Crazy 1 Year Old

Some one year old's are definitely more active than others. Sounds like you have a QUITE active one. :) Discipline begins from when they are very young, so you can SURELY discipline a one year old. Of course it is different type of discipline for different ages as maturity is quite different. The "mean mommy look" as a friend puts it, a stern that is not okay and then gently showing them what is okay...the desired behavior are most effective for one year olds I think as you redirect them to the desired behavior. At one, they are still learning a WHOLE lot as you know. One of the biggest things they are learning is how people react to how they behave. If I do this, mommy will do that kind of thing. So praising their good behavior and frowning on their bad behavior is very important. Of course it's hard sometimes because they are so cute when they are being naughty sometimes, but it's important nonetheless to teach them right from wrong. In the case of the restaurant, if she throws something, she doesn't get to play with it again. It's a cause and effect discipline. You threw it so it's not here anymore kind of thing. I'd do the high chair with the seatbelt so she can't stand up in it (though I understand if she still can stand, my first son (who's now three, my other son is 19.5 months) would ALWAYS weasel his way out of the grocery cart when I had the seatbelt on as tight as it would go so I'd often end up carrying him while pushing the cart for his own safety). If she throws a fit, I would say okay we need to leave the table because this is not okay in a restaurant. And then one parent take her out and quietly hold her or have her in a corner so it's not fun to leave the table, away from the people and fun. I hope this helps. One can be a tough age because they are so curious and learning so much and yet can't communicate clearly yet. Best wishes to you!

Brenda,

Well sounds like you had a fun dinner out! I've been there. And the worst part of it was that our son was the little devil and our friends son (3 months older) was always an angel! Our son was also VERY colicky and their son barely ever cried. It was frustrating.

I can only tell you how we deal with our son and his outbursts.

If he throws something (ha-ha "if", I mean "when"), I'll tell him in my "Mom Voice" - "Jacob, no. That's not nice. We don't throw things." I'll pick it up and give it to him while having him look at me while I say, "If you throw it again, I'll take it away." He always throws it again, usually while looking right at me and I take it away. Then, it's gone. And he doesn't get it back. He'll get mad and I'll let him for a little bit and then I will offer him something else to play with/eat. He will not get the thrown object back.

Jacob has been trying to climb out of everything since I can remember. We strap him in. He doesn't like it, but there isn't another option.

As for other things (such as touching the controls on the TV - grr, since he could walk Jacob was amazed by them). When he goes over in the area I sternly (I don't like yelling and I hope not to have to use it often) say his name to distract him and then I say "Walk away, please." He never would, in fact he would keep looking at me while he groped for a knob to turn or a button to push. SO, I would get up and walk over to him and take his hand and guide him away while saying, "Don't touch and walk away please." Sometimes he'll have a little fit, but I usually redirect him to his toys to get his attention elsewhere. He's two now (today, actually) and he STILL loves to try to touch the controls, but he does it when he thinks we're not looking and can get away with it.

As for not wanting to sit still...at 1, the world is way too exciting and they're just getting around on their own (either crawling or walking) so there's so much to explore. There was a time for us when dinners out became very very rare. Not only because it was frustrating for us to deal with Jacob being upset, but because in all fairness he didn't WANT to be in a high chair. He didn't care about how good Mom's steak looked, he wanted to crawl on the floor and climb on everything. Which is only fair to him. At this point, we can take him out to dinner IF he's hungry as he can eat with us and enjoys it for the most part. BUT, there have been many dinners where Dad takes him to the car and I'm paying the check and gathering things. We can only expect so much sitting still from him.

A big thing with regard to discipline at age 1 is redirection (I think). If they want to play with the fork at the table, give them something else that looks just as exciting. Their attention span is so short that enticing them with something new is just amazing to them most of the time.

I guess you just need to be consistant and realize that you are laying the groundwork now for dealing with things in the future. It's frustrating at times (to no end), but they need rules and guidance - that's one of the reasons we're here for them.

Good luck.

T.

Hi Brenda-

I don't know if this makes you feel any better or not, but I have one of my own that has become SO hard to deal with. She's 14 months and has recently become a huge handful! I've been reading like crazy trying to learn how to deal with her at this age. I read and read and am still very confused on how to deal with it. They are old enough to do bad things and act like little hellions but discipline seems to be challenging at this age.

Is your child whining a lot? Does he/she not respond to "no"? Hopefully you'll get some good feedback that I can read about too.

Good luck!
D.

As the mother of 3 boys ages 11,8, and will be 5 on Sunday, all I can say is whatever you do be consistent, consistent, consistent!! I learned the hard way that you cannot back down from whatever you say. If you say "If you do that again you will lose (fill in blank here)" then you have to follow through. If you don't,they will learn that what you say is not always what you mean and they will learn what they can get away with. I quickly learned that at that age eating a meal out was not worth the hassle. We were on a first name basis with the delivery person from all of the area restaurants. Good Luck! All I can say is it will get better!!

I think at 1 you can discipline but you also have to know their limits and be proactive. Maybe going out for lunch appose to dinner when they are not getting tired and cranky, letting them run around a park prior to going out for dinner so they get all their walking out of their system, asking the server to bring their dinner out first so that they can eat instead of waiting for the meal, etc etc. I am learning this as well with my 15 month old. He is loving walking now and I can't expect him for sit for long periods of time. I tell my husband he needs a walking break. We went to dinner last night as well and we had two walking breaks during the course of the meal. Throwing of course is a no-no and that lesson has to begin at home. Decide how often they can throw before it is enough. I usually allow him 1 or 2 freebies before I take it away. I say "no throwing" and if he does it again I say, "no throwing all done" and take the toy. I say the same thing no matter what it is or where we are at. I don't get into a dialog either or say a lot of words b/c he is so young. But you can start with the basics of no throwing, no hitting, no screaming but they really don't have a concept of waiting we have to really accommodate to them. Also you could try bringing high interests toys that she can only play with at a restaurant that would keep her entertained. But like I said before you can teach the basics but really we need to just accommodate their needs until they a bit older.

Hi, Brenda. My daughter is 18 months old and behaves in a very similar manner. It has not improved since she was younger, I tried time out in the car, when she was unmanegable in the restaurant-it doesn't help, well its only about 2 minutes and not so often. I think audience make her behavior extreme. Our visits in the restaurants are now shorter on time and only for breakfast or lunch since she is more cooperative right after a good sleep. She hears a lot of "no" and she has to wipe clean after she spills etc. I hope it will iprove, I wish you the same, good luck, M..

I know how you feel! I have a crazy 2 1/2 year old and it started long before she was a year old. Your little one is still getting familiar with cause and effect and is a little young to start "disciplining". But you can start showing her that all behavior has a consequence - good or bad (throwing a crayon means you can't color anymore, keeping her buckled in a high chair to prevent climbing out, etc.). I know how hard it is to deal with bad behavior in public especially when everyone around you is staring, but try to ignore them, not your daughter's behavior. Also, consistency and follow through go a long way in shaping your child's behavior. Good luck and I hope I was helpful!

I'm going through similar behavior issues (not helped by major teething -- cutting 4 top molars at once to make 16 total teeth!) with my 13 month old daughter. She's a sweetie, but she has her moments of screaming and body flops when "restricting" her from doing something (like trying to climb a flight of stairs or trying to open an off limits cabinet) and temper tantrums. She's so good at ignoring us when trying to distract her, redirect her attention, etc. that I thought she didn't understand, but she does because I can say the same words when she's not upset and she complies. Anyway, I don't have any advice or results to offer you, but I can tell you that I ordered the books: Raising your Spirited Child: A Guide for Parents whose Child is more Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent and Energetic as well as Positive Discipline: The First Three Years - Laying a Foundation for Raising a Capable, Confident Child. I like to read and it sure couldn't hurt. It beats the alternative! Good luck (to all of us).

Hi Brenda,

I have a very active and spirited 15 month old girl and we eat out a few times a week. Sometimes, her behavior is tolerable and we get through dinner without an incident. But, we definitely have had times when she acts like a maniac, yelling, throwing things, and trying to get out of her high chair. What I have learned is that it is a bad idea to eat out with her if she is really tired or if her sleep schedule has been thrown off. Also, it is so important to be prepared when you go to a restaurant - have toys, sippy cup, snacks, etc.

So, to answer your question (as best as I can, given that I am really new to this whole discipline thing), you can discipline but you may not have to if you avoid going out with her when she is overtired or her routine has been thrown off. As for disciplining techniques, I tell her no and take away whatever she is using incorrectly (like her sippy cup if she chooses to throw it). But, if she is in a wild mood then discipline may not be the best bet - putting her to bed or keeping her at home is our best bet.

Best of luck - I know it is difficult!