My 3 1/2 Year Old Is Scared to Go Poo in the Potty

Updated on April 15, 2009
R.B. asks from Healdsburg, CA
7 answers

My daughter has been potty trained for a while now and recently we have been having a problem with her going poo in the potty. In the beginning of her potty training quest, she did not want to go poo in the potty, she wanted me to put a pull-up on her so she could go in it. That finally stopped and she was doing fine up until a few weeks ago. She was having trouble going and we had to resort to giving her an enema. That did what it was supposed to and it was back to business as usual. Sometimes she goes in the potty and sometimes she goes in her underpants. I am not sure if she is scared to go because it hurt that one time or if something else is going on. She has been acting like she is scared of the toilet. She has no problem going pee, she is scared of the sound of the flush. She especially hates the automatic flushing toilets. Every time she gets onto a public toilet she asks me if it is going to flush by itself.

How do I get her to stop going in her underpants? I am getting tired of washing clothes every other day so that she does not run out of clean underpants! Most of all, I want to get her past this and be able to go in the potty instead of being scared of it.

HELP!

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So What Happened?

So we are not too sure what happened but the problem fixed itself. She stopped going in her pants and no longer expresses fear at public toilets. Thanks to everyone who gave advise. I am now using the toilet paper over the sensor trick on the auto flush toilets! It really works!

More Answers

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W.E.

answers from Sacramento on

our next door neighbor's kid was afraid of the toilet, thought he would be sucked down and disappear. his mom took an old G I Joe doll and showed him that if someone as small as joe wouldnt get sucked down the hole, that it was impossible for him to get sucked down the hole. once he saw it for himself, he was okay. he also had a phobia about the water draining out of the tub, but thats a different post !!
good luck !!

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E.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Potty training is so hard! My friend went through a similar thing with her daughter. I was very impressed with how much patience she was able to give to her daugher through the process. She let her have her BM in a pull up until her daughter said that she was ready to go in the toilet. Her daughter had had a BM "accident" that seemed to be the source of the problem. She did not push her, but when she did ask her daughter to use the toilet, and the answer was no, she would not push any further. After her daughter started kindergarten, she decided that it was time to use the toilet. There were no lingering issues, she was ready. She was never made to feel like she was doing something wrong, and I think that she is a happy, confident child because of it.

When we had a couple of potty training issues with our daughter at the age of 2 1/2 (8 now also), our pediatrician said that we had to let it go - not pressure her to use the potty. With the potty and with food, the child will always win.

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L.W.

answers from Sacramento on

It may be helpful to explain what the toilet is, where stuff goes when you use it, what needs to go in there, and how this activity helps keep things clean. In another couple years it may be beneficial to go tour the water facility. This is a valuable experience for everyone, helps us realize why we shouldn't waste water and why certain things just don't go into the water. If she understands how things work, the fear automatically goes away. Explain that there are very smart people who worked hard to make toilets that can flush all by themselves so that people don't have to touch that for it to work. I would not talk too much about germs. I think our society is overly frightened of germs. Whatever a person focuses on long and hard manifests. It's the law of attraction.

Kids have been eating dirt for thousands of years and hey, we are still here!
Love, L.

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A.A.

answers from San Francisco on

You need to get her stools, bowel movements, so soft she cannot hold thme and they will be easy to pass. Talk to your pediatrician and see what he/she recomends. A high fiber diet will usually make the stool so soft it will pass easily. The other mommmy had a great suggestion about blicking the automatic flusher. It will get better,,,

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D.V.

answers from San Francisco on

While my daughter is still to young for me to have many tips...I did read a great tipo for the automatic toilets. Place/drape toilet paper over the sensor in the public toilets. This will prevent them from flushing while your daughter is sitting on them.

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B.R.

answers from Sacramento on

R., This is such a common question! I don't have any easy answers, but here are some thoughts that I hope will help. It is possible that your daughter has had a painful BM in the past that is causing the problem... or perhaps she has some pain or discomfort with each one that is scaring her. There is also the theory that for small children, the very nature of the poop makes it seem to the child that they are losing part of their body when they go, and for some it's the flushing that away that is frightening.
You mention her having a problem with the noise of the toilet flushing. I can recall when I was about that age that any running water under me was a frightening experience. I'm old enough to remember not having a flush toilet (used the old fashioned outhouse) but recall an incident where I was sitting on the cover of the cistern on our farm talking with my father. The water from the well began flowing into the cistern beneath us, and I freaked out. It felt to me like I might fall into the cistern. It was a completely foundless fear, as the cover on the cistern was secure, and though I knew that in my mind, my emotions told me I was in danger. My father held me close and kept telling me I was OK, and couldn't fall in. He made me stay there until the water stopped flowing in. Though I recall being terrified the whole time, I believe his method of making me sit there and find out that I was OK helped me get over that fear. You might find a similar way to help your daughter get over her fear of the toilet. I know we want to protect our kids from frightening things, but I also think that sometimes we just need to help them through them rather than keep them from them.
There are no easy answers, and you'll need to keep on reassuring your daughter, and encourage her until she gets it. And though it may seem hopeless at this time, I assure you it won't be long until she has it mastered.

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T.W.

answers from San Francisco on

My niece had the same problem, we loaned her the port-a-potty out of our tent trailer and it worked for her, when she got used to it then she was no longer scared of the big toilet. Maybe see if a friend has one if you don't and try it or try something similar. Good Luck!

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