Moms of Three Kids

I have three, 8yr old, 5 yr old and a 3 yr old. My issue is that I now feel that my oldest gets neglected because I enjoy his self-sufficient ways, but forget that he still needs attention. It is easier to go places with the older two and have the grandparents watch the youngest, even at three years old. I wouldn't change a thing, but if you are a very busy family, I'd stick with the two.

As someone who has just decided to stop after two, let me just say this: please do not make a decision until your youngest is at least 13 months old.

I say this because I think we are biologically programmed to desire another baby when our baby starts to get super-cute --it could be as early as 6 months, but it really hits at the 9-12 month range. I spent a good 5 months walking around longing for a third.

Then, it hit me one day, I am ready to move on to the next stage. I had your exact worries, and they are real issues. My in-laws are in Ireland. I just can't imagine dragging three to Ireland for family visits. I know we would adjust easily (any kid after already have 1 is really an after thought and not much more work, if you ask me), but there are some seriously good reasons to stop.

If I was 10 years younger ( I am 38), I would have two more.

Follow your gut, mine told me to get a puppy instead. ;-)

I know how you feel, I cannot offer advice on three kids. But I understand how you feel and your thoughts. My husband and I are at the same crossroads. We for now chose to stop at two. We could afford to live well with a family of four take the vacations we want with a family of four and give our two kids what we want to give them. They have a sibling so they will always have a playmate. :-) But part of me still worries that I'll regret not having a third. Especially because I want a third and my hubby's idea of his family has always been two, and the cost of raising three kids scares him. I guess only time will tell. Check out more on this site and you will find lots on this topic. Many families feel the same. Good Luck just remember no matter what you choose it was what was right for you.

I have three. I don't think my middle one feels overlooked but there is a six year gap between him and our third child. I think this helps because he has spent a good portion of his life as the youngest child. He is also the child who needs the most 'hands on' parenting. I always feel like I am playing 'Survivor' with him. I have to outwit, outplay, and outlast him. With this said, having the third has forced him to grow up more (which is good; since I babied him a lot).

Your husband is right to be concerned about logistics. We are Disney Vacation Club members and everything is really set up for a family of four. So we do now need to upgrade to a larger room and because of our age range, there are things we can not do as well as we use to. We all like to ride roller coasters and both boys finally were tall enough. Now with the baby, we are rotating again. But these are really silly things to be overly concerned about.

What really matters is that I think we are better off with three kids. My older boys have had to learn to be more empathetic and loving towards their younger sibling. They are more helpful around the house (with my encouragement).

As a parent, you do find time for all. As long as you structure your home so that they know that they are loved but must follow the rules, I don't think you will be overrunned.

Whatever you end up with, know that it will work out. You are still fresh from going from one to two. That is a momentous change; probably a greater change than from two to three because when you have one the whole focus is one that one child. Give it some time and you will be able to figure out what is right for your family.

Good luck!

I have 3 girls ages 10, 8, and almost 7. I would worry about those things since they work themselves out. I love watching them play together. They love and help each other to. They do get into arguments but I haven't had a problem. My middle daughter so she doesn't have middle child syndrome but I think if you pay attention to and take care of your kids they will be fine.

I think you need to ask yourself, do you want more. To me, I knew when to stop. I just really didn't want more. Even the thought of more was too overwhelming. So I knew 3 was enough.

That being said, to answer some of your concerns.....
I think sometimes all kids feel "overlooked" at one time or another. You just need to recognize that and give a little extra when to that child when you approach that.

As for logistics....Two is easier. A family of four, you have one parent to each kid. Usually things come in even numbers like family deals etc. BUT we have never found it to much of a bother. Restaurants are not a big deal, as for the car, all three of mine fit in the middle and we have a 3rd row if necessary.

As for proper attention, I think EVERYONE feels left out at one time or another. You can usually tell when a child needs extra attention and just have to recognize and deal with it as it comes along.

My three are so fun. I love having 3. My situation is slightly different. I have twins that are 10 that are mama girls and a 6 yr. old that is a total daddy's girl. They also recognize that so we often split that way. (twins with me little one with dad.)

I always saw myself with 3 and love having 3.

Hope that helps.

Well we are a new venture into the life with three and it hasn't been bad. Honestly my biggest issue is the fact that I have to crawl to the back of the van to get our oldest 5yrs buckled in...kinda a silly. And then of course we are moving so that has made life a bit of a struggle but managing. Our kids are 5.5 yrs 3.5 yrs and 8 months. It's a handful at times but really a lot of fun. Can't give you any hints as far as kids sharing toys later on but I would imagine it will be a "blast" lol.

Van or 7 passenger vehicle is a must. We love our van and actually had it when there was just the four of us.

No issues with eating out, Hotels can be a bit more $$ but still around. Have not traveled on a plane with all three just with the two. We don't really feel out numbered as our oldest is fairly self sufficient. Although my husband is scared for when the youngest joins in on the nightly wrestling on the ground and tickle time. haha but that is all in fun.

I only wanted a 2nd so our older daughter wasn't an only child. Well, after YEARS of ttc, we finally did--with TWINS--on our own. Obviously, if it's meant to be, it's going to happen regardless if you have a say in it or not.

I have three, and I obviously wouldn't change it, but I do feel that three isn't the greatest number. In my case anyway, one child DID often get left out, and it was usually the oldest. Four is probably the perfect number: two parents, two children. One parent each, and you can switch. My oldest often had to be on his own, and he felt it.

I believe four kids would even be better than three, because then two of the children could pair up during activities (so do you wanna have two more?). In other words, even numbers of children work out better than odd.

So yes, you do become outnumbered. It's actually not a silly question at all.

Well, we finally got that minivan my husband wanted.

There are often times when one child feels left out (not always the middle one), but you know, as long as it's not constant, they'll adjust. I didn't find three to be THAT much more work than 2.

The only thing I can say is that if you are going to be home with 2 + a newborn, having someone around to help out - someone TRULY helpful - for the first few months (I had my husband, since I am the working parent) is a HUGE help!

I have 3, 2 girls ages 5 and 4 and my youngest son is almost 3. I always knew 3 was my number and would have regretted not going for the 3rd. 3 is definitely more difficult than 2 but my family is complete and I wouldn't change a thing. And, my middle child would never let us ignore her so we don't have to worry about her feeling left out! My son is often the one who is left out because he is "too young" or he's a boy and doesn't really want to do what the girls are doing.

As far as travel, cars, etc., we travel all the time and it works just fine. We bring our kids on road trips, plane rides, Disney and I've never felt it the world is more accomodating to families of 4. Sure, it would be easier, it's one less body to watch, but we have good times as a family and have never let our number stop us from doing what we want.

I am a firm believer that if you are on the fence, it means you would regret not going for it. I knew that I would stop at 3, now if I were on the fence about it I wouldn't have gotten my tubes tied. I just think it's something you feel and know in your heart. Good luck with this decision!

I am a total over-planner/over-analyzer for everything, but it is funny, with having kids, I just did not really think about it. I just had the feeling that I wanted a third and went for it. I have a 4 1/2 year old, 3 1/2 year old, and a 5 month old. It is crazy and wonderful! It has made me realize that it is not worth it to sweat the small stuff (and even big stuff sometimes). Of course, I sometimes still do and get stressed out. BUT, everything I am getting from having 3 children far outweighs anything that is ever stressful about it. It is so amazing to see them together and think about what the future holds for them as well. Now having a 4th, that I wouldn't do. :) LOL!

We went through this very same thing when we just had two. So I interviewed many older couples who had only two (grown) children. All of them wished they would of had more. I respecty elders opinions and my husband and I had a third! Is it hard, yup! But so was having just two. But I know I will not have any regrets and ever wonder "what if we had one more". I often find myself tellingy husband I am so glad we had her! Go for it!

I had one child from a previous relationship and when my husband and I got married the one thing that we didn't agree on was how many kids we wanted, I wanted 3 he wanted 2. Well when we got pregnant (which didn't take long at all) we ended up with identical twin girls. We've gone on vacations and not much different doing 3 people vs 5 people, same with going out to eat - the booths are made now a days that can fit 6 people. The hotel room, we get the 2 queen beds hubby and I in one, the girls in another and my son on either the pull out couch or on a roll away.

Not an odd or silly question at all! I asked a very similar question not long ago...and my son is now 13 months old, my daughter is 3 1/2, and my husband is deployed...but I am still struggling daily with this question. Luckily, with no husband around, I don't have to make a decision today, but in discussing it with Dh, he is leaving the end decision up to me...he's fine with 2 or 3. I almost wish the decision would be made for me in some way. We are older, so we don't have much time to figure it out once he returns next year (God-willing). Let me know what you guys decide!