Mom Vs. Teacher Role, How Do I Handle???

See, I think you may have taken her comment incorrectly. You immediately got defensive about it, but it sounds like she was trying to be friendly with you. I took it as "We're both teachers, so I know we'll both always be open to communicating with each other".

I think this is all pretty normal. I am a "semi-retired" teacher as a like to say since I'm a stay at home mom now, but my husband jokes that I'll be our kids' teachers worst nightmares!

You know from being in the classroom that you have parents who need more attention than others, like ones who are clueless or just needy or like to create drama. Then you have ones that you know will come to you if there are any issues so you don't have to go to them.

I'm sure his teacher probably thinks that b/c you're a teacher she doesn't need to "baby" you...that your kid will be on top of his homework, etc. You also know that you probably do have higher expectations than an average parent b/c you do this job too and know what you can and can't do, what you would do and what you wouldn't do, etc. This is a hard role to play, but I wouldn't worry that she doesn't like you. I think that everyone in the school is going to have higher expectations of you b/c of your history in education, but I also think that you will have more expectations of them. Just roll with it, don't worry about it!

I'm sure we all feel that "competitive edge" when around others in our same field. Just try to overcome it, none of us are perfect, no not one.

I used to joke to my kids "dont tell them your mom is a teacher, say I clean houses or something." I always felt teachers would expect more from me than other moms. My daughter would tell teacher we dont have a dictionary at home, we dont have a ruler at home (we did!) how embarrassing! she just wanted the teacher to give her one so she wouldnt have to look for it. My son would do his homework every night and forget to turn it in. A lot. I just pictured the teachers shaking their heads and thinking ....and THIS mom is A Teacher ?! Maybe we're a little paranoid??

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I think you are making too much of this. At the open house, the teacher was responsible for greeting every parent - that's not an occasion to get into anything in depth. She probably figured that, as a teacher, you would understand that and cut her some slack. She invited you to talk to her at any time - what more could you want? I doubt that she is as intimidated as you seem to be.

I think you have every right to ask teachers whatever is on your mind. But how would you have felt, as a teacher, if you received an email like the one you wrote last year criticizing the amount of homework? It's best to find out what the school's (or the grade's) policy on homework is, since there may be legitimate differences from district to district. Then you could approach the issue saying that your son is having trouble keeping up - perhaps ask if he is stacking up the workload all on one night when he's not supposed to, if he misunderstands the assignments, etc. Enlist the teacher as a professional ally who has your child's best interests at heart. Even if you doubt the policy, you should always start by asking what it really is rather than criticizing what you imagine it to be. As a former teacher, I can assure you that I always appreciated parents who approached me as a key person in their child's education rather than critiquing something they didn't fully understand. Perhaps the assistant principal was asked to sit in because you had already been labeled as critical? I also hope that, when you email teachers, you use full sentences and proper grammar rather than the "text speak" we often use on FB or Mamapedia! Words like "becuz" in an "official" situation don't engender respect even though in a casual use like this site we understand you are saving keystrokes!

I think you probably have more in common with this teacher than you think, and you should approach her that way - with mutual respect and without presuming there's a problem. Otherwise, it's going to be a very long year!

Maybe it is different in the upper grades, I teach preschool and my son is in the same age group and I have a great relationship with his preschool teacher.
Maybe you have been taking some things wrong. I would just relax and maintain a professional air at work, no different that you would treat any colleague and when you have a concern about your son address it as you would from a parents perspective...good luck.

Dear C. -
I am sorry but I am on the same page as Mommy K! Were you in a hurry and anxious as you typed this question? I can not believe a teacher, or really many people for that matter, would make so many errors in a typed question, which shows up errors as you type. I do hope you will not be teaching my children. Let's hope your sons teacher does a wonderful job with him.

It is a tough line to walk. Emails, too, can come on stronger than a phone call so it might be best to call. Other teachers will expect more of you (and your child) because you are a teacher. Honestly, they will expect you to hold to their personal teaching expectations, despite all of us being aware that we each have a "style." In other words, if the hallway expectations are that all students are silent in the halls (as is in our school), all teachers are expected to enforce that procedure.

That said, each child is unique and you are the parent. The amount of homework given by teachers can often vary, unless this is also a universal policy (something our school also suggests each grade level decides the amount of homework given).

Try a few things at home first if your child is overwhelmed, such as doing part of the homework before dinner, and the rest after. Some kids do better getting their homework over with right after school, while others need a break and would benefit from playing outside first. If it is still difficult for your child, broach the subject with her. Say that "Tommy/Sally" is struggling to complete their homework; I wondered if you had any insight or suggestions? I'm a teacher and my first two have ADHD/mild TBI and mild ADHD. For me, it was worth spending the $ to hire a tutor 1-2x/week to eliminate the in-house struggle you may encounter once they get older (4th/5th grade is when children resisted my help). Made things much more relaxed in my household.

Good luck!

Are you teaching at the same school your kid goes to?
If you are a co-worker and your kid is in her class that can be more weird.
I live in a small town and that happens a lot here.

Anyway, I think you just need to talk to her.
Make sure that you have your "parent hat" on when relating to your child.
As a teacher, you may always feel a little strange when relating to another teacher in the parent capacity. I don't know.
I think you need to be careful not to compare how you do things with the way she does things just because you teach the same grade.
She may have the feeling you will always be judging HER.
It's best to have a meeting and talk about this.

Just my opinion.

One of my son's elementary school teacher's told me once that she was so intimidated by me because she found out I teach high school, and then she was even more bothered when she found out I teach AP English. Now I always make a point of telling both of my boys' teachers how much I appreciate what they do. We need teachers who can teach younger kids and older kids, and I'm certainly not cut out to teach the little ones. That seems to put them at ease, and we start off with a comfortable relationship.

I've been teaching for 15 years, and I'm at a very large high school. I usually have several students in class whose parents teach in the same building as me. It doesn't bother me a bit. It's nice being able to reach parents so easily whenever I need to. :)

I hope you have a great school year!

I wouldn't worry about it. You're not trying to nit-pick her, you're just trying to take care of your child. If she feels intimidated, it's not because you're doing anything wrong. She probably doesn't even feel that way, she was just acknowledging the fact that you're a teacher too. I homeschool my kids but there was one year that I put them in school because my husband and I were both finishing up college. I told the teachers that this was my kids first time in school since they were used to being homeschooled. I was afraid the teachers were going to think I was a nightmare mom who'd make their lives miserable. But their teachers were so excited and accepting and wonderful. I was very involved with my kids education, asked questions, listened etc. and the teachers and I got along very well. It was a very positive experience for me. They seemed pleased that I cared enough to let them know where we were coming from and that I cared to be involved in making sure my kids were on the right track. They quickly put my mind at ease. I'm like you though. But I have to keep myself matter-of-fact so I don't drive myself crazy trying to figure out if I'm saying and doing everything correctly. Getting outside perspective helps a lot also!! You're doing great!! Good luck!!

i laughed a little at the criticism from other moms about your grammar and typos. who really cares about this on an *informal* message board? is it a direct reflection of your ability to teach 2nd grade? hardly, we trust you passed your tests to weed out bad writing mechanics. c'mon, people! A Kiwi - " I do hope you will not be teaching my children" sounds mean, plain and simple.

ANYWAY, i recently went from being a SAHM to teaching full-time. when i dropped my son off at preschool for the first time, his teacher definitely made me feel the "teacher kinship". i'm glad that she did because i had all sorts of insecurities. i worried that she would be better with him than me, that he wouldn't miss me because he would be having so much fun with her, if he did something wrong it would reflect directly on my ability to parent/teach, etc. etc. etc. these insecurities were MINE, not hers.

maybe you are being too sensitive, maybe she's intimidated, who knows? but you know whether you are being honest about your own insecurities. start there, and the answer will be clearer soon.

ps - when you put your parent hat on, you probably hope that she's a great teacher for your son, right? any other feeling is probably your insecurity talking....

Is she a new teacher and you a very experienced teacher? Is she short and you are tall? Does she have just a general teaching degree and you have a Master's in second grade academia? Who knows why people are like that? I work right now as a teaching assistant and a teacher I work under won't ever look me in the eye, ever (and when I grew up that meant you were insecure but now I guess it means they are snobby or don't want to be with you) and the girl will not answer any questions and I work there to help her! Now I am rambling. Anyway, yes she could be threatened by you, your brains, your beauty or your wonderful child. She could just be a very insecure person. Maybe she does feel totally inadequate. Or maybe she feels you understand more than most because you are a teacher and she felt she didn't have to put in time with you (WRONG of course you deserve the time!) Maybe she didn't ask Asst. Principal to come, maybe that person came just because. It is so hard to find answers to things like this. And as far as you writing a letter because she gives out too much homework (and I am really tired of little cute teensy people getting a lot of homework after an eight hour school day). So I would guess that you yourself are not an intimidator, that she has her own issues (husband or boyfriend causing problems for her? sick parent, lives at home and wants to move out, yadedade). Do not worry about it anymore and keep writing those notes. And as far as texting goes, I do not even know how to use the capitals on my texts, so you are one up on me. Just keep being a great mommy. That will be what is most important on earth. And thanks for helping the wonderful little people in the world.