his mouth. He would only eat soft foods and would tap his foot every time we had to brush his teeth. We had a speech therapist come and work with him in our home. They told us to try vibrating toothbrushes and weird things like that to get him used to the sensations that were bothering him. You know you can get free speech therapy for him from an organization called Brighton. I don't have their number anymore but you can call information for it.

I have to say I would take him to the pediatrician JUST in case and to rule out a few things. I hate to throw words around b/c I am not a doctor but as you have already heard, some kids have very adverse reactions to certain textures in food and it can be a symptom/characteristic of another condition.

My nephew was like that and would only eat about 8 different foods starting very young, maybe around 2-3, this has gone on for years. Also, just curious how he is with eye contact with you and communication other than speaking. Good luck!

I have a little boy that just turned three and he was also not eating and lost some weight. So I started giving him Pediasure. After a few weeks of being on Pediasure he is now eating normally and has started to put some weight back on. Hope this helps. Good Luck!

It doesn't sound like it, but if he wants to eat, but gags when he tries to eat, coupled with his delay in speech, there may be a very slight autism...my friend's son first manifest his with eating problems.

Other than that, make sure he doesn't have strep or any throat problems that are making it painful for him to eat. It also may be a texture problem. My daughter went through that phase and would not eat certain textured foods. She would gag at anything the least bit slimy. My other daughter is going through that with vegetables and has to spit them out or she will start gagging. It is just a phase and he should grow out of it. Just wash and cut some fruit and keep it in the bottom of the refrigerator where he can help himself when and if he is hungry. Get some pediasure (mix it with ice and call it a milkshake) or get chewable vitamins to make sure he is getting some extra nutrients. Good luck.

Are there things he will eat, but won't always eat what you offer? If that is the case, and you are okay with it, I would offer him 2 choices. One choice being what everyone else is having and one being something simple, like cereal or a sandwich. Giving him that bit of control may help him.

If he is just not eating, I would talk to his doctor. Something may be going on that is making refuse food.

If you haven't already, you might want to talk to Early Childhood Intervention Services, to see if they can help with his speech delays.

You can always try to give him a drink of pedisure... It darn expensive, but at least you'll know his getting some vitamin enriched food.

My 3 year old likes a variety of foods, but I've always given her choices. Cheese stick or cheese square? Banana or grapes? Etc. Cheese or yogurt? That way I can make sure she gets at least one serving of each: meat, cheese or yogurt, fruit or veggie a day. (veggies are a struggle, but we make her eat 3 bites of whatever is on her plate at dinner.) To encourage her to eat the good food, I reserve the food I know she will eat (applesauce, fruits, etc.) until after she has eaten the meat and veggie. However, when it comes to lunch and snacks, I let her choose. She always chooses PB&J everday and I don't stress because I know that we can get her to eat a variety of food throughout the day. If a child grazes all day, they won't eat a good meal, so try offering food on a schedule instead. If the child says no or not hungry, then you say, "OK, but there won't be any more food until lunchtime (or dinner, or breakfast, whichever the case may be.) I've read this approach in several parenting books, and it's worked for us. Also, go to askdrsears.com for alot of good nutrition advice. He has good ideas about presentation of food to make the food more attractive to kids. For example, make a nutritious smoothie with yogurt and fruit and add vanilla flavored protein powder. An easy one to make in the blender is: vanilla yogurt, half a banana, handful of strawberries cut up and 1/4 cup orange juice. My daughter loves smoothies, so if she hasn't been eating fruit lately, that'a what I'll make. To make more of a frozen smoothie, just use frozen fruit: half cup frozen mixed berries, 1/4 cup pinapple juice, and small cup of vanilla yogurt (4-6 oz), plus half banana. If you cut up and freeze bananas in a baggie, they will be ready when you need them. That is one of my favorites! (and a good use for bananas that are overripe). By the way, if my daughter throws a tantrum at the table, she has to go in her room until she can calmly sit at the table and eat her dinner. I rarely have to do this, but it is very effective. Good luck!

I have a 4 almost 5 yr old son who has not had a decent meal since he was about 18 months old. He refuses to eat and when he does decide to eat he is very picky. I have asked the pediatrician numerous times how to make him eat. They told me not to force him, a child will not starve themselves. Also, by forcing them to eat, it makes it a negative experience and that will make it worse. My suggestion is to find food he likes to eat (preferably healthy) and give him what he likes. My son eats green beans and garlic bread for dinner almost every night. We also supplement with pediasure (he thinks it is chocolate milk. Good luck and try not to worry too much. Hoped this helps!

J.:

okay the first question I have for you is your son seeing a speech pathologist for his language delay? The reason I ask is that your son's eating habits may be linked to his language delay. I am not an expert but my daughter is in speech and I have learned that there are many causes to language being delayed. The muscles in his mouth may need strengthing or he could have issues with swallowing, that may cause him to not want to eat?? My daughther has sensory integration disorder so she has alot of issues with textures. She refuses to eat pasta, apple sause etc, anything mushy. My advise is to have him evaluated by a speech pathologist and see what they say. Maybe they can point you in the right direction.

I hope this helps and good luck with your son.

M. B

J.-- my son will also be three in August and is going through the exact same thing. But he isn't losing weight and is EXTREMELY energetic-- I can't help wondering what he's running on, since he goes 100 miles an hour all day!! Some days it seems like he hardly eats anything. But my pediatrician said that, since he's not losing weight, not to worry-- he'll eat when he's hungry. The foods I have the most success with are cut-up turkey, string cheese or cheese cubes, yogurt, pasta with spaghetti sauce, mac and cheese, and bread. He used to eat the Nutri-grain pancakes or waffles for breakfast, but lately he refuses. But he will eat those Pediasure nutrition bars (found in the baby/toddler aisle). His favorite is the S'mores flavor. Oh, and he loves this chicken tortellini soup my husband makes. He'll always eat that. (Basically just take a big stock pot and sautee a diced onion and minced garlic and some dried basil in olive oil, then add chicken broth, cheese tortellini, and chopped carrots, and bring to a boil. It's worth a try!) He used to love fruit (esp. bananas, apples, and cantaloupe), but lately won't eat it. He seems to go through phases with eating, which makes grocery shopping a little frustrating. I've had zero luck with veggies-- he does this dramatic gagging and spitting thing with those and says, "It's too yucky!!" As a baby he ate everything, even veggies, but as a toddler, it's a different story. Maybe they'll grow out of it? My five-year-old nephew went through the food-strike phase as a toddler and now he's back to being a good eater. Good luck!

If he's not losing weight, it's completely normal and fine. No need to threaten him or continue to stress about it. Just keep feeding him regular meals and give him positive reinforcement when he eats. Don't punish him when he doesn't. If you're worried about nutrition, then sneak in some vitamins. I double checked this with a pediatrician relative.
Good luck!

My first bit of advice is to get him some vitamins and in a hurry, if he hasn't eaten in weeks.

Next, he's very delayed in his speech but he's not delayed in his understanding, right? This should not limit your communication. If he can hear and understand...that's enough. Ask him what he wants by maybe, going through some choices. For everything he says yes or nods his head for...good. If he nods his head or says yes for sweets or foods that's not really good for him, tell he that he can get those things but he first, has to eat his regular foods. I bet he'll understand that.

I have a 4 year old, soon to be 5...tomorrow, as a matter of fact and he has a speech impairment based on his articulation. That don't stop nothing! We communicate well. He'll tell me he wants fruit snacks, soda, cake, cupcakes, cookies, strawberry shortcake, ice cream, popicicles, etc. "Sure", I tell him "but you're gonna have to eat your solid foods first." He gets mad and pouts...I get mad and pout, too. Then he'll come back and look at me, point and I'll tell him, "I don't understand sign language." He use to point and I'd ask him if the cat had his tongue. He's be a smart a _ _ and nod as to say yes. I'd be a smart a _ _ and tell him that he'd better hurry up and find that cat and get his tongue back. It's kinda hard to understand what he's saying sometimes but I make him talk. If it's something he wants, I tell him to open him mouth and say it. Now if I still didn't understand...next step. He'd take me to it.

Now if that's the only way your son knows how to tell you something, fine. Oh yes you CAN threaten him! When he points at sh _ _ he doesn't need, you point at sh _ _ he does need. Tell him he can have that stuff if he'll eat the stuff you want him to eat first, and explain to him why he needs to eat those things. Tell him they're not only good for him, but they will make him strong and he'll grow up to be a big boy. Does he like to watch WWF? If he does, tell him he'll grow up to be big and strong like the Undertaker or John Ciena, or even like his daddy. You gotta make it sound good.

Our daughter's doctor suggested not giving your child anything to drink until they have eaten their food. The juice, milk, or even water fill them up and they don't want to eat.

On your son's speech delays, you can contact your local ISD and they are responsible for evaluating his speech even at this early age. I had my youngest evaluated by Ft Bend ISD a few years before she was enrolled in Kindergarten. They diagnosed her and had me send her to get a hearing test. They even sent a rep to my house to train me. Anyway, it wound up being that her big sis was doing her talking for me. The rep helped me see this and developed a plan to bring her up to speed. They did a great job and the majority of it was free. Good luck with everything.

Hi J.,

Please please talk to your son's speech therapist about this. They are amazing at getting to the root of the issue.

Children do not prefer to tantrum and be stubborn. They do it when all other forms of communication are not working or they are on sensory overload.

If he has a serious speech delay, remember: all behaviors are a form of communication. If he cannot tell you what is wrong, what he likes, what is bothering him, you need to help him be able to communicate. There are many many ways of doing this, including picture symbols and sign language (which actually help them develop verbal speech as well!)

Good luck, and please, please get professional help with your son if you have not already. Forcing him to eat will not work. He might also have food allergies and eating actually makes him feel sick. I know this has happened to many of my friend's kids. They learn that eating is hurtful but cannot tell you, so they just do what they can.... refuse to eat.

Hang in there!

J

Is your son getting help with the speech delay? Is it autism? Since he is 3, you should be able to get help through your local school district. Speech delay alone should qualify him for special ed. He may have some other issues that are causing him to not eat. I would also look into some speech therapy. A speech therapist can do food therapy. He may have some texture or color issues that are bothering him.
My son is autistic and is a very picky eater. We have been working on it for a while. He goes to speech twice a week and someone comes to my home and works with him on eating, too. He grazes all day. He eats a little bit all day long. I try to make sure that what I offer him doesn't have empty calories. Starving him won't help. He can wait me out. He tantrums if, too. My son has texture issues and won't eat the color green because he choked on a bean 2 years ago. The doctor told me that his stomach is only the size of his fist. It doesn't take much to fill it up.
Good luck.

It may seem strange; but, my daughter did the same thing.

One, did he start teething late? My daughter did and she wouldn't eat. Jello, pudding, and apple sauce worked well, cold things that are soft. Try other cold fruits blended in the blender. Children likes sweets, that's why I suggest the fruit.

Otherwise, have his ears checked out for ear infections. My daughter lost her appetite with these as well.

Also, does he take any type of medication? I would always feed my daughter before any antibiotics that messed with her stomach.

Try to reward him with stickers and praise when he eats. It works with my daughter. She is 2 1/2.

There are several problems that you are bringing up. First of all, if your child is delayed in his speech, he should get a very thorough evaluation by a speech therapist. Contact your school district and ask to speak to the co-ordinator for PPCD, or speech. They will tell you the process from there.. This is all free and is very important to begin to understand what is going on with your child.Second of all, it is important to get your child to eat. There may be emotional elements to this problem as well as physical ones. Have you gone to your pediatrician? Has he brushed you off? Would you consider trying another doctor, or a nutritionist? Have you tried to get emotional help for your child? There are many avenues to follow, but you must start to help your child. I am an inclusion pre-k teacher and I work with developmentally delayed children within a normal pre-k , so I am aware of many issues in this area. Feel free to call me . My number is ###-###-####). J. K. :)

Children will NOT starve themselves if food is offered. It is also normal for them to go on strike eating. It is their way to show independence. Don't worry about him, just love him and offer healthy choices. He will eventually come around and eat what is offered. It might last 6-12 months but it will pass, then another stage will surface that you'll find just as concerning. That is the way it has been with all 7 of mine. Good luck.

Hi J.,
Could you try having some tidbits set out on the table, some fruits, cheese, dry cereal, carrot sticks or whatever he would take a bite of? That way, he could sneak a bite or 2 "unnoticed" and maybe that would encourage him to eat more. I prepared appetizing, nourishing, variety, good cheer, encouragement, fun and punishment in turns with no success. When my oldest daughter was 3 she ate the tiniest bit of 2 things--peanut butter and cheese, not another thing for a Year. She wasn't sick, didn't lose weight, just said "No". She is now a 30yr old accountant, still determined. lol