My 18 Month Old Son Still Sleeps with Us, Is That a Bad Thing?????

Hi H.,
I'm L., My daughter Dariah, who is now 6 yrs old, slept w/ us when she was a baby and she still does, we tried getting her to sleep in her crib/bed but she would cry and we felt so bad so we would just put her w/ us and her Doctor even said to just let her cry, that she didnt need to be sleeping w/ us anymore(this was 3 or so years ago), we didnt take that advice and she pretty much rules her PARAENTS room (not that it bothers me though that she sleeps w/ us). Anyways, good luck!
L.

Hi, H., my name is S., and I am the mother of a wonderful 2yo boy. I have been a single mom ever since he was born, and usually lived in cramped quarters, so he has slept with me most of his life. I keep alternating between him sleeping with me, and in his own bed, and it seems to work. He doesn't mind his bed, he just won't go to sleep in it by himself, so I usually lay him down with me until he falls asleep, and then move him to his bed. He wakes up sometimes, but seems content to be in his own bed, and usually is excited in the morning to find that he has moved. I hope this was some help

Hi H., My name is L. and I have 2 kids. I have a 4 year old, Prestin, and because we loved him sleeping with us so much, he still does and by this time, we are so over it. Every night we try to get him to sleep in his own bed but he looks at us and says "but I just want to sleep with my family" and he gets sad, so it's harder to break him now I think then it would have been when he was 18 months old. He has slept in his own bed, he just prefers to sleep with us. When he was about 12 months old, I would lay with him in his bed and watch a little t.v. with him or read him a book, or just sit and talk to him until he fell asleep and that seemed to work for a couple months. My advice to you would be to try that, because by age 3 he'll start kicking you and hitting you in his sleep and there is nothing cute about that in the middle of the night lol. Good Luck

Dear H.,

I don't know anything about having the baby sleep with you. But I do know that you need to stop listening to 'everyone', they don't know what they are talking about usually. Do your own research and make up your own minds. The way that you describe your experience with this makes me feel that it is a good thing for the whole family right now. I am so glad that you are well again and can enjoy life. Sincerely, C. N.

You have chosen an unpopular but very natural and caring sleeping arrangement. You might want to check out Dr. Sear's website http://www.askdrsears.com/ . You would especially be interested in the article, "Co-Sleeping: Yes, No, or Sometimes" http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T071000.asp

Dr. Sears is the author of "The Baby Book". He promotes what he calls "attachment parenting" which includes breast feeding, the family bed (i.e. parents and child sleeping in the same bed) and carrying your child in a sling. Dr. Sears calls the popular form of sleep training where you let your child cry it out in a crib by himself "detachment parenting".

If this sleep arrangement works for you, your husband, and your baby, don't let other nosey, albeit well-meaning friends and relatives get in the way of what you have. Our first daughter slept with us until she was 2 and now our 6 month old sleeps with us. I put her down initially in the basanett next to our bed so that my dh and I can get some time together, then when she wakes up I bring her into bed with us and breastfeed her back to sleep. She always falls right back to sleep and we never have to walk the halls with her or take her on 3am rides in the car to get her back to sleep like some parents have to do. Keep it up!

Hi H.!
We have a 20 month old who "still" co-sleeps. Co-sleeping, though less frequent in our society, is really the way families have slept for ages and ages all over the world.

To quickly answer your questions:
No, it won't damage him. I can't imagine any other place for them and us to wake up. It's not a 'bad thing' and it won't cause problems in the future if it fits your parenting style. lastly, no, you don't have to force it upon him either if you don't want to. It is all up to when you and he are ready to make different accomodations, and to do it gently. If what you are doing works for your family right now, no need to change it. When you or him need change, there are many gentle ways to transition from co-sleeping. I do not believe things are harder if you wait for them to be older. I think it's the contrary. They can understand and even be 'exited' about a new bed, etc.

We are adding a new member to our family this fall, so we've put another mattress in our room (they're on the floor to provide easy access), and I'll be laying DD down to sleep there. However, she is still close enough that if she is up through the night she can just climb in with us. We nursed through the night til 15 months, when we gently night weaned, and now we are trying to stop nursing TO sleep at night. It's been a breeze. No crying or anything. She just curls up and snuggles and goes to sleep. I firmly believe it is because she is far more ready now that she is older, than as a baby.

If you were to have him in your bed until he decides he is ready to let go, I'm sure he'd say that at some point. Otherwise, some people start with another mattress in the same room, and eventually (most likely years from now) a different room.

Have you checked out dr. sears books and website? He's a co-sleeping advocate and AP guru. I'm sure you'd find reassuring info there.

www.askdrsears.com
www.drjaygordon.com

It depends on your child, every child is different. my daughter is 2 years and 10 months. she slept in the crib for a bout the first 4 months then she shared the bed with her dad and me since we had no heat in the bedroom and i was worried about her being cold. she slept with us for about 2 years. when we moved to a house with heat we put her in her own crib. at first she was a little upset but she made the transition fine. we had so many friends and relatives tell us what a mistake it was to share our bed with her but i loved having her there and she too slept better. she now mostly sleeps in her own bed just fine although it is still in our room. maybe that would help you if you put his bed or crib in your room so he doesn't feel too isolated then move him out later. just do what you feel is right, no one ever sleeps in their parents bed forever.

Hi H.,
My daughter and I Co-Slept continuously until she was past two. I can't remember the exact date right now. Some time around two I put her in a toddler bed at bed time and laid with her till she went to sleep, some time in the A.M. she would come back in to my bed. (we had the same room) But she was getting better and better at sleeping in her bed longer at night. No crying, I'm not a cry your self to sleep type. However I have heard good results of that from others. When we moved she got her own room and the first week I slept with her in her big girl bed, then I moved out of her room and In to mine after she fell asleep for another week and now she sleeps all night long in her own bed, and wakes me up to take her potty but goes back in to her own room. We read a story or two in her bed then I wait a bit so she gets to cuddle with me then I kiss her good night and leave, she says good night mom, and I have a nice bed all to my self in my own room. Its not really hard to transfer them when they are ready. but I think you have to watch for clues, like sleeping all night long with out waking up and thinking of them selves as big kids, which is around two or so. It gives them more independence and My daughter loves her new room and takes naps alone now. I hear that if the father puts the baby down to sleep it works better, but you have to ask some one who has one of those for details.
Good Luck!
Just do what is right for you, listen to your heart and you will do no wrong.

My son used to sleep with us every night, until he was about 7 months and then we slowly started making him sleep in his own room so we could have some "us" time, but my husband and I still sneak into his room and bring him to bed with us a couple times a week. My husbands mom used to tell us to make him sleep on his own. The way we see it though is that he is not going to be little forever. He seems so much more secure when he's with us too. He's so little and sweet, he's going to be big before we know it and probably not want to sleep with us. So I don't think there's much of a problem. I mean if you both agree that you don't mind him being there. I would say though that you should occasionally try to get some alone time.

Hi H.. I know alot of people think co-sleeping is bad, but I'm not one of them. You say that everyone sleeps better when you are co-sleeping, right? If that's true, then who cares what anyone thinks.
My son is about the same age as your boy and this is what we do. He sleeps half the night without me, in his own bed. Then, if he wakes up during the night, he knows it it perfectly ok to come climb in bed with mommy. My boyfriend works 2am to 1pm so I have the bed to myself.
I think cuddling up with your children is so awesome. My son rubs my arms when he falls asleep. Those little fingers, bones, skin, blood....I made that! And I love it when he lays there, breathing deeply, rubbing my arms, and just being there!!
Enjoy this time you have now. One of these days he's not going to want to sleep with you. He's going to grow up, and you may regret doing something you don't like. See, obviously you like co-sleeping, right? So go ahead and continue. He will eventually want some of his bed time. Like my son. Jake wants his own bed and that is why we only sleep with eachother for half the night. Maybe you could try that.
Get him his own bed, and make him sleep in it for ahile each night. Get him a cool pillow or blanket set. Make sure his bed is COMFORTABLE. Maybe he'll get the thought that his bed is better than yours. lol. Anyway, good luck with this.
Best Wishes, T.

Hello,
we did the same thing but as she got older she didn't want to go to her own bed. Just like the other mother said; we let her pick out her bed, her theme, and everything. She wants to even play in our room bringing all the toy in there. We finally broke her of sleeping with us and she is now 4. The only time I will lay wih her is if we take a nap together. So, yeah it isn't bad for now but later it will be. I would start breaking it now.

Hi! My kids are 7 and 5 and they both slept with my husband and I since birth. Same reasons as yours, and we really didn't mind. It's getting them out later that's the problem. They still try to climb in my bed now! They've gotten better since they started school but they prefer my bed to theirs. They both have nice bed, they got to pick out their sheets and comforters didn't help at all. I'm pregnant again and I swear this baby will sleep in his crib from day 1 :)

Co-Sleeping was something we just never did. I don't think it's bad by any strech we just choose to have them in teh basinet next to us instead ofin bed and tehn move tehm to a crib in thier own room when they started to sleep through the night... Since we are past that, well....

As you can read in the other posts you will pay for it later, but ya know what.... that is for you to decide if it's worth it. Each baby is it's own special person in thier own special moment, and if you want baby to sleep with you and snuggle well you go for it. Sometimes I wish I would have. But I had the tendency to nip all tings in the bud as babies so I didn't have to deal later when they were old enough to really express an opinion.

If you want him close but not in bed well you could always put up a crib or toddler bed up in your room and let him sleep neer you and then transfer him later. I still have my crob set up in my room for when they are sick,I just move them closer so me..(hahahI"m not phobic about having them in my bed, my kids are spinners and sleep crawlers, no one sleeps when they are in our bed). But perhaps that would help you start the separation process if you wanted to.
And after all that babble, well to answer your question, no I don't think it's bad.

H.

hi H., i don't think its bad at all, does he have his own room and his own bed? i think if you give him a choice, and maybe lay him down in his bed first, he will gradually choose to sleep in his own bed. i think it helps with independance because they know that they're safe and secure so they're more willing to try things on their own cuz they have that safety net they know is there. lots of parents support and beleive in co sleeeping and i think it is up to the parents and child themselves what works best for them. my daughter sleeps with us about 25 percent of the time now, and she is 3. its just one special time to be close. thats all.

It doesn't matter what other people think. You know your family best! Follow your instincts about when you think he might be ready. Try him with a bed every once in a while, for naps, etc. You'll never know, though, if you don't have some trial runs. And sometimes it's all about a s l o w transition. Baby steps! You'll be just fine because you know him best!

My daughter slept with me until she was five and a half. First, like you it was for the breastfeeding, but I let her stay just because it was so cozy and I liked that I could be so near to her in the night. To be honest, the thought of having her alone in another room seemed hugely unnatural, and I don't think I would have slept soundly anyways, on account of my mother instincts. As she grew she went to bed easily and slept soundly, but when she hit four years old, she would take longer to fall asleep, which meant I would have to stay there with her until she did; She would fuss if I didn't; She was so used to my presence there. So, I think with my next child I will have them nearby as an infant but I will try to encourage independent sleeping,, just so I don't get locked into bedtime struggles. Now that my daughter is six she does have her own bed, and I must say, the process of getting her used to this new experience has taken a while. At first she was terrified to be on her own at night, she would cry a lot so we would stay with her,, When children are really small it doesn't really matter but as they grow and get accustomed to life's routines they usually dislike change, especially one that invlolves less time with their mommy. I loved co-sleeping and I am sure it works, and turns out differently for everyone, so I am not saying "yeh" or "nay", just adding my real-world experience! I remember when she was a baby, people felt the need to let me know that having her in my bed was a bad idea and I didn't give them any attention. I did what I thought was right, and that's all any mother can do. Really, we just know what we need to do, it's an instinctive thing.
Hope this can help somehow! Take care!

If you want my advise and opinion work on getting him out NOW we did the same thing with our son he always slept with us just so we could get some sleep well he is 4 now and I cant get him out.. its such a fight and if he does fall asleep in his own bed he crawls into my bed in the middle of thr night I so wish I never even started him in my bed I learned my lesson with my 2nd child and she has never slept with me

When I had my first child, everyone told me that it was terrible to let her sleep with us. My husband and I were completely fine with the idea, as we figured the day would come when she didn't want to sleep with us anymore. We believed there were many benefits to it, both for her and us. As you know, you feel more secure with him in bed, knowing that he is safe and sound. He also gets that sense of security, knowing mommy and daddy are right there for him. And when he does eventually sleep in his own bed, you just want to make sure he knows that even though you aren't in bed with him, you will still be right there if he needs you in the middle of the night. As far as waiting until he is ready, you should be realistic with the idea. How long are you willing to let him sleep with you? Until he is 5? Longer? Our daughter didn't make the decision to sleep in her own room by herself, we did. And it was just like any other transition; it took a bit of time and patience, but it worked out just fine. You and your husband will probably be ready for Damian to sleep in his own bed before he is, but you'll know when the right time for that is. Everyone and every situation is different, but having our daughter in our bed has never caused a rift between my husband and I, nor has it caused any problems for her. You should just do what you think is right for your family, not what everyone else says is right.

Personally, I do not think it is a bad thing. For me personally, I work full-time during the day and it is a great bonding time for me and my lil 6 month old. I originally had him sleeping in a bassinet next to my bed. But since then, he has exceeded the weight limit of the bassinet and so, from there I moved him to my bed. And it's been great! He sometimes sleeps in his crib and sometimes our bed...and has no problem doing each.

I guess basically it depends on your lil one and what you feel is best for him. It may be difficult to get him to sleep on his own, but eventually he will. And I think the bonding and closeness you achieve by having him with you is worth the difficulty :)

Good luck!!

I don't think he will ever just sleep on his own since he has been sleeping in your bed since birth. Kids get into a routine and it's VERY difficult to break them of certain things once they get used to it. My son never slept in our bed, but I slept in his room on a couch. He slept in his own crib but was used to me sleeping in the same room with him. Just trying to be able to sleep in my own bed again was a fight because my son was used to me being in the room with him. The sooner you transition him into his own crib/bed in his own room, the better. It will be hard at first, probably a lot of crying. But eventually he will get used to sleeping on his own. Plus, it will mean more privacy and intimacy for you and your husband :)

Do what is right for the 3 of you. My 3 year old spent over a year in her own bed but has recently returned to ours because she is afraid to sleep by herself. Everyone including the dog sleeps in our room. I think she just didn't want to be excluded. My husband and I don't mind it because she is learning to potty train at night and it's easier to wake us if she needs help. Lots of cultures around the world have a family bed. Again, you should do what is right for your family.

oh boy! I am a vetern! Our daughter is 5 and STILL sleeps with us. When she was born I also had an 10 month old and it was much easier for me to have her in bed with us, we all got more sleep that way. I dont think its a bad thing at all. We dont have any "Together" time in our bed (if you know what I mean) but besides that its all good. But i do think that they wont ever be ready to sleep on their own until we force it upon them. However, its much easier said than done.... shes still with us. Enjoy the time together, it goes by so fast. N.

H. it's between you and your family. My son slept with us until he was about 2. I loved it but I found none of us were sleeping because he was getting so big and felt he needed a queen sized bed for himself. It wasn't an easy process but now he stays in his room until it's time to get up...again not an easy process. It's not impossible though. He's not gonna be sleeping with you when he's 20. So whatever you and your husband and Damian are comfortable with, do it. When it comes time for the transition, you'll know it. At that time remember you are the parents and the bed is rightfully yours. Keep your private time a priority too. It's so important. Maybe when you do switch him to his room, (this is what we did), he got a big boy bed. He was SO excited and if he got really scared he could sleep on the floor, (I made it comfy) next to our bed and if he just wanted to come in I said okay as soon as the sun comes up...and he did. Enjoy having your son with you as long as you want.

If the situation is working then there is nothing wrong with it. There is never anything wrong with being close with your child. You do what you feel is best for your family and that is all that matters. Don't listen to everyone else, they are not in your home, they do not know your child. When you and he are ready he will sleep in his own bed. So many doctors say it is fine. Dr. sears promotes the family bed. I had to move my son out of my bed when he was 13 months because he wouldn't stop pinching my nipple at night and I couldn't sleep. But if it were not for that I wouldn't have minded him staying. You do what is best for you and you will never let your child down. :)

H.

There is no problem with you son sleeping with you while he is young, but if you don't try letting him sleep in his own bed it may become a problem later on.

I went throught a simular situation with my young who is now 14 years old. She slept with us from the time she came home, but as she got older she would refuse to go to sleep in her own bed and she slept with us until she was almost eight years old. Try letting him sleep in his own bed once and a while and you should be fine.

I hope that this helps.

My daughter is 5 yrs old and starts off sleeping on her own.. lil after midnite she crawls into bed with me... I have a 1 month old that will sometimes sleep with me... depending how tired i am when she wakes me up... to me i dont see anything wrong with it cuz she will eventually want her own..

H.,
My son is 19 months old and he sleeps with us. I get a lot of grief from other people about it. But my take on the whole subject is when we are all ready to make that change we will. My brother in law did a great thing with their son that also slept with them. When he turned 3 they told him he could pick out any bed that he wanted if he would sleep in it. So of course he chose the Step 2 firetruck bed. He was only able to sleep in it about 6 months but he made the transition with no problems. I plan on trying this with my son. But my thoughts are this... I'm not ready for him to be away from me. He is growing up way to fast. I don't listen to anything people say.When we are all ready to make a change we will.

not a bad thing!!! we sleep with our one-year old and plan to indefinitely. i know plenty of families who have done the same. have you read any of the sears books on parenting? he is a huge advocate of co-sleeping, and says kids are usually ready to move to their own bed between 2 and 3 years of age. my pediatrician at kaiser says it's fine, keep her in our bed until her teens if we like. so ignore all those naysayers.

Hi H.,
I am in the same situation. My son has slept with us since he was born... Now he will be 3 in April.. I have been trying to get him to sleep in his own bed, but he comes in every night. I have 3 kids, the other 2 always slept in their own bed. But we let my youngest sleep with us. It is definately difficult to change once you let it get so far. I am still trying. I even bought him a race car bed. But he still comes in our bed. I don't know what else to do.

My four year old still sleeps with his daddy and I. In a lot of cultures it is perfectly normal. It is something your husband and you have to sit down and discuss. When you are ready you can try moving him gradually. Set up a small bed in your room and at night put him in there. Each night slowly ove him a few inches closer to the door. Eventually he'll be in his own room.

hi H.,
my son slept with my husband and i until he was about the same age, now he sleeps in his own bed in the same room with us. the transition into his own bed us fine and he sleeps through the night still. i encourage you to do what you feel is right, if your husband and you both feel fine about him sleeping with you and its not interferring with your intimate time together i think its ok. when he's ready you'll know, or when your ready. we finally made the transition when my son started hogging the bed. best luck to you
God Bless,
K.

I think that whatever works for you and your family is what you should do...Every family is different, and every child is different, so do what you feel is right for yours. But, just FYI, my sister-in-law has a 3 year old who has slept with them since he was born. Now they want him to sleep in his own bed and own room, and it's been hell for them trying to get him to. Good luck with whatever you do, though.

-C.