My 17 Month Doesn't like to Go to Sleep at Night and Will Only Sleep Between Us

Take her to Build a Bear and let her pick out her snuggle/cuddle buddy. This is who's going to sleep with her in her bed. Get the buddy their own pj's (they have them there) and an outfit to wear when it's not bedtime. You can take a receiving blanket or make a blanket for it. They can sleep together in her bed. The snuggle buddy will keep her company, keep her safe, but the sb needs her sleep too, so it's important that she lay still and keep sb company and safe. Play it up, get creative. They do have teddy bears that have a heart beat in them (not at Build a Bear) and I think you can find them at Toys R Us or a baby supply store. But don't let her bring the snuggle buddy to your bed to sleep with. Dad can't sleep with snuggle buddy in your bed. Snuggle buddy stays in her bed at all times when it's bed time. Take care and get ready for the new baby with her. The holidays will come and go and you'll be ready to deliver before you know it. Enjoy!!!

Do what is best for her, not what is easiest at this time. She is probably short on sleep and that is why she is not sleeping well. Suck it up and go throught the effort to put her in her own room in her own bed consistantly at a regular time. If you worry about her, put a monitor in the room so you can hear what is going on. It will only get harder the longer you let this go on. Also, when you next daughter comes along, things will get even harder if you don't solve this problem first. Expect that things will get rocky again after your second is born, but be consistent with your first. If you and your husband aren't getting enough rest, then the whole family suffers greatly.

I would suggest that you continue sleeping with her between you, that will give her the most security which she really needs at this age. Depending on how deeply she sleeps, you could possibly move her to the toddler bed after she falls asleep in your bed (and then of course welcome her back into your bed when she wakes up in the night and needs you). And/or, if she falls asleep in the big bed, you and your husband could use the toddler bed for intimate time! Or maybe she would be able to fall asleep initially in the toddler bed if both you and your husband lie down with her, and then after she is asleep you could get up and move to your bed. Does she always need both of you lying with her to fall asleep, or does she sometimes want Mama and sometimes Daddy? I think it's especially important to respond to her wishes and give her all the comfort and security she needs at this point and throughout the pregnancy and beyond, because of the new baby, which I'm sure she senses on some level, and also I think it is a good idea to talk with her about the new baby, and get some good books to read with her. Also it might be a really good idea to get a bigger bed, since there will soon be four of you in bed together! or put two beds next to each other so it becomes one big bed (like a twin and a double or queen, or two doubles etc). It sounds like you are a wonderful and caring mother, and I encourage you to keep meeting her needs - it will make life much easier and happier for the whole family when the new baby is born and needs your extra attention, so that your daughter won't feel left out or displaced.

we coslept, but I had one child that was never going to get past that (and you know, in some cultures it goes on for years, so it's not like that's necessarily unnatural).

1) you say you're expecting, so she might be somehow sensing that she will not be the center of attention and already reacting to that ...

2) see if it is one or the other parent she is 'asking' for (needing reassurance from), get a twin bed, and that parent takes her there and lies down with her to sleep (that parent might then up and moves to the big bed later). With us, I just put a mattress on the floor next to our bed for the start, and it was always me, because my husband couldn't sleep if the child moved very much (we coslept with the child mostly NOT between us, but on my side with me as a buffer ;) ). But anyhow, giving her a choice for a while might help her to feel like she had enough 'control' to be comfortable, and being conscious from the start that "for a little while you get to choose" or "sometimes you can choose, but a lot of the time Mommy and Daddy will choose" ... and then also maybe practicing before the baby comes, Mommy or Daddy sitting in a rocking chair holding her hand (so that when you are feeding the baby and maybe wouldn't want to lay down with her to get her to sleep, the hand-holding is already established as an "I love you" rather than an "I don't have as much of me to give you" gesture ...)

It's so hard to figure out what they need that is causing the behaviors sometimes. Good luck and God bless ...

Buy Supernanny's book (or borrow it from the library) and follow her sleep procedure. If you don't fix the sleeping habits of your first, where will you be when your second comes along? A friend of mine is still working to get her kids to go to sleep and stay in their own beds until morning, and they're 5 and 3!!! I know that works for some families, but my husband and I can't sleep with kids in our bed.

Anyway, like I said, Jo Frost's method is great!
http://www.amazon.com/Supernanny-How-Best-Your-Children/d...
js

we went through something similiar -- here's the deal...it's like a band-aid. you have to just rip it off & it might hurt. put her toddler bed back in her room & put her in it. if she comes into your room you HAVE to go put her back. this caused several sleepless nights for my husband & i but in the long run it's worth it. alternately, if you want to take baby steps, you can let her fall asleep in your bed then put her in her bed - in her room - after she falls asleep. you will probably still have to put her back a couple of times during the night. one more suggestion...put her in a pack & play for a couple of nights. hopefully, she won't be able to crawl out of it. good luck!

Hi J. -

I have enjoyed co-sleeping with all my toddlers and I would say "if it ain't broke, don't fix it." If she sleeps well between you for now, then enjoy that and find other rooms of the house where you and hubby be alone. Intimacy isn't limited to the bedroom and actually is more fun when you change it up a bit. I would think that if you stick it out for another 6 months or so, then you could try gradually weaning her to a toddler bed in your room (or just a mattress on the floor next to your bed). This is what we've generally done with our kids once we feel they're emotionally ready to leave our bed. Start with naptime on that bed, then once she's used to that bed for naps, you can try it for bedtime and make it a special time/place so she associates it with good things.

Secondly, you didn't talk about your nap routine with her, but I would say that she would probably sleep better at night if you got her to bed a little earlier, especially if she's only having one nap per day that is so short. I've had a couple of children who took short naps as toddlers, and they did best getting to bed by 8 or 9 at the latest. Frequently kids who don't sleep well at night do so because they are actually sleep deprived. One thing that really helps is having a consistent routine for getting ready for bed so they associate that time with peace, settling and sleep. Bedtime snack, bath, brush teeth, reading books cuddled in bed, little back rubs and singing are always favorites of my kids at that age. I would get the "no-cry sleep solution for toddlers" book by Pantly.

Blessings,
J.