Moved Out ,The Kids Are Still with My Husband

I was 13 when my dad moved out. It was hard. But there were some very odd things too.

My parents were so miserable when together that I actually spent MORE time with my dad once he moved out than I had when he was working 60 hours/week to avoid spending time with my mom.

My parents had the most amicable divorce that I've EVER heard of, because they put my sister and me first. They continued to co-own the house (dad making 1/2 the payments) until my younger sister was out of high school, so that we could always go to the same high school. (Then they sold it and split the $$.)

They also continued to back each other up when it came to us (much to our annoyance when we tried to play them, lol).

But I don't think I've answered your question. My dad worked to make sure we knew he wanted to be with us, even when we weren't always nice to him because we were mad he left. Just work to be there for them. And keep working at it, no matter what.

So much good luck to you.

Hi,
Personally I would have never left the house without my children. Is the reason for the divorce ugly? Why didn't you not tell your husband to move out rather than you moving out? I hope your decision to leave the home with out your children does not harm you when it goes to court and custody is decided, I have a feeling it may. Who is caring for them? assuming that your soon to be ex works during the day. Please tell me they are not unsupervised at home over the summer? I would be sure to have daily contact with them and daily visits if you can until the divorce is final so as not bury the wedge even deeper that has already been driven between you and your children already. If you have a divorce attorney I would be on the phone asap to him or her and see what they say and recommend. If not get one tomorrow. Good luck to you,

Coming from a divorced home as well, make sure they have a space at your new house, so they know they are welcome there. In addition, make sure you stick to the scheduled visitations, because the biggest let down is when you get stood up by a parent for a visit. Just let them know you have an open door and are welcome anytime. I think the stability and knowing the relationship with you isn't going to change is the biggest concern when you are going through this.

You shouldn't have to leave your home or your children. Why doesn't he leave??????? I am sorry to say but there is never a good age for divorce but 12 and 13 are hard enough to deal with, and not having your mom in my opinion is only going to make their lives even more difficult. I would move back in and get legal council and have him leave or sell the house and then get an apartment. Sorry but in my opinion your children need their mom more then they need a house!!

I would not move away from your kids if you want custody of them. You don't want your husband to make it sound in court as if you just abandoned them. Can I ask- since it is obviously better for the kids to remain in their home - why isn't your husband the one moving to an apartment? Is it because he just wants to keep the house?

Because possession is 9/10ths of the law, and if you move out, you may also be weakening your position as far as having a claim to the house or any equity in it if it is sold. If it is an apartment, I am not sure how that works.

but for right now, of course your kids want to stay home- it is familiar to them. But ask yourself- is it better for them to be with YOU than in the house?? They need a lot of reassurance right now and IMO, you need to rethink this step. Either bring the kids with you or see if your husband will move so you can be with them in the house.

Either way, go see a lawyer RIGHT NOW- even if it is a public aid counselor at a women's shelter,etc. You need real legal advice NOW - because everything you do now will show up in court later when you are trying to get custody of your kids or secure your property rights. I know you just want to be away from your husband, but calm down and THINK while you do it. Good luck and CALL A LAWYER NOW.

Well, I would start with counseling. You should an individual counselor and then you should have a family counselor that you see with your girls (and maybe dad too, depending on the circumstances).

If you don't have a custody agreement since you have separated, you need to get one ASAP (even before you file for divorce).

Good Luck and hang in there!

If I were you, I would consult an attorney before making any moves to your own apartment. I got divorced myself 9 years ago (thankfully no kids), but I know that even in my situation, my attorney told me that I might be sacrificing rights to things by leaving before the attorneys had an arrangement. What you have done can be construed as abandonment and you may lose any rights to custody of your kids, whether they told you they want to stay there or come with you.

I feel for you and your struggle, this is not an easy thing to go through, especially with children. But don't try and navigate this on your own. Seek legal counsel before you do anything else. Otherwise, you might inadvertently put yourself in a position where you lose rights to everything - your home, your savings, and your children - because your spouse tries to claim that you left of your own accord and abandoned them all.

Good luck.