My 16 Mos. Old Will Still Not Self feed....Help!

Hi D.,

I have been there but I will tell you it gets better. It sounds like a battle of wills. I was also at my wits end and happened to watch Oprah on kids eating. I very rarely watch the show. Anyway, the guest said to relax and let them go without food for a day or two. When they are hungry, they will eat anything. The rule of thumb is one good meal every other day. My son refused to eat and I felt terrible but I stuck to my guns and did not force feed him. I asked several times that day and it was always no. I said okay. By the late afternoon on the second day he was hungry and ate what I had. It was a shock to me. We have never had a problem since. This was a one time only happening. He is now 11 years old and is a great eater. Good luck. It will work out.

Hi-

Sorry not to give all the practical advice that the other moms are giving, but from personal experience... my son also would only eat crunchy things, and would gag, etc. when we force-fed him baby food or anything with soft texture; he would even cry for the metal tabs of my pop cans to put in his mouth!...it became a huge trial. He was my second, and my first had no trouble with solids. I ended up calling Early Intervention on the advice of a colleague/friend, whose son did a lot of the same things, and had sensory processing disorder. Well, my son did (and does) have this. He qualified for Speech therapy for feeding/eating issues and OT for the rest of the sensory issues.

Unfortunately, by the time we got a good ST who specialized in feeding, my son had developed emotional, fear issues related to food, and it took several years to overcome the texture issues and the emotional issues associated with it. Trust your gut. The initial evaluation is free, and therapists come to your home to work with your child if it is needed on a sliding scale basis. Just be sure to get someone specializing in feeding. EI first sent us someone 6 months out of school, and neither she nor her supervisor had any clue about sensory processing disorder or feeding therapy.

The sooner you check it out, the sooner you can get help if you need it, and the less time it will take to be resolved! good luck, and feel free to e-mail if you end up going this route... (By the way, I referred my son to EI at 15 mo, and he's now 5 and eats better than his sister!)

M.

Hi D.,

I am a single, working mother of two. I had Isabelle at 35 years old and now Jess at 42 years old. Jess is now 22 months old and Isabelle is eight years old. Both babies were different with their eating habits. We all want perfect babies and kids but cannot force issues with them. They will at their own time succeed with the " so called normal tasks" I agree with you that it is frustrating because you want your daughter to eat healthy and develop skills to do by herself. Kids will read your frustrations and react to them. Don't make it such a big deal. Does she still drink milk from a bottle or cup? Give her the vitamins she needs in a drinkable form. My son is tongue tyed. His tongue is attached at the tip. My doctors would not cut it. He said Jess will naturally work his way around the obstacles and the doctor will access him at the age of five years old. Jess didn't chew well. Constantly choked on food. I fed him soft foods. And I still give him Next Step formula so he gets his required brain food. So I didn't force him. Now at 22 months he is eating and chewing like a champ. Everything in his mouth. So be patient. Everyone has obstacles to overcome. Substitute your daughter diet with nutrition to make she she has the tools to grow. Maybe some homemade shakes. Make it fun. Not serious. Good luck. I hope I didn't come on too strong. Just so used to doing everything myself that I want to help. I am sure your doing everything right just be strong and know others are here to help. I grew up in Melrose Park. My mom still resides there.

I think that the general advice is to not fight at all about it. Put down a few different foods and see if she will eat them and then just keep trying different things and the same ones over and over. Your daughter is now at an age where they often become very picky. It is part of normal development. They don't eat anything they aren't familiar with and then even those that they are they seem to reject. It is pretty frustrating but in general they get enough to eat as they don't need that much. I give my little one who is now 20 months - baby oatmeal for breakfast, she feeds herself with the spoon and then some fruit, some mornings she will spoon in some yoghurt and then she eats whatever bread I am eating. Cheese sticks seem to work at the moment for a snack. Then lunch is pasta or chicken nuggets. I also fool her into thinking the morning star eggs florentine with spinach are chicken nuggets :) I give her veggies and she generally ignores them except for the potatoes which she loves. She also likes quiche or bagels bits or pizza, egg in a cup, scrambled egg, omelette (try to get some veggies into this), sausages. For dinner she has something to complement whatever it was I managed to get her to eat for lunch. I generally let her have at it and don't get into any argument about what she does or doesn't eat or how exactly she moves it from plate or tray to mouth - so it is pretty messy. once she starts flinging, I take the food away. I hear it gets better :)

Your dr. is right. I just saw this on t.v. with a family of 5 on SUPERNANNY. You must put her in a chair at the table like the big people. Get rid of the high chair and stop indurging her with t.v. or toys...this is meal time. If you praise her and feed her what you're eating (not off your plate)she will eventually eat. Otherwise she'll give you more problems the older she gets. You're the mom. You can make chicken nuggets and a dipping cheese or something the little one can dip with. Even cooked cauliflower chunks with cheese to dip. Give her her own sauce on her plate and you dip yours in your own cheese. Hubby has to do the same. You must teach her to eat again. Don't give in. If you're frustrated, walk away in the kitchen but keep an eye on her. How many kids don't like cheese sticks/marinara? Crispy breaded and baked zucchini sticks? Get the picture? Have fun with the food. It's a nice change.

I think the advice you've received from the other posters is great. I wanted to add one more idea: if you really feel like she has a problem with textures, you may want to contact Early Intervention and have her evaluated for sensory processing issues. The EI process is free, and it may either confirm that she has an issue or rule it out.

ok so both of you moms of little ones. First up move the highchair back into the kitchen. put it with the table where the rest of the family is eating. Dinner time is dinner time not play time. no snacks for at least a couple hours before dinner. and that means bottles to. juice formula milk whatever. Stop worrying about whether they will eat new things every time. offer them. give them a toddler spoon and fork. and then if they will only eat food out of a jar then give them food out of a jar. if its cost wise then save a couple jars and mash up whatever casserole or veggie your having and put it in the jar. bottom line is the same for a picky 16month old is the same as a picky toddler. they will eat if they are hungry. at 16 months they should be given some food on the tray but still fed from a spoon. I would stick to that and stop letting it drive you crazy. if they are hungry they will eat. but definitly stop the tv and toys food stuff. that is how a baby couch potato is born.

Babies won't starve themselves. I'd leave her in the high chair at the kitchen table and put food out and let her figure it out. If she's hungry she'll eat if not she won't. It's a good idea to try to make food more appealing, but the minute you play into their game and try to make the environment more appealing you are creating an expectation which is really unrealistic, and where she's the boss. It's frightening when your child doesn't want to eat.You worry about their nutrition you worry about your mothering skills.....However many kids go through stages where they are just now hungry. This is also dependent on the amount of physical energy they are expelling. If she's hanging out in the playroom playing alone or watching tv she's going to need less food than if she's playing at the park running around with friends.
The food battle is the last one you want to get yourself involved in. Teaching that this is an area in which they can control you can lead to a lot of problems at later stages.
My son is a very picky eater, which I believed was a texture issue. The doctors insisted I not make seperate meals, but I did in fact get so fed up that he wasn't eating, I just started planning on making him something seperate regularly. He has a limited selecion he'll eat, so I follow those guidelines. Spaghetti, mac'n'cheese, corn, peas, chicken nuggets, grilled cheese etc...The typical two year old fare I've found. But they need to learn to sit down at the table and eat. All snacks are given in the highchair, and everything is self fed...even yogurt (be prepared for big messes) It's gross and they take a lot of clothing changes and baths, but Im telling you it's the best way to get them interested in self feeding. If she throws it off her tray it's gone, and try again in an hour. but don't give her something else or she won't learn that this is all she gets and if she's hungry she'll eat. Neither of my kids eats a "meal" during the day, rather they eat the same at mealtimes as they do at snack times. Try one food at a time and in smaller amounts. Mine also get "overwhelmed" if there's too much in front of them or to many choices, and everything winds up on the floor.

i know of someone whos kid was doing the same thing and it was a texture issue. If you call easter seals they will help you get free testing and then you can take advantage of the Early Intervention programs that are free until age 3 so take advantage now

D.,

I am sorry to hear that you're having such a tough time. When in doubt, ask another Mom! Ha!

Here's my thoughts, go back to the basics. I agree with the other posts, getting into FOOD battles is a bad idea. I say she doesn't want to eat, fine. When she gets hungry, and she will! Then give her the same food again. Don't let her pick. And don't let her dictate where she eats. Eat sitting at the kitchen table. If she's not interested then she isn't hungry enough. Don't let her walk around with food. She gets up, she's done.

Kids at this age will "fill up" on milk, juice and their favorite foods. Keep the "fillers" off the menu. Say offer her some bananas for breakfast - no milk or juice. if she doesn't eat it, take it away. Then when she gets hungry or cries for food, offer it up again. DON'T LET HER PICK. She will not starve. She will not die of thirst. (Keep the Cheerios, cookies, etc. out of reach and out of sight. If need be relocate them to the garage so she can't find them.)

This should only take a few days and you should see a MAJOR improvement in your food struggles. Remember, these are just the beginnings of "who makes the rules". If you give in now, you are going to have a LONG road of constant struggles, including with pleading her.

I realize this may sound like a "harsh" approach to such a wonderful little person, but you will be happy if you stick with it. She needs to realize that "dinner" is "dinner" not a food auction.

best of luck!

Hi D., You and you alone know your child best. If you feel that your child has issues with the texture of food you should see a feeding specialist. Contrary to a number of posts, children with severe oral defensiveness or food aversions WILL NOT EAT - they can starve themselves. Just ask a good friend of mine whose daughter ended up dehydrated, malnurished and almost with a feeding tube on this advice. Sorry I get a little crazy when I hear it. For 99% of kids out there it is true, they won't starve themselves but there is 1% out there that need help and the pediatricians are not trained to identify this and deal with it. In a nut shell, my son is orally defensive due to poor motor control. When we introduced food he could not move it around properly and he would gag and vomit on anything with chunky texture. As a result, he is very suspicous of foods and defensive about what he puts in his mouth. Makes sense. If you can see Dr. Fishbein (out in DuPage County) I highly recommend you visit him. He works with a team of therapists who can evaluate your child. They have a technique called Food Chaining that is effective for picky and problem eaters. The cause can be anything. He also has a book out called Food Chaining. I went through EI and did not find it helpful. So if you have insurance that will let you see Dr. Fishbein I recommend you skip EI. We are now working with a therapist in the city recommended by Fishbein. The technique we are using has been pretty effective for us. Briefly, this is it: take a cup and set it on her highchair. This is the "All done" cup. Then put a little bit of food on her plate. Not too much as this can be overwhelming. Then just try to get her to interact with the food. Work up to eating it. So for instance, when she is hungry, take a piece of bread and just have her put it in the All Done cup. Next have her smell the bread and put it in the All Done cup. Then have her kiss the food and put it into the All Done cup. You get the drift. Have her lick, bite and (hopefully) eat the food. For my son frequently we can skip many of these steps but for more challenging foods we may have to do them all - he still may not eat it. I think this technique is so effective because the all done cup takes the immediate anxiety away and gets them to the point where they become more comfortable with the food so they don't feel like someone is going to force them to eat something before they are ready. Please feel free to email me if you have any questions or would like to discuss anything. I know how frustrating it can be to not be able to feed your child. ____@____.com.

I can't wait for your responses. Don't feel bad I am in the same boat. That's the next question I was going to ask moms. My 18 month old son, will only eat foods that are all mixed up together and about the same texture as Stage 3, so I chop everything up well. VERY PICKY too. I have to put toys on the tray so he can entertain himself. I tried tv, but he got so involved he forgot to eat. And it has to be mixed up with peas. He loved the Stage 3 Babyfood, so I had to cut it out slowly. When he won't eat anything and I'm desperate I have a few jars on hand. He'll eat some finger foods but that's not enough to feed him plus he's sitting on most of it. I still have to spoon feed him or he'll sit and play with his food and drive me nuts. Actually that's his favoite past-time. This has been going on at least 3 times a day for over 6 months. Frustrated is an understatement! I feel like I caused his eating problem by always giving him less chunky food thinking he's going to choke. And when I do he gags with tears in his eyes. It's gotten to the point that I dread meal times.

if you are frustrated and at your wits end you should ask your pediatrician for an OT/PT evaluation and treatment. Als- does your pediatrician do the M-Chat form?? this helps diagnose any sensory integration issues or other issues. my son did not feed himself either- his brother who was 20 months younger was feeding himself and it was not until MUCH later we realized he had tourettes and other sensory integration issues- I only wished I knew to ask for the evaluation- he was in OT weekly for almost 2 years and is now every other week! Good Luck!

how about only 1 new item at a time with her fav foods?? like maybe pieces of banana with her cheerios,bologna or cheese cubes,slices or string cheese with her crackers,etc??? use imagination plus to outsmart this young child. Believe me!!!!! when a child gets hungry enough they will eat.......good luck!!! J.

My little guy was never a good eater or drinker. His ped. Keeps telling me that toddlers do not need very much at this age at all. To get him to try new foods we moved where he thought food and snacks were to another cabinet. Then, the shelves in the fridge at his eye level got stocked with good food. It was not an overnight victory, but the battle was won. Now he likes raw carrots, mushrooms, and celery. He also likes, grapefuit, cheese, clementines,grape tomatoes and ketchup. We do not use any prepared toddler/baby food. He eats what we eat. We have gone a little bit healthier and he now eats salad and hard-boiled eggs. If you make good food available, and she sees you eat it, then she will come around. (even if it means she doesn't eat much for a week!) stick to your guns you sound like you are doing a good job.

For that age child I would just put some foods (according to the plan below) on her tray and let her be. If she gags, ignore it. If she throws it on the floor ignore it. Here is the plan that works great for picky eaters:

There is a great book by William G Wilkoff, MD called Coping with a Picky Eater that every parent or provider of kids should read and have a copy of. http://www.amazon.com/Coping-Picky-Eater-Perplexed-Parent...

This book has what I call the Picky Eater Plan. I have used this plan with kids that literally threw up at the sight of food and within 2 weeks they were eating normal amounts of everything and trying every food.

First you need to get everyone who deals with the child on board. If you are a provider it's ok to make this the rule at your house and not have the parents follow through but you wont' see as good results as what I described up above.

The plan is to limit the quantities of food you give the kid. When I first start with a child I give them literally ONE bite worth of each food I am serving. The book suggests that every time you feed the kids (breakfast, morning snack, lunch, afternoon snack, dinner) you give all 4 food groups. So, for lunch today I would have given the child one tiny piece of strawberry, one spoonful of applesauce, 3 macaroni noodles with cheese on them, and 2 oz of milk. Only after they ate ALL of what was on their plate would you give them anything else. They can have the same amounts for seconds. If they only want more mac and cheese, they only get 3 noodles then they would have to have more of all the other foods in order to get more than that. If they don't eat, fine. If they don't finish, fine. Don't make a big deal out of it, just make them stay at the table until e sat at the next meal and they only get what you serve. When I first do this with a child I don't serve sweets at all. So no animal crackers for snack but rather a carrot for snack. Or one of each of those. I don't make it easy for them to gorge on bad foods in other words. Now if they had a meal where they ate great then I might make the snack be a yummy one cause I know they filled up on good foods.

Even at snacks you have to limit quantities of the good stuff or else they will hold out for snack and just eat those snacky foods. I never give a picky eater the reward of a yummy snack unless they had that great lunch prior to it.

It really is that easy.

You mentioned your daughter being spirited and that may be the only issue. My oldest son was like that, very strong willed, and it's done him wonderfully through the years growing up, and turned him into a great man, but those early years were trying. I feel your pain!

My pediatrician (this was back around 1988 or so) told me there isn't a child on record who's starved themselves to death. When they're hungry, they'll eat. When they see they won't be catered to, they'll eat sooner. He told me to shoot for one good meal a day (though I see someone else has said their Dr told them one every other day). Either way, offer her good food, a nice variety of it, at the table, and she'll eventually come around. Don't expect it to get better right away. My third son remained a highly picky eater until he was nearly 15, but he eats really good now. I think the most important thing is to not give in.

Good luck to you!!