My 14 Yr. Old Son Asked to Go to His Girlfriends House.....

Updated on March 25, 2008
N.S. asks from Santa Clara, CA
9 answers

I don't know how or what to think about this. He had girlfriends and it's always been seeing her at school or the mall. This new one doesn't go to the same school and they often meet at the mall. I just met her this last Sunday. They talk all the time on the phone. He asked me yesterday if he can go over. I said no because it was evening time and it was too late, if anything this is the time he should be coming home. I don't know her parents, so I don't know what it would be like for him to be there. He also has not met her parents so I had to assume that they were just going to hang out outside. Is he too young for this? Do I show him that I trust him and face the fact that he is getting older? I really don't know what questions to ask, because like I said, I don't know what to think of this. My son is a good boy, 9/10 he comes straight home from school and goes straight to his room to do homework. He is very involved in sports and enjoys going to church more than just once a week, he takes really good care of his two little sisters.

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So What Happened?

Thanks to all of you for your responses!! It is much appreciated by my husband and I.Thanks for the encouragement and the reminders that God is with us. Although I hold Him deeply in my heart, sometimes as a believer, under pressure and stress, Ilose site until the Spirit reminds me as well as friends. God bless all of you and your family.

So both my husband and I sat my son down and explained the rules to him about going to a girls house. A parent must be home at all times. We both need to meet her parents (both of hers if possible). She can come over here as long as a parent is home and that she is not allowed in yor room and if you will be outside, you will have to be right outside and not leaving for a walk or anything like that. Because this is new for all of us that other rules also may come up in the future so don't hold this day accountable for all. He agreed and later told me that he felt like we think he is a bad kid so he needs rules. I explained to him that wasn't true and we do think that he is a good son and that he still continues to need direction and guidance. Also, that we are very proud to have him as a son. He didn't get it that day, but I'm sure he will see it within time. I also explained that when he is older and driving and doing more with his friends that he will have a curfew and that is considered rules also. I think a little light went on at that point. I also told him that if we thought he was so bad that we would just flat out say no you can't go and that's that. We are meeting him half way and he needs to meet us.

So I met her mom and my son had already met her when his girlfriend would get picked up from the mall. They had invited my son over on a Friday night, but we already had plans for church and so we invited her and she came and I got to talk to her a little in the car. That night after droppong her off, my son met her dad, he said he was nervous and it was scary. He hasn't been over yet. His baseball games had interfered with their plans but he had asked to go over on this week. I told him as long as a parent is home and to have her mom call me or I can call her to make sure we are on the same page. I know we will have to work out some adjustments on the way and there will be some disappointments on both sides, but we shall overcome. Thanks again to all of you.

More Answers

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S.R.

answers from Sacramento on

First of all....don't assume anything. Ask the questions. Are the parents going to be home? Do they approve of your son's visit? They may prefer he not visit at their house after school especially if they will not be there. I would not.
Perhaps you should call the parents to see what the plans are and the rules of their house. I would also consider having her over to your house after you have spoken to her parents. After you have seen them together at your house with your supervision, go with your gut feelings. Before any visits, set up the rules that you are comfortable with so as not to have any awkward moments later. Good luck with this.

2 moms found this helpful
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L.J.

answers from Sacramento on

I have had a similar situation. My 14 year old son cannot go to his friends houses, boy or girl, if there are not parents or grandparents present. On school nights he must be home by dinner time and on weekends he needs to check in if he is going anywhere. He must always be incontact (cell phone) and respond when called. He is also a good kid and has no problem with these rules. However, he had a girlfriend who is a little older and more experienced and he really needed those boundaries. I think setting clear boundaries gives them a sense of security.

2 moms found this helpful
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T.A.

answers from Sacramento on

My advice would be to call and speak to the parents, find out if there is supervision, also maybe meet with the parents to make sure everything is ok. You never know they way others raise their children, and at 14 he is still very young and needs guidance.

I have a boy who will be 14 in May, I DO NOT allow him to go over anyone's house... boy or girl, until I have spoken AND met the parents and I feel comfortable with the situation.

Or another option would be to have her come over your house, That way you can keep an eye on the situation, and maybe even make you feel more comfortable with the whole thing.

Good Luck! :)

2 moms found this helpful
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P.G.

answers from Modesto on

I think you are really awesome for opening this up to us. It takes a lot of courage to say, "i don't know". I am a new teen mom and she is 12- But my 12yr old is very mature for her age, she is very advanced for her age.. which means what? Just because she looks ready, does not mean she is.
I would really take the advice you have been given and really think about this. You are the mom and the protector/advisor/counselor for your child. God gave you that responsibility and we here at Mamasource believe you are going to make the right decision. Good luck and let us know how this goes...

1 mom found this helpful
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M.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi N.,

I would encourage you to have your son's girlfriend over at your house- that way you can get to know her and be able to supervise.I wouldn't trust him going over to the girl's house- he could be the most well-intentioned kid- but things can and do happen. Good luck to you.

Molly

1 mom found this helpful
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D.M.

answers from Bakersfield on

hi N. i have a 13 yr old who lives in hawaii with his dad and sister he is very good but he too also has become interested in the girls and he sometimes tells me to much, in any case I have found that if ur to strict or conservetive he will do it behind ur back and before u know it all the good is gone and the sneaky bad has taken over. mainly because we held on to tight so trust him and if need be take him and meet her family then you will know for ur self. sorry about the spelling never was good at it lol. have a blessed day and always remember god is with us all the time.

god bless
dd

1 mom found this helpful
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R.T.

answers from Stockton on

I am a 45 year old grandmother with a 3 year old grandaughter and a 25 year old son, whom I might say, was in similiar situations at that age. I believe that trust is important as long as it is mutually agreed and understood that following up on the visiting arrangements will be made, and do it. Call the parents to make sure it's okay and by all means meet them in person, just to make sure that everyone is on the same page. Parents in this day and time can be very laxed (if you know waht I mean), and the young ones can be very manipulative. Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful
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T.W.

answers from Redding on

i dont have a teenager. but i have heard at this age it is normal to experiement with the dating scene. however, intimate social situations such as one on one dating may be beyond a young teens maturity level. i have heard group dates are the best way to go at these stage (early teens). double date (mid-teens) and regular dates by the later teens. hth's!

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S.J.

answers from San Francisco on

Hello, I think you should meet his parents and have your son meet them too i know i would not have been able to go over to a home that my parents have never been in themselfs. As for it being too soon, it is not a bad age to start as long as the ground rule of the relationship,(school first,ect.)are understood. It sounds like you have a wonderfull son.....

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