Mom with 2 Kids: Do You Regret NOT Having a 3Rd?

Nope. I have a girl and a boy. I also had a miscarriage in between. I knew that sleep wise, work wise, and emotionally I couldn't afford to go through a another pregnancy.

I'm content for now with my two. I also work with a group that supports expecting moms, so when I get the baby blues, I just go shopping and send of a package or two. If I decide that I want to add on I'll look into foster care or adoption.

As my friend says:
2 is a good number.
One kid for each parent.
One kid for each hand.
Everyone get window seat in the car
Getting a table for 4 is easier that 5+

Even though I currently have three children, I was a lot like your sister. We had two boys spaced three and a half years apart. I really wanted a third but I had a really hard pregnancy and birth with my second son, so we had some fears about trying again. Time went by...so much time that by the time my second son was six, we decided to forego the third, buy a second house and I went back to work part time.

Well four months into living in our new house, I found out that I was 16 and a half weeks pregnant with a baby girl. (Because of the difficulties getting pregnant the second time plus with post pregnancy issues; I did not think getting pregnant would actually happen naturally especially because I am 42 and my periods are not consistent)

So, the answer to your question, 'Yes, I would have regretting not having a third. She is the light of my life.' With that said, we have lost the freedom we had by having just the two boys , who are now 10 and 7. Money is tight, I am staying home again (happily but less income coming in). It's hard to dive into the day knowing that each child needs something far different from the other. And yet, all she or the boys need to do is smile or tell me they love me and I am reminded that all of the work and stress is worth it.

If they are unsure, they probably should give it some time and see if things happen without trying so hard. I wouldn't worry about her age, lots of mothers are conceiving and having healthy pregnancies and babies in their 40s. Yes, the percentage goes up that things can go wrong but it is just that a percentage.

I wish the best for your sister whatever choice is either made by her family or by God. Hopefully she will find peace in her heart as her family's story unfolds.

I am the happy mother of two children, and have no regrets over not having a third. My two are now 6 and 9, and while I cherished the baby stages, I'm loving that they are both of an age that allows us to do really cool things as a family without having to deal with nap time, diapers, etc. My two are best friends (which I realize is to an extent pure dumb luck), and there's nobody left out when they play. I also feel that with two I am better able to give them the love and attention each needs and to provide for them. I like the way one of my friends (a basketball coach) put it when he and his wife were contemplating a third. He said that with two, you have man-to-man coverage, while with three, you have to go to a zone defense. :-)

Full disclosure - my husband and I had difficulty conceiving, and we're, um, mature parents, so part of the decision not to go for a third also involved not wanting the medical merry-go-round it would have potentially involved.

I do have a boy and a girl, and I know that some people go for a third in hopes of adding whichever gender they do not currently have into the mix. Be warned, though - my husband is one of 7 boys in a row! You have no guarantees that you will get that little boy or girl you want.

There's my two cents. The truth is, this is a very personal, individual decision. But for me, being a mom of two is lovely. No regrets.

I have 2 girls and I think I am done. I'm not POSITIVE I am done ;) But for now I am content with my 2. My sis just found out she's pregnant with her 3rd, a woops, my nephew just turned 1. I was oddly jealous. Then I went home to my two wonderfully dramatic and constantly screaming girls and I was cured just for moment :) here is my decision process now:

Girls are almost 4 and 1.5. This 2.5 years is great. I don't think I am going to be ready to have another at least until DD1 is in school. that is 2 years from now (she has a late bday and will start when she's 6). That puts me having to get preggo in about a year to 18 months. Not only are two kids and a fulltime job draining enough...I don't know if I am ready for the time demands of another child. But more importantly, I don't know if my marriage is at a point where we can make that decision. Things aren't great, but getting better.....so even if for that reason alone I am okay with our two beautiful girls. A shallow and seemingly 'awful' reason -- I do NOT want to have a boy. I think i would rather have my 2 girls than chance a 3rd and have it be a boy. It sounds awful but I know I am not patient enough to handle a boy. They drive me bonkers all the time.

Ask me again in a year and my answer might change ;) I'm still on the fence. If we don't have any more I really think I will be okay with it. The thought of having a little more income without paying for daycare is so exciting...I'm having visions of family vacations and road trips and school clothes shopping. Our income is not going to go up dramatically, so thats a major concern for us. I may have a twinge every now and then and wonder...but I don't think I will ever regret.

My two daughters were 22 months apart, they are now six and seven years old, and the youngest starts first grade next month. They are beautiful and sweet girls, and we frequently get questions about why we haven't had more. That question leaves us stumped for an easy answer. We also find our daughters charming and smart and lovely. We loved watching them coo, then quickly learn words. Memories have a way of worming their way to our hearts, making us reminisce and want to repeat them. It is bittersweet to watch our kids grow up, and at times we wish we could rock them to sleep at night once more, but can we really have more and more babies just to experience that again?

In the end, we decided quality, not quantity, was more important. Life with two kids is wonderful. When we looked practically at our family, we decided that to have a third might spread our patience and money too thin. We can spend one on one time with our two kids easily. We can focus on their needs, and be an active part of their lives, instead of being distracted with more babies. We can afford to go to museums and the zoo more frequently than if we had a larger family. We have downsized from a minivan to a car, which has turned out to be more sporty and gas efficient for us.

The only advice we have is to look at life in stages and chapters. It's hard to turn the page, but it's exciting to see what awaits in the continuing story, and that keeps us going without regret.

I have 2 kids and I LOVE it! At first before I had any kids, I wanted to have 4. But, now that I have 2, I know that I can not handle more. My kids are very active (age 3 and 5) and I know that is best for our family. We would also love to be able to afford to take them on nice vacations when they get older and be able to pay for all their needs and sometimes wants. So, I don't regret it at all. I love the 2 that God has blessed me with and I couldn't be happier

Do not regret at all! I have two. Most people have 2-3 is all. The good thing is that you have more time and money to cater to the children's needs and education and any surprises that come along. Some personalities are big on a lot of kids; some aren't. I found out from my friends' kids that I wasn't into having two small ones at the same time. They picked on each other too much and were awful to be around together.

I have 3 and if you asked me do I regret having a 3rd? Well, of course not. She's the greatest. But had I not had her I wouldn't know what I was missing, so there wouldn't be anything to regret. That's all very confusing. Bottom line - thier value system and where they are in thier life has nothing to do with having 2 or 12 kids.
It sounds like they'd "like" another child. But it also sounds like the road ahead would be very difficult. If they are comitted to the idea than it will be very difficult but worth it if they are successful. If they are on the fence, then my personal value system wouldn't allow me to put the family through the emotional and financial stress and possible disapointement, when life is already pretty good. I might try fostering or adopt if i felt my family was incomplete.

I thought I was done at 2. Sold all the baby stuff and WHAM! I got pregnant again! But I'm so glad it happened. After 2 little girls, I finally got my little man!! :) He's such a joy! I think, in hindsight, I would have regretted not having a third if he hadn't come along. But now that I'm 41 I felt SURE that I am done and had my tubes tied during my c-section. Honestly, my body can't take any more pregnancies. I will have fun raising my 3 kids and be happy as a clam with that number. BTW, I had my boy on my birthday, when I turned 41. Your sister isn't too old for another at all. I started having babies at 37!! :)

I have 2 girls (18 months apart), now 13 and 15. I will admit that over the years ocassionally that motherly instint kicks in and I'll wonder what if for a few minutes until reality kicks in and I say to myself "are you nuts?".

We made the decission when my youngest was arround 3 or 4. I know we made the right decission for us. As I look back over the years.... We realized we didn't want to go back to diapers. We loved the independence of just saying kids get in the car, and we could take off for a day trip. We've taken many mini vacations (3 or 4) days that we propabably wouldn't have with 3, it's more expensive and sometimes difficult or impossible to put 5 in a hotel room. We have close friends who had a 3rd shortly after we made our decision, and although their son is truely a blessing, it turned their lives upside down and but a huge strain (not financial) on the entire family. We were able to afford music lessons for our girls. The one parent/ one child ratio has been wonderful in many circumstances. I've had time to devote to my girls, and each have received lots of one on one from both me and hubby. Absolutely no regrets here.

The only insight I can give to your sister is to just let it be. I can honestly say that each time I had my children I felt content and comfortable with where I was. Focusing on the love and comfort we already have in front of us is something we don't always do very well. Having a third child is a HUGE step. I cannot explain why, but for some reason the third was a much harder step then one or two. We had to get a new car, a new kitchen table, we are outnumbered, the dynamic with the other two kids is more difficult to manage, etc. Don't get me wrong, I just love having three kids, it is just harder then I could have predicted.

Each of our kids were a surprise to us and shocking to say the least. We didn't do any fertility route but we were not supposed to be able to have children in the first place (we suffered years of no children and miscarriages) so you can imagine our shock now that we have three and one on the way.

I resigned myself to just receiving what I am supposed to have years ago when it looked like we were not going to have any, and at the moment it looks like I am to have 4 children at 40. Go figure.

I would tell your sister to just let it go. TTC is SO hard on everyone and the anguish if it doesn't work takes a lot out of everyone, even the kids. Tell her to enjoy, and who knows, she could end up like us and pop out two in the next couple of years and sit shocked. = ) Or she could end up with the two boys she has and get to enjoy their every moment because she has more time with less kids to manage.

Good luck!

I say they should go for it, if they can approach it with as much of a "whatever happens is meant to be" attitude as possible. I understand where they're coming from on some levels - I am preparing to undergo IVF treatments to conceive a third (praying just one) since I had a tubal ligation 3 years ago. Both my husband and I want another and feel we are not "done" just yet. However, if it doesn't work, we know we can't continue to try and try such a stressful and time consuming approach to having kids, so I am also getting myself more in the place of being happy with my two if that's all I am meant to have (not that I am not happy, of course!!!).

Of course there are perks to having just their two, and to having one more. If they are committed to being open to what is meant to be for them, I say, give it a try and they can at least say they exhausted their options! The stress they feel is no doubt related to the losses they have endured, but those losses don't mean they are unable to have another. I know for myself and my husband, we would always regret not trying for another.

I have 2 girls 16 months apart... the youngest of which is 10 months.
My husband got a vasectomy when she was 2 months old! Having 2 kids so close made it nearly impossible to even fathom a 3rd at any point.
We just knew we wanted to do so much for our girls, travel, give them extras in life, ect.... Plus I just don't think I could handle the stress of 3 little ones running around, so we made that very scary choice to make it a done deal. Our motto is "time to start living life, not making it" LOL

BUT I will say that I still feel deep down (it is a burning pit in my tummy) that I stopped a person from coming into this world that was supposed to be apart of our family! I can't shake that feeling! I am sure it has something to do with the fact that I always wanted a boy and had 2 girls. I just wanted my little man. However I know know know we did the right thing for our family and marriage. But I think I will always live with regret over it.
I hear of friends getting prego with their next child and it pains me a bit. I will always wonder what could have been. In the end it is a regret that I happily take on for my family, if that makes sense. I can take on that burden knowing how wonderful our future with our two girls will be...

I have 3 kids and I thought we where done after 2, 1 boy and 1 girl. When my daughter was 3 I wanted 1 more and when we tried I had 3 miscarriages with 1 major complication and 1 minor, but still kept trying and now we have a little boy who just turned one last week and I wouldn't change it for the world !!!! I LOVE having 3 and don't mind the "extra" child at a restaurant or hotel and it has never stoped us from anything. We are actually going to Disneyworld in September with all 3 and I take all 3 to practices, dinners, movies, lunch, parks etc.......
My point is the only one who can choose is your sister none of our opinions matter some of us Moms are able to handle 3 some aren't, we don't know your sister.
Good luck !!!!

Your sister and her husband have to be the one to really make the decision. For me I have 2 boys and really enjoy them. I look at it that I can give them more with our finances. If we decided to have one more, it would be a strain on me, finances, etc. I believe you can't live outside your means, if they think they will be okay financially then go for it. But if her boys are older and out of the baby stage, why go back. Just enjoy what she has now and make the best of it. Good luck.