My 2.5 Year Old Is Turning into a Brat

I always found that the half years (2.5, 3.5, etc) were always bad.
He is supposed to HATE time out. :-) That's the point.
Give him praise when he's being good. If he's sitting and playing nicely, tell him that you are so proud of him. Just catch him being good.
YMMV
LBC

You need parenting experts Faber and Mazlish to show you How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk. Their book is clear, easy-to-read, and ever so useful. I've been using it with my grandson, now 4.5, and it still surprises me over and over how well their techniques work.

Another very effective parent coach is Dr. Harvey Karp, in The Happiest Toddler on the Block. Great stuff.

Don't forget that it's your son's job to push the limits right now. He's getting his first real tastes of being a separate person from mommy, and he really doesn't know how to do it very well yet. These books will help you guide his explorations into this new territory in a positive way. See Dr. Karp demonstrating his approach here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJ1428uYs2g&NR=1&f... There are lots more videos and interviews available there, too.

Redirect his behavior and give him lots of structure, activities and attention. I have 2 boys, both very active and curious as well. This book by Dr. Sears has helped us out tremendously, it would give you tons of ideas as well.

The Discipline Book: Everything You Need to Know to Have a Better-Behaved Child : For Birth to Age Ten
http://www.amazon.com/Discipline-Book-Everything-Better-B...

It sounds like both of you are falling into a bad pattern of behavior. He acts up and you react with stress. It's not helping either of you.

Part of this is just the age. This is why it is called the "terrible twos" though I have to say I love this age.

Before you decide what you want to do about it, you need to define exactly who you want him to be AND who YOU want to be in all of this. If you react with calm, you teach him to react to frustration with calm. That will help you in the long run. He'll grow out of this phase, but depending on how you teach him to handle the stresses of relationships and behaviors, he might grow in a good direction or a difficult one.

SO if you want to be a calm mom who raises a calm son, sit down and write out what frustrates you and WHY. Then address the why. Is that something about you, him, behavior, or a combo of all of those things. Then what are some loving ways to 1. redirect the behavior and 2. when appropriate, help him to understand why it is undesirable behavior. I'm all for being frank and honest with toddlers, but stay calm. They understand. Never leave your reactions up to how you feel in the moment. Anticipate. Plan. Then follow through.

As far as wanting attention, make sure that the first 15 minutes of every hour are one-on-one with him (if he is your only child) or that at least you are directly playing with him. A simple game of "I'm gonna get you" is great for this age. When you have to pull away to do the dishes, bring him into the kitchen with you and have him play with tupperware or a bowl of water. Yes, you'll have to clean it up afterward, but it will only take a minute to clean and you'll both be happy. After 10 minutes of not paying attention to him, pick him up for another 5 minutes. He'll feel like you have time forhim and he won't need to act up so much.

It takes a while to establish good patterns, but he'll grow out of this.

Good luck.

2.5 year olds need to be kept busy. They have an attention span of 2.5 minutes. They also like a lot of attention and are used to parents doing everything for them so this all of a sudden this becomes a little confusing to them, just because they can walk and have some language skills we expect them to entertain themselves and be able to behave the way we think they should behave.

They are not ready for this, so it is our job to help them. When you are in the middle of doing chores, you have to also include your son in helping or have something to keep him occupied.. Remember 2,5 minutes at a time.

Also because he does not have a full vocabulary and a complete understanding of his feelings, there are going to be melt downs and some testing of you on his part.

Distraction can help. When you know he is going to want a cookie at the grocery store, have some snacks in your purse and give him a choice. "We do not eat cookies at the store. Would you like some grapes or goldfish?" Please hold my grocery list. (maybe not give him the real list in case he looses it) "Please be my helper and help me find the red apples."
"I need to take the laundry to the washing machine, please help me carry this shirt."

Also giving him words for what his feelings are will also allow him to learn why he is behaving the way he is.

"you look frustrated because you cannot reach the drawer" "may I help you get your step stool?".

"You look angry because I will not let you climb on the couch." "You can climb on the slide at the park."

"We do not pinch! It hurts." We use soft and gentle touches."

"Use your words, not your hands."

"We do not hit people." "You can hit your pillow."

"We do not hit brother." "We love brother."

"We do not take toys, we ask for a turn with the toy."

Yes, it is time consuming and this is not a one time deal. Imagine you have only been able to walk and talk for a few months. Keep that in mind when you are dealing with your child. He will not learn these skills with just one time instruction. It will need to be practiced.

Also be sure to show these behaviors all of the time so your son will learn. Hitting, slapping, yelling.... These reactions in an adult will result in the same behaviors in the child that is watching your every move.

You can turn all of his behaviors into positive behaviors by encouraging and complimenting the good behaviors and redirecting the "bad behaviors." Parenting is not for the faint of heart. You can do this. Just take a breath and remember he is only 2.5 years old.

I heard the other day that kids ask for something on average of 9 times before they give up- I think it's the same with them acting out. Not that they will stop on 9- some won't until you tell them to knock it off for the twentieth time! :) I think the main thing to do is be consistent and follow though with punishments and rewards. I know that it's hard to do sometimes but if he is acting up and you were supposed to go to the park- you can't go to the park if you used that as his punishment for acting up. Also(and this gets soooo tiring for you as a mom) you just have to physically stop him sometimes. And I don't mean that in a bad way- but if he is throwing toys and won't stop- you will have to go over and take toys away. If he is running away at the park- take him by the hand and lead him to your car and drive home. When he tries to bite, hit or pinch- firmly remove his hand(or mouth) and tell him that it's not nice to hit, bite. pinch and we don't do that. If he is on the couch- pick him up and take him off. This WILL wear you out! (I know- I've done it!) but it will work also- it just takes time.
So, Don't give up! Hang in there!
God Bless!
~C.

If you know that he wants attention - then give it to him. Give him things he CAN do. Spend time with him, it won't be long until he'd rather be off playing with his friends. Him wanting time with you is something to enjoy.

What helped me was turning my perspective around from thinking that he's deliberately trying to test YOU and seeing a new being learning about the world with only a limited ability to understand it. Think if you were dropped off in a foreign country and didn't know a thing about the language, customs or land. How well would you be able to take part in a tea ceremony, for example? This is where your son is right now. Language is new - how adept is he at speaking? How complex is his vocabulary? His level of understanding is just as basic. He can't explain the three branches of government, he can't explain the days of the week, or the weather forecast. He couldn't even tell you what it was for at this point.

He looks at all things at this level. He hasn't learned that a couch costs a lot of money or that people put their skilled time into making it. He hasn't grasped that you can't get new blinds as easily as a new piece of paper. Everything is equal right now. That's where he's at.

The Faber book below is good. Also "Playful Parenting". In general, talk in simple short sentences, keep things he can't do away from him and give him lots of things he can do. This will help your life be lots easier. An 8 year old understands not to jump on a couch because he has matured into being able to understand it. As a toddler and not even a preschooler yet, your son can't. So, until he can, expecting him to act beyond his age will be very frustrating for YOU. Expecting him to act at his age will make things easier for both you and him.

I agree with most of what's already been said here. Right now he's figuring out HOW things work, cause and effect, and he's got a limited vocabulary and understanding of what's acceptable.

Here's where you come in Mom. He learns EVERYTHING from you. If I throw a toy, what happens? Does Mom yell? Hit? Praise? Ignore? How you REACT will mold much of his future behavior.

I sincerely believe right now is some of the hardest parenting. You are setting the stage for the rest of your relationship. Invest now in how you want your son to see you react to him - good or bad behavior - and you will see the results for the rest of your life.

I know it may seem a bit overwhelming and daunting and let's be honest, exhausting, at times. But you are molding a person!

I strongly suggest doing busy activities in the morning to run some of the energy out of him every day. Go to the zoo, the park, your backyard, a swim lesson, etc. Give him acceptable spaces and places to just run, jump, climb, explore, etc. I have found that by doing this we have a much better and easier time "behaving" at home later. That's the "attention" part.

Also, I agree with trying to include him in what you do. If your cleaning, give him a clean rag. If you're cooking, ask him to draw Daddy a picture of what's for dinner. Use praise for good behavior. Tell him what a good helper you have, what a big boy he is, etc. Get Dad in on the act. Have him come home and ask, "Mom, how'd we do today? Did you have any helpers?" Dad needs to reinforce that the kids need to help Mom around the house and listen. And if they don't, Dad is disappointed. Mom gets a break for the rest of the night and DAD takes over since they aren't "being nice to Mommy/my honey".

I'd love to tell you some great book to read, but honestly, when we were in this phase I didn't have time to read and didn't want to. When I did have some quiet alone time, I wanted a bath and a glass of wine!

As far as the "smiling" at you when he's being naughty, I think a firm "NO!" goes a long way. He needs a short, firm understanding of when his behavior is "not nice" or "unacceptable" and certainly not cute and worth smiling about.

I think we've all "been there" with our kids at this age. So know that you're not alone. It's exhausting being a good parent. Just know that if you put in the time and effort now you'll reap the benefits for a long time to come later on.

Hugs, strength and energy!

can you give him more attention? seems like a silly response, i know, but this is the age where sweet unassuming toddlers can turn into terrors. it's a really crucial time for the development of his personality. you say you know he is wanting attention. so put him in time out, discipline him as you know you should, then take fifteen minutes and read stories. color with him. when you say he's acting out from a desire for attention, understand that's not just an in-the-moment thing. that's a long term thing. i bet if you make an effort to spend thirty minutes a day with him just hanging out, you will notice a decrease in these behaviors.

use time out and be consistent. if you say one more time or if you do that again and don't follow up he knows your words don't mean anything. be consistent.
you might have to restrain him in time out the first number of times. your hard work will pay out. so he should be in time out for 2 full min since he is two years old. of course he hates time out.what kid would say goodness mom i was thinking my behavior is not up to snuff perhaps you could put in time out for a bit. take away priveleges and give them back when he deserves them.
also let him know your proud of him and his accomplishments. remember when he says please let him know he is a good boy. when he does something naughty . tell him this is not the best part of you and i expect better.be firm. good luck.

if he knows what he doing then he needs a whooping! my two year old was doing that and i got extremely tired of it. tried everything else and it didn't work. i tore them legs and behind up and it stopped REAL QUICK. I am the mother and he is the child and i wanted him to know that so i showed him. he hit me once.... i gurantee you he won;t do that again! i know everyone doesn't believe in this and that's fine to each her ownbut if he's doing all this now and you don't get it to stop what is he going to be doing when he's 5, 10 , 15! he going to be one of those kids that you see in the store on the floor screaming and telling you to shut up or calling you out of your name and whatever else you shake your head at and say" i wish mine would try that on me." so good luck and i hope you find a solution.