My 10Yr Old Is Failing School and Will Not Read Books at Home

Hi,

Unfortunately, I do understand what you are going through. My ten year old stepson has been battling ADHD since I met his dad five years ago. My husbands family has basically denied there was a problem until I took him to the doctor to be screened and he verified he does ave it. He has barely passed school so far because my husband didn't want him on medication. We had no choice but to start him on Ridlin. It is amazing the difference. His personality hasn't changed at all, but he can focus on school and get his work done. I don't like to medicate him , but I think we were unfair to him not to. He has a medical problem that needed to be treated and we were denying him that and getting upset with him for not getting school work done. That was more unfair to him, I think, than giving him the medicaton and letting him do his best.

E.,

Talk to a doctor and then talk with a councelor. Both private (tutoring) and at his school.

I HATED reading when I was younger and still find myself struggling with books. I'm 26. I lose thought. It takes to long. I can't clear my mind long enough to focus on the words. I get confused on the characters. ect. Some may find this silly or think less of me but you know, it's true. I had to work 3 times as hard in school as most others because of reading. Especially in college.

Perhaps he is feeling some of the same stuff without saying it. Maybe he can't pinpoint why he doesn't like it. I liked my mom reading to me, but not being left with a book. It was boring and unstimulating. If he is unstimulated, this will cause negative feels to flurish.

Maybe don't punish him so much and set times for things so he understands his place. He comes home from school, has a snack, does his homework. Goes and plays outside. Comes in. Reads a few chapters of his book until dinner. Gets to watch tv after dinner. (just a for instance) _ i know easier said than done.

Also, something that bothers me:
My husband had ADD and his parents were told he probably wouldn't graduate high school. So, they never expected anything from him and basically treated him as a disappointment (not that you would ever do that)and tried to force him to do things he didn't want to.

He did end up graduating by a night program, but the fact of the matter was he stunk in english and excelled in science and math, therein was the problem. He is now a firefighter paramedic! He does complex math equations in his head on a regular basis to administer drugs and to use the fire truck.

He is a wonderful and brilliant. He knows everything about computers (he fixes plenty of them) builds websites, can cut a hole out of a solid wall and install french doors with no manual nor having done it before, ect.

So, you step son will have to fight himself, and the negativity that may surround him with the ADD issue.

Just know, the more you force it, the less he's likely to do, unless you are there reading it with him.

Best of luck,
J.

p.s. does he like writing? I love writing and still hate reading. Odd eh?

I will not judge whether your step son needs to be on meds or not because I don't know him... but let me tell you this... A friend of mine was trying to figure out what was going on with her son several years ago, and was taking him to the doc and therapists for a while. One day, she picked him up from school (he was in 2nd grade) and asked him if he understood why they were going through all of this, and he told her that they were trying to get the world to stay still for him long enough for him to be able to learn (or something like that...) Those of us without Add or ADHD can not really understand what goes on inside the head of a child with it. Seems really unfair to punish him for poor grades when you have taken him off the meds that may have helped him focus. Yes- you don't want him to be a zombie- but is going cold turkey off of all meds the answer either? Seems to me you need to find a happy medium. Trying other doses or other types of meds may be your answer. That said, yes, it's pretty typical for a child his age to go through difficulties in school... but not reading because he doesn't want to is not OK. I would let him pick what he wants to read, though. There are magazines out there for kids, and zillions of books-- there has got to be SOMETHING that will interest him.

Dear Liz,
I would suggest that you and your husband find time to read to him. Whatever book you've purchased or even what his required reading may be for school can be used to spend quality time while you read to him aloud. He may have some unknown difficulty getting through the pages (so many kids have trouble in that area and it goes undetected for years) while continuing to excel in school. Be enthusiastic and find work that truly builds his/your foundational truths while entertaining his soul, which will cause him to look forward to more READING! Let him express his thoughts, concerns, emotions, etc., as you journey through the pages of some delightful reads and throw your own perpective in to guide him along his way. Children need closeness and conversation to keep them opened up and as they head toward the teen years, so this may be a wonderful avenue to keep it going!
Another idea might be to have your stepson read aloud to your little girl each day. Let him pick a cute book for her so he'll feel highly involved. It's a quiet, interactive discipline that expands the imagination and builds closeness. Hope you are encouraged as things improve.

Hello!

My 10-year-old boy does not have ADD, but doesn't like to read either. That is, until you put a comic book in his hands. They actually have very big words, that he figures out on his own cause he wants to get to the end of the book. And he reads them over and over again. Maybe you could buy one at the bookstore, just to see, then order him a subscription if he likes it. You know, as a treat for something. Every month he'll be waiting by the mailbox. (They have that soap-opera continue-on thing.)

Hope this helps.

C.

Hi there E., My name is J.. I have an 11 year ld boy with ADHD. Maybe because he has the hyperactive part he doesn't get lathargig. He went through the same thing when I took him off his meds. My son is on Concerta. A time release med. I like better that strattera, which has to get built up in the body, and you can't miss a day. Concerta can be given during the school week. And not on the weekends. Concerta really helps my son concentrate in school. And he is still very active, not a zombie at all. I wish I had a suggestion for you that didn't involve drugs. GOOD LUCK! ____@____.com

I'm sorry, but if he had diabetes or high blood pressure, would you take him off of that medicine?
It seems pretty obvious that he needs to go back on his medication! If he seems like a "Zombie" then work with his Dr. to adjust the meds--don't just take him off of it!!!! It can actually be dangerous to quit ADD medication cold turkey.
Please don't think his behavior is typical 10 year old behavior--if you are having problems with the side effects of medication that was obviously working--then get his Dr to adjust the dosage.

I agree he probaly does not need medication. He is just having trouble reading. My friend has a business that can help him through fun learning on the computer. Its called advantageU learning. Her name is Bonnie Brooks and she is so kind and patient. Her number is ###-###-#### ____@____.com
Tell her A. recommended you.

I completely feel for you and understand what you are going through. My daughter(9)has ADHD and ODD...everyday at our house can be a challenge. We see a therapist at least once a month. She too is now on Stratera (we tried several meds before this one). Stratera may not work for you child but there are other meds out there that may just do the job. I did not want to have her on any meds, after much debating we decided that until we got things under control it was the way to go. We are working on a series of different techniques to try to help her. Reading & Homework are a challenge at our house. The key things I have learned is to keep a routine. She knows exactly what is expected of her. We use a reward system in our house(reading time of 20 minutes earns her 40 minutes of TV or video game time). We also have her read out loud to us. I take her to the library and have her pick her own books. We have recently learned that she enjoys reading mysteries. Hang in there. If you would like to talk more feel free to PM me.

My son is 12 and HATES to read, Ii don't understand it because I'm an avid reader. However his grades are not suffering. His school has required he take a reading class because he is not a strong reader. You should check with your son's school to find out what programs are available to him.
As far as the medication, my son is also on medication. He takes metadate and focalin. He's bi-polar with mild adhd. His medicine has never turned him into a "zombie". He does experience a loss of appetitie and occasional mood swings. You have to find a mental health professional who is willing to listen to your concerns and make adjustments with his medication until you find one that works. I was against putting my son on medicine for a couple of years until his behavior finally got to a point where it was affecting him in school. When it comes to the meds. you can't be selfish, you have to as well as your step son accept that he needs the medication until he gets older and can learn to control hisself(if that ever happens) They do say that some will "outgrow" the symptoms but why allow him to be miserable in the meantime. Look at it as an advantage for him, it will help him in school and his home life.
All I can say is stop fighting it, find a mental health professional with counselors on staff. It was the best thing I ever did.

hi Liz:
i also have a ten year old whos been diagnosed with ADD i took him off his meds when we moved to here its a rough road but i also have ADD (undiagnosed till i was 12 also had a slew of other learning problems to go with it that fortunatly he didn't get) but i have noticed down here that the teachers while willing to accept that the child does have ADD dont really know what to do with an unmedicated child. as far as the reading goes i would give him a broad choice mabey take him to the library and see what happens he may surprise you my son is easily bored with the reading matterial offered to him for kids his age he tends to read fifth and six grade books right now hes into the hardy boys. i really never had a hard time getting him to read (cause its an escape for him) just trying to get him to focus all day at school i had to teach him little tricks...like if he does all his class work before the other kids he has a special note book just for drawing. my biggest problem is writing he hates it more and more every year he barely writes anything and for the state test theres a 45 min writing test...so now were working on that...just take a deep breath and enjoy him for the wonderful little soul he is he may need more hands on with reading good luck.
S.

I agree with everything that Tammi said and would add one thing. Although he came to live with you as his own choice, it is still a big change in his life. Transition and change are harder for these children and going off meds would multiply that. It is important to help him find reading material thagt he likes and can find relevence. Also, there are lots of books in the library about parenting children with ADD/ADHD. You will need a consistent routine, a reward system, opposed to removing priviliges. Their self esteem is lower and restricting everything could have more of a negative impact. Also, remember to pick your battles. My daughter has bipolar disorder and ADHD, so I know how difficult it can be. Keep a journal on behaviors and moods and patterns of grades to help you find triggers that you might be able to remove. Putting a child on medicine does not make you a bad parent hen it is truly for thier well being. (I had a hard time accepting that, but it's true). Okay I said I only had one thing to add, sorry.

Hi. I have a 12 yr old boy and I want to offer some moral support. My son is a good kid, relatively happy but very "hormonal" right now! He could be hyper on occasion and he lacked a little focus and some teachers would ask me about ADD and/or medication. I refused, I really believe after researching ADD that my son is a typical boy whose priorities at this age are having fun, video games, sports, etc which means he gets a bit bored in school. You may want to try a few things, these are the things I tried and with some hard work on the parent's part, it really is helping us. 1. Change his diet. Remove SUGAR! What you don't have in the pantry, he won't miss. No sugar before school (cereal). 2. Have a conference with the teacher and ask how to help him to get ORGANIZED (most important thing) - he may need a special notebook, he may need color coded folders and a big master calendar/planner, he needs to learn organizational skills so he can find his homework and know when things are due. 3. Alot of boys hate to read. If you see him crying and upset about it you may want to have his eyes checked or have him tested for any reading disability but honestly some boys just hate reading. I have found that my son loves to read only "adventurous"type books - try these,,, "The lightning Thief" by Rick Riordan, (boy books work). 4. Try to be patient and offer positive feedback. Listen, my son is about 6-12 months more immature than kids his own age. He is just now (in 7th grade) getting the hang of writing in his planner and doing all his homework - so your step son may be a bit immature, this takes time, but I see the maturity happening at age 12. I went through H-ll getting my son on track, but I see the benefits and positive rewards - I would try what you can without medication and I hope you see some changes. It takes a commitment, but it will help. Don't lose hope, reply anytime for moral support, I know what you are going through.

You can try finding reading materials about things he likes. I son had the same problem. He loved his games I still think that his thumbs get more of a work out than the rest of him. But I used this, I would take him to the game shops, they sell books about the various games. These book explain how to bet all the new games, give the kids cheat codes, and show different ways around the various levels of the game. I know that this encouraged spending more time in front of a TV screen, but my son suddenly wanted to read. He could not wait to tell me all the things that he learned about the games. He would read the book while playing the game.
My mother bought comic book for my brother to get him to read. I guess it is finding something that is of interest to you son. As far as the medication goes you could go to your family doctor and ask about a different form of medication since it seems that they had him on a dosage that was way too strong.

Didnt realize how old this is sorry! :/

I went through the same thing when i was younger... Only difference was i wasnt diagonosed until i was 16. And in my experience i foun that if i started to get dis organized and forgot a few assignments id be really upset and beat myself up only to go home a few days later to be in trouble... Because of that i did even worse! It must be remembered he is trying.
Help him stay organized and give him all the encouragement you can let him know you support him and for everytime he get in trouble for his work give him 2x the praise when he does well. Its not fun when all people bring up is the bad things you do thats one thing i remember. ( im 16 )
I may not be a parent but i was in a similar place not long ago and still am. if you need anything else let me know ____@____.com

My son (now age 16) has been on ADD meds since 1st grade. We took him off it several times as a test, and each time the grades go down and the teachers start calling. He takes a very low dose of Adderall XR, he is 16 yrs old now and still taking 20mg in the morning. When he was 10 I believe he only took 10mg. The key is finding the lowest possible dose that helps behavior but yet doesn't suppress appetite and cause fidgeting.
I am not familiar with Stratera but you could try changing drugs if there is a problem with the medication, or lower the dose.
I am a total believer that ADD is a real medical condition that is not fully understood yet - anyway for the kids that have it they really do need the medication. If they dont get the education they are sentenced to a 'lesser' life and will never reach their potential. (my pediatrician himself told me he took drugs for ADD while growing up and without the drugs he would probably be digging ditches). I read the first harry potter book out loud to my son and got him interested in the harry potter books, then he started reading on his own. (I also ended up reading all the HP books which was a gift to myself.)

I have a 6 year old that has ADHD. Before he was diagnoised with it, he had some of the same issues. He did not want to do his work, having issues with listening in school, etc. His teacher actually suggested we take him to the doctor, which we had a clue what was wrong anyways. My husband has ADHD and has had it since he was little. When we put him on meds(which we didn't want to do but did it for him) he turned around 100%. We are still worried about the meds and what might happen, but it helps him so much. He's on Adderall right now. I did try a new medication this summer, that is supposed to be better than Adderall and Stratera and not supposed to make them drowzy. I loved the medicine, but since it is new, my insurance did not want to cover it at a price that we could afford every month, so we went back to the Adderall. The other medicine last all day(well pretty much up until bed time and is not as much as a stimulant than Adderall and the others). If you do decide to put him back on the meds, ask your doctor to give you a trial month of the new medicine, they gave us the 1st month totally free to see if it worked better. Its called Vyvanse(Vi-Vance). Like I said its a little pricy as it is still a non-prefered drug since it just came out in June, and its close to $200 a month without insurance :( With my insurance it was like $50 a month, compaired to his Adderall at $10 a month. I plan on getting him back on it though as soon as I can get some more income coming back on. Its hard to take care of a family of 6(well almost) on one income, but it was so worth the spending the extra money for it. Just a thought if you decide to try meds again :) Good luck!