Our 14-month old has reverted to waking up during the night 2 or 3 times. We've caved and have been giving him bottles, which of course made it worse. At our new dr's appt. today he told us we should CIO- not Ferber where you go in and don't pick them up. I mean, he wants us to just turn off the monitor and see the baby in the morning. He feels strongly that we have to set the rules and help the baby learn how to fall back asleep on his own. I have to say, I don't think I can do it. At least with Ferber you're checking in with them and letting them know you're still there. I feel comfortable with this method but my dr. thinks it's like a tease. They see you, they cry more, etc. I totally understand this but the thought of him crying and crying and not going to him is just too hard. I mean, he's 14 months - won't he get scared if no one shows up? Anyway, my question is for those who had to CIO - do you think it's better to go in every 10 minutes or so as Ferber suggests, or is it better to just not go in at all? I'm torturing myself with this decision so please talk me down!!
I had success with CIO, but never had success with Ferber, though I did not try that until my daughter starting having trouble when she was almost 2. It only took me a few days with CIO with both of my kids when they ran into sleeping problems.
Hope that helps.
Dear J.,
I have done the CIO method with both of my kids who are now 24 and 19. I also own a childcare center in which I have talked many moms through the process. However I DO NOT agree with just leaving them there. What if they get their foot tangled, or have vomited, or god only knows what. I do not think it is safe to just leave them there. It is not a tease to check on them every ten minutes, it just shows them you are still there, you have not abandoned them, but you are just not going to pick them up. When I did it I started on a Friday at nap time. Just put the baby in awake put music on and say night night. The reason for starting on Friday was so we were able to catch a nap during the day on the weekend. Starting at nap time also creates consistency with sleep training. Do the same at bed time give your hugs and kisses (I always used music) put the music on said night night and left the room. I would check after 5 minutes, then 10 minutes and eventually the baby would go to sleep. I am warning you they are going to be mad as hell each time you check and walk out, but it is part of the process to teach them that it is bedtime and you are not going to take them out. Usually it takes around 4 nights and the baby will cry less and less each night. I must tell you it is difficult to listen to, even though my husband and I were in agreement he had to hold me down. So don't start it unless you are emotionally prepared to follow through because if you give in you are sending the wrong message. That as long as I keep this up she will get me. Then the crying will go on forever. I know you are going to get responses to tell you not to do this and trust me it is not for everyone, but it did work for me and I know many mothers who have done it and will agree. Just make sure to be consistent at nap and bedtime so you do not confuse him. One suggestion, before you do any crying it out make sure there is nothing else physical (ear infection, etc.) going on I know I would feel terrible if I did this and the baby was ailing in some way. It will help to not second guess yourself. Good luck!! and Happy New Year!!!
Personally, I use CIO but sleep on the floor by the baby's room; I can bear the crying but like to know if there seems to be an escalation.
Interesting factoid, though... The No Cry Sleep Solution has the author's e-mail address in the back, and she does actually answer e-mails personally. I was totally impressed that she answered my questions and offered reassurance. Very cool, eh?
You should check out CityMommy North New Jersey. Its specifically for your area and moms on there have tons of helpful advise! Plus there are tons of resources for people, places and things in your area. Its invitation only, so feel free to use this link http://northjersey.citymommy.com/?q=user/register/libramedia or log onto northjersey.citymommy.com and enter the registration code "njmommy" to join. Good Luck!
J.,
Personally, I am very much against CIO, but you should follow your own instincts. If you think going in to comfort your child every 10 minutes will work, then that's what you should do. Childrens' sleeping patterns are not the same as adults, I think it is very unnatural to put a baby to sleep by himself in a dark room and expect him to be OK with it and sleep until morning. It can be done, but at what expense? Extended crying releases hormones that can effect the child psychologically.
I've read up on this online, and also a book called The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley helped me tremendously. Other cultures don't expect their children to sleep alone or through the night, I always wonder why we as a culture think we can one up mother nature.
What ever you decide works best for you, you should try. Follow your instincts. I would consider finding a new pediatrician. His inflexibility worries me because there isn't just one right way to raise a child.
Good luck,
R
