Moving and Transitions

Have you tried writing a social story to help him understand or maybe even library books with kids stories about moving?

I understand. My husband & I uprooted our children and moved from Arkansas to California when our boys were 3 & 5. I went from being a stay at home mom to a working mom, dumping the boys at kindergarten & day care out of necessity while my husband got his PhD. One of the things we have done to help our boys adjust to each new home was to help them set up their rooms for a party to welcome their favorite toys into the new space. We had cake and balloons and celebrated the newness and the boys were able to talk about their fears and worries as if it was the toy experiencing the change. Personally, I would advise you against him sleeping in your room, as it will just cause one more transition when you later say no more. But, try sitting in his room while he falls asleep in his own space to ease the change. We also made a game out of blindfolding them in the daytime to focus & listen to the other sounds they heard, so they weren't so creepy at bedtime. Have a party, best wishes!!!

I would make his new room as attractive and inviting as possible and then offer to put a blanket on the floor in your room. He may need a night or two in your room to feel secure, but will likely want to be in the new room if he feels it is his choice. Just don't allow him to bring any thing from his room into yours.

There's a WHOLE section on this, and what to do, in the new issue of Parents Magazine. I would suggest picking it up--there are pages of ideas and suggestions.

We have had a crazy year like that with out children as well. I have two boys, 4 (as of this month) and 2 1/2, and a 7 mo. old baby girl.
We moved from Texas in Nov. to stay with my parents, then finally here to Farmington in March. Both boys did great, but there were challenges. The 4 year old is potty trained, has been for a long time. He was still three when we moved here, but well potty trained. He regressed BIG time. It was very frustrating. I tried to be as patient as possible. My mom set up new Deigo bedding for them at here house. I found their pillows, blankets and animals from their room in Texas. What ever I could find to make it more like the home they left. Eventually, they became comfortable and went to bed when they were told without me having to sit in the room. It took around 2-3 months. Our move here was easier. I guess it helps that they have each other. Just try to keep things as familiar to your child. Be patient and take your time. He will get there. Best of luck!
I have to add: Snow??? It's almost May! When will it end???

Take back at least one of the stuff you bought and let him choice a item for himself.
And watch what words are said around him like the place is this far away can be said in a way like wont it be cool for Grandma and Grandpa to come visit and see us, or and we will be close to a cool play area he likes.

Maybe you can have him go see the new place and then and later on show off his cool room to Grandma and all who will listen.

And he can check out the cool toy store- park etc.

Make it about him as your world has been up to now.

But to make it work make it about you also.

A party after the move with new neighbors and family he knows may help also.

D.

My almost 4 yr old daughter has SID as well and we have finally started getting regular, consistent sleep (just about anywhere we go too). Routine did it for us with a little help from social stories and a Bach Flower Remedy made for us by a Naturopath to help her nervous system and neuroligical response system calm down. Transistion is hard for SID kids so we moved the rocking chair and boom box into her room next to her bed with her book shelf. We started the bedtime routine in her room. Changing into pj's, tickling to get the wiggles out, then some snuggles, followed by rocking in the chair while reading a few favorite books and/or social stories and listening to soothing music (our daughter responded well to George Winston album called Autumn). Upon the 15-20 minute time going off we get into bed, cover up and do some deep pressure back rubbing (and our daughter responded well to rubbing her legs as well). Then sitting with her bedside for until she fidgets very little and then saying goodnight and leaving the room. As first it took about 45 minutes (and yes, this is too long and tiring) but by month 2 time to do it decreased immensely and now she will lay down and nap or go to bed with just music playing in the background, or just 1 sotry or just the deep pressure massage. We also think the book Bedtime for Frances played a key role in her "time for bed" understanding. Hope this helps.

Adjusting can take time. Make sure he has a night light for a while. It might help to have an evening ritual where the family reads funny, happy, soothing stories before bedtime to keep his thoughts geared towards positive things. Play special calming music and let it play until he is asleep. If you are praying people, make sure you pray for his angels to keep watch over him before bed. You may want to stay in his room with him until he falls asleep (unless he is a light sleeper, then he might just wake up every time you go to leave). Turning his bed into a special place can also help relieve any fears he has:
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The above are just ideas... to provide him a bed that is more of a "cubby" or "safe place" or "hideout" may make him feel more safe sleeping in a new place all by himself.

Since you are only moving 2 hours away, take a day and drive him to where you will be living. Call and ask the school to give you both a tour (preferably on a school day when he can meet his potential teachers and see who the other kids are), point out your new home (if you can't yet get in to show it to him), drive him around a bit to show him the new area where you will be living...especially places you will be frequenting (library, movie store, grocery store, doctors office, therapist, etc.) so that he will already be familiar with all of this. As much as possible, arrange for him to meet the people he will be seeing so that they won't seem to be complete strangers on the first day. Often it is the fear of the unknown that can cause them worry or upset...what will it be like, will they have things there that I'm familiar with here, etc.?

I did this with my kids and it helped them with their transitions wonderfully! Especially the tour of their new school as one of their worries was getting lost in the school. My kids are a bit older, so the school was kind enough to find a student to give them a personal tour without me, and they felt much better knowing that they already knew one person there and all the little details that we adults don't think about (how often bathroom breaks are, when lunch is, how to get their lunch, do they line up to go to lunch and art, etc.) With your son being so young, this won't be an option, but the school may still be able to find another student to take a tour with you and your son who could help explain things to him along the way.

Also, ask your local librarian for books that talk about moving and read them with him....this way you can open up some dialogue with him and find out what his biggest fears are so that you can work to settle those fears as much as possible.

Act excited about the move, like it's an adventure that you are going on together, maybe point out things that he will get to do in the new place that he couldn't do at home (our new home has an ice skating rink nearby, skate parks, bike paths, huge playgrounds, paint your own pottery place, fun things that we can do together as a family, etc.).

One thing that helped my daughter quite a bit was getting pictures of family to put up in her room. (one frame has her name cut out and each letter has a funtime family event picture in the letter-the Y is a picture of me throwing my hands in the air on a day we were simply messing around with the camera, she choose the pics to put in...with my guidance as to which could be best seen in each letter) I had the family pick out pictures to give her, then let her help pick out the picture frames and decide how they would be displayed. I also gave her a disposable camera to take pictures of whatever she wanted, friends, family, our home, pets, favorite places, etc. She then made her own scrapbook (with my help) so she would have these visable memories to take with her and show to her new friends and to look through when she was feeling a bit disconected in her new place.

The more he is familiar with all the new things that are coming his way, the calmer he will feel. Good luck!