My 2.5 Year Old Son & the Potty...

Short & sweet. I'm with you & everyone else. If he's not ready, why force it? It just causes unnecessary battles, of which there are many others you are probably dealing with right now. :-)

Good luck!!

I personally feel when they are ready they will do it. I have a 3 1/2 yr old girl who is not potty trained and do I feel less of a mother because she is not-NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She knows what the potty is and where it is and knows when she has to go so when she is ready to use it then that is the right time-not when I want her to. I know she is capable, but is not ready-so when she is ready so be it-then we will move forward. I don't let anyone tell me when and where and what my kids do. Like the saying goes-GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE WHO WAIT!!!!!! L.

Susan,

I feel your pain!!!

My son's Dad and I do not see eye to eye on this one...let alone other things. I'm totally in your boat and fighting an uphill battle.

My little guy will be 3 in July, and he's not yet 'potty learned'. But, what he does do before bath and in the morning is he 'pee-pees' a bit in the potty. For me that's progress! I don't think potty training is something you can rush in one weekend, and with boys it's so much tougher than with girls.

What they do at my son's school, and my Mom and I have started doing at home is potty checks. Every hour we go in the bathroom and do a potty check and I've moved away from diapers to cloth trainers that let him know when he has gone. This seems to be helping, but he doesn't have fantastic stream control yet...so, it a work in progress.

Like I told my son's Dad...it's not about perfection, it's about the progress he's making and praising him for that. I hate the idea of putting pressure on something that he's going to HAVE to do everyday. My friend tried the 3-day thing and it backfired. Not sure how...but, she was miserable and gave it another three months. Over a month, with gentle guidance and some encouragement and a rewards chart, he was trained by the time he was 3.

Personally, I don't see the point of rushing kids through things. Life should be enjoyable and fun and exciting. You let your kids self-wean and there was a purpose with that, right? Giving them time to do things at their own pace. It should be consistent all around...right?

I think your hubby and his distant Mom, need to reconnect with why we're all here. Not to pass judgement, but to be loving parts of our kids lives. Right? I would explain to your hubby that this is an instinct thing, Mommy's have and Daddy's tend to not have those inner feelings that drive us to do what is in our kids best interest.

I could go on for days!!! Just follow your heart and do what you know is best. Hugs to you and good luck!!

Hi Hun:
You've contributed so much here,with your wonderful straight forward advice,and heartfelt responses.I felt the least I could do was try and help you,by responding to your simple request.You've always come across as a level headed,individual,and A wonderful mother. Everyone,has their own techniques and ways of doing things.We all were raised differently,and so, who's to say which is right or wrong? Times change,and we as a society progress whether it be intellectually,or scientifically,we learn new and more productive ways in which to handle life's challenges, Big or small.The point is,that you are the mother of your children.Your their nurturer.Your extended family or your mother may have done things differently,however,those choices they made,were theirs alone.They rightfully decided how their children would be raised,and they need to stand back now, and permit you,the same courtesy,the same opportunities they had, when they were young mothers..Right or wrong,It's your turn to be the best mother you can be now. Criticism, attempting to shame you into doing things their way,remarks,that they may or may not realize hurt,or cause you to feel your inadequate,need to be brought out,or ignored all together.You need to approach your husband in a calm but serious way,and tell him how they're making you feel. He knows your a wonderful mother to his children,and that your going to do ONLY whats best for them. It's A proven fact,that children this age cannot and will not be pressured into anything,they aren't ready for. Pushing him,making him feel there's a rush in his achieving this goal,will only prolong it.Constant reminders of his failure, to please them all,teasing,or embarrasing him,will only create relapses in any progress he has made.He will accomplish his goals in his own good time. You realize this as his mother. Your doing the right thing,for him. Don't allow yourself to be bullied,or feel like you need to second guess. Your doing wonderful Mama> You know I wish you only the best. J. M

I would go with my feelings as a mom...I know it is difficult that your husband and other family members are opposed to your feelings on this, but as the boy's mom, you know what is best for him. Once you start potty training, you have to follow through and be consistent all the time with all the caregivers and if all of you don't follow the same procedure for the potty training, it will confuse your son and make things even more drawn out. Boys are not like girls; it usually takes them longer to be potty trained. According to many of the people I have spoken to, boys are not really ready for potty training until at least age 3 and then some don't stay dry at night for a few years after. Just go with your heart on this. If your son is not showing an interest in this yet, just back off and relax about it. Tell all of the relatives who pressure you something like this: "Thank you (name of person) for your concern. I will take what you said under advisement and you will be the first to know what I decide." As far as your MIL and others comparing housebreaking a dog to potty training, I find that a little insulting...it is definitely not the same. Lots of times, a child can regress in potty training or other developmental stages when they are anxious or have stressors in their life at the time. With all this, just be patient and continue to love and encourage your son as you have been.

Best wishes,
J.

I just taught a potty training class last night and I must say that I do not entirely disagree with your mother-in-law. Running around naked (or bottomless) makes it easier for children to have success using the potty.

What I disagree with is the urgency to potty train. If you are not ready, or he is not ready, or you think he is not ready - it is not the right time to start. Your comfort and commitment is as critical to his success as his readiness. The age at which your child is potty trained is not a part of his resume or yours.

Respond to your mother-in-law with one of my favorite phrases - "Isn't it interesting how different families do things differently." There is no judgment in this statement, but a firmness that indicates you are in charge.

The difference with your husband is more challenging. Perhaps you should take a few days away and leave him at home to meet this challenge.

Good luck and trust your instincts.

C.

Hi Susan,
I agree with the other posters, that you've given a lot of great advice to all of us. My daughter is only 18 months, and my Mom and MIL were talking about potty training over Easter. I think part of the issue is a generational difference. My brother and I are 18 months apart, and so are my husband and his sister. Both my Mom and MIL potty-trained me and my sister-in-law (we girls were the oldest) when we were 18 months old, because they were pregnant with their second child and they didn't want to have two kids in diapers. I don't have another child coming along, so I don't feel that pressure. Also, I was talking in 3 word sentences at 18 months and my daughter is not; if she's not talking how could she tell me she needs to go?

My nephew wasn't fully trained until he was almost 4 (pooping on the potty was an issue for him). My cousin also had difficulty with her daughter. What finally worked for her was that her daughter was in daycare, and the daughter's best friend was potty-trained. Once she saw her friend using the potty, she wanted to use the potty. I don't think there's any rush yet with your son, but when he's ready, is there an older friend or his dad that he really admires and you can use as an example? He might also surprise you - try asking him nicely if he'd like to use the potty today. If not, no big deal, don't bring it up again today. Ask him again tomorrow. Tell him that when he's ready, you'll take him to the store and he can pick out his own special potty seat.

My sitter told me that all the kids she's watched have done "potty boot camp" - keep them naked outside for the weekend so it's no big deal to clean up the mess. Once he's ready, take him to the store and let him pick out his chair, and work on it in one weekend.

Good luck to you!

You are doing the right thing by waiting. If your son isn't showing interest then wait. Most people I ask say 2 1/2 for a boy is young. There are so many different opinions out there but do what feels right. My son is 2 1/2 and about a month ago he started showing interest so I'd put him on the potty in the morning after he woke up and at night before he went to bed. He liked it and did go pee both times. There was no pressure, if he wanted to do it he did and if not then he didn't. I used stickers and that works like a charm. I've heard from lots of moms who forced the potty training and the child had accidents for years and years..

Your MIL and your husband ARE your problem, not your little boy. Especially your husband who gives in to Mommy pressure even at thousands miles away. When my kdis were little, I had the same problem with my MIL and husband until I realized that the problem was my husband (for not supporting me)and not my boys. If I were you, I'd place some boundaries around your MIL because I promise you that this is when pressure on little boys get started and is very destructive. Trust your guts and speak up, you are your son's voice for the next 10 years. I know, not easy!

You are a good mom. It sounds like you have a good handle on the fact that your son is not ready. When he is, he will be asking to use the potty and he will ask to wear big boy underwear, etc.

My son turned 3 in January and is "in the process". He is dry at school but still likes to wear pullups at home sometimes. I am not pushing it, but when the pullups are gone this time, we wont be buying any more.

Then we will do the 3-5 day, no pants on method.

trust yourself. no one knows your child better than you do.

God Bless.

I am of the same mindset as you, why spend months pulling your hair out and forcing a child to potty train when they may not be ready. I tried for a minute after my son's 2nd birthday and realized very quickly, it just wasn't time. I waited until he was ready (which for us was about a month or so before his 3rd birthday) and it was the easiest process, he trained in a week with very few accident. The sign for us that he was ready were dry diapers in the morning and after naps. We were out of daytime pull-ups immediately, and nighttime pull ups after few weeks (though they were always dry, it was a safety precaution). We have friends who forced their kids too early that have constant accidents, or still wear diapers to poop... I am a firm believer in waiting until your children are ready.

That's not to say you can't introduce the toilet, buy him a special potty seat (i recommend going straight to the one that sits on the big toilet, we never used our little ones) and make a big production of letting him pick out his underwear (if daddy can get involved in this, all the better, my son wears boxers like his daddy and it makes him feel like a super big boy), my son's cars underwear sat in the drawer for months before he decided he wanted to wear it. Reward charts are good, we started a sticker chart, but he trained so fast, we hardly had need of it.

Good luck!

Hi,
I started potty training my first child at 2.5 because I thought I should. It took 7 months!!!!(He wasn't ready.) With the second child, my family started commenting that I should be potty training him around 2.5 but I knew he wasn't ready. At one point, my mom and nana watched him for a weekend while my husband and I were out of town and said they were going to potty train. When we returned, they told me he wasn't ready. Ha! Long story short...both my boys weren't ready until after they turned 3! Good luck!

Just the fact that so many are making an issue over this could also be holding him back. He will go on his own when he is ready. It seems to me my boy was close to 3 before he would remember to come in and go to bathroom before he wet himself. What happens is they need to learn to come in and go when they first feel the urge so they are not going on the way to the bathroom. I am refering to bladder. That is harder for them and harder to hold. I didn't have any pressure, so i never questioned when he should be completely trained. Now days with pre school i know the pressure is on that they are trained before starting.

Although i never did this. You could try reward method. I don't know if he is to young to understand maybe a poster with stars and maybe after 2 in a row he gets a ice cream cone just howerver you would want to work it. Or everytime he goes in time give him a candy he likes or maybe after a whole day of being dry a little toy.

These are the only things i can think of. With my daughter i bought her some pretty silky panties and told her if she wet or dirtied them we'd have to throw them out. It worked for her. You have to expect some accidents in the beginning, but don't scold or punish him for them. Tell him you are sorry for him and you know he feel"s bad to, .

Well hope yu get some good advice on this. Sandy

Hi S H I would have to agree with your hubby, not the bare bottom part, that , would be unsanitary, one week i'm on the fence about one, at 2.5 years old, it may only take a week. That age swe etie not potty trained in my opinion his not good hygene for your soon, you say you don't want to puch him cause he's does not want to, children are not meant to have that kind of power. Ask yourself if you son doesn't want to take a bath, or pick up his toys, or eat all of his food, would you be so laid back? potty trainig is no different. I am a mother of 3 grown kids before my husband started to plan for our first baby, we talked about everything, and I told him, 3 things that was must, no Pacifres, no bottles after a year old and no 2 year olds in diapers. Our first son was completly trained by 20 months old, our second son was trained by 19 months old, and our third child daughter was trained in 2 days at 22 months old so you see what can be possible, in the 12 years that I have been doing daycare, sucessful and unsucesful potty training was more about the parents than the child. Your husband is right, your son is going on 3 years old, set him up for sucess. J. L.

Hello, My husbacn and I have 4 grown children and 5 1/2 grandchildren. When our children were being trained people thought you had to have it done by the time they were two. Our children were 2, 2 1/2, 20 mo's., and 3 when they got trained. When it came time for our grandchildren, I was babysitting most of them and had custody of one. They were all three years old when the parents and I "trained" them. My method is to say to the child, "Okay, today we are going potty." If there is a problem, we stop and wait. When they are ready, it will only be one day. I also believe that putting on the thin boy or girl underwear works too. The first time they wet down their little legs, they don't like it and are anxious to make it to the potty. With the grandson we had custody of, the mother wanted to buy him a potty chair for his first birthday. Our son tried to tell her that he was not ready for it. My reaction was that she didn't have him and would not be the one trying to train a baby too young. When we started allowing them overnight visits to transition our grandson to them, she started making him sit on the potty. He kept coming back constipated and I couldn't figure out why. When he finally told me that she was doing this, I told her not to do it anymore because he wasn't ready. When he was ready it took one day.
Good luck with your precious child. Remember that you are your child's advocate and know him well. Ask yourself this, "Do I think that my child will be wearing diapers to school?" Really in the realm of things, he has the whole rest of his life to be "grown up".
K. K.

Sorry, don't know if someone already mentioned: just in case you're planning to send him to preschool, you might want to research whether the preschool requires the child already be potty trained.

Good luck either way!

sorry but i totally agree with your mil. He's not too old but he should have stated training already. I trained my 18 mo ols daughter last weekend in 4 days. I can't afford all the diapers right now and thought lets do this. I did my last daughter at about 26 months. as a SAHM you can totally do this now. If you want specific advice let me know. If you let them do things as they see READY, most kids would have bottles, pacis, and sleep in their parents bed at 5.

30 yr old SAHM

S H,

If your husband wants your son potty trained, have him take your son into the bathroom with him, but leave the diaper on him. Have your son sit on the potty chair with his diaper on and he will see that it will not hurt him nor will he fall in. I used this technique with my daughter and she learned a great deal about how to use the toilet. This was the way I did it, your husband may not want to do this with your son, however, he can set the example for your son in this way. Good Luck!

For what's worth, neither one of my boys ever showed signs of being "ready". They would have been happy in diapers forever I think. I decided it was time at age 3 with my oldest and it only took a week. I just put underwear on him with clothes and carried around bags and changes of clothes. I wanted him to be able to feel it when it went and pull-ups are too similar to diapers. You literally have to put them on the toilet every half hour or so so you can catch it before they go in the underwear. After many accidents and many hours sitting there in the bathroom reading to them, both boys were done in a week. Younger son was 2 1/2 and a little more stubborn but still only took a week, nighttime trained too. We just put them in underwear at night, then stood them at the toilet to go when we went to bed. Have a third boy who is one and will start with him at 2 or 2 1/2. They are totally ready by then and it is soooo nice once they are trained!!! They feel proud of themselves too. I say, go for it! What have you got to lose. Very few kids ever act "ready" in my experience.

I'm not really answering your question, but when he is ready and you are ready, something really funny we did that our son just loved was to put cheerios in the toilet and he did target practice. I know that sounds weird, but it really helped with potty training at least for going #1. Getting him to go #2 was a bit harder and I don't think we used the cheerio method.