Mother of 6 and 4 Year Old Little Girl.

Invite one of her little friends from school to join you. My son is super social and is so much happier when he has a buddy his age around.

C.:

By looking back at your previous posts - you've had issues with your kids for a while now. Here's my take:

1. You are trying to hard to be their friend instead of a parent.
a. your daughter "begged" all day - this tells me that you said "no" and she knows it does not mean no. She got her way.
b. you entertain your children. Instead of letting them use their imaginations and explore within some boundaries - you do it for her. So she doesn't need to use her imagination like she does with others.

2. You have stated that your daughter's fight - tattle - all the time. They do it to get your attention and have succeeded. Each time they come to you with a "tale" - handle it. Instead of saying "okay - you are fighting over a doll. I'll take the doll so you won't have anything to fight over. And if you fight over another toy - I'll take that too." Kids do NOT need matching toys. That's a waste of money.

You can play with your children - but you do NOT have to be their entertainer. There is a difference. You are the parent. You need to take control and set boundaries and limits. No means NO. It doesn't matter if she asks 1 time or a 1,000 times - no means no. If she asks more than 3x - she's in time out or she loses a toy, TV time, etc. Write the rules out. Write the consequences for actions - both positive and negative. You can have a reward chart for things they do.

You need to be the PARENT. From your previous posts it's more like you are a door mat. Sorry - but really - you allow your mother to speak in Portuguese around your boyfriend/fiance. Instead of standing up to her and saying "John is my boyfriend and in my life whether you like it or not. You will speak English in my home. If you cannot speak English when around him, you are not welcome here." You cater to your children...she begs - you give in. STOP allowing people to walk all over you.

it's OKAY to say NO.
It's OKAY to be the parent and NOT the friend.
It's OKAY to stand up for yourself.

So set limits. Set boundaries. Set expectations. You already KNOW she can play by herself she does it with others, just not you. Get rid of the duplicate toys. That's overkill and unnecessary. TEACH them to get along and share. Giving them duplicate toys is not helping anyone or anything.

YOU CAN DO THIS. You HAVE to want to. I know it's hard since you work the swing shift. But you CANNOT let guilt lead you in parenting. You have time with your kids - but YOU are the parent. YOU are in control.

C., you are so bent on enjoying your time (finally!) with your kids that your 6 year old realizes it and she's "using" you. Don't let her do that to you, or to herself. If you put up with that, she will end up bossing her friends around and being difficult to be around.

Sit there and read a book and when she says "what's next" tell her to go play. Tell her if she doesn't quit this whining, that she will end up staying at home and playing in her room.

You need to get tough here, and no kidding.

Sending you strength~
Dawn

Kids are so accustomed to being entertained nowadays. I have to tell my daughter all the time that when I was her age, I just played outside. All day. We never went anywhere, save for the park once in awhile. Even when I was inside the house, I could entertain myself. I don't remember my mom playing with me very often at all. The times have changed, and you can't just let your kids run the neighborhood anymore. I take my kids to the park, the splash pad, to free events at the library and park district, and occasionally to the mini water park at the park district. They would like to go to the water park every day, but we can't afford it. When they complain about just going to the park, I say we can either do this, or we can sit at home. When we're home, I try to dedicate chunks of time to each child, but it's not easy with three. My younger children are much better at entertaining themselves.

Stop trying to entertain them. Instead, tell them they can go play or they can help mommy with (making cookies, fixing lunch, working in the yard, cleaning the garage, folding laundry, whatever it is you want/need to do during the day.) If they really want to spend time with you then invite them to join you in what YOU are doing. Chances are they will really enjoy things like baking cookies, but they'll get bored pretty fast folding laundry, and then they will go play!
Also let them invite other kids over to play, I know that may seem like more work for you but it's really not. They keep each other entertained and you have time to do chores or just relax for a while (and if you work nights you MUST need some down time, right?)

I think you have a lot of good, common sense advice here. Two things to add:

I think it's important to make your kids feel empowered to make other choices, and within your limits. Before you leave for the park or other outings, tell your oldest (and younger one too) "Sometimes you get bored at the park, so you are responsible for bringing some other fun things to do. Go find three things which will keep you happy and busy." Let each of them put them in their own backpack. These could be activity books, coloring books, something to read, small manipulatives or other small toys. Then, when the complaining starts, "oh, go see what you've packed." This puts them in the position of being in charge of their own entertainment.

At home, have them each make a list of things they like to do, all on their own. "I'm bored" can be met with "Oh, sounds like you need to go find something from your list"...once again, having a concrete reminder list will help you hand the problem back to her.

You can also sign her up for a summer reading program if there's one in your area.

Of course, play with them for a while, but don't let that dominate your day. I set aside two face-to-face connection times each day so that if I get really busy, my son can count on these moments of having my undivided attention. Instead, he does know that if he wants to spend time with me, he can be a helper next to me, or be on the periphery, doing playdough at the table while I cook/do dishes or digging in the corner of the garden while I'm weeding. I still have (now) fond memories of complaining of boredom as a 10 year old and my mother said: "if your bored you can help me with the laundry. Or the bathroom needs cleaning. The trash needs to be taken out and there are dishes to do..."

I usually found something to do very quickly!

6 is another difficult age. My nearly6 year old is very testing - meaning she'll push and talk back to see how far she can get. In a way, it sounds like your daughter is testing you to see how far you'll go to entertain her. Make it more about HER joining you, rather than you catering to her. Make sure she has enough time on her own too. I know my oldest NEEDS her alone-time (just like her mommy!) or she gets too overwhelmed by people all day. She's very social, just needs some time to wind-down alone.

She sounds upset at something. I have four little girls (3, 5, 7 and 8), and they only do that when they are mad.

I would treat it as bad behavior, honestly. She's basically pouting. I would say " If you just wanna stand there go ahead, we will have fun" And then I'd proceed to play with the 4 year old and every 15 min or so and give a quick reminder to miss party pooper that she can join, too- she can have fun. Now, DO REMEMBER- it is HER choice to not do anything. Don't put the pressure on yourself- she may actually think it is a game to see you try to entertain her and "fail". I'm assuming you play WITH them, right?

At the end of the day, I'd put 4 year old to bed and use it as an opportunity to have one on one with the 7 year old. I'd ask her what is bothering her, because she seems upset.

I would tell her that you are going to be doing _____ activity for ____ amount of time. So maybe tell her "OK, pool time for 15 minutes." She can stand in the pool for that 15 minutes, but I'm pretty sure after a couple she will get bored enough to play after a little while. If not, then she just wasted her own play time. You might also give her a couple things to make it more fun... My DD has a butter container and a bucket she LOVES to play with in the pool. At six, I bet she would love one of those mermaid barbies to play with in the water. ;)

You could also try actively playing with her... chase her at the park, swim with her, etc. Even if only for part of the time she is engaged in whatever activity.

Although, are you taking her places and letting her play, or actually playing with her? It could be that she wants you to join in on the activities. When she is playing with the other people, you say she entertains herself for hours... but that is not playing with them, that is playing by herself... so I'm slightly confused.