Mother-in-law Living with Us

How does your hubby feel about it? You did marry him and move in knowing she lived with him. Sorry your post sounded kinda mean. I just feel like you walked in to the sitiation knowing she lived there and now you want her out. You didn't mention your husbands feelings about her being there. If she and your hubby are happy with her being there I feel you should have spoken up before you married your husband.

My mother lives with us too. She moved with us before my first child was born almost nine years ago. It can be stressful sometimes but I try to look at the positives:

1. My oldest has a special person to talk to especially as she is getting older and mom and dad aren't always her first choice.

2. All three of my children love sneaking in her room at night to get extra hugs and kisses. I pretend not to hear them.

3. My mother helps out with my kids whenever she can. If I need to run a quick errand and she is home, I don't have to drag three kids with me. Plus, once the kids are in bed my husband and I can go out and she doesn't mind.

4. With three kids, I have made several runs to the emergency room. She always helps out with my kids. Last year my son hemorrhaged in the middle of the night and we had to rush him to CHOP. My husband and I could both go and not worry about the girls because my mother was here.

Things are not perfect but at the end of the day, I know my kids benefit from living in a multigenerational household. They love their grandmother very much. I wish I had been closer with my grandparents growing up so I look at this as a gift to my children.

I grew up in my grandmother's house. (We lived with her. She didn't live with us!) My uncle and his large family lived next door, and my aunt and her family lived just down the street. It was great to have everyone around every day. My mom didn't really love the deal, though. She had 30 years living in her mother-in-law's house, and my grandmom wasn't always nice to my mom. But from the standpoint of kids growing up, it was great to always have my grandmom around (in addition to everyone else in the neighborhood.)
If there was one thing that made it hard on my parents, though, it was the fact that my dad, who was a wonderful father, was a big momma's boy. His mother came first, and that put a huge strain on my parents' marriage. I think a long conversation with your husband where you could really sort through all of this would be the best way to start. There are a lot of things on the plus side to having another family member to help with the kids and to make your family strong. But it will all fall to pieces if you and your husband aren't first for each other. Maybe after you and your husband sort through it, you can bring your MIL into a conversation about it all and be sure that she realizes your marriage is the most important thing, that the two of you need your time and your space. I don't know the details of your relationship with her, but hopefully, she will understand that and will want to help support her son and you in your marriage. Because, after all, marriage is a lot easier when it's supported by family.

You need to sit down with your husband and explain how you feel.Tell him you think that it's time that your Mom started to look for her own place so you and your husband can move on with your own life and his Mom can have a place of her own and move on with hers. Don't you bring it up to your Mother-in-law but the 3 of you sit down and have your husband speek for you and him. Make sure he doesn't point the finger at you but let her nicely know you both feel this way and that it would be better for all who is involved. Help her even find a place near by. In the long run it will be most benifical for your marrage along with your relationship with your mmother-in-law. Good luck and it will talk time. It's a big step for both of them.

Do you get along with your mil? sounds like you don't mind her but you seem like you are neglected when it comes to time with just your husband and son you need to sit down with your husband and tell him how you feel....that is the only way you will get what you want and need but don't make it into a fight just calmly tell and express how you feel. as for her moving out she was there before you and you know she was there before you. does your husband still anwser to her? or does things for his mom before you? those are some things you may want to discuss with him as for your son I know my kids love there mommom they only have one because we do not associate with my husbands mother (many reason) and it is good to have extra relationships to help you grow....

Hi K.,
I don't know details of how you get along with your MIL. However, if the only issue is that you want your own family time, make it happen and then count your blessings.

Does she help you around with your son? What I mean is, is she a sit around all day long MIL or an active one who takes the time to play with her grandson?

If you are thinking of going back to work, wouldn't it be wonderful if your MIL could be there for you guys to help out with babysitting?

I don't have my mother living near me now (she moved to Nicaragua when she retired) and my father moved to Florida when he retired (with his wife). We only have my MIL who comes and goes for months at a time. When she is here, she does make herself useful and we still find our "family time". Even if just to go to the store together or play around in our bedroom with the girls, just the four of us. She very much respects that and we live in a two bedroom apartment.

So by "make it happen" I don't mean start a conflict in your marriage (because inevitably, if your husband wanted to have her mother move out, he would've been working at it already). I mean make the best of it, and enjoy the time you have.

Good luck!
M.