How often do moms with kids 0 to 6 think I love this child? How often at ages 7-13? How often at ages 14 to 20/ It is so easy to think angry thoughts especially when the child seems motivated to make you mad or very oppositional to what is expected!
I think a big part of learning about parenthood is, as they grow and develop and change, to appreciate them for the person THEY are and not what you thought they might be like.
My son (7) blows me away every single day by his intelligence and independent thinking. He's awesome.
My kids are 4 and 5 and several times every day I think "I love this child". Right now their behavior leaves a lot to be desired - I think cabin fever has gotten the best of them. LOL. But even then, I think of how much I love them. I didn't read through the responses you received, so I don't know how I will compare, but my son has just finished three long years of chemotherapy. It has been a rough road for us, so no matter how mad or frustrated my kids make me, I am so grateful that we have all reached this milestone together and that he is surviving. His illness has given me a certain perspective. I also realize that at their ages, testing the limits is what they are programmed to do. They are vying for independence, wanting control, developing their sense of self. If you are finding it difficult to think positive thoughts about your children, you may wnat to find some books on child development and disciplining children. You may also want to try different ways to reduce the stress you are feeling - deep breathing and timouts (for me and for them) work well for me. Best of luck to you.
I had my son ( now 7 ) at 37 and quite honestly I was not prepared AT ALL for him to come into my life. But if something happened and I didn't have him ( God forbid ) I'm sure that I would not want to be in this life.
Yes he pushes my buttons at times, he tests his boundaries at times and he says things that break my heart at times. I still love him all of the time. If it wasn't for him I would not even know what unconditional love is. I would not even know that I'm even capable of such love.
I know there's going to come a day when I'm the uncoolest person on earth, :) but for now he still thinks I'm pretty cool. He still wants to sit next to ME on the couch, still wants to go to the store with ME, he still wants ME to hold his hand for a few minutes before he falls asleep, he still presses his face up to mine and kisses my nose, how lucky am I ?!
I 'm not guaranteed of how our mother/son relationship will be like when he's an adult, I would hope he still thinks I'm a cool mom, lol.
Remembering raising my daughter (now 38), and currently being involved in my grandson's life (he's now 4), I was/am surprised and delighted to never have a day when I didn't fall into astonished love with them over and over. I'm wondering if a secondary question here is about how often you think "I can't stand this child." If that's your concern, I think every mom probably has occasional desperate moments where that feels at least partly true.
Still, I notice that I'm much more interested in your phrase "what is expected." As a result of much spiritual and emotional work in my 62 years, I'm learning that expectations are deadly. They keep us living in the past, where the expectation was born, and in a never-arriving future in which our expectations "might" be fulfilled. They block us from experiencing this moment in which we are living. They keep us from noticing that if life is not well-aligned with an expectation, it is perhaps the expectation that is the problem.
Thus, our expectations keep us rigid, inflexible, and unable to adapt, unable to fully appreciate the possibilities of THIS singular moment in our wild and precious lives. And expectations about parenting separate us from these new, unique and completely original people we have brought into the world.
Reality is so utterly, astoundingly amazing when we let go of all the "oughts" and "shoulds" that control our thinking. I'm not talking about a loss of knowing what's right or wrong. Letting go of what "ought to be" allows us to respond more fully to the actual needs of the moment, which seldom fit any mold constructed in our imaginations.
And, K., I really don't want to presume. This response may not be about you; if not, please just let it fly on by. I'm just guessing at what I would be really concerned about if I had asked your questions. So if you are troubled by a parent-child situation that doesn't seem to be working, I hope you'll read books, take parenting classes, get counseling. There are difficult children, there are difficult relationships, and there is almost always help if you are open to it. Blessings.
My girls are 1 and 3 and I know I have moments through out the day where I am overwhemingly in love with them and other moments where I'm about to pull my hair out. I find that removing myself from the situation, taking a deep breath and thanking God for how truly blessed I am to have two healthy children really helps me to refocus. I am also trying diligently to respond positively to my daughters' good behavior rather than only giving them negative attention (especially with my 3 year old) for the bad things they do. Always a process!! Blessings!
I have two kids, ages 4 and 19 months. I was completely overwhelmed with baby #1, but I had a complete C. of heart when I was pregnant with #2. My sister gave birth to a stillborn baby girl, and my husband's cousin commited suicide at the age of 21. A parent's grief after losing a child is unimaginable.
I know it's morbid, but when the kids grate on my every last nerve, I try to think of those parents I know who have lost a child. I try to appreciate my children for the wonderful and stubborn people that they are and remember that none of their horrible phases last forever.
My son is only 13 months old, but I think it daily - several times a day.
I think "I love this child" probably 1 or 2 times a day, often when my only son (23 months old) is sitting and playing by himself and I'm watching him, or when he gives me a big grin for no reason, or when he runs to me and says "hug" and hugs me and runs off, or even when he runs to me with a 'boo boo', wanting me to kiss it, then he runs back off to play. Sure there are times I get upset with him at times, but he's a boy, he's learning, he'll make mistakes, and I'm his mom who's supposed to teach him right from wrong, good from bad.
Many times throughout the day. I have twin boys who will be 5 next week. I have days where all I want to do is duct tape them to opposite walls so I won't have to deal with the fighting, the whining, the throwing, the bad manners, etc., and then minutes after I have decided that duct tape would probably be considered bad parenting, one or both will manage to do something that is so sweet, or so brilliant, or so kind and I am overwhelmed at how amazing my kids are. It took me 8 years of infertility to get these guys, a lot of money, and a lot of heartache, so I remember very well how badly I wanted these babies. But being a mom is hard. And they do push my buttons most of the time these days. LOL. But I hadn't realized until they were born, how much love I was capable of feeling for another human being. Even when they are being... hmmm, lets just say - difficult... I try to stop my anger and remember how badly I wanted these babies. I repeat over and over in my head "I love you so much". Mind you - sometimes I do it while I am crying my eyes out!! And then, I can calm down enough to really see the blessing that they are, including the whining, the hitting, the throwing, the attitude... all of it - it gives me the chance to be the best parent I can possibly be to two little monsters who need me as much as I need them. Motherhood has its up and downs, but I can't imagine a life without these two in it. I didn't even realize my life wasn't complete until they came into it and showed me how much "more" it could be.
