Mother-In-Law Issues!

I wouldn't worry about hurting MIL's feelings and I would NEVER leave my child with her. I would worry the entire time I was gone.

I would ask your parents and feel at ease the entire time.

If MIL says anything or get's mad just say we thought you had your hands full enough with 3 boys and thought our daughter would be more comfortable with the choice we made. Add that your daughter see's your parents on a consistant steady basis and this was in the best intersts of your daughter.

J.,

First of all, if you feel uncomfortable leaving your child with someone, don't. You will not enjoy yourself. Have your parents watch your baby so you can relax and enjoy things. Your husband should have consulted you before asking his mother, and since she has 3 boys to take care of, another child may prove to be too much. You need to put your daughters health before the happiness of your MIL. If you want to explain it to her tell her that because she has the boys, you don't want to burden her and you have already made other arrangements. Make sure you tell her there are other arrangements, so she doesn't say but I can do it it's no problem. You won't be lying. Tell her the people have made arrangements to stay in your home and will be there on such and such a day. Since it is a week, your daughter will be more comfortable with people she sees more often, at home is a plus too. Your MIL will have hurt feelings for a while, but she will get over it.

Good Luck!

H.

My initial reaction to your question and history, was to let your parents come and take care of your daughter. Tell the MIL that you want your daughter to be at home, where its comfortable, safe and all of her things are there. It will make you feel better about the care of your daughter and make your trip that much less stressful. I wouldn't leave my child with someone that can't care for the three kids she already has...sounds like a case of being lazy (not to sound mean). I wouldn't hold back on letting your MIL know about how you feel when you leave your daughter with her, if something bothers you just let her know. We just got back from IL and spent 5 days with the in-laws. I love my mother in law but she can be very old fashion and doesn't always agree with how we parent our son, I told her that this is how we do things at home and being we are away from home I need to stick with our routine to keep things as sane as possible.
I don't know if your daughter is old enough to tell you her feelings or opinions but maybe ask her how she feels when she visits grandma (she may think its great to eat marshmallows for dinner, but im sure she would prefer to be with someone who will care for her needs). Good luck, and have FUN in Vegas

okay...chiming in late here but oh well...you first concern should be regarding your daughter, not how we are going to hurt MIL's feelings.

I think you should go with the most convienent solution of you and your daughter and have your parents come to your house and take care of her. You could use all sorts of reasons for your MIL if you would like, but really you should not have to explain anything to her but the change of plans.

To be honest I can't even have my kids stay at my MIL's house for one night...why make myself worry that much...she says a lot that she has brought her kids to adult hood...but I have heard the stories of how, and I have seen the now.

Do what you feel most comfortable with

Maybe this is just me... but if your MIL is neglecting other kids, (and admitting it openly,) why on earth would you leave your little girl with her? You've seen major issues with her parenting 'style.' (Leaving medications and ointments out in the open and not changing a child for 8 hours, isn't a 'style.') If Vegas is that important to you, Go. But find someone else to watch your 2 year old.
Leaving your daughter in your MIL's hands will not HELP the situation. She's not going to come to her senses because your daughter is around. She won't shape up just because she has another child in her hands. She's already proven that she doesn't intend to change her ways and it's obviously fine for your husband's sister's boys. (Or not, and perhaps that's why they act how they do.)

So you can't leave your daughter in better hands because your MIL will act like a middle-school girl and try to get the rest of the family to hate you? (Screw her.) Sounds like you've got your BIL on your side of the court. Whatever you do, do not LIE about why you don't want your child with her. (Although you can probably throw a white flag and word it nicely.) If you lie, she'll probably find out and then she'll have a reason to be hurt. Don't give her a reason. Be the best parent you can be and state that your parents have offered to help, and since your daughter is more comfortable with them, (they come visit, have watched her before without incident, etc.)

If this is an issue where your husband just asked without asking you, (it happens... men. Arg.) Then talk to your husband and explain your fears. I don't think having a phone conversation with your husband and MIL will help. She's not FIT to care for your daughter if you feel scared leaving your daughter in her hands for even 8 hours.

I'm so sorry about your situation. You're a FANTASTIC mom. You're looking out for the best interests of your child. (And that's admirable.)

You'll figure it out. You know never to put your child in an environment, (especially for a week,) where she would be unsafe. This might cause the final rift between your MIL and you... but really? She's at the loss. Your husband will recognize that, and you can rest assured knowing your daughter is in good hands.

Good Luck?

Please go back and read what you wrote about your MIL and ask yourself what kind of advice you would give to a stranger with this request. Absolutely do not leave your baby girl with her, even if it means not going. It sounds like you would never let someone like her be responsible for your daughter for any amount of time, let alone a week, and I don't think any mother would. If anything happened to her while you were gone, you would never forgive yourself, or her, so do not worry about hurting her feelings. Just remember it is you and your husband your daughter looks to to keep her safe..you cannot let her down. Be strong!

It's your child you need to say this is what makes me feel safe and that your child is protected will you have fun on your vacation worrying about how your daughter is with your MIL and the 3 boys? Talk to your husband how does he feel about it? Was it his decision to ask or both of yours? He should deal with his mother she will be less mad and a shorter lenghth of mad with him than you.
I hope this helps you.