My 13 Year Old Daughter Wants a Boyfriend

Psalm 118: Take Refuge in the Lord,although I have yet to read this for myself....I was told that I should do so. We all could use a blessing right now. Keep me posted, as I will you.

Until she is 15?

I hope you made it clear to her, not to do more than hold hands &/or kiss @ 15. I wish I had everything broken down to me correctly.whoo! WE adults have to be more detailed in conversation with our young.

As a middle school teacher, you would be surprised what activities go on inside school walls - I deal with girl - boyfriend drama all the time - its emotional and painful and its fleeting. It sounds like you have a very good relationship with your daughter. Ask her why she wants him as a Boyfriend - what in her mind is different than just being a friend you hang out with and enjoy each others company. In most cases I know, the girls are trying to make themselves FEEL better by connecting to a boy. I would also limit their alone time - have them met and watch movies at your house. I would also know and be comfortable with the "group" of kids they go with. I was not allowed to date until I was 16 - and I knew that. I also had to invite my dates to dinner for my parents to met before I could go with them somewhere. I was a very smart girl, graduated High School at 16 - so I was always around older kids. I still know the limits my mother put on me were for my own good.

Oh young love...I'm a mother of a 16 yr old girl. I'v never forbid Al to do much of anything, Within reason of course. Your daughter came to you before sneaking behind your back, that's a great sign to begin with. I have an agreement with my Alex, as long as she's honest and tells us where she's going who she's with, you know the basics she'll pretty much be aloud to do what she wants. I remember what a 13 year old is like, very emotional and dramatics abound...but really your kid sounds like a good girl...give her a little freedom, with rules of course, and she'll do ok I bet. Also one more little tip...invite the boy over as much as possible when your at home. Talk to him get chummy, If he's a good kid he won't mind being around you. If he's a little turd you'll realize it early and so will your daughter. Good luck!

I agree, she is telling you about it that is a GREAT first step. Communication is huge with teenagers. Maybe try what you said with the adult supervision and see what happens. Maybe your daughter is mature enough to handle it, you know better than any of us on that one. You seem like a mom who really cares. I say give her a little room so she knows you love and trust her. Of course nothing crazy but enough for her to be her own person and still be 13. Hope that helps!

T. :)

I completely agree with the teacher...she said it best. Ask her...what makes him special to her? Why does she want to date him? I think inviting him over for dinner and a movie is a great idea. Also, explain to her(daughter) that she can talk to you about anything!!!!!Even if she is embarrassed. I had an open relationship with my mother, and now is so much better. I could ask my mom anything.....if you want to know how to approach her, I would buy a girly mag, and talk about the articles that are about peer pressure, and sex, and boys, clothes...everything....it will leave it open for discussion.

she to young .just a friend
she not ready to get her heart broken when he look at other girls.

do u think my 12 year old should start dating?

J.,
I think you're exactly right in thinking that if you forbid her from seeing someone, she will probably do it anyway. I gather from your question that you're trying hard to be understanding & work with your daughter to be a well-adjusted girl who doesn't get herself into trouble. That's wonderful, but I don't know how realistic it is that she's really not going to kiss a boy until she's 15 when she's already begun to be interested. I think as long as you keep the lines of communication as open as possible (and assuming you've raised a smart girl) she'll use her head when it comes to the big stuff. I know when I was 13 I had a group of friends, there were 3 girls & 3 guys & we hung out with each other at everyone's house constantly up until high school. We were allowed to go, say, to the movies or the boardwalk (grew up in Ocean City, NJ) without an adult present & the girls & boys certainly kissed each other, but it never went much farther than that. We were allowed a limited amount of space from our parents which made us feel better I think about the whole thing. Trust is so huge & hard to get & to give, but if you can do it, then that would probably be in the best interests of everyone. Good luck!

hi J. L
my name is D. and i'm also a single parent of 3 now my 14 yr old daughter has a boyfriend who also attends her school and i feel very good about her seeing him. one thing these days girls & boys tend to not tell the parents what is going on but my daughter did tell me she had a boyfriend and i met him he is a very nice young guy well he is 15 yrs old. so have you met this young guy your daughter is speaking about.do you feels she is ready or if not make her wait till you feels she is ready ..how's her grades.

In my house, the rule was no one on one dates til 16. If we wanted to go out with a boy before that milestone, we had to go as a group and there definitely had to be a chaperone. What is this boy like, do you know his parents? If you do, you may want to talk with them and express your concerns. Beyond taking all reasonable measures, all you can really do is cross your fingers and hope for the best. Good luck! S.

I think you nailed it on the head when you said if you forbid her she is going to do it anyway and it will more then likely lead to worse situations. I think that setting up guidlines as you have suggested was a good idea. Try and think back to being her age. I'm sure you had a guy that you called a "boyfriend" you may not have gone on dates but you probably talked on the phone a lot and spent any extra time together. It's nice that she is comfortable to talk with you about this and not over-reacting is going to keep things that way. Good luck, and I would let her keep her "boyfriend".

My daughter will be 13 in December. Alot of her friends have been quote "dating" for a couple of years. As adults we think of dating as a commitment. You may find your daughters dating may be as simple as a crush and the guy likes her too, which only lasts a couple of weeks if that. I know your daughter just wants to be like her friends and not feel left out. My daughter has been dating a guy from another school and she has never meet him in person but as she and her friends see it they are dating! They talk on line. You are smart to keep the lines of communication open and have the mother daughter talk! Let her know what is and is not acceptable behavior at her age.

I have a 13 year old daughter. She has been so called dating since last year. I did the same thing you were talking about. I did have a talk with her about what she should and should not do. I gave her respect and trust as long as she did not do us wrong. She did real good. I figured if I told her no she could not see whom ever than I was going to have trouble and she was just going to sneak around. He was aloud to come to our house as long as we were home and they were able to walk around at the mall with other friends but that was it. I recently started a group for parents of teens if you would like to check it out. It is a York group. http://momsofteens.meetup.com/5/?gj=sj3 Good luck.

I agree with a lot that has been said, but I have worked with teenaged girls, and I think the most important thing, that no one has mentioned, is THE talk. I think it should be done in a non threatening way, and as honest as possible (my dad told me if I lead a guy on too much he will get elephantitis of the testicles...whatever). I know this may be hard to acknowledge, but stuff happens, and I would rather your daughter be safe from STD's and potentially dangerous illnessess. I would also teach her that NO means NO and that if the guy does not respect that, than he is not worth her affection. The reason I say this is because sometimes I know what goes on in groups of kids, not to scare you, but there is actually more pressure in the groups now-a-days than often in one-on-one. The guys are more likely to compete with one another, so the talk is IMPERATIVE. Trust me, I have seen what happens when girls are either uneducated, or educated in a very unrealistic way.

Good luck. 13 just starts the ball rolling. . .

L.