My mother in law is over baringly nosey. How do I deal with someone so difficult? I have a very bad relationship with her, and we don't even talk anymore because we are so much alike. We are both so stuburn to each other. My way or the highway. I've tried everything, it seems. I need a new approach.
I was listing the a talk radio show the other day and the host was dealing with a caller who had issues with the in laws. He suggested a book. I think its called 'Boundries'. I would think it might give some helpful advice on handling situations. As well as whats normal and whats not.
Good luck!
need more information (specific examples) before I can give some suggestions...
hmmm... sounds like a sticky situation.. Take her out for lunch or a coffee break and have a heart to heart talk with her. Make sure you listen to her tooo....
J.
Prayer is a very powerful Tool also!
P.
Honey I can feel where you are coming from I currently live with my kids daddy's mother and it hasn't always been easy...First you need to set up boundries and agree to disagree your children feel the tension and it's really not good for them to see it and I know that's hard my kids grandma and I had a few nasty blow outs to say the least and we learned the touchy points that are better left alone....After our last blow out we talked about boundries cause we too are very much alike and both want to be in control but as I need help and she loves the time she gets with her grandchildren we have come along way and know what buttons not to push if were in a mood we tell the other thus far it has worked out great and I'm a better mom because of her....We know have a mutual respect for each other and get along great for the most part....But it took alot of work so don't think it was easy if your mother-n-law is anything like mine she is bossy to the fullest extent and tries to play the hard but at all times...Remember we are mothers and when it comes to our kids no one will ever be good enough you just have to make her realize your not going anywhere your a permanent fixture you'd like to have her blessing after all this time but its not warranted or needed...God bless you and hope it gets better luckily mine did....
I am in the same boat as you. Friday I finally put a stop to an issue we had by simply addressing her personally. Instead of the issue being resolved it grew. Sunday my sis in law called and wanted answers. Not only does this affect our marriage but I feel as if my husband doesnt care. He doesnt want to rock the boat unlike myself. If I could do this episode again I suggest you walk away. If it will cause a problem with you husband she is not worth it.
Try to remember that this is the woman who raised your husband, the man that you love and chose to spend your life with. She can't be all bad if she did that! She also can't be all that bad if she's so much like you, which you do see!Also, try to treat her the same way you would want to be treated in the same situation. Remember that you have 3 people in common that you both truly love - your daughters and your husband. Try to be nice and try not to put your husband in the middle! Good luck
first how is she nosey? tell your MIL that while you are happy she can help out, she needs to mind her own business. she will know what you want her to know.
It is your or no way when it is your house and your kids.
The only thing I can think of that could help you is to do what everyone HATES to do. Take the high road and be the bigger person. You said that you are both stubborn. Do you feel that being stubborn is a good character trait to have? This could be God's way of helping you to address something that you probably would not want to pass on to your children. They are going to learn how to respect their elders by watching your example. I'm not saying that this is going to be easy. You should probably have a one-on-one with her and just be as real and sincere as possible about how you are FEELING, not on how she is ACTING. When she shares her side, make sure you are genuinely listening as well. I hope that helps.
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From what you wrote about yourself, I can see that you are in a stressful time, even without the issues with your MIL. I would assume that your being stressed is wearing on your patience and your tolerance of your MIL. I know from experience that I deal with things much better if I am well rested and not stressed...I am guessing that you haven't had a chance for any good rest with a night job, family of 5 and two extra people in your personal space all the time. I know that it can be very difficult to relax when life is so hectic, but I really think it would benefit you and your family if you could all do something fun together. Plan a day that you, your husband, and kids can all have off together (even if someone has to call in sick just once...sometimes people work so hard to support their family and forget to enjoy that family!) and pack a lunch and get out together (without the grandmas). Go to the park or beach and take some balls, frisbees, water guns, etc. The kids can play on a playground and you and your hubby can have a chance to just sit and talk or just be together without any other worries around.
I know this does not really help with your MIL but it is amazing how a little time out from the real world will give you a different perspective on your life and maybe recharge you a bit.
Best of luck to you.
i have a similar problem - im living with my mother, while my husband is in iraq. she is incredibly nosey and although not outright vengeful, she can often be very very irritating. she sees herself as smarter and more prepared than me, because she is older and has had children before, etc.. which is a valid point, but i dont always appreciate her getting in my business when i want to solve a problem. she gets offended very easily when i brush off her advice in favor of my own and exert my independence. I'm having my first baby in the next few weeks, and I've been living with my mom since April. Its been difficult, especially with pregnancy crankyness, not to outright attack her sometimes ;)
What I've learned in this experience is that I have to strike a certain kind of balance. That is, be consistent and firm about my own decisions and ideas when I'm around her, but also flexible enough to know good advice when it comes. And when she is nosy, outright tell her to stop, call her out on it. Dont beat around the bush or try to be polite to the point where she might not get it or might misinterpret what you say Communication is one of the most important parts of any relationship, let her know honestly how you feel about things and encourage her to express how she feels. You both already know how each one feels, but this way it gets out in the open, where you can deal with each issue in a logical organized way. Most people are willing to talk about things if you give them the chance. If she doesn't outright hate you, which it sounds to me like you just disagree on some things, then she will be wiling to work with you, for the sake of your relationship and mutual family.
Hi. I was reading the section where you wrote about yourself and I would have to say the sooner you can get MIL out of your house, your problem with her will deminish.
Other than that, I am not one to help you with any ideas as my relationship with my MIL has always been on the rocks. She makes snyde remarks at me all the time and puts down my motherhood and housekeeping. If I keep my mouth shut and listen to her, she will talk herself into a hole and I just laugh. I take her with a grain of salt. What helps most for me is to stay away from her as much as possible.
I feel for ya.
Take care.
You sound like a very generous woman. I had mom mom-in law and father in law live with us for 4 months when we had just moved into our brand new home we built. The father in law always had jobs to do around the house putting in shelves and a gardent but mom she only had to get into my house work and I was fussy. So she folded towesla one way and I redid them. After awhile it got on my nerves. They fixed their breakfast but I made lunch and dinner. They always took a walk which gave us time to deal and talk about our finances and childre who where rebelling teens. I had a huge nome and they could go upstairs and watch tv or hang out out of our sight. I just can not imagine both moms living with us for a long time. How do both moms get along? In Tough Love they tell you if you are a yeller get quiet. If you are quiet get loud. I would think in some ussues you can shock her by doing it her way. Letting her have a say and giving her some control but not all. G. W ( Pray and have Peace)
That's normal. You just have to learn not to share information with her and continue to be polite with her unless she intentionally hurts you or your family. My mother in law sucks! She doesn't even tell her children she loves them much less her grandchildren. She barely comes over and she lives 5 minutes away.
