My 2 Yr Old Clingy

Keeping in mind that she is more like a baby chimp at this age than a toddler human will help J.. A two year old is still quite a baby and needs an inordinate amount of holding, carrying and reassurance that the world is safe. Don't expect her to be independent yet - and don't resent this stage if you can. This is the last time you will have the chance to feel small arms around your neck - small hands patting your face...

Independence begins around age three (but is not complete until around age five). If you are worried that you won't get there with your sanity, you might be well advised that the age of three is worse than two. I always call them: "The Terrific Twos" and "The Terrible Threes". Enjoy this easy stage while it lasts... soon, just picking her up WON'T calm her down!

Note: please try not to label her tears as "crabby". Babies are not crabby - they are having normal feelings. When you label them - even in your head - you become more intolerant. I hope that you don't call her "crabby" to her face - and hope that other moms here know that labeling kids out loud when they are young sets them up for low self-esteem and poor social behaviors later on.

Patience, not punishment, will get you through these hard stages. A two year old is too young to understand how to control her tears and frustration. How do YOU like to be treated when you are unhappy? Does punishment work for you? No - and neither should a child be punished for being unhappy. Pick her up and be grateful that she is healthy and growing up in a safe place (your arms).

My son is 1 and a half.. and is oh so very very clingy. He cries when i leave the room, he cries if he just cant see me.. I was for a while taking him with me.. but I just couldnt do what i needed to do.. so when I need to use the bathroom for instance.. he will stand at the bottom of the stairs, and scream because he cant get past the child gate.. So I have started talking to him from wherever I am.. I just say.. "mommys right here..hold on I'll be right back" he still cries, but i feel at least he knows i havent left him. I'm still working on this, but this is one thing I just started, and it seems to comfort him a little to know that " hey i can hear her I just cant see her".. I dunno we will see if he gets better.

Good luck to you.

Kids this age often go through intense stages of clinginess. The fastest way for them to feel more independent and secure is to give them lots of comfort and attention. Slings (the type that are big pieces of cloth) can help you secure her to your hip while you walk around. Teach her a nice way too ask for your attention and don't reward the whiny/crabby requests. But look for every opportunity to snuggle her, pick her up, etc. Also are you going through any personal stresses or family stresses? Kids are very sensitive to changes in adult moods and often become clingy when they sense illness, stress, frustration from their parents.

If there are things that you have to get done without holding her, then set a timer for a short time and tell her when it goes off that you will be available. I also set the timer to signal my son when playtime with mommy is over and I need to get some work done.

K.

One thing that my friend tried was setting up things to do at home.

First set something up that you can do together. Move the activities progressively farther away. See if she is ok playing in the same room, but independantly. Once she is ok with that, leave the room for progressive intervals. 10 seconds, 30 seconds, 1 minutes, etc. She will learn that she is ok and that you are always coming back.

My kids would go through clingy stages, but I struggled with illnesses and I am sure that they could sense something was wrong. They usually just needed some good time with mom and then things would get better.

Hope this helps.

I almsot completely agree with Annette's answer. I think it's great that she stresses that it's SO important to make them feel loved and secure at this age. (At all ages, really) But, at the same time, try to teach her patience. I tell my 22 mth old (VERY CLINGY!) that I am doing this first, then I'll hold him. I talk to him the whole time about how it will be one more minute, and I say, "Can you be patient? Mommy wants to hold you, but I need you to be patient for one more minute." I use the word patience alot during other times too to make him see what it means. When he's taking turns with toys, etc.....On the other hand, I have a friend that is dying of cancer and will never get those moments with her son, so PLEASE keep that in mind...you never know how much time you may have to cherish them!