Morning Sitter Issues

Updated on May 08, 2012
M.D. asks from Washington, DC
8 answers

It's my day for issues :).

My morning sitter and my daughter have always butted heads. My daughter is more of a night person, but she's not normally nasty in the mornings either. My sitter baby's the youngest like crazy, and my daughter gets in trouble for everything. This has been all year and we've talked to her several times about it (the sitter) but this morning it got out of hand again.

K was in the best mood when I left (which is not necessarily normal for 630am) and by 815 she called me in tears. There is only 4 more weeks of school (because we'll be gone next week), but I'm tempted to just let this sitter go and see if I can get our summer sitter to come for the next few weeks of monrings instead.

Can you think of another way to approach this so it works until the end of the school year? I don't feel like any babysitter should be yelling at my kids. I also feel that since she has been with us since September, she should have figured out some way by now to make the mornings go smoothly for her and the kids. I told her what works for me, but she has to find what works for her.

Or would you tell her that you no longer need her and get the other girl to come?

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So What Happened?

Yes, we have talked to our daughter about things she needs to do differently and given the sitter the right punishments to give if the kids get mouthy (time outs in their rooms is our first option because it lets them calm down).

I'll find out from my daughter when we get home what the issue this morning was, but I hate that she called me crying because the sitter was being nasty. I think as a paid employee and a BABYSITTER she should never lose her cool to that point.

Thanks all as usual! I talked to the sitter this morning and she said everything was fine until my 5 year old got up. My daughter tried to mother him a little too much and took the sitter saying stop it to both of them as her being picked on. I think yesterday was a rough day all around.

I also told the sitter that if my daughter starts being mouthy to send her to her room to cool off. I do NOT want my daughter in tears or the sitter and my daughter yelling at each other. I'm hoping today went more smoothly!

More Answers

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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

I would first find out your options. Then go from there. If there's not an option to have the preferred sitter in the AM, then just try to make it work for the next few weeks. Or you can ask the school they have any before school care program and then ask the program about slots. When our au pair was less than stellar, we put SD in the program at the school.

8 is like a mini adolescence. I'd sit down with the child and make her part of the solution. What does she do that the sitter has problems with and how can she make it better for the last few weeks? We had a sit-down or five with SD when she butted heads with her teacher in 4th grade. We told her that it was too late to swap classes for these minor run ins so how was she going to help herself over the last 5-6 weeks? She survived 4th grade.

If the sitter is often yelling, find out the circumstances. Have you just told the sitter to not yell or have you said x consequence for y behavior? Maybe she needs more direction?

2 moms found this helpful
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K.B.

answers from San Francisco on

It sounds like a lot of your information about what transpires is from the mouth of your 9 year old. They are not know to be the most reliable sources, and she could be adding a lot of extra heat to her account, possibly to deflect her own responsibility. Yelling, being nasty, etc, all pretty strong descriptions and not necessarily exact reports. How does the sitter describe these mornings? Get her side of it, listen with an open mind and enlist her help in getting things back on track. And offer your own -- how could you be instructing your daughter differently? If she senses that you agree with her (sitter gets her in trouble, babies the younger one, etc) then she may be more defiant and rude in your absence. You may need to be more balanced when talking to your daughter, and going the extra mile to set your sitter up to succeed. Approach your sitter with a teamwork attitude (how can I help support you so your mornings are smoother?) and things have a better chance of improving.

2 moms found this helpful
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C.C.

answers from Washington DC on

I am with Czechma if they are butting heads for this long its time to move on

1 mom found this helpful
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S.B.

answers from Houston on

I think you need to find out from your daughter AND the babysitter what happened this morning. If your daughter is not a morning person, she could be getting out of hand with the sitter. Also, the sitter could just be sick and tired of your daughter's attitude in the morning. I'm not saying its your daughter, but you seem quick to blame her.

I think it is both of them quite frankly. Sounds like personality wise they clash. It might be time to go your separate ways. See if the summer sitter can start early. No reason to have mornings like this for your daughter.

1 mom found this helpful
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M.M.

answers from Washington DC on

YOu have warned her and spoken to her already about her behavior with the kids. Get the new sitter and see if you can finish the school year on a good note.
Also tell your daughter she is to obey the sitter. Is this the 9 yo? End of 3rd grade? Attitudes are a comin' lol
She should have consequences for her behavior but a sitter should not be treating the girls unfairly and yelling at her.

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J.L.

answers from St. Cloud on

I guess I don't really understand what the real issue is. Do your daughter and the babysitter's child not get along? Does the babysitter yell unnecessarily?

I guess in the end if you can find a back up then I'd use them. It's sounds like you've tried working out problems before. Why pay an employee who isn't working up to your standard? If you can't find a replacement then just deal with it for another month.

1 mom found this helpful

S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

i've heard what your daughter says and what you think about it. what does the babysitter say?
khairete
S.

D.S.

answers from Norfolk on

Hi, Mom:

The best way to handle this is be a mediator between the two. Both are sitting down with you in the middle.

Ask your daughter:

1.What happened?
2. What were you thinking of at the time?
3. What have you thought about since?
4. Who has been affected by what you have done? In what way?
5. What do you think you need to do to make things right?

Ask your sitter these questions:

1. What did you think when you realized what had happened?
2. What impact has this incident had on you and others?
3. What has been the hardest thing for you?
4. What do you think needs to happen to make things right?

They come up with a solution to the problem.

Good luck.
D.

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