My 18 Month Old Is Not Listening to Me

Hi C.,

Please do not lose your mind. Your son semms to be and please excuse my expression, spoiled. Since you cannot bring yourself to chastise him, and before he tears up everything around him, maybe a child psychologist could help. First of all when my children were young like yours time outs did not work because they do not understand what they means. When my children were small like your son is I was very stern with them and loving. so they would not take advantage of me. Oh they would listen to their father, all he had to do was appear and they would stand at attention, and that's ok, but children should obey both of their parents.

He is not challenged by you, he knows you will let him get away with things and that's why he does that. When a child throws things at you put a stop to it use your instinct.

I pray that everything works out for you and your wonderful baby.

Congratulations, your baby is growing up right on schedule! My daughter did the same things at that age. She's 23 months old now and she's just beginning to understand time out, just starting to listen a little, but no is her favorite word and she defintely has her own opinions. It's a stage. I know it's not what you want to hear but he will get over it. Try not to focus on the bad things. I know it's hard, I stuggle everyday not to have a meltdown myself. Praise the good things he does, over react to the good even. Kids crave attention and when they get any, either positive or negative they repeat the behavior to elict that same response. Be calm with the bad things, a stern no and then take the food away when he starts throwing it, take the books away when he tears them -- be calm, yet firm. "Good job" has become my mantra. If my daughter gets food to her mouth without throwing any I say "good job eating", if she sits still while I fix her hair I say "good job sitting still", etc, etc, etc. Try to remember he's just a little boy and he will grow out of this stage. :)

I can hear your frustration as this is a very hard developmental stage to go through. It sounds like your son is doing what most 18 month old children will do so his behavior is to be expected. Try to remember that he is just trying to figure out how things work. Some of this is testing to see if you always will say no when he rips the book. He is beginning to learn what he can and cannot do and it is important that you are consistent. Firmly say "No" and then take whatever it is away from him or move him away from the situation. My son is in the hitting phase (he is also 18 months) and I say "No" and move him away from the person. I might have to do it 5 times but my response is consistent every time. This is the only way he will learn limits. Try to take it one day at a time and give yourself a time out if you feel angry (I do it all the time because it is very frustrating to go through this all day long).

Good luck.

GOOD MORNING C...FIRST OFF I WOULD LIKE TO ASK SOMETHING MAYBE A LITTLE PERSONAL BUT IT IS RELEVANT TO WHAT I WANTED TO COMMENT ABOUT..SO IF U CAN RETURN THE MESSAGE TO ME AFTER THIS MESSAGE THEN MAYBE THRU EXPERIENCE I COULD BE MORE HELPFUL....THE QUESTION IS DO U AND YA B/F FIGHT OR ARGUE AT ALL IN FRONT OF YA SON....THE REASON I ASK THIS IS NOT TO ACTUALLY GET IN YA BIZ...BUT TO C IF MAYBE UR SON THINKS HE'S THE BOSS BCUZ HE IS WATCHIN A ROLE MODEL OF SOMEONE THAT PLAYS THE BOSS And MIGHT B TRYIN 2 IMMITATE WHAT ATTITUDE OR ACTIONS HE IS SEEING...THERE IS NO WAY U SHOULD LET THIS GO ON BCUZ IN THE FUTURE(THAT'S IF U DONT STOP THIS BEHAVIOR NOW..)YA SON WILL TOTALLY RUN OVER U AND HAVE NO RESPECT BCUZ U HAVE LITTLE TO KNOW CONTROL OVER HIM...AND TRUST ME AS SMALL AS THEY ARE THEY KNOW WHN THEY GET OVER AND WHO TO DO IT WITH(U ALREADY SAID HE DOESNT TRY THIS WITH YA B/F)...SO I SUGGEST U TRYIN TO TALK TO HIM IN ADULT/BABY WAY AND LET HIM KNOW HE HAS TO LISTEN TO MOMMY...AND IF HE DOESNT, TAKE THE LITTLE THINGS THAT MATTER TO HIM ...FOR EXAMPLE A FAVORITE TOY OR SOMETHIN..AND AS FAR AS THE THROWIN OF THE FOOD AND/OR TOYS,CLIMBIN ON EVERYTHING AND RIPPIN PAGES FROM HIS BOOKS R ALL NORMAL BEHAVIORS...REMEMBER AT 18 MONTHS HE IS STILL A BABY AND U JUST HAVE TO PRACTICE PATIENCE AND IT WILL B ALRIGHT...TAKE CARE AND GOOD LUCK...

I have an 18mo too. I can totally understand. My advice:
1. Manage
2. Redirect

Manage situations so the things he is likely to do can't happen (for example, only allow him access to board books with no pages to rip, feed him in a high chair with a splatter mat underneath so that you don't mind the throwing, block objects where he normally climbs, etc)

Redirect behaviors that you don't like into things you DO like. For example: instead of saying "No Hitting!" Tell him "Be Gentle" and show him what you mean. I had this problem with my daughter hitting and climbing on the dog. Now she still tries the first options sometimes, but when I remind her she usually starts to pet gently.

Look for the good behavior and give attention for that, and ignore the bad behavior that you can. For example: screaming for his ba-ba should not EVER get him his ba-ba. Tell him, "If you say please, you can have it, otherwise, I can't hear screaming". (please at this age can be any attempt at the word, or even the sign language) Ignore the screaming. Go into another room if you need to. He has learned that it works, so it may get a bit worse before it gets better. If you are consistent, though, he will learn that good behavior gets him the attention he wants and needs.

Hope this helps!