I have a friend who is constantly saying "Should I let my kids do this with their dad?", "I told my husband no he was not taking our kids to do xyz", etc... you get the point. What drives me crazy about this is that she just tells him how it is going to be with THEIR kids. There is no discussion of viewpoints or compromising and why is she asking me and not talking to him about it? I feel they are his kids too and that they need to discuss and that just because they came out of her body does not mean she gets to make the decisions 100%. Please he isn't going to do anything to endanger them either, he just doesn't feel the need to keep them in a plastic bubble like she does. I know I am not giving specific examples, but if I did I wouldn't stop. He is a very down to earth, responsible man, he is not a thrill seeker.
Does anyone else have any friends that are still together, but one feels that they are the only one to make decisions about how their children are raised?
Just to clarify we are not talking about crazy things, I wasn't clear it really comes down to anything without her. After reading responses and knowing her it isn't a matter of not trusting him. It is pure selfishness on her part as she may "miss" something with the kids. I can see from my comment about the plastic bubble where the confustion came in. She talks about how great of a daddy he is, but she doesn't really give him that chance and well he doesn't demand it either. My husband would laugh at me if I said no in the way that she does. If one of us doesn't like an idea the other has then we discuss it and agree, disagree or compromise. I may have carried them in me, but they are equally his in all ways. Thanks guys. You did help me put this in some perspective.
This is one of my biggest pet peeves, when a woman will not allow a man the space to just be a father to his kids! and then they usually complain that dad does not help with the kids! Of course he will not help if everything has to be done her way.
.
Yes, I do and it is annoying. No one in a safe marriage should be told what they are allowed to do with their children all the time. Parents should decide on things together and compromise on creating a standard of living.
If she was my friend, I would say to her, "How would you feel if your husband dictated to you what you are and are not allowed to do with your kids. Why don't you compromise with him, and why is it such an issue?"
Seriously, I can't handle hearing my friends whine and will kindly point it out to them that they are being ridiculous.
This is my parents growing up lol. My dad would do it to my mom though. He wasn't a bad person but he was controlling. Although when he would go TDY (away on a military assignment) my mom would be in command and it was like party central b/c it seemed like she felt bad that he was so strict and controlling. He would undermine her all the time and it took me a while not to think she was not-so-smart because I thought my dad would do those things b/c she was not as smart as him. I figured it out in my teen years and rebelled hard against my dad.
I have seen my high school friends, now as moms, that are controlling about their kids to their perfectly sane and normal dads. I think that maybe they (those friends) are scared of people hurting their child or maybe they just like being in control of Exactly how they are raised. Who knows, but I agree with you... if the parent is sane and emotionally stable then it is irritating that the other dictates what they are "allowed" to do with their kids.
i agree there should be a discussion, not a dictate. But still a mothers instinct to protect the kids is stronger than dads. My husband is a reasonable adult and loves his kids, but he doesn't always think things through or consider all the consequences.
