Mortified Mom Needs a Good Laugh

Hugs to you and here's my funny story today:

My brother's girlfriend is a teacher. She must have had an exhausting day because she posted on facebook "Teachers do more than just teach". Her teacher friends all jump in to agree and make her feel better. First 1 posts "I here you". No one else said anything so I was like comment #15 and said "Ok am I the only one who finds it funny that someone can here instead of hear?" Gets a couple likes (including my brother who then unliked because his gf thought it was mean) and a response a while later from the poster who said 'remind me not to post when exhausted'. I was going to type "I'm exhausted two" but I didn't want to be known as P's jerky sister in the states.

Oh honey, none of this was about you. I have spent a ton of time around the elderly. I have seen them go from fiercely independent and capable to completely bedridden.

They do not feel good for real reasons. Every day they do not know how they will feel, what has further diminished. They are sore, stomach upset, sight and mobility lessening. They are tired, frustrated and pissed.

They refuse help because they do not want people to think they cannot take care of themselves. They feel judged.

They actually revert to toddlers. They thrive on schedules. They only want to eat they want. You cannot tell them or suggest anything or they get mad. They do not want you to touch their stuff.

They make up things in their heads, they can become confused by actual events and events they are imagining.

Things can seem very amplified to them.

They are super sensitive.

I promise , if you write her a simple gracious thank you note and have your daughter scribble a note with a thank you, and enclose the most Precious photo of your child holding out a bouquet of flowers.. All will be forgiven, but most likely totally forgotten after a short while.. She will be telling everyone how precious your daughter was and how she loved your visit..

OK to make you laugh...I used to have very long hair and recently cut it to above my shoulders. Yesterday I decided to curl it before going into the office.I really liked the look and actually thought "with a bit of teasing and hairspray, this would be very Betty Draper, I love it!" (Betty Draper from Mad Men). So I'm feeling pretty good about having a good hair day. I went to say good-bye to my younger boys and my 9 year old beams "wow Mommy look at your hair! You look just like George Washington!"

I hope that made you laugh as much as I did!

Having a stroke changes a person.
They're never quite the same again.
Don't take it personally. It's not you.
I would just do what you can to help.
Be loving.
And leave it at that.
I would take this last day of your vacation & go do something fun with your daughter.

I just left my grandparents with a bag of frozen chicken nuggets to bring on a 6 hour drive home :)

Along with all the usual suspects, I have found the elderly are sometimes really jealous of kids. They really crave the attention that a child normally gets, hense the conflict.
She was raised in a time where passive aggressive behavior was the only outlet for expressing anger.

When they get older, people's ability to cover up mental illness is compromised. My mil went crazy, or rather revealed her craziness when my FIL died. She has really told some whoppers. After we all left, she told people that my H, chased the hearse down the road because he didn't want his dad cremated! My quiet, software eng., chased a hearse? Lol!

LOL. That's why the expression is "Guests and fish stink after three days."

There is no pleasing a crabby old person who is set in her ways. I can tell from your post that you are a nice, normal person with a nice, normal kid -- the old lady just can't handle a prolonged guest.

Don't feel mortified -- it would have happened with any guest your aunt had for more than three days.

The image of you walking into the Hyatt with raw hamburger is pretty funny.

Hugs to you, what a rough visit. Your auntie was really not ready for visitors, huh? Or maybe she just has a hard time not sending mixed messages ('what you want to do is fine"... oh, wait, no, it's not). In any case, I hope you have a chance to toss the food you can't use, relax, take yourself and your girl out to a nice lunch and dinner and just do a few fun things today.

So, to make you laugh (out of pity)-- when Kiddo was born, we went to visit some relatives for a few very long days.... not only are they racist and very "shout at the tv while FOX News is blaring" kind of folks (I am not referring to content, I am referring to their yelling reaction of angry agreement), one of them NEVER stops talking. Ever. I actually decided to amuse myself by making a game out of it... how much silence could that person tolerate without beginning to talk again? 16 seconds was the max. I tried, I really did, and when we were on the airplane home, it was a relief!

Stroke's damage the brain. The person is usually never back to themselves. It's like that filter that separates our thoughts from what actually comes out of our mouths is gone.

I am sure we've all thought things like this when we've had company but we don't say them out loud because we enjoy this person's company overall or would not want to hurt their feelings.

Take it that she has had major health issues and isn't in her right mind.

Next time you visit her just make the visits short and sweet.

Also, if they have an adult child ask them if this is normal for her now or what's going on. They may need a friend to visit with.

She may have also been like this before and you just hadn't seen it.

It's about her not you. I have an aunt that is very judgemental (actually I have two). I'm polite, but would never stay with them. They act like everything is fine, but then they let you know they're real feelings in a passive aggressive way. It's just that generation. They fell like they have to be polite (at least to begin with), but their true feelings end up coming through. Chalk it up to experience, but never stay with her again. I assume she doesn't have kids...both my aunts don't have kids and they of course feel like they know everything about being a good parent HA! Let it go. Have fun on your own. Too bad about the food!

When we stayed with my grandmother many years ago, she said that my son pooped in her shoe. He certainly did not. Fortunately, my mother was with us and laughed my grandmother's claims off. She is a geriatric nurse and is used to these stories...
We didn't leave, but I most certainly wanted to poop in her shoe!

Deep Breath.. Out.. okay

The Elderly get funny and not always in the HA HA HA way. They are set in thier ways and don;t always like any change.. It is NOT you.. keep that in mind.

When my Grannie passed away, they were in FL. The Family is here in Chicago. Orginally the discussion was to be creameted. I was talking to my Papa on the phone and he said that he will see me in a few days. They were going to creamate Grannie, and toss her in the trunk of my dads car,to "bring" her to chicago. I was mortified.... It turns out that we changed planns and burried her here .. but I was very upset to think that we were going to just "toss" her in the trunk.. Old people get silly..

I'm so sorry that you had such a terrible experience. Sadly, oftentimes after a stroke a person's personality completely changes and they can become these mean and snappy beings. Try not to take it too personally (I know, easier said than done.)

Can you find something really fun for you and your daughter to do today? Try to make the most of the rest of your time and make a good memory to replace the bad one.

I'm so glad you have the word "laugh" as well as cry and throw up in your comments. Your elderly aunt after this stroke is not really "all there" and she cannot see the reality of you and your daughter being pretty normal.

Don't give this another thought. When you write the note, tell her that you and your daughter enjoyed seeing her, you love her and hope that she continues to do well. Tell her that you're sorry that your visit tired her out. And leave it at that.

Strokes really do change people's personalities and make it so that they can't think normally. My grandmother told me that the doctor broke her glasses, and she showed me with her hands how he "twisted" them. It wasn't true - her glasses were perfectly fine. That was just one of many things she said. Bless her heart.

I'm sure I can't top your story, but I'll tell you this one. My husband took a new job while I was trying to sell the house back home, and he had to rent a room from a lady in a farmhouse since the commute was too far. She kept badgering him to bring us up (me and my two little boys) and when he did, we all slept in his room, with the kids in the floor. She couldn't stand the way my 2 and 4 year old sat on her couch. She had a horse collection that she was deathly afraid of them touching (I stayed right there with them to make sure that they didn't) and every time they MOVED she would just about jump out of her skin. I told my husband that we had to go to a hotel. When we told her, she offered to leave the house so that we could stay there. What? I'm sure she would have had a panic attack if we had done that!

She was sweet, but heavens, a hotel was what everyone needed! And I didn't particularly like sleeping in a TWIN sized bed with my husband with the kids in the floor, just because she begged for us to stay there! LOL!

So there ya go!